Shay...

[northwoods_sub]

Wow, just wow.

I know as a new person here on lit that it is hard to make "friends" with the other subs here. I just figured that as I posted more, and they felt safer with me that I would be welcomed into the fold. That hasn't happened as of yet, but I am patient and hope that I will one day be accepted by the other subs here.

That being said, lit is the first and only message board that I have ever felt comfortable enough to post on. I don't post often or answer many questions because I am still trying to learn myself. I don't have much personal experience to share with others, when I do feel that I can contribute to the conversation I do, as I did in one of Shays threads, and she smacked me down harder than anyone else here had ever done. I decided at that moment that it was not worth my effort to offer any more advice to her. I have continued to read her threads and have seen many here attempt to assist her in her search for what would work for her and I was amazed how much more patience most of the posters here had than I.

I am sorry that you felt so miserable here Shay, that we didn't answer the questions the way you wanted them answered.
Bitchonfire, I hope that you feel more welcomed here as well, I admit that I struggle reading your posts, but that is something that I know you are working on and I am trying to get better at following them. Keep at it!

 

[Chris_Xavier]

Wow, just wow.

I know as a new person here on lit that it is hard to make "friends" with the other subs here. I just figured that as I posted more, and they felt safer with me that I would be welcomed into the fold. That hasn't happened as of yet, but I am patient and hope that I will one day be accepted by the other subs here.

That being said, lit is the first and only message board that I have ever felt comfortable enough to post on. I don't post often or answer many questions because I am still trying to learn myself. I don't have much personal experience to share with others, when I do feel that I can contribute to the conversation I do, as I did in one of Shays threads, and she smacked me down harder than anyone else here had ever done. I decided at that moment that it was not worth my effort to offer any more advice to her. I have continued to read her threads and have seen many here attempt to assist her in her search for what would work for her and I was amazed how much more patience most of the posters here had than I.

I am sorry that you felt so miserable here Shay, that we didn't answer the questions the way you wanted them answered.
Bitchonfire, I hope that you feel more welcomed here as well, I admit that I struggle reading your posts, but that is something that I know you are working on and I am trying to get better at following them. Keep at it!

Do I not see these things, ns?

I thought you were pretty well received here.

 

[northwoods_sub]

Do I not see these things, ns?

I thought you were pretty well received here.

I was fairly well received, I am not trying to say that I wasn't. I must not be expressing myself very well.

What I was trying to say is that I expected that relationships on this board would be slow in building. Our involvement in BDSM is not something that most of us want shouted from the rooftops. Therefore, I would assume that a site such as this, which is not strictly about booty calls, people would be a little more standoffish. Testing the waters with a newbie and seeing if they were really who they say they are and not some troll or HNG kind of like what Catalina said in a previous post.

And people may hate me for saying this, but women are much more judgemental of other women then men are. This is as true in RL as it is online. Which is why as a woman a slightly insecure, submissive woman at that, I generally wait for the wolves to circle me a few times, determine I am not a threat and THEN I approach. (this is not directed at anyone specific it is a generalization that I use from personal experience, I did not mean to offend anyone by this comment!! )

 

[CutieMouse]

And people may hate me for saying this, but women are much more judgemental of other women then men are. This is as true in RL as it is online. Which is why as a woman a slightly insecure, submissive woman at that, I generally wait for the wolves to circle me a few times, determine I am not a threat and THEN I approach. (this is not directed at anyone specific it is a generalization that I use from personal experience, I did not mean to offend anyone by this comment!! )

The bolded part? That would be why my roommate and I are soul-sister peans 'n carrots best friends of almost 10 years, and literally neither of us have a single other female friend; she is the only person on the planet I know will never leave me. Women are mean. LOL

 

[JMohegan]

*giggles*

I wub you

I wub you, too.

 

[catalina_francisco]

And people may hate me for saying this, but women are much more judgemental of other women then men are. This is as true in RL as it is online. )

LOL, yes they are...sometimes with good reason, and then of course some men have a vested interest in not seeming to be judgemental. I personally don't let other women worry me as I am secure in our relationship, but I have also seen a lot of women who do little to help themselves in this way such as flirting with males while often ignoring the women, asking for the male POV on just about anything and everything, responding one way to the answer a woman gives and then a completely different way to the same statement from a male, and those who invite men to contact them privately. Even when we talk to female subs, it is amazing how few keep up contact when F tells them he wants them to talk with me...most times I don;t even get to talk to them, they just disappear...tells me a lot. And no, I am not suspicious of you, just saying there are lots of reasons for different behaviour.

Catalina

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Two things that perhaps should have been said to Shay much earlier:

Slow. The. Fuck. Down. (CM)

This is just like an[y] other adult gathering.. act the part and you get treated like one. (Chris)​

<Sigh>

I don't know anything about the Different Loving forum, or the site it's on - I don't think I qualify for membership What I do know is the public/forum appearance/behavior of the people in this forum. The vast majority are adults living or wanting to live in the BDSM culture (I hate the term "lifestyle," btw - it sounds like a choice, when for most of us, it's emotional/psychological hard wiring), and seeking to get information/advice/support from others in the culture, and to give it. Are we/they instantly accepting of everyone who comes in? Hell, no! Is any group? Even the most evangelical of churches with which I have experience may let someone in, but it takes a while for the new person(s) to be accepted. That's human group interaction nature.

Shay, you came in like a ball of fire - whether you had lurked a while or not - asking a myriad of questions, many of which were addressed in other threads. I've already defended you to some degree on the search issue; I shan't address that again. What raised the hackles, or suspicions, of a number of people here was the constantly-shifting points of view you presented. At various times, you identified as sub, slave, Domme, switch, and I'm not sure what all else. At various times, you presented bits of your history that seem to indicate that, had they all occurred at discrete times, you are approximately 108 years old, give or take a decade. Certainly it's possible, and even probable, that there was some or substantial overlap between those bits of your life, but can you see - if you go back through all your threads here - how people who don't know you could have questions concerning your veracity?

Certain people have come in and made a bit of a stir in their early appearances, and even created controversy and flame wars. (Those who have been here since or before the summer of '04 will have a pretty good idea who the people are I'm referring to.) Some of them vanished as quickly as they appeared; others looked at what they had created, found that it was "not good," stepped back, retrenched, and became well-respected and well-liked contributors to the forum. You still have that opportunity. Step back. Slow down. Think. REthink. Read. RE-REthink. Post. Read. Think. Respond. You are an intelligent person - you wouldn't have lasted here even this long were you not - and you have the ability to reinvent yourself, so to speak, if you wish. This board is the only one to which I belong, after years of looking for a forum to address BDSM issues - I think that says something for the people here, and their serious concern for the culture, and each other.

On a side note: You all (the regular posters here of, say, the last three-plus years) know that I was a card-carrying member of the "Language Nazis" thread, and that I try to be very careful to use proper grammar, spelling and punctuation in almost everything I post (fun stuff sometimes excluded). The first post I saw from BiaTcHiNFiRe, my eyes stuttered, my brain seized up momentarily, and then I looked up to "Location" and saw that she was/is in the Czech Republic. Well, hell! If I wanted information on a subject where most of the good available information originated in the Czech Republic, I'd be shit out of luck, because I don't speak the first word of Czech - or is it Slovakian? For her to be able to address issues of this type and complexity in our native language (that is, for most of us) at ALL is much more than most of us could do. Do I have trouble occasionally figuring out her point at first reading? Sure - but if I take the time to re-read and think about what she's written a little bit, I almost always get it. I sometimes have to take a second look at what Trisquel writes, too - but again, English is not his first language. If you don't understand something that a non-native English speaker posts - well,it's not all that hard to respond to that, saying, "BFire (or Trisquel), the phrase or sentence you used here confuses me a bit. I know English isn't your first language, but could you try to rephrase it differently so that I can respond to it if I have information that I think would be helpful?"

BOT: Shay - you're not a completely lost cause here, nor is here a completely lost cause to you, if you wish it.

Okay, I'm done.

 

[northwoods_sub]

The bolded part? That would be why my roommate and I are soul-sister peans 'n carrots best friends of almost 10 years, and literally neither of us have a single other female friend; she is the only person on the planet I know will never leave me. Women are mean. LOL

lol, I have one woman I share most everything with, she is my sister. We both know where each other came from and what that experience was like so we pretty much trust each other implicitly and only have aquantances otherwise.

 

[northwoods_sub]

LOL, yes they are...sometimes with good reason, and then of course some men have a vested interest in not seeming to be judgemental. I personally don't let other women worry me as I am secure in our relationship, but I have also seen a lot of women who do little to help themselves in this way such as flirting with males while often ignoring the women, asking for the male POV on just about anything and everything, responding one way to the answer a woman gives and then a completely different way to the same statement from a male, and those who invite men to contact them privately. Even when we talk to female subs, it is amazing how few keep up contact when F tells them he wants them to talk with me...most times I don;t even get to talk to them, they just disappear...tells me a lot. And no, I am not suspicious of you, just saying there are lots of reasons for different behaviour.

Catalina

Catalina, I just want you to know that when I am searching for information I generally try to hunt down your posts. Do I always agree with what your opinion is, or think that it is BDSM gospel? No, but I respect that you have years of experience and always try to give an honest opinion. I value your opinion greatly.

I have shared a few pm's with Doms here, they have all been very innocent and my Sir always gets shown everything I receive and he can check everything that I post here on lit. D, being able to check on me if he wishes helps with the trust in our relationship, and when it comes to women involved with him or coming to him for "help" he tells me, I think that is just the husband in him ( he always tells me that he may be my Dom but he is my husband first lol).

I guess what I am trying to say is that I agree with you, in a very long and drawn out way.

 

[SheDevilShay]

Two things that perhaps should have been said to Shay much earlier:

Slow. The. Fuck. Down. (CM)

This is just like an[y] other adult gathering.. act the part and you get treated like one. (Chris)​

<Sigh>

I don't know anything about the Different Loving forum, or the site it's on - I don't think I qualify for membership What I do know is the public/forum appearance/behavior of the people in this forum. The vast majority are adults living or wanting to live in the BDSM culture (I hate the term "lifestyle," btw - it sounds like a choice, when for most of us, it's emotional/psychological hard wiring), and seeking to get information/advice/support from others in the culture, and to give it. Are we/they instantly accepting of everyone who comes in? Hell, no! Is any group? Even the most evangelical of churches with which I have experience may let someone in, but it takes a while for the new person(s) to be accepted. That's human group interaction nature.

Shay, you came in like a ball of fire - whether you had lurked a while or not - asking a myriad of questions, many of which were addressed in other threads. I've already defended you to some degree on the search issue; I shan't address that again. What raised the hackles, or suspicions, of a number of people here was the constantly-shifting points of view you presented. At various times, you identified as sub, slave, Domme, switch, and I'm not sure what all else. At various times, you presented bits of your history that seem to indicate that, had they all occurred at discrete times, you are approximately 108 years old, give or take a decade. Certainly it's possible, and even probable, that there was some or substantial overlap between those bits of your life, but can you see - if you go back through all your threads here - how people who don't know you could have questions concerning your veracity?

Certain people have come in and made a bit of a stir in their early appearances, and even created controversy and flame wars. (Those who have been here since or before the summer of '04 will have a pretty good idea who the people are I'm referring to.) Some of them vanished as quickly as they appeared; others looked at what they had created, found that it was "not good," stepped back, retrenched, and became well-respected and well-liked contributors to the forum. You still have that opportunity. Step back. Slow down. Think. REthink. Read. RE-REthink. Post. Read. Think. Respond. You are an intelligent person - you wouldn't have lasted here even this long were you not - and you have the ability to reinvent yourself, so to speak, if you wish. This board is the only one to which I belong, after years of looking for a forum to address BDSM issues - I think that says something for the people here, and their serious concern for the culture, and each other.

On a side note: You all (the regular posters here of, say, the last three-plus years) know that I was a card-carrying member of the "Language Nazis" thread, and that I try to be very careful to use proper grammar, spelling and punctuation in almost everything I post (fun stuff sometimes excluded). The first post I saw from BiaTcHiNFiRe, my eyes stuttered, my brain seized up momentarily, and then I looked up to "Location" and saw that she was/is in the Czech Republic. Well, hell! If I wanted information on a subject where most of the good available information originated in the Czech Republic, I'd be shit out of luck, because I don't speak the first word of Czech - or is it Slovakian? For her to be able to address issues of this type and complexity in our native language (that is, for most of us) at ALL is much more than most of us could do. Do I have trouble occasionally figuring out her point at first reading? Sure - but if I take the time to re-read and think about what she's written a little bit, I almost always get it. I sometimes have to take a second look at what Trisquel writes, too - but again, English is not his first language. If you don't understand something that a non-native English speaker posts - well,it's not all that hard to respond to that, saying, "BFire (or Trisquel), the phrase or sentence you used here confuses me a bit. I know English isn't your first language, but could you try to rephrase it differently so that I can respond to it if I have information that I think would be helpful?"

BOT: Shay - you're not a completely lost cause here, nor is here a completely lost cause to you, if you wish it.

Okay, I'm done.

I know, I have privately messaged everyone I owe'd an apology to, and am trying to figure this out. --- With that said, I am pretty much done on this thread because honestly, I have NEVER pissed anyone off like this before, let alone a whole group of people... ever. (So obviously I realize I handled everything "wrong" on here to begin with. and I was over sensitive and I overreacted more then once.)

I hope that those who deserve my apology accept them, and we can hopefully move on and start over fresh.

and if I did specifically forget anyone, you can message me and we can hash it out...

I may be an insecure bitch at times, but I can take the heat when I deserve it, even if I disagree with some of the wording or the context...

and I will admit that my attitiude about this place is my own issue and has nothing to do with anyone else other then me feeling insecure and picked on..

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Yes.

And because this never happens to Dominants, who always employ sterling judgment, make wise decisions, and can be counted on to behave, right from the start, in a rational, mature way - we call it something that gets right to the heart of the D vs. s distinction!

Sub frenzy.

The poor little things.

Explain more please.....i know what Sub frenzy is, i dont understand why Chris used it in his post tho, u get it? cuz i dont. I would like too tho.....

 

[Sir_Winston54]

I know, I have privately messaged everyone I owe'd an apology to, and am trying to figure this out. --- With that said, I am pretty much done on this thread because honestly, I have NEVER pissed anyone off like this before, let alone a whole group of people... ever. (So obviously I realize I handled everything "wrong" on here to begin with. and I was over sensitive and I overreacted more then once.)

I hope that those who deserve my apology accept them, and we can hopefully move on and start over fresh.

and if I did specifically forget anyone, you can message me and we can hash it out...

I may be an insecure bitch at times, but I can take the heat when I deserve it, even if I disagree with some of the wording or the context...

and I will admit that my attitiude about this place is my own issue and has nothing to do with anyone else other then me feeling insecure and picked on..

To the bolded parts, in order:

That's a good start.

I think all of us have overreacted to things at some time in the past, and can relate.

Most here are pretty reasonable - and pretty forgiving when they feel an apology is sincere.

We'll hope that as time goes on, your attitude undergoes a drastic revision, as you slowly get to know people better, and they slowly get to know you better. (A key word there is "slowly." ) As far as feeling insecure - I think we've all been there, done that. Picked on? Yeah... you were, to some degree, and most likely deservedly - but that doesn't mean you can't still become a happy and contributing and respected member here, and make some good (online) friends - perhaps even more than you'd think, right now.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

That is partly true, though more in the difference being in the relationships themselves more so than online vs RL. I have done both and even when I was online, I didn't communicate with others...it was never asked, just what I expected would be expected and later had verified. I'm just not a huge energy person, so I am careful where my energy goes otherwise I get into difficulties down the line.

Catalina

I see. I might have difficulties as well now and then, well thats why i ask questions from peeps, to be better sub and do better next time.

You are a good experienced sub, i never said i am the same tho. I do many things wrong and say many things wrong as well, but i am trying to change that...

 

[A Desert Rose]

I am sorry if m posts are hard for you to understand, my english is not that good as i would like too and i find it hard to express what i would really like to say, i am a bad speaker i know that, but i am trying. Peeps like Cat just dont make it any easier for me.

But yes i see her reply as advice from experienced person IMO, i never said different! I am just sayin its hard to find a sub female friend here, at least for me its hard, guess i suck

Oh suck it up. It's a harsh world out there and not everyone is going to molly-coddle you the moment you type your first words on the screen.

Christ. some of you really need to grow the fuck up.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Everytime I come to Lit I find more whiney bullshit. I posted to this Shay person's thread and very nicely suggested that not only was her thread in the wrong place (it was a personal ad for a third party, no less) but that she could certainly use a mentor and that there are dozens on this board who would gladly fill that role for her. All she had to do was ask.

I have not seen anyone being unkind to anyone else. I have seen lots of good advice discarded. I have seen lots of redundant threads.

I have not seen anyone unkind to someone whose first language is something other than English.

Maybe some of you need to look at your own insecurities instead of projecting them on others. Just because you don't feel comfortable yet with the English language does not mean that most posters here think you're stupid. Just because you are new to this lifestyle or the lingo does not mean that others here think you're beneath assistance.

Get a grip on yourselves.

 

[A Desert Rose]

And yea... I'm bitchy today and I'm as entitled to be as CM or BB or anyone else.

Thank you.

 

[graceanne]

Shay...seriously..Are you really going to start a war between f'in CafeMom and here? This is how flame wars and petty bs starts. The group you admin over there is a good one. Active and full of a lot of beginners that are just trying to find their way. This "group" is a lot of more established ppl in the lifestyle. (And also a lot that are not married, no children, in poly/open relationships...etc...) Of course there are going to be differences, of course there are going to be clashes.


Edited to add that a lot of the links you have posted on Different Loving as well as the recommended reading list comes from threads here as well. That was one of the first things i noticed when i read that post over there.

It takes two groups to have a flame war. I, for one, will not lower myself to engaging in one. I could care less if the people at CafeMom like us here. I really don't give a damn.

 

[SubKekiLee]

I too am drama free and will not play a bunch of games... Im with you Gracie...

 

[reignophelia]

LOL, oh I thought it was just me being over sensitive...nice to know someone else has noticed it. Another one I have noticed are the new faces who say hello (or aska question) and then ignore my welcome/post but respond to 97- 98% of the others...I tend to flag that as a possible alt, maybe troll. OK, OK, tell me I'm paranoid!!

Catalina

[/An Aside - the other hijack]

My skin may be green and yes I have foppish ears and lots of warts, but I promise you I am not a troll. I am what is formally called a "goober".
I also have a hard enough time keeping track of my real self, and so an Alt would not be a good idea for me. I really do have a very short attention span.

I didn't see your welcome thread until after I had been here a month or so, and I felt kind of silly posting on it at that point; but then again, I'm usually pretty silly...

I tend to flit back and forth between here and the AH.

- So a thousand apologies, and one great big "HELLO!!!"



-R

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Oh suck it up. It's a harsh world out there and not everyone is going to molly-coddle you the moment you type your first words on the screen.

Christ. some of you really need to grow the fuck up.

I dont need anyone to "molly-coddle me" really and i said my first words on this board a quite a while ago, nvm.

Oh i know i need to grow up! I never said different. I am trying and i am thankful to anyone who's willing to help me with that. Thing is there are few sub's around who sounds like they have eat all the wisdom of the world, but i honestly think they need to grow up as well!

northwoods_sub - i am thankful you've admited its hard to find friends here between the sub's, cuz it is. I do the same as you tho i wait andf hope i will find some sub friends on here with time.

Well i have found one, Shay is my friend yes. That's why i hated the way you all dished her here. To be honest you sub's dished her from the very few posts she made on this board!!

nh23 - i know u feel bad about ur Dom and i am sorry for that really, i still think what you did was very nasty tho! Talk to Shay and then split it all out here? WTF!?!

When i talk to someone i usualy expect them to respect what i shared with hem and keep it for themselves, but hey thats just me. If you had issue with her you should have sort it out with her personaly and not draw all Lit sub's into this shit, but thats just my opinion.

I would never ever make such a post about someone no matter how bad i felt or been hurting.......... :/

From what you said i see you are in pain cuz of things between you and your Dom and i do understand that....i understand Shay as well tho and i really feel most of the sub's here didnt even give her a chance to fit in here! I say that acording the firts few post she made and the way ya all react on here statements.

You all dished her for what a terible sub she is if she need to be break down before shes willing to submit etc etc. Who the hell are you to judge this huh?? Shouldnt the Dom's be judges of that? what kind of sub she is or not?

She came here and was very open to ya, pour out the way she felt and all u did was u told her what a crap sub she actualy is, at least thats how ur replies sounded to me soz.

At least WriterDom was kind enough and said to her "thats not my cup off a tea", i kinda expected something similiar from you all old experienced sub's. But most of you just sounded as such a perfect little sub's!! :ekk: tsk!!!!!!

Well i am sorry, i am far from being perfect and so is Shay. We both know it and work on it. There are peeps like Neztach or Sir_Winston54 who really make me feel they at least trying to give a chance to fit in, thank you very much for it.

As to your support and opinion of her, all I will say is it doesn't surprise me. I actually think you could become very good friends.

Catalina - what a nice little loving ironic post Catalina, n1.

I am used to peeps like you, so i dont mind much of what you said. Peeps or like me or not. Your post telling me you obviously are one of those who does not like me and thats okay, i respect that. By saying it does not suprise you you just showed me the way you've always thought about me what makes me sad cuz u dunno me at all, oh well.

I have a prob understand people and guess they have a prob understand me.

 

[nh23]

I dont need anyone to "molly-coddle me" really and i said my first words on this board a quite a while ago, nvm.

Oh i know i need to grow up! I never said different. I am trying and i am thankful to anyone who's willing to help me with that. Thing is there are few sub's around who sounds like they have eat all the wisdom of the world, but i honestly think they need to grow up as well!

northwoods_sub - i am thankful you've admited its hard to find friends here between the sub's, cuz it is. I do the same as you tho i wait andf hope i will find some sub friends on here with time.

Well i have found one, Shay is my friend yes. That's why i hated the way you all dished her here. To be honest you sub's dished her from the very few posts she made on this board!!

nh23 - i know u feel bad about ur Dom and i am sorry for that really, i still think what you did was very nasty tho! Talk to Shay and then split it all out here? WTF!?!

When i talk to someone i usualy expect them to respect what i shared with hem and keep it for themselves, but hey thats just me. If you had issue with her you should have sort it out with her personaly and not draw all Lit sub's into this shit, but thats just my opinion.

I would never ever make such a post about someone no matter how bad i felt or been hurting.......... :/

From what you said i see you are in pain cuz of things between you and your Dom and i do understand that....i understand Shay as well tho and i really feel most of the sub's here didnt even give her a chance to fit in here! I say that acording the firts few post she made and the way ya all react on here statements.

You all dished her for what a terible sub she is if she need to be break down before shes willing to submit etc etc. Who the hell are you to judge this huh?? Shouldnt the Dom's be judges of that? what kind of sub she is or not?

She came here and was very open to ya, pour out the way she felt and all u did was u told her what a crap sub she actualy is, at least thats how ur replies sounded to me soz.

At least WriterDom was kind enough and said to her "thats not my cup off a tea", i kinda expected something similiar from you all old experienced sub's. But most of you just sounded as such a perfect little sub's!! :ekk: tsk!!!!!!

Well i am sorry, i am far from being perfect and so is Shay. We both know it and work on it. There are peeps like Neztach or Sir_Winston54 who really make me feel they at least trying to give a chance to fit in, thank you very much for it.


Catalina - what a nice little loving ironic post Catalina, n1.

I am used to peeps like you, so i dont mind much of what you said. Peeps or like me or not. Your post telling me you obviously are one of those who does not like me and thats okay, i respect that. By saying it does not suprise you you just showed me the way you've always thought about me what makes me sad cuz u dunno me at all, oh well.

I have a prob understand people and guess they have a prob understand me.

I would have kept it between her and myself if it would have been just a personal issue, it wasn't. It involved a lot of different people. And worse it involved her bashing a lot of people here on another forum. What's going on between my Dom and I really doesn't have anything to do with this. I just pointed it out to show that just because we have problems it doesn't give us an excuse for poor behavior. I hate it that you say I didn't give Shay a chance because I did.

 

[FurryFury]

Um, wow, this is a long thread. I doubt I will have time to read it all tonight.

I'd like to see just what has been said about the people at Lit by Shay at cafe mom that this is about? I really want to know what started all this. I joined cafe mom this past week after Shay asked me to. I posted a good bit. I didn't see any neg posts there that day, so I'm really curious.

Is another issue that things have been copied and pasted from lit? Or not?

I added to the book list and offered to discuss it with people that wanted to join the BDSM book club.

*shrugs*

I am rarely mean to anyone.

I would like to know what "friendships between subs" means to various people, particularly people who feel they are not able to have or make them, because, I pretty much treat everyone the same way.

There are very few that I PM with. With few exceptions, they have contacted and reached out to me first. I'm always open but I'm a busy person in general. I almost never IM with anyone.

I consider anyone who posts on this board and behaves in a reasonable manner as being an accepted part of it. I thought everyone did.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

I consider anyone who posts on this board and behaves in a reasonable manner as being an accepted part of it. I thought everyone did.

Isn't that the basis of most human contact/behavior patterns? Act the appropriate way for the setting and most if not all other behavior is acceptable?

 

[doveofserenity]

Disagrees

I am sorry, but i must agree with her on one thing. Sub's from Lit webby aint much friendly to new faces. I totaly agree with Shay on this one!!

i must disagree on this. i am pretty new on the forums, but my very first private message was from Rebecca, and she gave me some good advice that has helped me ease my way into feeling comfortable posting.

i speak to Doms, subs, and others. The titles don't matter when you are just trying to make friends and get to know the others on the Lit forums.

You just can't come into the forums acting like you know it all. No one can.

And i am not meaning YOU personally, but "You" meaning anyone.

And don't automatically "assume" everyone is out to humiliate you, when you speak up. Take what they say with a grain a thought and learn from it. i did.

Thank you Rebecca

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina - what a nice little loving ironic post Catalina, n1.

I am used to peeps like you, so i dont mind much of what you said. Peeps or like me or not. Your post telling me you obviously are one of those who does not like me and thats okay, i respect that. By saying it does not suprise you you just showed me the way you've always thought about me what makes me sad cuz u dunno me at all, oh well.

I have a prob understand people and guess they have a prob understand me.

Well the most truthful part of this is you have problems understanding people. I have no animosity toward you at all, or anyone here for that matter (I have more important things to occupy my time, like life), but suggest you have a big chip on your shoulder which makes you believe people don't like you. HAve you not posted about your friendship with Shay? Have you not posted you like her? So why take offence I say you could become good friends?If you don't feel good about yourself you are going to imagine everyone else feels the same. It also influences how you read things into people's words that are not there...and this is impacted on by speaking in a language which is not your first language.

And yes, I know about that as apart from living in a country where I have yet to master the language as I already mentioned, english is F's 3rd language (though he has a good enough command of it for people to be surprised to discover that fact and also come to him for advice on editing in english) and in the beginning of our relationship we often mistook what the other said for something totally different. I also communicate with people in various languages as I already told you, which means I am used to taking into account what is said may not be exactly what is meant...I don't get the feeling you have that experience as yet, or realise it. It is difficult enough for english speakers on the board to always recognise the tone of or what is being said in a post at times, so add in the factor of different languages and you are increasing the liklihood of misunderstandings...it pays to sit back and think, though all of us are guilty at some time or another of not doing that...we are just human after all.

If you continue to attack people though, how do you think they will ever want to extend a hand of friendship to you? As for me, we do not have a lot in common in BDSM or life, simple as that...it doesn't mean I like or don't like you, it doesn't mean I am picking on you by not being your friend, it does not mean you are a victim on this forum...that is totally up to you and a product of your own imagination I'm sorry to say.

Sheesh, when we started posting here it took a long time to get to know anyone on a personal level, and then it has been only a handful of people in the whole 5 years since I have been here. It is not a product of being shut out by others, it is a fact that in life people have a lot of other things to do and do not have time to be everyone's best friend...and in your life it is usual to only ever have a few people you can call a real freind, the rest are aquaintances at best. As it was, when a get together came up in the US with some of the people we admired here attending, we just decided to make an effort and go and use it as an anniversary present to ourselves (and that was after we had been posting regularly for a year)...we made some good friends and had a good time. At no time though have we felt ignored, nor have we felt the need to jump up and down about people not being our friends simply because it doesn't make sense to do so or feel that way.

To tell the truth, though I have made a few friends here, I do not come here to find friends, I come here to talk to others in a similar lifestyle...perhaps that is why I just don't get this demanding and accusing people of not wanting to be friends...to me that is icing on the cake with a forum, not the purpose of it..if you click with someone and they feel the same, great..if not, no-one is obligated to be overtly freindly to you, me or anyone, just respectful and open to discussions in the threads.

Catalina