Shay...

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Your posts have actually gotten easier to read since you first started posting. Sometimes though they are a bit hard to understand for me still, but i post where i think i can help you in some way...i.e. the pregnancy thread.

I know HottieMama, i appreciated your advice on that thread

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

I think he just meant that they were afraid of sub frenzy...

Explain please?

 

[nh23]

Explain please?

It's when someone is new to the lifestyle and jumps in way too fast. Wanting to try everything right now. It can cloud your judgement and lead to bad decisions.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

It's when someone is new to the lifestyle and jumps in way too fast. Wanting to try everything right now. It can cloud your judgement and lead to bad decisions.

Well yes guess thats me. I am learning tho, slowly but i do :/

I still don't get what Chris said tho. I don't think he spoke about sub frenzy, dunno.

 

[JMohegan]

It's when someone is new to the lifestyle and jumps in way too fast. Wanting to try everything right now. It can cloud your judgement and lead to bad decisions.

Yes.

And because this never happens to Dominants, who always employ sterling judgment, make wise decisions, and can be counted on to behave, right from the start, in a rational, mature way - we call it something that gets right to the heart of the D vs. s distinction!

Sub frenzy.

The poor little things.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You make my talks with other male Dom's sound like i am looking for more men attention, but i am not. If theres something on my mind i want or need to talk about, i talk about it first with my Dom. When he's not around i talk to my friends then and i think its normal.

I know you are owned by F, and if you really don't talk with any other male Dom or Vanilla i owe you one big "WOW"!

It is normal for you and that is OK. For me, if I need to talk to him about anything and he isn't around, I wait, even when he is out of the country. That is just the way it has always been for us and works best for us.

I talk to them (male Doms), I just don't go looking for them or talk to any one in particular on a regular or recurring basis. Usually it is because they PM about something on the forum or something I have posted which I might then have a discussion with them about, but after that it is rare it continues, and when it does it may be months before we communicate via PM again. Once again, it is just how we are and how our relationship works best, what works for you is different.

Catalina

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

It is normal for you and that is OK. For me, if I need to talk to him about anything and he isn't around, I wait, even when he is out of the country. That is just the way it has always been for us and works best for us.

I talk to them (male Doms), I just don't go looking for them or talk to any one in particular on a regular or recurring basis. Usually it is because they PM about something on the forum or something I have posted which I might then have a discussion with them about, but after that it is rare it continues, and when it does it may be months before we communicate via PM again. Once again, it is just how we are and how our relationship works best, what works for you is different.

Catalina

If its something i should talk about just with my Dom i do so and wait for him as well. If its something i can talk about with other peeps as well i talk to them as well.

I am still very new in this life style, maybe with time my Master will ask me to talk only with him too, i dunno.

You are in RL relationship tho, i am in online one. Guess theres a huge difference just in this.

 

[myinnerslut]

i am dissapointed.

what i am not is surprised.

 

[Netzach]

What are you disagreeing with me on? I'm lost on this one.

Catalina

I don't see a lot of commonalities between Biatchinfire and Shay - I *do* think Biatchinfire is here to learn stuff -- not just garner attention and do..whatever Shay was doing. That's what I mean.

 

[graceanne]

I am not demanding anything, just said i do understand to Shay on this one and i do.

And yes you are right, you and me don't have anything in common.

I am not using my crap english as an excuse. I talk with lots of english peeps and i have no prob to tell them what i want or need. I said it cuz nh23 said she had a hard time to understand my posts. I am trying to make my post understandable, but guess i gota try harder.

I don't have any trouble understanding your posts. *shrugs* I don't have any problems with you, so far, either.

Just cause I don't reply doesn't mean anything or that I don't like you. Generally if I don't like a person, they know it for sure. But I've been here, for - what? 4 years, I think? I see a lot of newbies come and go. Sincere or not, most of them don't stay, so I don't spend all my time and energy on the next set of newbies demanding attention.

PS. it's been three years.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't see a lot of commonalities between Biatchinfire and Shay - I *do* think Biatchinfire is here to learn stuff -- not just garner attention and do..whatever Shay was doing. That's what I mean.

OK. I was going on the fact they are both mothers of young children, obviously new to and exploring the lifestyle, already communicating off the forum and liking each other...seems a lot of commonalities which might begina freindship and which seems to have aready.

Catalina

 

[SheDevilShay]

I am here, and I read the entire thread, you are entitled to your opinions, though I feel you misjudged me, I am not going anywhere, I will continue to post as needed when things come up.

There is nothing I can say or do at this point to "convince" anyone otherwise.

And bitch is right, you guys come off very hostile putting people on the defensive.

I don't see the need to defend myself, other then I learn quickly, and I HAVE complained that some of you have come off as very rude to me... and i HAVE gotten hate mail from people for asking "to many questions".

I value much of what is said on here, and the things i've read when I've had time to browse this site.

I am not giong anywhere, but I also cannot change peoples minds and opinions when they've already made up their mind and refuse to listen.

as for "stealing" information the only thing on my journal that wasn't mine was the Dom/Sub creed info that I said we followed... the rest of what I said was 100% mine and true. and the quote on what a submissive means, which I quoted (IT WAS quoted as being from an internet "forum" that I found, but when I transfered the journal to livejournal it misplaced that, which since you caught that, I will fix right now, I don't catch every mistake, and I never siad *I* said that. and normally when I copy/paste from someone else, I usually say its from someone else.


"I think this best accurately displays how I feel about this (its from another submissives site that she wrote), and I am thankful for all the resources available out there to me, to help me succeed, and know that my dom is patient, loving kind and considerate of my needs... while still being strong and firm with me. I need consistancy, structure, routine and motiviation, he has give me that.. I cannot thank him enough..."

this is what I said in reference to the submissive post, and all I forgot to add in was that it was from another sub's site, I thought that was protrated when I aid I am thankful for all the RESOURCES out there and it best fits how I feel... but I clarified since you pointed out that it confused you.


I have forwarded this thread to the Different Lovings group owner, I am sure she will handle this as she see's fit... but she has been a huge help to me in MY relationship as she has sat down with my Dom and I and helped us figure things out too, so she knows us on a personal level that you guys may not.

 

[catalina_francisco]

You are in RL relationship tho, i am in online one. Guess theres a huge difference just in this.

That is partly true, though more in the difference being in the relationships themselves more so than online vs RL. I have done both and even when I was online, I didn't communicate with others...it was never asked, just what I expected would be expected and later had verified. I'm just not a huge energy person, so I am careful where my energy goes otherwise I get into difficulties down the line.

Catalina

 

[the captians wench]

Yes.

And because this never happens to Dominants, who always employ sterling judgment, make wise decisions, and can be counted on to behave, right from the start, in a rational, mature way - we call it something that gets right to the heart of the D vs. s distinction!

Sub frenzy.

The poor little things.

*giggles*

I wub you

 

[HottieMama]

I have forwarded this thread to the Different Lovings group owner, I am sure she will handle this as she see's fit... but she has been a huge help to me in MY relationship as she has sat down with my Dom and I and helped us figure things out too, so she knows us on a personal level that you guys may not.

Shay...seriously..Are you really going to start a war between f'in CafeMom and here? This is how flame wars and petty bs starts. The group you admin over there is a good one. Active and full of a lot of beginners that are just trying to find their way. This "group" is a lot of more established ppl in the lifestyle. (And also a lot that are not married, no children, in poly/open relationships...etc...) Of course there are going to be differences, of course there are going to be clashes.


Edited to add that a lot of the links you have posted on Different Loving as well as the recommended reading list comes from threads here as well. That was one of the first things i noticed when i read that post over there.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Shay...seriously..Are you really going to start a war between f'in CafeMom and here? This is how flame wars and petty bs starts. The group you admin over there is a good one. Active and full of a lot of beginners that are just trying to find their way. This "group" is a lot of more established ppl in the lifestyle. (And also a lot that are not married, no children, in poly/open relationships...etc...) Of course there are going to be differences, of course there are going to be clashes.


Edited to add that a lot of the links you have posted on Different Loving as well as the recommended reading list comes from threads here as well. That was one of the first things i noticed when i read that post over there.

Yes she's also a member here and I feel she has a right to know how people view her admins, and since everyone things I am "insert words here" I feel she should do whats best for her group. if she agree's then I obviously SHOULD NOT be a group admin, Its not about flame wars. the only thing I am upset about on this is that no one here even fucking took the time to get to know me on a personal level before making rash decisions or opinions.

I can't change that now, there's no point in even trying to defend myself really.

I have ocmmunication issue's, I don't think like most people do, I never have, and it makes it hard for me to talk to most people and even get my point across properly. and when i first got here, I didn't even understand half the termonology, I WAS living the lifestyle, and didn't even fuckign know it, understand it and I feared it.

thats why I was trying to get help. this is not a sub frenzy, this was nothing other then ME trying to make sense of my life and get help. every piece of advice that has been handed to me,I have taken into consideration that could apply to me or my situation.

 

[CutieMouse]

Shay, the discussion here hasn't centered around your blog; it has centered around the things you've apparently posted at some other message board, without attributing your sources.

If you attributed what you shared, that's not a problem. If you suggested Lit as a resouce, that's also not a problem. Trashing those who spent time and energy assisting you the best they could, and not attributing their words, however, is a problem. As an author, you should realize that.

I did my best to be helpful to you when you had questions; I'm sorry to hear you feel otherwise. If you are telling people that the Lit boards are hostile and unwelcoming... well, you have a right to your opinion; however, I would disagree with your assessment.

FYI - unless this "Different Loving" message board is connected with Gloria Brame's work link, I'd suggest you mention to the possibility of copyright issues to the group owner, since y'all are friends and all. (Meant as a bit of helpful advice; not as anything hostile.)

 

[SheDevilShay]

Shay...seriously..Are you really going to start a war between f'in CafeMom and here? This is how flame wars and petty bs starts. The group you admin over there is a good one. Active and full of a lot of beginners that are just trying to find their way. This "group" is a lot of more established ppl in the lifestyle. (And also a lot that are not married, no children, in poly/open relationships...etc...) Of course there are going to be differences, of course there are going to be clashes.


Edited to add that a lot of the links you have posted on Different Loving as well as the recommended reading list comes from threads here as well. That was one of the first things i noticed when i read that post over there.

The reading list was not originally "my" post. the group owner posted it, I was merging the links/book post into one thread for her.

also, the link thread, I also POSTED here, the one's with my description of each link I found after I viewed it. (not all of them were mine that got reposted in the new thread.)

but if you have any questions about that, why don't you ask ME.

The book list wasn't mine, I didn't write them out, I just posted them the way they were because they'd already been posted and we were merging 2 threads into 1....

 

[HottieMama]

The reading list was not originally "my" post. the group owner posted it, I was merging the links/book post into one thread for her.

also, the link thread, I also POSTED here, the one's with my description of each link I found after I viewed it. (not all of them were mine that got reposted in the new thread.)

but if you have any questions about that, why don't you ask ME.

The book list wasn't mine, I didn't write them out, I just posted them the way they were because they'd already been posted and we were merging 2 threads into 1....

i did ask you..that's why it was mentioned in a post specifically made TO you.


i'm done. i'm not going to argue with you on a public message board or anywhere for that matter. LC would be very disappointed with me and i am beginning to feel disappointed in myself for even indulging this drama-rama.

i can peacefully co-exist with you no matter what forum we are on. If you cannot, then do as you will over at CafeMom.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Shay, Lit is not part of DL and DL is not part of Lit, why try and mix and match them by posting your link to Lit there etc.?. You want to try and further your campaign, maybe try to get some kudos, but that is not the way. It comes off as schoolyard childishness and in the long term will not make you look mature or credible. If you are serious about this lifestyle, start being honest with yourself and those you interact with in any format and you will learn and find yourself a lot quicker as well as gain some friends along the way. You can say you already know who you are etc., but no-one goes through the succession of roles as quick as you did (a week) and come off as looking legitimate. There is only one way to get experience in this lifetime and that is to live it.

Catalina

 

[SheDevilShay]

i did ask you..that's why it was mentioned in a post specifically made TO you.


i'm done. i'm not going to argue with you on a public message board or anywhere for that matter. LC would be very disappointed with me and i am beginning to feel disappointed in myself for even indulging this drama-rama.

i can peacefully co-exist with you no matter what forum we are on. If you cannot, then do as you will over at CafeMom.

I have suggested literotica.com to every person i've talked to in private. I have ALSO stated to be careful, as they aren't always friendly to people who are jumping into things, which is why i stopped posting here and started posting over there. because that group is actaul able to meet "my" specific needs for education.. while this group is more for experienced people...

I GET that...thats why i haven't been as active on here...

See, I never hate anyone... I don't do shit for spite... I don't post drama threads about other people, If I have a problem with someone, I go directly TO the source, makes it easier to resolve...


I have NO IDEA how to use a site like literotica.com.. I've never used them before... it was a 100% brand new learning experience in every way imaginable for me on this site. and thats why I was venting some of my frustration, because I didn't understand some of it.

 

[CutieMouse]

the only thing I am upset about on this is that no one here even fucking took the time to get to know me on a personal level before making rash decisions or opinions.

I can't change that now, there's no point in even trying to defend myself really.

Shay - what I know of you is the words you throw out there on a public forum... the exact same way that what 98% of this message board knows me and I know them. Maybe you might want to think about how you present yourself, rather than blaming everyone else...

I have ocmmunication issue's, I don't think like most people do, I never have, and it makes it hard for me to talk to most people and even get my point across properly. and when i first got here, I didn't even understand half the termonology, I WAS living the lifestyle, and didn't even fuckign know it, understand it and I feared it.

Please do not hide behind "communication issues" or "not thinking like most people". I'm sure as someone who has done a lot of therapy, you have learned how to cope with the issue, and are bright enough to compensate. Part of growing up is owning our words. Getting grumpy because other people don't understand you, usually means a failure of communication - which is never one sided.

A lot of people show up here not knowing terminology, but I have a hard time remembering the last time someone stirred up this mucy animosity and strife.

thats why I was trying to get help. this is not a sub frenzy, this was nothing other then ME trying to make sense of my life and get help. every piece of advice that has been handed to me,I have taken into consideration that could apply to me or my situation.

Your behaviour fits every single example of "sub frenzy" (a term I personally dislike) I've ever seen. People suggested you slow down and take a breath, and you kept spinning faster and faster; you apparently started sharing the knowledge you'd gained... hell someone earlier in the thread mentioned that you'd offered to mentor her. I know not everyone is like me, and everyone has their own learnign curve and all that, but Christonaswizzlestick, woman - I've been researching this stuff for years, and wouldn't consider myself knowledgeable enough to "mentor" someone.... slow. the. fuck. down.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Also I'd like to add, that I understood BDSM alot, but not the specific D/s roles.. i've done BDSM since I was a teenager and have always been into it....

when my husband and I got married, we were living the D/s relationship (including the kink in the bedroom) and I didn't realize what the D/s was at the time because I just thought BDSM and all that "stuff" was only in the bedroom.

when I started reading books like "carries story" (pony play and slave auctions) it freaked me out because alot of the stuff we did applied outside of the bedroom....

I always scoffed the D/s relationships because I thought it was religious like christian marriages and meant there was no kink...

I didn't get how it could "all tie into geother" and thats where I was confused.

I also felt like in order to be seen as not weak, you have to be strong, I didn't relal yunderstand that being strong meant being willing to show your weaknesses... and thats what took me so long to figure out. when I first joined 2 months ago, I spent alot of time learning on here and just lurking before posting, and I was still finalizing my thoughts on many things which showed in my first aocuple weeks of posts.

I know how it looked, and I apologize for that. that was my mistake and trying to "click" my brain into place. and fit in. you guys are somewhat scary.

 

[nh23]

Shay,
I did try to get to know you. I would still be talking to you if you hadn't pointed me to the cafemom forum. If I wouldn't have read what I did on there, I guess I would still be trying to help. Now I know the truth. I'm sorry that you have problems in your life, real or imagined. We all have problems though. I rarely post about anything personal... but you had no idea the whole time I was trying to help you yesterday I was a mess. I've been with my Dom for about a year and a half now. We have/had? a very close relationship. I only got to see him about once a month or so, but he never failed to call me every day. I've got hundreds of emails saved from him. I'm head over heels in love with the man. And I honestly believe him when he tells me he loves me. As of yesterday I hadn't heard from him in a week. I just got an email a few hours ago, him saying that he has a lot on his mind, a lot to consider ect.... So I have no idea if he's going to be around anymore or not. By tomorrow I may not have my Dom, and may be taking off his collar that hasn't been off my neck since the day he put it there.... So, yea we all have problems. Only difference is I didn't choose to go to another forum and flame everyone here because of how I felt inside. I also didn't use other people's information to make me feel better about myself. With that I'm done. I won't reply to any more of your posts or private messages. There are so many others here who are so much more worth my time.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

you guys are somewhat scary.

Oh give me fucking break! I starting getting active in this board about last May and I was welcome with open arms.. it was because I was adult in my attitude and manners.

I know I've pissed a few people off.. and I'm sorry that I have but hell.. anytime you get people together there are going to a few personality clashes.

I have to say Shay.. you have managed to piss off an entire board and as someone who hasn't been necessarily careful about who's toes I stomped on (ask Hottie Momma and Catalina) I think you have achieved a feat worthy of a Klingon battle song.

I promise you Shay.. respect the "rules of the road" and act like a fucking adult and your questions and opinions will be given their due respect. You'll get your questions answered and told you're full of shit just like the rest of us.

Damn... this isn't rocket science, you know. This is just like an other adult gathering.. act the part and you get treated like one.