single submission

[Netzach]

When I first started into the dark side it was with friends and friends of friends. Some times I had met the person for all of 5 minutes before I was in the back room with my hands tied to a ceiling post being caned. I enjoyed it. I was able to explore and grow and learn things about myself with out having to cater to one person and adjust myself to their wants and needs.

Sure I enjoy the depth of a relationship, but some times being beaten by random people has a certain apeal to it.

Totally well said. I think this kind of thing as important self-exploration is often overlooked. I don't see the "beat me" cherry as all that special, and I'm glad I went out and tried everything I could think of, from a relatively sane platform of reasonable maturity and reasonable fresh-faced youth.

I know who I am because I tried a bunch of things I thought I'd love and disliked, or thought I'd hate and liked.

 

[DiscusDave]

I think this kind of thing as important self-exploration is often overlooked.

I think it's because people aren't given cool hats like Indiana Jones when they explore...

But valid point. Shakespears' famous quote "To thine own self be true..." doesn't really do much good if you don't know which "own self" is thine.

 

[MisterSir]

I think it's because people aren't given cool hats like Indiana Jones when they explore...

Speak for yourself, I love my hat. If I hadn't promised the first half-dozen to various pagan gods, I'd adopt it as my own child

 

[harrlequin]

Speak for yourself, I love my hat. If I hadn't promised the first half-dozen to various pagan gods, I'd adopt it as my own child

I have a good hat. *nods*

 

[DiscusDave]

I have a good hat. *nods*

Lucky... when I went self-exploring all I got was vast knowledge of who I am as a person. I want an explorers hat...

 

[the captians wench]

Lucky... when I went self-exploring all I got was vast knowledge of who I am as a person. I want an explorers hat...

I got bruses.

 

[harrlequin]

Lucky... when I went self-exploring all I got was vast knowledge of who I am as a person. I want an explorers hat...

http://www.theaustralianbushhatcompanyuk.co.uk/images/Large_Full Grain Black Crushable.jpg

Now this is a Hat.

 

[MisterSir]

http://www.theaustralianbushhatcompanyuk.co.uk/images/Large_Full Grain Black Crushable.jpg

Now this is a Hat.

Nononononono.

THIS is a hat.

 

[DiscusDave]

And THIS has now left the OP's topic in the dust...

Being"single" is a state of mind...

 

[kitten_candy]

Totally well said. I think this kind of thing as important self-exploration is often overlooked. I don't see the "beat me" cherry as all that special, and I'm glad I went out and tried everything I could think of, from a relatively sane platform of reasonable maturity and reasonable fresh-faced youth.

I know who I am because I tried a bunch of things I thought I'd love and disliked, or thought I'd hate and liked.

yes yes. i like what captain's wench said. and now this. when i think of where i was when i started, what i thought i would or wouldn't do even 6 months ago and what i want now - it's all been through trying stuff on, so to speak.

And THIS has now left the OP's topic in the dust...

Being"single" is a state of mind...

ummmm -- if you don't have a partner, you're single. it's got nuthin' to do with my state of mind. but i get what you're saying in a way. don't wallow in it.

 

[Marquis]

i'm not interested in sex (well. that's a lie but not casual sex). i'm more interested in -- gettin' my ass spanked or something to that effect.

It never ceases to amaze me how many Doms are more than happy to accommodate women wanting just this.

Foreplay without sex.

No thanks.

 

[DiscusDave]

It never ceases to amaze me how many Doms are more than happy to accommodate women wanting just this.

Foreplay without sex.

No thanks.

"Foreplay" (as you put it) or the spanking kitten was talking about without sex definitely can be used in a power play situation too. The Dom(me) could use denial tactics, making sure the sub knows they aren't going to get sex, or they can say how the sub is not good enough for sex or something along those lines.

Or someone can be similar to kitten_candy and think something like a nice spanking is just dandy by itself. A slap on the bottom does not require the progression to sex. (Albeit a fun progression)

 

[kitten_candy]

It never ceases to amaze me how many Doms are more than happy to accommodate women wanting just this.

Foreplay without sex.

No thanks.

mmm - it's not even "Doms" who are happy to accomodate with just the spanking part; i've been meeting some who just like the spank.

i agree though, that i like the whole package - the spanking (and other stuff) has always led to sex. but it's always been sex within a relationship.

i'm just sorting things out, albeit in a public forum! redefining my definition of "relationship". looking at things from a different perspective.

 

[DiscusDave]

i'm just sorting things out, albeit in a public forum! redefining my definition of "relationship". looking at things from a different perspective.

All the more power to you. Just let us know if there's anything we can do to help the process.

 

[Netzach]

It never ceases to amaze me how many Doms are more than happy to accommodate women wanting just this.

Foreplay without sex.

No thanks.

See and I'm like, sex without the fuss of PIV silliness.

 

[Marquis]

See and I'm like, sex without the fuss of PIV silliness.

Yeah, you know maybe if I was just more skilled. I should go ahead and try this more often, perhaps my lack of experimentation here comes from a fear of rejection.

I think I just want to feel like there's a sacrifice going on, that would get me hot. Like if I was tying a girl up, is she letting me tie her up a little tighter than comfortable. In my experience playing in public, these bitches are like, ummm... yeah that's a little hard for me..... ok, a bit harder.... yeah, that's the spot, lower now.

Fuck that shit.

Even in reading this, I see it should've been up to me to seize control or some shit, seduce consent and all that.

 

[Netzach]

I think I just want to feel like there's a sacrifice going on, that would get me hot. Like if I was tying a girl up, is she letting me tie her up a little tighter than comfortable. In my experience playing in public, these bitches are like, ummm... yeah that's a little hard for me..... ok, a bit harder.... yeah, that's the spot, lower now.

Fuck that shit.

Even in reading this, I see it should've been up to me to seize control or some shit, seduce consent and all that.

Oh well, ugh, yeah. Who needs that is right.

 

[Marquis]

Oh well, ugh, yeah. Who needs that is right.

I think my vanity is my undoing.

I want to play with pretty young things, but they are only for show.

 

[intothewoods]

Yeah, you know maybe if I was just more skilled. I should go ahead and try this more often, perhaps my lack of experimentation here comes from a fear of rejection.

I think I just want to feel like there's a sacrifice going on, that would get me hot. Like if I was tying a girl up, is she letting me tie her up a little tighter than comfortable. In my experience playing in public, these bitches are like, ummm... yeah that's a little hard for me..... ok, a bit harder.... yeah, that's the spot, lower now.

Fuck that shit.

Even in reading this, I see it should've been up to me to seize control or some shit, seduce consent and all that.

I think you just need to lay down the law, or not play with people who are totally self-absorbed. I'm not a huge pain slut but I tried to be open to scenes that made everyone walk away happy. Someone I used to play with said to me, you don't want to just be a "do me" bottom, do you? And that stuck with me. And he's smart and probably knew it would!

 

[shy slave]

i noticed the long distance domination support thread and it got me to thinking.

i'm wondering how many single submissives (or for that matter single PYL's)
are out there?

how do you stay in that mind-set? is being submissive who you are or something you do? if there's no one to submit to -- are you submissive?

how do you scratch that D/s (or that S/m) itch when there's no one to scratch you?

I really dislike one-off play sessions, but usually end up there and then disliking myself afterwards.

Not a great situation.

I work from the standpoint of 'I am not going to play' meeting people and talking, enjoying their company and going home alone; to meeting someone and thinking 'I need this' and bringing myself lower than I would want, because of that submissive itch.

I know a couple of Doms who would indulge me on a regular basis, but I know I would get emotionally involved and they would not.

Again not a healthy situation.

 

[the captians wench]

I really dislike one-off play sessions, but usually end up there and then disliking myself afterwards.

Not a great situation.

I work from the standpoint of 'I am not going to play' meeting people and talking, enjoying their company and going home alone; to meeting someone and thinking 'I need this' and bringing myself lower than I would want, because of that submissive itch.

I know a couple of Doms who would indulge me on a regular basis, but I know I would get emotionally involved and they would not.

Again not a healthy situation.

*pounces shy and smothers her in huggles*

I started out as a single newly devorced curious 21 year old. I wasn't interested in any sort of relationship. But at the same time I didn't want just casual sex either. Good girls didn't do that. In those early days I played with friends or with them watching. It was always about pain play and never involved sex. For the longest time I did not associate one with the other. And being with friends provided some safety without the confines of a romantic relationship.

Still there was a thrill when one would take me in the back with another person who was a total stranger to me. Still just pain, no sex.

 

[kitten_candy]

*pounces shy and smothers her in huggles*

I started out as a single newly devorced curious 21 year old. I wasn't interested in any sort of relationship. But at the same time I didn't want just casual sex either. Good girls didn't do that. In those early days I played with friends or with them watching. It was always about pain play and never involved sex. For the longest time I did not associate one with the other. And being with friends provided some safety without the confines of a romantic relationship.

Still there was a thrill when one would take me in the back with another person who was a total stranger to me. Still just pain, no sex.

LOL at "good girls didn't do that" -- i can relate to this. Spank my ass, torture my tits but - gasp - don't fuck me.

I'm working backwards from you, wench. Have had the pain part, the D/s part, all within a relationship. So for me, that = foreplay, sex. Now I want to separate it.

It's do-able.

 

[the captians wench]

LOL at "good girls didn't do that" -- i can relate to this. Spank my ass, torture my tits but - gasp - don't fuck me.

I'm working backwards from you, wench. Have had the pain part, the D/s part, all within a relationship. So for me, that = foreplay, sex. Now I want to separate it.

It's do-able.

I still don't connect pain with forplay. It can be and it is awesomeness when it does lead to more traditional sexual activites, but I can and do enjoy the pain all alone. Pain for the sake of pain. Not pain for pleasure. I guess it's one of the reasons jounar and I mesh so well. He likes hurting me for the sake of watching me suffer, not because I get off on it.

 

[kitten_candy]

I still don't connect pain with forplay. It can be and it is awesomeness when it does lead to more traditional sexual activites, but I can and do enjoy the pain all alone. Pain for the sake of pain. Not pain for pleasure. I guess it's one of the reasons jounar and I mesh so well. He likes hurting me for the sake of watching me suffer, not because I get off on it.

was it the same when other people hurt you?

 

[the captians wench]

was it the same when other people hurt you?

Yes, except there wasn't even potentcial for there to be more. At least not for a year or so of exploring with out sex involved. The fronds I played with then were very similar to jounar. Dishing pain for pains sake. Whether I enjoyed it or not was a mute point. And I enjoyed that aspect of it as well.