Silly question perhaps

[JKayle]

i'll be honest, I haven't done very much cybering; it's not really something that i go out of my way looking for. The times it has happened, it has been a progression from other conversations and general chatting.

It can be a lot of fun though; feeding off each other's imagination... perhaps it's something that I should spend some more time with.

 

[southern_gal]

You guys and gals are the best. There are so many thoughtful insights. I am sorta like a sponge when it comes to things like this. Thanks bunches.

 

[njlauren]

Cyber is a weird thing and it should be easy to do it and not get emotionally attached, but that is not always the case. My take is that when cybering some people in effect create a new person in cyberspace, a compartment, and in that space they can get emotionally attached because the controls of their 'real' person doesn't apply. Compartments like that is a known psychological term and it often happens when people venture into things like Second Life on the net. Women are a lot more likely to get emotionally attached to people they cyber with from everything I know, and it is harder for them to detach (I read one study that said that a larger percentage of women end up wrecking their 'real' relationships over cyber than men do, in part because the women emotionally get attached to their cyber partners and end up detaching from their real relationship and /or make the mistake of comparing her 'real' relationship to the cyber one; after all, she doesn't know the 6'2" blond guy with the 8" cock is really some short, fat,balding CPA type .

The biggest problem with cyber to me is because there are no bounds, because it is free so to speak, that it can end up taking space and time away from the real relationship, that it is a lot more fun cybering some guy about being their sex slave then cleaning up after the kids, fixing dinner and watching hubby fall asleep watching a football game on the couch and it starts being where the person 'lives'...that is when it becomes an emotional affair rather then playing.

 

[Killjoy24]

I don't really "cyber" with anyone, but I do know that some people that I chat with on a regular basis, I begin to feel an attachment. With some, if I don't hear from them within two-three days, I actually get upset, or sometimes think they are mad at me and I freak put wondering why. Usually just to find out that lost connection or went on a business trip. The emotiional bond is real even if the person isn't in front of you sometimes.

 

[lissa808]

I think it just depends on how you're wired. Some people have a tough time separating sex (even cyber) and love. Others can separate sex and love more easily.

This is so true...my best friend and I often joke about how our hearts are in out vaginas

 

[Exquisition]

I find that for cyber to work, you have to go through a long, slow 'getting to know you' relationship where you build up a detailed mental picture of your cyber friend - almost like going out on lots of dates.

For me, the emotional investment is pretty huge, so when the trust is enough to have cyber sex, the mental connection is just as powerful as if it had been face to face.

Guess I'm saying in a roundabout way that for me, I can't compartmentalise or fail to form a strong bond otherwise the cyber sex tends to be pointless and feels awkward.

 

[Exquisition]

I'm awful at cyber. I felt like I was writing a really bad Mills & Boon.

Know what you mean, if the connection isn't there it feels weird.

You mean:

'Her eyes narrowed as she became aware of his tumescence throbbing like some beating heart with a mind of its own..."

doesn't do it for you?

 

[amofiga]

Cybering doesn't have to be about fantasy stories. It can be just about being able to open up and let the inhibited side of you out to play with an anonymous person who won't judge. If it doesn't work for you, if you can't compartmentalize, if you can't keep control of your emotions, then it's probably not a good thing. No, you shouldn't let it get in the way of your "real" relationship with your "real" partner, but it can be a way of supplementing that real relationship if there are doors that can't/won't open there. The fact is that most people who seek and find affairs are usually not looking just for sex. While it can be an opportunity to explore sexual activities that aren't open to you in your "real" relationship, it's often more of the ability to talk about them and open up about them without feeling foolish or being made to feel guilty about them. If you feel like any outside relationship, physical or cyber, is getting in the way of your real relationship and superceeding it, they you have to quit.

All that being said, my simple advice for anyone wanting to keep their spouse from jumping the fence is simply, accept them without question and accept and respect their opinions and feelings. You don't have to agree with them. You don't have to carry them out if you feel uncomfortable with them, but accept them as part of who he/she is. If they tell you one day that they would like to hump your sister or suck off your brother, just grit your teeth and tell them that you hope they don't act on it but you can certainly understand why they could have that fantasy because your sister or brother is quite an attractive and charming person. Don't make them feel like a perv about it. Mabye even do something to help role play the fantasy and make a little game of it, but don't slam the door in their face and make them feel stupid. Those things are common so just roll with it.

 

[southern_gal]

And I probably used the wrong term really. I said "cyber" but in my mind I was really thinking of lots of things and not necessarily something that had such an overtly sexual meaning. I am also lumping naughty playful chatting, obvious hints, sharing secret desires and the like into that catagory. As I stated earlier, I have yet to and maybe never will actually chat with someone while allowing myself to really become aroused, but it still is an interesting topic.

 

[1dude]

And I probably used the wrong term really. I said "cyber" but in my mind I was really thinking of lots of things and not necessarily something that had such an overtly sexual meaning. I am also lumping naughty playful chatting, obvious hints, sharing secret desires and the like into that catagory. As I stated earlier, I have yet to and maybe never will actually chat with someone while allowing myself to really become aroused, but it still is an interesting topic.

There are always feelings. I agree with a lot already said. I think it's enjoyable to go through those feelings you had when you first dated in a real relationship knowing that cyber is strictly for recreating those feelings without an "end game relationship". It's the difference between theory and reality.

 

[southern_gal]

There are always feelings. I agree with a lot already said. I think it's enjoyable to go through those feelings you had when you first dated in a real relationship knowing that cyber is strictly for recreating those feelings without an "end game relationship". It's the difference between theory and reality.

speaking of theory and reality, in theory the avg male penis is probably about 6 inches I think? In reality it is different on Lit. In my brief time here I have discovered that the avg size here is somewhat bigger than my shoe size. I have been missing out. The correlation to that is that most all of us (women) have DD boobs and absolutely none of us wear anything bigger than a size 8. Honest.

 

[GeorgiaPeachy]

Great topic.! I would be terrible at "cyber" LOL. I'd be emotionally involved from the start. To me the two things are intertwined. I couldn't open up and be vulnerable in that way if I didn't feel a strong emotional connection with the other person...either cyber or real life. And say you do want to "cyber" connect with someone..for whatever reason...sex, friendship, companionship...how do you find the right person in this world (literally) to choose from? Thanks for the topic, southern_gal.

 

[1dude]

speaking of theory and reality, in theory the avg male penis is probably about 6 inches I think? In reality it is different on Lit. In my brief time here I have discovered that the avg size here is somewhat bigger than my shoe size. I have been missing out. The correlation to that is that most all of us (women) have DD boobs and absolutely none of us wear anything bigger than a size 8. Honest.

I look like Sean Connery and hung like a BIG porn star (you wear wide width shoes right?)!!! In reality, I'm average when erect and below average when not. I do still have some hair on my head though. Self conscious yes but nothing I can do about it.

 

[Killjoy24]

I look like Sean Connery and hung like a BIG porn star (you wear wide width shoes right?)!!! In reality, I'm average when erect and below average when not. I do still have some hair on my head though. Self conscious yes but nothing I can do about it.

LOL, At least your honest that's always a plus Besides it's not the size it's the performance.

 

[Ferreus]

speaking of theory and reality, in theory the avg male penis is probably about 6 inches I think? In reality it is different on Lit. In my brief time here I have discovered that the avg size here is somewhat bigger than my shoe size. I have been missing out. The correlation to that is that most all of us (women) have DD boobs and absolutely none of us wear anything bigger than a size 8. Honest.

These are just benefits from using the internet!

 

[southern_gal]

Why must mother nature be so cruel? Men don't sag like we do. Your skin does not wrinkle like ours. When we overdevelop in our teens it sure catches up with us later. What used to get us looked at now gets us a discount membership to a health club. Ugghhh.

 

[Big Ben IV]

Why must mother nature be so cruel? Men don't sag like we do. Your skin does not wrinkle like ours. When we overdevelop in our teens it sure catches up with us later. What used to get us looked at now gets us a discount membership to a health club. Ugghhh.

But dont forget those of us men who feel that a womans body gets better with age.

 

[1dude]

Why must mother nature be cruel? Why do men gain weight only in one place? Why don't Women get lizard skin they have to shed each year? Why don't men ever over develop and get to keep it? Why do men loose their hair on their head and grow it thicker everywhere else? Why do men need Viagra just as women get hot and bothered? Why do men have to get reading glasses late in life making it impossible to watch women walk by without being obvious? Why do men have to sweat so much? Why do men get blamed for female cycles? Why do men have to pay full rates at the gym in order to see scantly clad women?

 

[southern_gal]

But dont forget those of us men who feel that a womans body gets better with age.

Bless your heart.

 

[Big Ben IV]

Bless your heart.

Just being honest. I could go into detail but ill save that for another thread...lol

 

[southern_gal]

Why must mother nature be cruel? Why do men gain weight only in one place? Why don't Women get lizard skin they have to shed each year? Why don't men ever over develop and get to keep it? Why do men loose their hair on their head and grow it thicker everywhere else? Why do men need Viagra just as women get hot and bothered? Why do men have to get reading glasses late in life making it impossible to watch women walk by without being obvious? Why do men have to sweat so much? Why do men get blamed for female cycles? Why do men have to pay full rates at the gym in order to see scantly clad women?

I guess maybe we don't have all of the cruelties huh? However men seem better able to accept their age and all that comes with it. I used to be ok with my body but now I don't even want the lights on when I take a bath. At least you have the little blue pill. When our libido fades it is difficult to recover. And at the fitness club I go to, if you want to see us scantily clad........ *pats the poor dear on his balding head*

 

[southern_gal]

Just being honest. I could go into detail but ill save that for another thread...lol

listen mister do NOT tempt me to start another thread. I have already had one pm asking me if I was writing a book with all the questions I have been asking.

 

[Big Ben IV]

listen mister do NOT tempt me to start another thread. I have already had one pm asking me if I was writing a book with all the questions I have been asking.

Lol, not what I meant. Just that it would be rather off topic and perhaps a bit dirty...lol

 

[1dude]

They have a blue pill for you now! I also vote with Big Ben IV. Remember those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind!

 

[southern_gal]

Lol, not what I meant. Just that it would be rather off topic and perhaps a bit dirty...lol

Do not make me report my own thread. I simply cannot stand for any comments of a sexual nature. On an erotic literature site. Of all the nerve!