Sharing............

[swt_babygirl]

My questions is...........

How do you feel about sharing your partner with others, your sub with another Dom or vanilla partner or Your Dom with another sub, either in a threesome type scene or in a one on one situation?

Is this something you would do or concider?

Form a Dom or Domme point of view how do you feel about sharing your partner with others and from a submissives view how do or would you feel about being shared with others and how would you feel about shaing your Dom with others as well?

 

[flowerchilde]

Hmm, I don't know if I would want to be shared, it sounds interesting and if it made him hot then I would. He wants to have a more open relationship so this is something that has been on my mind a lot lately. Inviting another person into our relationship wasn't something I wanted at first, but now that we've been talking about it for so long I've discovered that I am really turned on by the idea. The main reason for this change is his assurances that I would not be replaced or given less attention, and the idea of having another women around is intruging. I would have to say that I am definatly bi-curious so I would really like to try it! I don't know if I would be jealous, I don't think so, but you never know untill it happens.

 

[O'Mac]

It's been brought up several times in my relationship, but I have placed my foot down with a resounding NO.

Call me the jealous type or maybe just territorial, but I find no pleasure in the thought of my partner being with someone else. I am immensely turned on by showing her off, but that's because I like the fact that people can only look and never touch her. Kinda manipulative, I know.

 

[NemoAlia]

I'm divided on this one: On one hand, I fantasize a lot about being whored out. On the other hand, I dream of a polyamorous marriage.

Two sides of the same side of the coin, I guess

 

[Killishandra]

I am poly-oriented, so not only do I have no problem sharing partners (when done safely) but I really enjoy the dynamics of a triplet (as opposed to a couple.) Unfortunately, the only poly relationship I have been in ended quite quickly, at my Dominant's discretion. However, I look forward to seeking out a situation like that again in the future (after the heartache of this situation has passed.)

My parents were poly, so that has opened my mind from a very young age to the idea of threesomes as opposed to twosomes. If I were to fall deeply in love with a Dominant who was strictly monogamous I could probably deal, but I think I would always fantasize about bringing in another female, at least in the bedroom. I have a kink (if you want to call it that) of being hoarded by only one man (aka, I would prefer to feel bound to him as my only male, and I think that's tied closely in my mind to feelings of "ownership") but I'm bisexual and I enjoy being with women and seeing my Dom with other women.

Hmm, I think there's already been a few threads like this one, and that's probably why you haven't gotten many responses, swt_babygirl.

 

[flowerchilde]

My parents were poly, so that has opened my mind from a very young age to the idea of threesomes as opposed to twosomes.

Wow, that's so cool! It's been difficult for me to accept the idea of a polyamorous relationship because my parents were monogamous and I was raised in a very religious household so the idea of having a triplet was very foreign to me. I'm coming to terms with it now and I have some more time to deal with it because I am still living at home, but as soon as we move out we are going to be looking for a third person. It's something I want very much, but that damn religious brainwashing keeps popping up and I have to deprogram myself!

 

[graceanne]

Wow, that's so cool! It's been difficult for me to accept the idea of a polyamorous relationship because my parents were monogamous and I was raised in a very religious household so the idea of having a triplet was very foreign to me. I'm coming to terms with it now and I have some more time to deal with it because I am still living at home, but as soon as we move out we are going to be looking for a third person. It's something I want very much, but that damn religious brainwashing keeps popping up and I have to deprogram myself!

Out of curiousity sake, from a religious standpoint, there is no where in the bible that states that a man can only marry one woman. It does state that to sleep with her before marriage makes her an adulteress. It also states that a man of the church should not have more than one wife. But no where does it state that poly relationships are a sin. It also states unless it's directly against God's word that you have to follow the laws of your country.

K and I choose not to be poly for several reasons. 1)We believe that extra marital sex is a sin. And 2) K doesn't have the ability to love two women equally.

 

[flowerchilde]

Out of curiousity sake, from a religious standpoint, there is no where in the bible that states that a man can only marry one woman. It does state that to sleep with her before marriage makes her an adulteress. It also states that a man of the church should not have more than one wife. But no where does it state that poly relationships are a sin. It also states unless it's directly against God's word that you have to follow the laws of your country.

Ya, I'm learning that now, but in my church it was considered a sin to have more than one wife so that's what I grew up believing. This is why I am an agnostic, I felt lied to and betrayed by organized religion and I feel that I don't need to be part of a group to be spiritual.

 

[graceanne]

Ya, I'm learning that now, but in my church it was considered a sin to have more than one wife so that's what I grew up believing. This is why I am an agnostic, I felt lied to and betrayed by organized religion and I feel that I don't need to be part of a group to be spiritual.

I'm sorry. That happens quite often, an organization will take the worlds views and try to make them religious. I've learned that religion is like anything else, you gotta take the good with the bad. I have read the bible from front to back, and I know what I believe in. I go to church because I feel that, for me - this is not true for all people - it's important to mingle with other Christians. Frankly, a lof them also believe what they do because they, too, have been lied to. And others, because it makes them feel superior. Screw them. If you know what you believe, you do not need the approval of those who believe what they are told to believe.

 

[flowerchilde]

Screw them. If you know what you believe, you do not need the approval of those who believe what they are told to believe.

I second that!

 

[Bandit58]

Master doesn't mind sharing me with other women but no way will I be shared with another man I'll also point out that He is ok with me doing this on my own without Him present (though at some stage He would like to watch me with another woman).

He has also mentioned the possibility of me being with a Domme, or perhaps exploring my dominant(?) side with another fem sub. But those are only fantasies at the moment!

 

[TaintedB]

I personally don't like the huge emphasis on poly relationships in the straight bdsm world that involve two women and one man. It's very seldom two men and one women. A much fairer poly situation would, of course, be two couples. But it seems that the same dominants who think they deserve more than one chick don't want to share their women with any other man. In a triangle or harem (harem to me is more than two women) situation there's always the danger that one submissive is going to start to feel left out or less-loved than the other(s). That's usually, but not always, the cause of a triangle's breaking. Two couples doesn't happen very often because usually the same guys who have the common vanilla fantasy of seeing two women fuck are also terribly homophobic or possessive: even if they aren't required to fuck they other guy, they can't stand the thought of his dick in their woman.

When I see a dom advertising for a poly situation which involves him and more than one woman, my tendency is, unless I know differently from know the person, is that here is a man who is far more conventionally sexed than I can deal with and probably selfish and inexperienced as well. Remember, not all are like that, just most I've seen. I've talked to a lot of sub women over the years who have been really burned by these guys. To give people credit, a lot of times a disasterous triangle is created simply because the dom-sub couple is young or inexperienced: they do not realize or anticipate what a dangerous and unbalanacing force a permanent third addition in the relationship can make in their lives.

Some people make poly work: I don't know how they do, but they do. I think though that it's very tough going for the majority who try it. Even if all three people are very unselfish, generous, intelligence, aware, and even if the sub women are truly bi, it is very easy for big problems to erupt.

 

[serijules]

Im not sure I understand why people find actual working poly relationships so "unbelievable". Makes me extremely proud of my own situaiton...but a little protective and defensive too. It's like people only look at the failed poly situations to make their judgements on them. These threads usually depress me.

Another thought...why is it when people talk about poly, they always talk about it in a M/F scenario? I know many poly relationships that are all females or all males made up of a mix of straight, bi and homosexual people. Not everyone that has a partner of the same sex is bi or homosexual. Some people just relate to and feel safer with their own gender. My Domme's other sub is a lesbian switch and has a sub of her own. Her sub is a female, but is very straight. In my poly family, there are no men involved whatsoever other than occasional playtime scenes.

Anyhow...to answer the question. I don't really *love* sharing, but I have never been in a relationship where I have not had to share. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In my current relationship, it works very solidly. No, that doesn't mean there are not problems, but our ability to care more about each other than our own feelings of pride make them easy to solve. We also expect those feelings to be there and understand that they are normal, which gives us all the ability to help each other deal with them. THAT is the key to a successful poly relationship. Having unrealistic expections is what causes the failure most often.

Another thought...being poly doesn't mean the people involved are not possessive. My Domme is extremely possessive of her things (which include me and C). I am extremely possessive of D. We have the ability to share in the way that we do because we are very secure with each other and our relationship, and we all get something positive out of sharing. The positive that I get out of sharing is the feeling of family and strong friendships that exists amoungst us. I treasure that greatly.

 

[swt_babygirl]

MSO and I have talked about poly relationships for a very long time but I always assummed when we tried it or if we did it would be with another girl who at some point might actually live with us, I was ok with the idea because I am bisexual, but turns out thats not the way it worked out for us.

We do have a partner who has recently joined us, someone we trust and have know forever. A male partner. who outside of sex is a very close friend and we share many other common interest with, and for me I think the key is knowing that we are friends first and that our bond is strong enough that even if the sex went away we;d still be friends.

I love the way it makes me feel when MSO shares me, I like the way it makes me feel kowing he is there with me watching, approving and taking part. He hasn't shared me in a one on one type situation yet but has told me many times it was ok if it was what I wanted but I don't think I would feel the same about it if he weren't there with me or at least in the room or close by.

MSo says he likes seeing me with another guy and that it turns him on watching me, and usually after our partner leaves and goes home for the night on a night after he has shared me with him , MSO and I take time to talk and make love to each other.

I don't know how I would have felt had it been agirl who had joined us instead of the partner who did, I like to think I could share MSO with another female the way he shares me but I know sometimes I have insecurities, I think as long as I knew or was there, and that we kept talking openly about it like we do that one day I'd like to bring a female partner in as well. I don't want someone to live with us which is what I thought at first but someone that I could also be friends with as well as lovers and that MSO could be friends as well as lovers with who went home at the end of the evening I would be ok with.

 

[Netzach]

I personally don't like the huge emphasis on poly relationships in the straight bdsm world that involve two women and one man. It's very seldom two men and one women. A much fairer poly situation would, of course, be two couples. But it seems that the same dominants who think they deserve more than one chick don't want to share their women with any other man. In a triangle or harem (harem to me is more than two women) situation there's always the danger that one submissive is going to start to feel left out or less-loved than the other(s). That's usually, but not always, the cause of a triangle's breaking. Two couples doesn't happen very often because usually the same guys who have the common vanilla fantasy of seeing two women fuck are also terribly homophobic or possessive: even if they aren't required to fuck they other guy, they can't stand the thought of his dick in their woman.

When I see a dom advertising for a poly situation which involves him and more than one woman, my tendency is, unless I know differently from know the person, is that here is a man who is far more conventionally sexed than I can deal with and probably selfish and inexperienced as well. Remember, not all are like that, just most I've seen. I've talked to a lot of sub women over the years who have been really burned by these guys. To give people credit, a lot of times a disasterous triangle is created simply because the dom-sub couple is young or inexperienced: they do not realize or anticipate what a dangerous and unbalanacing force a permanent third addition in the relationship can make in their lives.

Some people make poly work: I don't know how they do, but they do. I think though that it's very tough going for the majority who try it. Even if all three people are very unselfish, generous, intelligence, aware, and even if the sub women are truly bi, it is very easy for big problems to erupt.

Well, I am kind of networked into some poly situations. I am the woman in the multiple man one woman setup, and I am one of a few women being exploited for occasional marital spice by a couple I am friends with. The twist is that the couple is F/f.

I don't do m/f/f unless it's clear that the m is there as a light snack for the f/f and he likes it that way. Why? All the reasons you mentioned, fundamentally. And any time I feel like I'm being made into some guy's free sex show I am out of there. The one m/f/f I was in, the guy was so grateful just to be in the same room and get kicked out again it was fine.

Women into men tend to form emotional attachments to them that lead to big drama, especially when you mix that with submissive leanings. I don't, or RARELY see women saying "I'm bi, I'd be in a triad where I was submissive to Her and gee we are looking for that perfect brother sub for me."

The drama with the lesbian couple I hang with runs even higher. However, the reason it works is because I am not pulled into it. This couple fetishizes "processing" and "communication" with one another so much that there's no subterfuge for me to get pulled into. I just listen to them vent peiodically about each other and it's all good.

As for my more intimate F/mmm harem thing, the problems have been pretty minor. There's a little wistfulness between the ol' switch and I, but he's more happy overall that I'm partnered happily with M because it's good for me. M confided that he's not that attracted to the ol' switch physically, so I stopped pushing for them to have contact unless M feels like it expressly. M is attracted to H, H is attracted to M, but I know that M almost always runs hot and cold on another guy, I've never known him to *stay* hot for a guy, he's very picky.
I've found guys to be very adaptable and not to take things too terribly personally, so I have faith these small issues can be surmounted.

 

[Netzach]

Im not sure I understand why people find actual working poly relationships so "unbelievable". Makes me extremely proud of my own situaiton...but a little protective and defensive too. It's like people only look at the failed poly situations to make their judgements on them. These threads usually depress me.

Another thought...why is it when people talk about poly, they always talk about it in a M/F scenario? I know many poly relationships that are all females or all males made up of a mix of straight, bi and homosexual people. Not everyone that has a partner of the same sex is bi or homosexual. Some people just relate to and feel safer with their own gender. My Domme's other sub is a lesbian switch and has a sub of her own. Her sub is a female, but is very straight. In my poly family, there are no men involved whatsoever other than occasional playtime scenes.

Anyhow...to answer the question. I don't really *love* sharing, but I have never been in a relationship where I have not had to share. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. In my current relationship, it works very solidly. No, that doesn't mean there are not problems, but our ability to care more about each other than our own feelings of pride make them easy to solve. We also expect those feelings to be there and understand that they are normal, which gives us all the ability to help each other deal with them. THAT is the key to a successful poly relationship. Having unrealistic expections is what causes the failure most often.

Another thought...being poly doesn't mean the people involved are not possessive. My Domme is extremely possessive of her things (which include me and C). I am extremely possessive of D. We have the ability to share in the way that we do because we are very secure with each other and our relationship, and we all get something positive out of sharing. The positive that I get out of sharing is the feeling of family and strong friendships that exists amoungst us. I treasure that greatly.

I think the reason people have such scepticism about these things working is that it's presented as such a narrow, mythical model. You bring up the point more articulately than I have, that permutations outside the happy maldedom led harem of females aren't even thought about as poly or family in these types of discussions and aren't usually thought of off the bat.

I am thinking of the extended leather family of a friend of mine, an FTM bottom. His family consists of brothers, Daddy, Daddy's Daddy, Daddy's Daddy's contacts...and it spreads its net widely geographically and generationally. When you consider the fact that for some people a *service* relationship is more family-making and more important, ultimately, than a sexual/romantic relationship, it means that talking about a leather oriented poly and talking about a sex/romantic oriented poly become two different models.

 

[Netzach]

MSO and I have talked about poly relationships for a very long time but I always assummed when we tried it or if we did it would be with another girl who at some point might actually live with us, I was ok with the idea because I am bisexual, but turns out thats not the way it worked out for us.

We do have a partner who has recently joined us, someone we trust and have know forever. A male partner. who outside of sex is a very close friend and we share many other common interest with, and for me I think the key is knowing that we are friends first and that our bond is strong enough that even if the sex went away we;d still be friends.

I love the way it makes me feel when MSO shares me, I like the way it makes me feel kowing he is there with me watching, approving and taking part. He hasn't shared me in a one on one type situation yet but has told me many times it was ok if it was what I wanted but I don't think I would feel the same about it if he weren't there with me or at least in the room or close by.

MSo says he likes seeing me with another guy and that it turns him on watching me, and usually after our partner leaves and goes home for the night on a night after he has shared me with him , MSO and I take time to talk and make love to each other.

I don't know how I would have felt had it been agirl who had joined us instead of the partner who did, I like to think I could share MSO with another female the way he shares me but I know sometimes I have insecurities, I think as long as I knew or was there, and that we kept talking openly about it like we do that one day I'd like to bring a female partner in as well. I don't want someone to live with us which is what I thought at first but someone that I could also be friends with as well as lovers and that MSO could be friends as well as lovers with who went home at the end of the evening I would be ok with.

That's the hard part.

Most girls want someone to go home with at the end of an evening.

Most girls want someone who will make love with them after they've been "shared." Just like you.

Not all, but most.

 

[O'Mac]

Out of curiousity sake, from a religious standpoint, there is no where in the bible that states that a man can only marry one woman. It does state that to sleep with her before marriage makes her an adulteress. It also states that a man of the church should not have more than one wife. But no where does it state that poly relationships are a sin. It also states unless it's directly against God's word that you have to follow the laws of your country

Hmmm, that's quite interesting when you think about it. As far as I know, you're absolutely right that a marriage can't have more then two partners. Adultery occurs when a married individual has relations with another outside a marriage, but does nothing to say about having relations within the marriage itself. Polyamory is a different matter altogether as there may not be a marriage at all between any of those involved, and according to scripture, pre-marital sex is sinful.

I do think however, that people's negative reactions towards polygamy/polyamory is simply an issue of personal taste, as opposed to social contraints. Some people just don't like the idea of having someone else fuck their partners. I don't believe that makes them narrow-minded or clouded by the opinions of others.

A similar experience happened to me and my partner. She has an old friend who is poly and has been trying for quite some time to meet up with her. I've told her before that while I have no problem with the lifestyle others live, it's simply not for me and I don't waht to be any part of it. The friend caught wind of my remarks and blasted me for being some sort of out-of-touch neanderthal with a fear of new social concepts. Don't fuck my girlfriend! , was my response.

 

[Netzach]

Hmmm, that's quite interesting when you think about it. As far as I know, you're absolutely right that a marriage can't have more then two partners. Adultery occurs when a married individual has relations with another outside a marriage, but does nothing to say about having relations within the marriage itself. Polyamory is a different mattet altogether as there may not be a marriage at all between any of those involved, and according to scripture, pre-marital sex is sinful.

I do think however, that people's negative reactions towards polygamy/polyamory is simply an issue of personal taste, as opposed to social contraints. Some people just don't like the idea of having someone else fuck their pertners. I don't believe that makes them narrow-minded or clouded by the opinions of others.

A similar experience happened to me and my partner. She has an old friend who is poly and has been trying for quite some time to meet up with her. I've told her before that while I have no problem with the lifestyle others live, it's simply not for me and I don't waht to be any part of it. The friend caught wind of my remarks and blasted me for being some sort of out-of-touch neanderthal with a fear of new social concepts. Don't fuck my girlfriend! , was my response.

I don't think there's any great advantage to being poly versus being not-poly. However I do find it disturbing when people opposed to gay marriage say "what's next, multiple marriages?" as though that's far too disgusting to comprehend. If you think that most people are only opposed on the basis of personal preference and there's no societal bias though, by what title do you recommend I introduce my secondary partners to my co-workers?

 

[graceanne]

Well, if you could marry more than one person, I don't think that poly would be a sin. But as to it being a sin, (as I've said before), so's lying and gossiping. And I do both, so PLEASE don't jump me for saying it's a sin. Everyone sins.

I also don't think their's anything wrong with monogomous vs polyamorous. I think that both have 'landmines' that no one's expecting. I also think that while some people are suited for being in a poly relationship, others aren't, and their's nothing wrong with that. Where you get issues is when someone thinks they're suited for a poly relationship and they aren't or vice versa. I also think that, human nature wise, the majority of people aren't suited for poly relationships. People, in general, are too selfish for monogomous relationships, let alone poly. And beyond that, I think that most people are too possesive, also. *shrugs*

 

[Netzach]

Well, if you could marry more than one person, I don't think that poly would be a sin. But as to it being a sin, (as I've said before), so's lying and gossiping. And I do both, so PLEASE don't jump me for saying it's a sin. Everyone sins.

I also don't think their's anything wrong with monogomous vs polyamorous. I think that both have 'landmines' that no one's expecting. I also think that while some people are suited for being in a poly relationship, others aren't, and their's nothing wrong with that. Where you get issues is when someone thinks they're suited for a poly relationship and they aren't or vice versa. I also think that, human nature wise, the majority of people aren't suited for poly relationships. People, in general, are too selfish for monogomous relationships, let alone poly. And beyond that, I think that most people are too possesive, also. *shrugs*

Can't I just jump on you?

I think everything you just said is totally spot on.

 

[graceanne]

Can't I just jump on you?

I think everything you just said is totally spot on.

LOL Please don't. My back hurts today.

And of course it is, doesn't everyone know that i'm always right.

*ducks from thrown tomatoes*

 

[eyesee]

Advantages of sharing

I think one key is for the sharing to have erotic value for the two in the primary relationship. As one contributor wrote, "If it turned him (us) on, I'd do it."

I've had some sharing that put flames on the fire for weeks afterwards. It can be very stimulating and as such, make the bond even stronger between the two of you!

 

[serijules]

I think the reason people have such scepticism about these things working is that it's presented as such a narrow, mythical model. You bring up the point more articulately than I have, that permutations outside the happy maldedom led harem of females aren't even thought about as poly or family in these types of discussions and aren't usually thought of off the bat.

I am thinking of the extended leather family of a friend of mine, an FTM bottom. His family consists of brothers, Daddy, Daddy's Daddy, Daddy's Daddy's contacts...and it spreads its net widely geographically and generationally. When you consider the fact that for some people a *service* relationship is more family-making and more important, ultimately, than a sexual/romantic relationship, it means that talking about a leather oriented poly and talking about a sex/romantic oriented poly become two different models.

Maybe I'm using the word "poly" in a way that isn't appropriate, or isn't the same as most people use it.

My first poly relationship was one of those MenDom Harem things. One dom, many subs or slaves, all expected to intereact with one another and provide support and like each other and get along, while he just focused on whichever and whatever entertained him at the moment. Nice fantasy. Horrible reality.

The poly I am in now is basically as simple as: D has other subs. One I do not interact with at all as we completely clash and have for years before I belonged to D, so there is little hope of that changing. However, she is an online sub so...she's not really in the same realm of the relationship as C and I are. While I acknowledge that she exists and is a valid part of D's life, I don't give her much thought beyound that as it has nothing to do with D and I. If she WERE real life and I had to actually to interact with her often, I think things would be more difficult.

C and I are close friends, and she tops me sometimes, but our interaction with D is also pretty much separate. We don't consider each other sub sisters. D is the only one that touches me sexually, although C will sometimes watch or even direct. Sometimes C's sub is with us as well, and we consider each other family.

So...our relationship intermix is a service based one and a friendship/play based one as a whole, even though the sexual interaction exists, it's certainly not the focus. I myself don't hold sex to the high personal regard that most people do, so it wouldn't be any different for me even if it WAS sexual.

I never really thought about the difference between sexual and service oriented relationships. Thanks for opening my eyes in that regard.

 

[Netzach]

Maybe I'm using the word "poly" in a way that isn't appropriate, or isn't the same as most people use it.

My first poly relationship was one of those MenDom Harem things. One dom, many subs or slaves, all expected to intereact with one another and provide support and like each other and get along, while he just focused on whichever and whatever entertained him at the moment. Nice fantasy. Horrible reality.

The poly I am in now is basically as simple as: D has other subs. One I do not interact with at all as we completely clash and have for years before I belonged to D, so there is little hope of that changing. However, she is an online sub so...she's not really in the same realm of the relationship as C and I are. While I acknowledge that she exists and is a valid part of D's life, I don't give her much thought beyound that as it has nothing to do with D and I. If she WERE real life and I had to actually to interact with her often, I think things would be more difficult.

C and I are close friends, and she tops me sometimes, but our interaction with D is also pretty much separate. We don't consider each other sub sisters. D is the only one that touches me sexually, although C will sometimes watch or even direct. Sometimes C's sub is with us as well, and we consider each other family.

So...our relationship intermix is a service based one and a friendship/play based one as a whole, even though the sexual interaction exists, it's certainly not the focus. I myself don't hold sex to the high personal regard that most people do, so it wouldn't be any different for me even if it WAS sexual.

I never really thought about the difference between sexual and service oriented relationships. Thanks for opening my eyes in that regard.

It's not to say sex doesn't happen in the leather family I mentioned, man, these guys are randy and raunchy...it's just that I think it's not the main channel through which D/s is expressed, as opposed to a lot of relationships where it is a really serious aspect of the D/s expression.