Should I Or shouldn't I ?

[sadeyes35]

Hello new to this and this is my first question.Hoping someone could give me some input on this.Husband and I have been together 17 years.And lately things are different.He has introduced me to friends( from work) who are swingers.We all get along fine until something is brought up about swinging. I'm not a prude by all means BUT am having a problem with the idea of"doing" it with someone other than my husband. We have dibbled a little bit but never really crossed that line. My husband tells me to get over it and it's just sex.Nothing else involved but a good time for all.And it's just not being with the other man that he's interested in watching me be with.When I mention anything to him he says it's just sex and go along with it.And nothing will change between us.
So what I'm asking is for people's idea of this.What they think and if anyone has been in this situation. Thanks.

 

[Lynnezertorte]

Hello new to this and this is my first question.Hoping someone could give me some input on this.Husband and I have been together 17 years.And lately things are different.He has introduced me to friends( from work) who are swingers.We all get along fine until something is brought up about swinging. I'm not a prude by all means BUT am having a problem with the idea of"doing" it with someone other than my husband. We have dibbled a little bit but never really crossed that line. My husband tells me to get over it and it's just sex.Nothing else involved but a good time for all.And it's just not being with the other man that he's interested in watching me be with.When I mention anything to him he says it's just sex and go along with it.And nothing will change between us.
So what I'm asking is for people's idea of this.What they think and if anyone has been in this situation. Thanks.

I've never been in your situation but my first thought was that you need to do what's right for you and you shouldn't let your husband preasure you into doing anything that you don't feel comfortable with.

 

[StevenWill]

I would wait

Listen to your own words and they will tell you that you are not ready. There is nothing wrong with being not ready or being ready. It wont work if you do it as a favor to your husband. Sex is not about favors, it's about shared pleasure. You need to talk about it, be honest with your feelings and go at your own pace.
If he pressures you, he is not showing much respect.

Fantasy is one thing, but sometimes people are surprised at the very strong feelings that arise when they see their partner with someone else. Some of those feeling are positive, but they can be negative.

I don't think Literotica has flourished on the "it's just sex" philosophy. Sex is powerful and to some even spiritual. Sexual abandonment makes you vulnerable and one needs to feel totally safe to let go and explore on open up and learn new things about one's self.

You might get there, but nothing you said made me believe you are there yet.

Just my 2 cents.

Dr. Steve

 

[wicked woman]

I know it's the wrong answer but I can't help suggesting you withhold sex from your husband saying 'but it's just sex dear!'

Sorry but your description has him coming across as insensitive to you and completely selfish. If you're not into it, you're not into it. Some people can easily separate sex from love...others can't and/or don't want to. Follow your gut instincts.

 

[Hotred911]

I know it's the wrong answer but I can't help suggesting you withhold sex from your husband saying 'but it's just sex dear!'

Sorry but your description has him coming across as insensitive to you and completely selfish. If you're not into it, you're not into it. Some people can easily separate sex from love...others can't and/or don't want to. Follow your gut instincts.

Although it is wrong, I love this answer! I have to agree with everyone else here, do NOT give in and do this if you're not comfortable.

 

[SexyChele]

My husband tells me to get over it and it's just sex.Nothing else involved but a good time for all.

Feeling as you do, it certainly would not be a "good time for all." And sorry, but your husband is an insensitive ass for thinking so.

There are several people here who are engaged in the swing lifestyle and it works for them. However, one commality is that both partners are into it equally. There have been a couple of individuals who have been in your position and just "given in." From what I've read, the majority of relationships were affected in a not so good way.

If you do not feel comfortable with this idea, then that's it. It ends there. Marriage is supposed to consider the feelings of both partners. Not just being told to "get over it."

Good luck!

 

[SexyChele]

I know it's the wrong answer but I can't help suggesting you withhold sex from your husband saying 'but it's just sex dear!'

Now this funny! Yes, wrong, but very funny!

 

[peachykeen]

I 100% promise you that if this is not what you really want, but you allow him to manipulate you into this, it is the beginning of the end of your marriage. Million dollah guarantee.

 

[ReadyOne]

On some days women make love, on the others they have sex.

Do you and hubby have sex very often? Do you try things just because they feel good? Do ever go for the orgasm (as w hile mastrubating) instead of the closeness?

If you're making love 99% of the time, I can understand that having sex is foreign.

It's your decision about how to conduct your sex life, and please don't let anyone push you into something you don't want.

But if you don't have sex, consider trying it (with your spouse, of course). Sex can be an adult form of play, and we never lose the need to play!

Then if you decide having sex is fun, you can consider if it might be fun to involve other people.

 

[Carnus]

Personally if he is wanting or presuring you to do something you are not comfortable with then perhaps you need to have a long heart to heart talk with his lawyer, but that is rather blunt of me. I don't know why but to me someone wanting to presure you into swinging has other motives like he has been and wants you to so that his actions can become acceptable. I don't think it is right at all for you to give in because he wants you to, but if you want to then I say go for it, and if none of the people he keeps introducing you to does it for you, then I would still say don't, tell him to stop bothering you about it.........


Now on to the not serious comment,,,,,,, so,, how about showing what you look like so I can decide if he is just nuts or not?


hehe

Carnus

just teasing on the last part

 

[sheath]

Bottom line...if you have to ask the question of whether or not you should, and if you feel uncomfortable AT ALL, do not do it.

I agree with peachykeen. If you do this without being 100% comfortable with it, you are signing the death certificate for that marriage. And yes, that IS guaranteed.

S.

 

[Nightbird]

I'm afraid I have to go with the majority on this one. DON'T DO IT! You'll regret it.

Be true to yourself and if he loves you he will love you even more for it. If he doesn't understand then maybe a closer look at your relationship is in order.

 

[Melesse]

He's being a dick about this. Plain and Simple....

Yea, it might be just sex to him, but to you it's not, and he's not even considering this, all he can see is the pussy in front of him, or alternately, his fantasy of seeing you with someone. Either way it's about his sexual gratification, not yours.

Melesse

 

[Bobmi357]

I would think that it would be difficult to keep it just at a level of "Its just sex" without developing some sort of emotional connection to your partner. I know some people are able to do this, but I don't believe they are in the majority.

Your husband is unfairly pressuring you. Tell him that you will not participate until you are ready and you may NEVER be ready for it. In the meantime if you even have a hint that he's gone ahead without you, INSIST on a complete STD evaluation before you let him touch you.

 

[sadeyes35]

Thank you all for giving me your thoughts on this.I'll let you know how things turn out.

 

[CutieMouse]

*****

 

[Quint]

To offer myself as sort of a counterposition to the last post, I consider myself mostly poly whereas T, my male partner, considers himself mostly monogamous. He isn't against playing with other people but I can't see him really going far with that desire. I will not, however, push him into letting me play with other people unless he is entirely comfortable with the thought, because I understand that he may react differently to it than I would. My primary relationship is with him and thus my priority lies with him. It saddens me that your husband is not giving you the same courtesy. If he is strongly inclined toward swinging, one person will not be sufficient, just like a lesbian would not be happy in a hetero relationship. But the lesbian doesn't convince her boyfriend to have a sex change. Get my point?

I really hope that you two find a mutually satisfying solution. I'd recommend seeing a marriage counselor if you feel you need help standing up for your right as a human and as a partner in your marriage.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

Hello new to this and this is my first question.Hoping someone could give me some input on this.Husband and I have been together 17 years.And lately things are different.He has introduced me to friends( from work) who are swingers.We all get along fine until something is brought up about swinging. I'm not a prude by all means BUT am having a problem with the idea of"doing" it with someone other than my husband. We have dibbled a little bit but never really crossed that line. My husband tells me to get over it and it's just sex.Nothing else involved but a good time for all.And it's just not being with the other man that he's interested in watching me be with.When I mention anything to him he says it's just sex and go along with it.And nothing will change between us.
So what I'm asking is for people's idea of this.What they think and if anyone has been in this situation. Thanks.

dont do it you have said that you do not feel right about it. it will lead to problems if you do.

 

[Guest]