She lay across the naked bed on her stomach in his motel......

[Edward Teach]

or, or..she lay naked on her stomach across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach naked across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach across the bed in his motel, naked.
or...you tell me.

Edward the Ignorant

 

[ElectricBlue]

I'd write, "she lay naked on her belly," not through any sense of grammatical correctness (FIIK on that), but because, for me, stomach is the guts on the inside, whereas belly is the flesh on the outside, and I would assume the scene is already established that she is on a bed in a motel.

I can't ever imagine me writing three expository elements as fundamental as these ones in the one sentence. But that's just me, and this is not offered either as a grammatical exactness (as I say, I don't know on that, but I expect there is a right way or a preferred way, which we will find out about soon enough) or as a "write like me" statement - just to head that one off at the pass.

 

[SimonDoom]

or, or..she lay naked on her stomach across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach naked across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach across the bed in his motel, naked.
or...you tell me.

Edward the Ignorant

She lay naked on her stomach on the bed.

Ditch "in his motel". What does that mean "in his motel"? Does he own the motel? Or is he just staying in the motel? The bed is in a room, not in a motel. You should set the scene before that sentence so it's unnecessary to mention a motel.

I think "on the bed" is clearer and better than "across the bed."

All three of your proposed sentences have too many prepositional phrases. Two is OK; three's too many.

My two cents.

 

[SimonDoom]

Addition: I like EB's idea of substituting "belly" for "stomach."

Another way to do it and get rid of still more prepositions would be to write: She lay prone and naked on the bed, "prone" being a substitute for "on her stomach/belly."

 

[KeithD]

She lay across the bed in his motel room, naked and on her stomach.

 

[TxRad]

She lay across the naked bed on her stomach in his motel......

or, or..she lay naked on her stomach across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach naked across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach across the bed in his motel, naked.
or...you tell me.

Edward the Ignorant

The one at the top makes the bed naked.

The next three are dealers choice.

Me? I'd go with the last one with belly substituted for stomach. It puts the punch at the end of the sentence.

 

[jaF0]

Only on her belly/stomach? What about the rest of her?

'She lay face down .... '

 

[NotWise]

I'd probably say that in two sentences rather than trying to cram it into one sentence that I couldn't even figure out. Pity the poor reader.

 

[ChloeTzang]

or, or..she lay naked on her stomach across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach naked across the bed in his motel.
or, or...she lay on her stomach across the bed in his motel, naked.
or...you tell me.

Edward the Ignorant

The bargain-basement motel mattress on which she lay face down before him was as naked of any covering as she was.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

She lay across the naked bed on her stomach in his motel

This one only makes sense if it's the bed that is naked. I suppose that's a provacative way to describe a bed with no linens on it, but from the other options, I don't think that's what you mean.

Personally, I'd go with "She lay naked across the bed on her stomach."

As others have mentioned, 'in his motel' can probably be cut since it was most likely already established.

 

[Kantarii]

So long as she’s naked, it’s all good to me Kant

 

[Charmolypi]

She lay naked across the bed.

Use other context clues to clarify the location.

Belly skeeves me out. It’s a word mothers use with children or butchers use with pork.

 

[KeithD]

As others have mentioned, 'in his motel' can probably be cut since it was most likely already established.

That's assuming too much from the information given. This might be the opening sentence of the story. It would be a pretty good opening sentence.

 

[KeithD]

Belly skeeves me out. It’s a word mothers use with children or butchers use with pork.

The OP didn't use "belly." As is often the case, responders started running away from working with what they were given in the writer's voice.

 

[Hypoxia]

Naked she was, and buns-up, lying across his motel bed.

 

[LoquiSordidaAdMe]

That's assuming too much from the information given. This might be the opening sentence of the story. It would be a pretty good opening sentence.

That's a fair point. The OP dosent provide any context for the sentence. There may be a good reason to include 'in his motel' but if there isn't, I'd drop it.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I stared at her naked ass as she lay across the bed on her belly. How I got her to come to my hotel room and strip for me was beyond anything I had ever dreamed.

 

[Hypoxia]

Naked she was, and buns-up, lying across his motel bed, a sweet treat.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Naked she was, and buns-up, lying across his motel bed, a sweet treat.

And all this time I thought it was a writers duty to increase the word count of a story.

 

[Charmolypi]

She admired her lock picking handywork and slid naked across the motel bed. Alone at last.

 

[Kantarii]

She admired her lock picking handywork and slid naked across the motel bed. Alone at last.

Haha... Had she texted me first, she would be in my bed instead of some random room at motel 6.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

"Naked across the motel bed, she was." boasted Yoda after his third pan-galactic gargle blaster.

She lay prone to nakedness and all other sins attendant upon beds in cheap motel rooms.

It was a dark and stormy night when suddenly the motel room door sprung open, disclosing a naked form, female, human, lying prone across a bed which had seen far better days than this, far better in terms of both weather and occupants, days which had seen sunshine and joy, the joy of newly-weds consummating their love rather than the present unending sequence of tawdry by-the-hour rentals in abject darkness of soul and sky...

 

[Hypoxia]

One motel. One bed. One woman. One flesh.

 

[Handley_Page]

Given your limited choice:
I vote for:-
she lay on her stomach, naked, across the bed in his motel.

I guess a lot depends upon what is the importance of 'naked'.
If it's the unmade bed, that's one thing.
if it's an unclothed female, that's another.

 

[Edward Teach]

Thanks for all the comments and suggestions.

Perhaps I should have explained that the phrase is actually part of a two sentence first person description of a TV scene the protagonist was watching when interrupted by a phone call. It's sole purpose is character development. I wanted all the description in one sentence and couldn't decide on the best order.

Here is the complete paragraph:

Back in my condo after a frustrating morning of golf, I took a long shower, pulled on a clean warmup, popped the top on a Bud, and settled back to catch up on Justified, my favorite TV show. U.S. Deputy Marshall Raylan Givens had just finished giving his gorgeous ex-wife, Winona, a fucking she was unlikely to ever forget and was getting dressed to go into Harlan and seriously fuck-up some bad guys while she lay naked across the bed in his motel room. Just as the camera began to slowly pan over her gorgeous ass, garnering the director my sincere compliments, my phone rang, irritating the fuck out of me—pun absolutely fucking-a intended.

Edward the Learner