Sexless Marriages

[CuriousCat89]

After a few year's I came to accept she was not going to change her mind and quit bringing it up, we have been together for a long time and are what I consider best friends just without the intimacy. Every couple is different and have to decide for themselves what they want, what I share here is just my opinion and would never tell anybody what they should do.

I think this is fair. It’s entirely possible she is asexual. It’s also entirely possible she thinks you bringing it up is shaming her, in a way, for not wanting it. I think people should approach HRT for more reasons than libido. There are libido meds for women but most doctors don’t know about them.
If you’re happy in most areas, there are other outlets for the sex. Most people can’t stand each other eventually and that’s the bigger hurdle. Best friends is what matters when you’re both in diapers. Or have a terminal illness. And raising a family is an achievement. There are so many other intimacies than penetrative.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Unfortunately like many other drugs, there can be unwanted side effects. Each woman is different of course. I wonder how easily it would be to suggest to the wife to try it, when some think there is no problem, and they don't need sexual desires to make them feel better? Just wondering.....

If my husband told me to try HRT for my libido I’d never try it. Women don’t really need sex. Many women are happy to eliminate the pressure to have sex as they get older. HRT has other benefits like bone health and CV health. Metabolic health like cholesterol and blood sugar. ‘I keep seeing articles about how many more women are trying HRT for their heart and bone health - have you ever considered it?’ Would be a much better approach.

 

[Mtnmike]

I think this is fair. It’s entirely possible she is asexual. It’s also entirely possible she thinks you bringing it up is shaming her, in a way, for not wanting it. I think people should approach HRT for more reasons than libido. There are libido meds for women but most doctors don’t know about them.
If you’re happy in most areas, there are other outlets for the sex. Most people can’t stand each other eventually and that’s the bigger hurdle. Best friends is what matters when you’re both in diapers. Or have a terminal illness. And raising a family is an achievement. There are so many other intimacies than penetrative.

You are correct just took me a while to understand what she was trying to tell me and yes she has admitted she is now A-sexual, doesn't think or want sex with anyone ever again.
Yes there are more other outlets for sex, I found I can live without the sex with her but I really miss the intimacy we once shared, the kisses, hugging, cuddles etc and yes we've discussed this but she doesn't think I could just stop at that, no matter how much I explained that's what I miss the most. It is what it is and I live with it, my choice.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Yes there are more other outlets for sex, I found I can live without the sex with her but I really miss the intimacy we once shared, the kisses, hugging, cuddles etc and yes we've discussed this but she doesn't think I could just stop at that, no matter how much I explained that's what I miss the most. It is what it is and I live with it, my choice.

This is unfair of her. Sorry. You’ve stuck it out with nothing for this long, it shows you’ve made peace with the situation. She should be able to do that. That’s problematic, to me.

 

[Mtnmike]

This is unfair of her. Sorry. You’ve stuck it out with nothing for this long, it shows you’ve made peace with the situation. She should be able to do that. That’s problematic, to me.

Thanks for saying, everybody else just tells me I crazy.
I agree with you I think it's unfair of her to but it's not how her mind works.
Nice to hear someone else say they don't agree with her, means a lot thank you.

 

[CuriousCat89]

Thanks for saying, everybody else just tells me I crazy.
I agree with you I think it's unfair of her to but it's not how her mind works.
Nice to hear someone else say they don't agree with her, means a lot thank you.

it’s entirely possible she no longer is IN love with you. She probably loves you just not romantically.

 

[Mtnmike]

it’s entirely possible she no longer is IN love with you. She probably loves you just not romantically.

That's exactly what she admitted to me after year's of trying to get her to be honest with me, she love's me just not in that way, her exact words. That's when I was finally able to work on myself and come to terms with it, that's all I ever wanted, honesty but extremely hard for her to express her feelings, unless it's anger .

 

[CuriousCat89]

That's exactly what she admitted to me after year's of trying to get her to be honest with me, she love's me just not in that way, her exact words. That's when I was finally able to work on myself and come to terms with it, that's all I ever wanted, honesty but extremely hard for her to express her feelings, unless it's anger .

Sounds like you have it figured out then!

 

[Mtnmike]

Sounds like you have it figured out then!

I think I have least I hope .
Thanks for your interest and chatting about it, mostly just get rude messages or being told what I need to do, as if they were in my shoe's

 

[Hampshiregirl]

Interesting thread. I am a bisexual woman who's been married for 30 years to a wonderful man. For the last eight years our marriage has been sexless, with very limited, although not zero intimacy. I get depressed thinking that I'll never have sex again (I'm 64) but I would never cheat. Or would I? (I'm in the UK). He won't consider it, but I probably would succumb to the first man, or girl, that asked me. Especially if I was drunk! When you're my age, the opportunities are very limited.

My point? There's a lot of us out there, and the universe is a less happy place than it could be.

HG xx.

 

[Mtnmike]

Interesting thread. I am a bisexual woman who's been married for 30 years to a wonderful man. For the last eight years our marriage has been sexless, with very limited, although not zero intimacy. I get depressed thinking that I'll never have sex again (I'm 64) but I would never cheat. Or would I? (I'm in the UK). He won't consider it, but I probably would succumb to the first man, or girl, that asked me. Especially if I was drunk! When you're my age, the opportunities are very limited.

My point? There's a lot of us out there, and the universe is a less happy place than it could be.

HG xx.

We are in the same age group and understand and agree with your post, except I live in the USA.
So true as we age at least I do I start thinking was that it will I never experience the connection ever again.
Also true that there would be a good chance that if someone else showed interest I'd be hard pressed to refuse.
I often wonder about other couple's when I'm out and about, are they really as happy as they seem .

 

[Hampshiregirl]

So true. Many people, including some that I know, like to give the impression that they are active and sexually satisfied. I suspect a lot of that is for show. I believe that, in reality, many couples' libido is wildly mismatched. I know ours is. HG xx.

 

[Mtnmike]

So true. Many people, including some that I know, like to give the impression that they are active and sexually satisfied. I suspect a lot of that is for show. I believe that, in reality, many couples' libido is wildly mismatched. I know ours is. HG xx.

Yes that's true I just never realized how mismatched ours was, the old saying Thinking with the Wrong Head .

 

[Polranny25]

So true. Many people, including some that I know, like to give the impression that they are active and sexually satisfied. I suspect a lot of that is for show. I believe that, in reality, many couples' libido is wildly mismatched. I know ours is. HG xx.

and/or wildly exaggerated