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disclaimer : this is a rant on my part, and though i know very few people here, i need to publicly vent my frustrations, please flame me not for this, if this type of thread annoys you then just click somewhere else.
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a long while ago i posted some threads on here wanting to join what seemed to be an active and thriving community. make some friends. you know the kind of thing.
my gf, saw the title (literotica) and totally freaked. so i stopped it. fair enough. i have stopped many things for her, why not some forum ?
it started a while ago, when we first met. i was a a sad and lonely individual, ill be totally honest, a virgin, desperately searching everywhere for the one for me, my soul mate.
and then one day i found her, on aol of all places. i chatted to her, and lo and behold after several very nervous fone calls we met up.
i fell straight away in love with her. blew my mind. i treated her like a goddess, doing everything for her, paying for everything for her, her ever whim my only goal.
i guess it must have started slowly, i never noticed it. the first was when she saw girls names on my icq list. she said she didn't want me to talk to any girls online. with out question i got a new icq number and lost, i am sad to say, several very close friends.
the next time i can remember was when she met my best friend. my best friend, the redhead lesbian goth queen. this girl had been closer to me than anyone. needless to say my soulmate told me she hated her, and i was to stop seeing her. this time i protested, and she threatened to break it all off with me. i argued, and then she said she would kill herself if i didn't do as she asked. so i stopped talking to her. a year ago i found out that my redhead lesbian goth queen had got her business degree and was doing work experience at the world trade center, when that awful atrocity was committed. my parents told me this, they had been close friends with her parents. I was devastated, i had simply stopped talking to this girl because my soulmate had told me not to. I felt so terribly guilty, as un-manly as it is, i cried. this show of emotion did not go down well with my soulmate, who again threatened suicide if i was to show emotion about her again. i complied.
when my soulmate and i first met, we got intimately very quickly. i was totally in-experienced and had no idea about how quickly things like this would develop. after two months, we never had sex again. was i a fool to miss it ? something i had seeked for so long, i had, was i selfish to want it more ? that was about three years ago.
three years i have put up with this abuse, this constant threat of her death if i was to not do as she said. blinded in the faith that she was my soulmate, the one to be with me forever.
going away from the emotions, the more physical world: i am a computer programmer, i have programmed from a very young age, it is one of the few things i excel at (that and song writing and performance) and as such i do earn a lot from it. i noticed about a week ago that my savings account was totally empty. with faith i had given my soulmate permission to withdraw from it. needless to say where on earth two years earnings have gone, along with some inheritance, i have no idea.
i raised this with her, and she told me that i didn't trust her and she stormed out. i tried to find her, and when i couldn't i rang the police, who told me they could do nothing at the moment. I rang round all her friends, and eventually traced her to one of her friends house. she answered the phone, out of breath, told me go away, in no uncertain terms and slammed the phone down on me. only it wasn't down. i heard enough to realise why she had been out of breath. devastated i turned up at my parents.
my parents looked after me that night, and in the morning my soulmate rang me. apparently my dad had sent her a text saying what had happened. she was so apologetic, saying that she had got drunk and had no idea of what was happening. so i forgave her. that was about a week ago.
this morning she said she was spending the week at her parents house at they had gone on holiday and wanted her to house sit. fine i said. after everything, i still trusted her.
she always had trouble sleeping alone, so after a hard day at work i thought i would walk round there. it was dark when i got there, and she had the light on and was walking around in an incredibly stunning underwear. i had asked her so many times to wear such clothing, totally understanding it would be for just my benefit, and she had refused saying it was perverse... i got a slap when i asked for photos of her in just normal underwear. imagine the voyeuristic pleasure i got from watching her in those clothes through the net curtains. until i noticed she was with a naked man.
needless to say, i have just come back from a very very heavy drinking session. i dont expect to see her until the end of the week, when she finishes whatever sordid thing she is doing. then will come the questions i guess. not something i am going to like at all.
in retrospect i look back and see what has happened. i have been played like a total and utter fool, and i was played with a smile on my face. i gave and gave and gave. and now i am totally spent.
i went on several forums and irc communities which my "soulmate" and i shared. seems she has been telling everyone about me. so now i can't show my face on them. my entire online life has been totally damaged (in retrospect of course, how many of my cyber-buddies could i call friends after them not telling me what she had been saying). she had been perfectly candid to several people i classed as my closest online friends. all men, ofc, all so it seem who had naked photos of her ... they had been laughing at me all this time.
im laughing now. it seems so weird, so unbelievable, this sordid little mess my life has become.
now why do i post this essay ? well writing helps, to vent this kind of thing feels incredibly good. read it if you want. learn the lessons. i wish i had. this is not a cry for help or anything like that, so please don't get worried about me killing myself (ive read posts like this which worried me) i have just started a new job which i plan to totally immerse myself in.
im not upset. im not angry. im just numb. sorry if you consider this spam.
---
a long while ago i posted some threads on here wanting to join what seemed to be an active and thriving community. make some friends. you know the kind of thing.
my gf, saw the title (literotica) and totally freaked. so i stopped it. fair enough. i have stopped many things for her, why not some forum ?
it started a while ago, when we first met. i was a a sad and lonely individual, ill be totally honest, a virgin, desperately searching everywhere for the one for me, my soul mate.
and then one day i found her, on aol of all places. i chatted to her, and lo and behold after several very nervous fone calls we met up.
i fell straight away in love with her. blew my mind. i treated her like a goddess, doing everything for her, paying for everything for her, her ever whim my only goal.
i guess it must have started slowly, i never noticed it. the first was when she saw girls names on my icq list. she said she didn't want me to talk to any girls online. with out question i got a new icq number and lost, i am sad to say, several very close friends.
the next time i can remember was when she met my best friend. my best friend, the redhead lesbian goth queen. this girl had been closer to me than anyone. needless to say my soulmate told me she hated her, and i was to stop seeing her. this time i protested, and she threatened to break it all off with me. i argued, and then she said she would kill herself if i didn't do as she asked. so i stopped talking to her. a year ago i found out that my redhead lesbian goth queen had got her business degree and was doing work experience at the world trade center, when that awful atrocity was committed. my parents told me this, they had been close friends with her parents. I was devastated, i had simply stopped talking to this girl because my soulmate had told me not to. I felt so terribly guilty, as un-manly as it is, i cried. this show of emotion did not go down well with my soulmate, who again threatened suicide if i was to show emotion about her again. i complied.
when my soulmate and i first met, we got intimately very quickly. i was totally in-experienced and had no idea about how quickly things like this would develop. after two months, we never had sex again. was i a fool to miss it ? something i had seeked for so long, i had, was i selfish to want it more ? that was about three years ago.
three years i have put up with this abuse, this constant threat of her death if i was to not do as she said. blinded in the faith that she was my soulmate, the one to be with me forever.
going away from the emotions, the more physical world: i am a computer programmer, i have programmed from a very young age, it is one of the few things i excel at (that and song writing and performance) and as such i do earn a lot from it. i noticed about a week ago that my savings account was totally empty. with faith i had given my soulmate permission to withdraw from it. needless to say where on earth two years earnings have gone, along with some inheritance, i have no idea.
i raised this with her, and she told me that i didn't trust her and she stormed out. i tried to find her, and when i couldn't i rang the police, who told me they could do nothing at the moment. I rang round all her friends, and eventually traced her to one of her friends house. she answered the phone, out of breath, told me go away, in no uncertain terms and slammed the phone down on me. only it wasn't down. i heard enough to realise why she had been out of breath. devastated i turned up at my parents.
my parents looked after me that night, and in the morning my soulmate rang me. apparently my dad had sent her a text saying what had happened. she was so apologetic, saying that she had got drunk and had no idea of what was happening. so i forgave her. that was about a week ago.
this morning she said she was spending the week at her parents house at they had gone on holiday and wanted her to house sit. fine i said. after everything, i still trusted her.
she always had trouble sleeping alone, so after a hard day at work i thought i would walk round there. it was dark when i got there, and she had the light on and was walking around in an incredibly stunning underwear. i had asked her so many times to wear such clothing, totally understanding it would be for just my benefit, and she had refused saying it was perverse... i got a slap when i asked for photos of her in just normal underwear. imagine the voyeuristic pleasure i got from watching her in those clothes through the net curtains. until i noticed she was with a naked man.
needless to say, i have just come back from a very very heavy drinking session. i dont expect to see her until the end of the week, when she finishes whatever sordid thing she is doing. then will come the questions i guess. not something i am going to like at all.
in retrospect i look back and see what has happened. i have been played like a total and utter fool, and i was played with a smile on my face. i gave and gave and gave. and now i am totally spent.
i went on several forums and irc communities which my "soulmate" and i shared. seems she has been telling everyone about me. so now i can't show my face on them. my entire online life has been totally damaged (in retrospect of course, how many of my cyber-buddies could i call friends after them not telling me what she had been saying). she had been perfectly candid to several people i classed as my closest online friends. all men, ofc, all so it seem who had naked photos of her ... they had been laughing at me all this time.
im laughing now. it seems so weird, so unbelievable, this sordid little mess my life has become.
now why do i post this essay ? well writing helps, to vent this kind of thing feels incredibly good. read it if you want. learn the lessons. i wish i had. this is not a cry for help or anything like that, so please don't get worried about me killing myself (ive read posts like this which worried me) i have just started a new job which i plan to totally immerse myself in.
im not upset. im not angry. im just numb. sorry if you consider this spam.
