Sexless Marriages

[Com9licity]

Guys and Girls,

forgive me for jumping in with both feet, but the minute I saw this post it resonated with me.

For those of you that don't know or remember me I was here ten (yes you read it right... TEN ) years ago also as Complicity but with correct spelling (don't ask!)
Back then I posted a similar post that received a good amount of response too.

Obviously, I won't be reading all one hundred and eleven pages here, but post #1 could have been written by me back then, and still sadly to a certain degree now.
Its the choices we make, that ultimately make us who we are!

CLICK THE LINK ----> A Silent scream!

 

[Beachaged]

"AM is not good for older people"
Why? When I was looking there were quite a few guys in the 50 to 60 age range. And probably older, but they are all lumped together as 60+, so I don't know who is who without going profile by profile.

In my experience the 50+ women on AM either want a younger man or want a husband. I was surprised how many mature women use AM as a dating site.

 

[theres_something_wrong_with_me]

Guys and Girls,

forgive me for jumping in with both feet, but the minute I saw this post it resonated with me.

For those of you that don't know or remember me I was here ten (yes you read it right... TEN ) years ago also as Complicity but with correct spelling (don't ask!)
Back then I posted a similar post that received a good amount of response too.

Obviously, I won't be reading all one hundred and eleven pages here, but post #1 could have been written by me back then, and still sadly to a certain degree now.
Its the choices we make, that ultimately make us who we are!

CLICK THE LINK ----> A Silent scream!

It's interesting...there are lots of folks on Lit that appear to be new, but only have newer/multiple usernames. I have been on this site for almost 20 years (yes that's right 20). My first username was from 2002, and I have another from 2004. It's not uncommon.

 

[AnnieLit]

It's interesting...there are lots of folks on Lit that appear to be new, but only have newer/multiple usernames. I have been on this site for almost 20 years (yes that's right 20). My first username was from 2002, and I have another from 2004. It's not uncommon.

I think many if these changes are due to the technical issues: people start off on Lit, leave for a year or two, and when they come back, they can't log into their old account because they forgot their password and don't have access to the email they used to create that account. Or there was an upgrade of the system and that's why they can't log in. I know a few people in each of these situations. It is not that they are trying to hide, they just can't use their old accounts. Some of them mention old usernames in the signatures, some don't bother.

 

[The_gladiator]

I think many if these changes are due to the technical issues: people start off on Lit, leave for a year or two, and when they come back, they can't log into their old account because they forgot their password and don't have access to the email they used to create that account. Or there was an upgrade of the system and that's why they can't log in. I know a few people in each of these situations. It is not that they are trying to hide, they just can't use their old accounts. Some of them mention old usernames in the signatures, some don't bother.

yes, this, all of it. I haven't changed mine but many do, I guess I was lucky to have remembered my password.

 

[HornyHusbandinSR]

Been in one for past 21 years.

Have talked to ALOT of married men over past 25 years and ALL of them have said pretty much the SAME thing: "after she moved in, the sex stopped unless she wanted something; once she got it, the sex stopped again until the next time she wanted something." Hmmm... there IS a word for that isnt't there?

Several guys with live-in girlfriends have also said the same thing.

Tried looking for fun outside the marriage and did find some BUT for the most part, the VAST MAJORITY of women who said they wanted to play outside their marriages weren't really serious about playing, they just wanted to feed their sad egos by answering personals then stringing the guy along then disappearing OR if they (the women) placed personals and guys answered them, they would get back to the guys and string them along as well then disappeared. Women whine about lack of sex in their relationships but they aren't serious about finding sex, they just want someone to listen to them complain.

 

[The_gladiator]

Been in one for past 21 years.

Have talked to ALOT of married men over past 25 years and ALL of them have said pretty much the SAME thing: "after she moved in, the sex stopped unless she wanted something; once she got it, the sex stopped again until the next time she wanted something." Hmmm... there IS a word for that isnt't there?

Several guys with live-in girlfriends have also said the same thing.

Tried looking for fun outside the marriage and did find some BUT for the most part, the VAST MAJORITY of women who said they wanted to play outside their marriages weren't really serious about playing, they just wanted to feed their sad egos by answering personals then stringing the guy along then disappearing OR if they (the women) placed personals and guys answered them, they would get back to the guys and string them along as well then disappeared. Women whine about lack of sex in their relationships but they aren't serious about finding sex, they just want someone to listen to them complain.

kinda a little bit of a distorted view here. I would say that there are genuinely women who desire sex and are in a sexless marriage, some of your views seem very subjective to your own experiences yet you state them as fact?

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Been in one for past 21 years.

Have talked to ALOT of married men over past 25 years and ALL of them have said pretty much the SAME thing: "after she moved in, the sex stopped unless she wanted something; once she got it, the sex stopped again until the next time she wanted something." Hmmm... there IS a word for that isnt't there?

Several guys with live-in girlfriends have also said the same thing.

Tried looking for fun outside the marriage and did find some BUT for the most part, the VAST MAJORITY of women who said they wanted to play outside their marriages weren't really serious about playing, they just wanted to feed their sad egos by answering personals then stringing the guy along then disappearing OR if they (the women) placed personals and guys answered them, they would get back to the guys and string them along as well then disappeared. Women whine about lack of sex in their relationships but they aren't serious about finding sex, they just want someone to listen to them complain.

wow...

You might want to try listening, not talking, to some women too! Just saying...

There are actually grounded, scientific, studies on this, not based on anecdotes - you will find there is a huge spectrum of reasons many marriages become sexless, some due to the loss of interest by the man, some by the woman, some to do with health issues, some because of serious issues in the marriage, some due to naive and immature attitudes about sex, and some because their partners are actually not sexually fulfilling (are selfish lovers - more often than not men are the culprits here).

Given your general attitude towards women, it's no wonder many women just string you along...

 

[AnnieLit]

Been in one for past 21 years.

Have talked to ALOT of married men over past 25 years and ALL of them have said pretty much the SAME thing: "after she moved in, the sex stopped unless she wanted something; once she got it, the sex stopped again until the next time she wanted something." Hmmm... there IS a word for that isnt't there?

Several guys with live-in girlfriends have also said the same thing.

Tried looking for fun outside the marriage and did find some BUT for the most part, the VAST MAJORITY of women who said they wanted to play outside their marriages weren't really serious about playing, they just wanted to feed their sad egos by answering personals then stringing the guy along then disappearing OR if they (the women) placed personals and guys answered them, they would get back to the guys and string them along as well then disappeared. Women whine about lack of sex in their relationships but they aren't serious about finding sex, they just want someone to listen to them complain.

Hm... I wonder how many of these women ghosted you right after you shared your "statistics" on when sex is happening in a marriage. It is actually rather insulting. If any of the guys I met on dating (well, cheating, not dating) sites told me this, it would be the last he heard from me. Life is short, why would I want to waste my time on a man who clearly does not like women much?

(Feed sad ego my ass... Good thing there is zero chance of us crossing paths.)

 

[JonBHappy]

Mine would not be sex less were my wife still the healthy woman she once was.

 

[Cherry_Brandy]

Been in one for past 21 years.

Have talked to ALOT of married men over past 25 years and ALL of them have said pretty much the SAME thing: "after she moved in, the sex stopped unless she wanted something; once she got it, the sex stopped again until the next time she wanted something." Hmmm... there IS a word for that isnt't there?

Several guys with live-in girlfriends have also said the same thing.

Tried looking for fun outside the marriage and did find some BUT for the most part, the VAST MAJORITY of women who said they wanted to play outside their marriages weren't really serious about playing, they just wanted to feed their sad egos by answering personals then stringing the guy along then disappearing OR if they (the women) placed personals and guys answered them, they would get back to the guys and string them along as well then disappeared. Women whine about lack of sex in their relationships but they aren't serious about finding sex, they just want someone to listen to them complain.

Oh Lordy, seriously? You seriously think these woman (and men) are at fault here? 21 years of trawling boards and Ads and all those who rejected your responses were were just feeding their egos when they responded but declined to go further?

I'm not one for confrontation, but in my humble opinion, you are the one with the inflated ego. Maybe if you switch it off and let your conscious side think clearly, you'll see that there's only one common denominator throughout all of your attempts at getting what you want and it's it you/your attitude.

I'm sure you could speak to another 'ALOT' of married men who'd tell you they have women eating out of the palm of their hand and more queuing around the block.

I have no idea what you're actually like, but I can see how you come across on here and it's arrogant, entitled and soulless, I'm not sure what percentage of people would value those traits and only the Devil knows where they hang out.

 

[Phenorke]

Oh my....

Lol couldn’t have said it better myself, bravo Cherry

 

[sally_sparrow]

Hm... I wonder how many of these women ghosted you right after you shared your "statistics" on when sex is happening in a marriage. It is actually rather insulting. If any of the guys I met on dating (well, cheating, not dating) sites told me this, it would be the last he heard from me. Life is short, why would I want to waste my time on a man who clearly does not like women much?

(Feed sad ego my ass... Good thing there is zero chance of us crossing paths.)

Oh Lordy, seriously? You seriously think these woman (and men) are at fault here? 21 years of trawling boards and Ads and all those who rejected your responses were were just feeding their egos when they responded but declined to go further?

I'm not one for confrontation, but in my humble opinion, you are the one with the inflated ego. Maybe if you switch it off and let your conscious side think clearly, you'll see that there's only one common denominator throughout all of your attempts at getting what you want and it's it you/your attitude.

I'm sure you could speak to another 'ALOT' of married men who'd tell you they have women eating out of the palm of their hand and more queuing around the block.

I have no idea what you're actually like, but I can see how you come across on here and it's arrogant, entitled and soulless, I'm not sure what percentage of people would value those traits and only the Devil knows where they hang out.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

 

[HotChef1970]

Been in one for past 21 years.

Have talked to ALOT of married men over past 25 years and ALL of them have said pretty much the SAME thing: "after she moved in, the sex stopped unless she wanted something; once she got it, the sex stopped again until the next time she wanted something." Hmmm... there IS a word for that isnt't there?

Several guys with live-in girlfriends have also said the same thing.

Tried looking for fun outside the marriage and did find some BUT for the most part, the VAST MAJORITY of women who said they wanted to play outside their marriages weren't really serious about playing, they just wanted to feed their sad egos by answering personals then stringing the guy along then disappearing OR if they (the women) placed personals and guys answered them, they would get back to the guys and string them along as well then disappeared. Women whine about lack of sex in their relationships but they aren't serious about finding sex, they just want someone to listen to them complain.

Jeez have you ever stopped and listened to yourself for more than 5 seconds? Actually don’t even bother to answer that because with your opinions on woman it’s hardly surprising that none of them would want sex with you. I mean you’re doing a pretty good job of giving most half decent men a bad name let alone yourself.

Ladies please ignore this moron, we are not all like this.

 

[69sloblo69]

I know that feeling

The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.

Yip, I refuse to feel guilty anymore, I have urges just like any normal person, still luv doing it, but partner on a sexual pause. Guess as long as I have a mouth & can get it up, I'll want till I drop

 

[HornyHusbandinSR]

Wow, your opinion is SOOOOOOOOOO important that we ALL must listen to it.

Has it EVER occurred to you that EACH of us has our OWN experiences and our opinions are formed from those?

Why don't you move to Northern Virginia and see for yourself?

Jeez have you ever stopped and listened to yourself for more than 5 seconds? Actually don’t even bother to answer that because with your opinions on woman it’s hardly surprising that none of them would want sex with you. I mean you’re doing a pretty good job of giving most half decent men a bad name let alone yourself.

Ladies please ignore this moron, we are not all like this.

 

[Male4Strapon]

Sexless marriage here too. It's very frustrating, not just physically. Low self esteem, resentment, emotional detachment..... I have adopted the philosophy that cheating is acceptable when a partner refuses to provide sexual relief so when I have fooled around with others, I have not felt the slightest bit of guilt.

 

[AnnieLit]

I mean you’re doing a pretty good job of giving most half decent men a bad name let alone yourself.

Ladies please ignore this moron, we are not all like this.

Actually, he does not, he is making life easier for the rest of you, not harder. When you encounter that, the bar ends up set so low, that almost anybody would do

 

[Fuseuse]

Hey I'm not going to pass judgement on anyone here, it not right. We all have are reason as to why we are here. I think those of us in this situation feel frustrated and alone. But coming here helps and if I meet a wonderful woman here then great but if not that's ok.

 

[filt]

Actually, he does not, he is making life easier for the rest of you, not harder. When you encounter that, the bar ends up set so low, that almost anybody would do

I have hope!!

 

[JonBHappy]

Hey I'm not going to pass judgement on anyone here, it not right. We all have are reason as to why we are here. I think those of us in this situation feel frustrated and alone. But coming here helps and if I meet a wonderful woman here then great but if not that's ok.

Knowing you're not the only man or woman in that position certainly helps doesn't it?

 

[The_gladiator]

Actually, he does not, he is making life easier for the rest of you, not harder. When you encounter that, the bar ends up set so low, that almost anybody would do

I laughed at this, fair enough. There is hope for decent men that being said I have encountered women who have have been so scarred by morons like that character that that it is difficult to convince them that I’m not a complete ass.

 

[HotChef1970]

Wow, your opinion is SOOOOOOOOOO important that we ALL must listen to it.

Has it EVER occurred to you that EACH of us has our OWN experiences and our opinions are formed from those?

Why don't you move to Northern Virginia and see for yourself?

I wouldn’t expect a complete Neanderthal such as yourself to listen to my opinion, after all the only opinion that matters to you is yours.

Thankfully it’s plain to see for everyone here why you would be in a sexless marriage and unable to get any interest, just a shame that you can’t.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

Actually, he does not, he is making life easier for the rest of you, not harder. When you encounter that, the bar ends up set so low, that almost anybody would do

Fortunately we aren't playing limbo with that low bar!

 

[bookworm69]

Sexless marriage here too. It's very frustrating, not just physically. Low self esteem, resentment, emotional detachment..... I have adopted the philosophy that cheating is acceptable when a partner refuses to provide sexual relief so when I have fooled around with others, I have not felt the slightest bit of guilt.

I agree. I don't think it's "cheating" if your partner, despite many reasonable efforts to engage in sexual relations, has already quit on you.