Seductive First Sentences

[MillieDynamite]

"Hello, I'm incredibly wealthy."

I haven't used it in a story yet, but I know women are sure to find it arousing.

 

[DreamingOfMyEx]

Ohhh nooooo! Not the dreaded Middle School Eyeroll !!!

 

[MillieDynamite]

Yup!

 

[Milo_Grigsby]

Many of us like to attract readers to our precious works. After the title (with some debate about tags and short descriptions here on Lit) one of the fastest ways to lure a reader into our story world is a good first sentence.

Mainstream literature supplies many sterling first sentence examples:

Call me Ishmael (Melville)

In the afternoons it was the custom of Miss Jane Marple to unfold her second newspaper. (Agatha Christie)

I have been afraid of putting air in a tire ever since I saw a tractor tire blow up and throw Newt Hardbine’s father over the top of the Standard Oil sign. (Barbara Kingsolver)

A good first sentence can do a number of things: suggest character, establish setting, mood or tone, but most importantly, generate interest for readers and make them ask the essential question: “okay, you’ve got my interest, what’s next?”

What’s your best first sentence, and what did it do for your story? (I know, sometimes the best first sentence is the second one, right after the short punchy leading one, but for the sake of this exercise let's limit examples to two lines maximum? Or someone can start a ‘first paragraph’ thread.)

What’s the best first sentence bait you left out there for your reader?

I cold open a lot of my stories by using a single line of dialog from a character in the story that quickly establishes something about the story: mood, location, action, story premise, etc. For example:

"Do you think you could cum without me touching you?"​

From No Contact​

​

Here I am obviously going for immediate titillation but am also posing a question that I hoped would pique a reader's interest. This line was the entire premise of the story. Plus, it is written as an actual posed question in spoken dialog so as to make a potential reader curious about what the respondent's answer might be.

Another example

I hate Los Angeles.​

From The Kindness of Strangers​

Here I was obviously giving free reign to my inner Raymond Chandler and love of detective novels and noir films. But despite that little self-indulgence, I am also establishing the protagonist's mood and location, both of which were foundational to the story. And, I hoped, the line would draw a reader in: "Oh, a story about LA. I live in LA, this could be interesting." or "Oh, I hate LA too. I wonder why this guy does."

 

[Comshaw]

Two from "not Lit" and "not E" stories.

From SKIPPED :
"You know that kinda’ thing is inherited," my dad said in a gruff, anger-edged voice as he guided our cranky old Buick down the rutted county road.

From a 100 word story I wrote, Fishing Lessons :
When I was twelve our neighbor, who knew everything, decided he would teach me the correct way to catch fish.


Comshaw

 

[dmallord]

This is the first line of a current work in progress.

This must be how my hell will be, Murdock mused, taking another sip of bourbon while watching the dazzling lightning strikes spar with one another among the foreboding clouds.

 

[AchtungNight]

The only one that stands out for me from my own work is from "Fear, Lust, and Vanity."

"Scarlett Johansson had a problem."

Obvious reference to the tagline of "Apollo 13".

 

[MargotPayge]

Most of mine seem very pedestrian. But this one is my favorite:

Ever-Kyle sat sulking in a far corner of his brain.

From:
BISEXUAL TENDRIL MACHINE EP. 04

 

[yowser]

“I have a passion for pudenda,” said LaMonte, staring me straight in the face.

 

[StillStunned]

Another day, another prison, Avilia thought glumly. At least in this one the guards haven't come to molest me.

From The Rivals Ch. 03: The Demon Hunt.

And:

I'll always remember my first sight of Mel under the shower.

From Flesh for Fantasy.

 

[AG31]

Happy to find this thread. One opening sentence I really like is from a story I finally decided not to finish.

"It was something at first site. Not love. No, not that. But definitely something."

 

[MrPixel]

From a WIP, Off-Campus 05 Pt. 02.

"Shit fuck piss dookie!!!" I loudly exclaim, slamming down the phone receiver into the cradle on my desk.

Also a WIP, Off-Campus 05 Pt. 07.

Complete. Done. Finis. We'd call the mayor for the ribbon cutting, but I don't
think she'd especially be all fired-up about putting her stamp of approval on a sex
chamber. On the other hand, maybe I ought to ask, she has "the look". Hmm.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Seductive First Sentences​

It was annoying not being able to fly, having to rely on your girlfriend to give you a ride all the time.

Heaven & Hole

It’s not The Crow Road, but it amused me.

Em

 

[StillStunned]

Her cleavage caught his writer's eye like a well-crafted opening sentence.

No, I haven't written this story yet.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

"It wasn't the first time he'd looked at bdsm gear online, but it was the first time he'd done it with his credit card on the desk and his wife in his lap."

The story is titled, A Hood For Her Faceless Meat Dildo

Yeah, I was experimenting with a rather direct style on that one.

 

[Djmac1031]

Reading through this makes me realize - I really need to work on titillating opening lines .

I think the best I have in that regard is this opening, from My Daughter, The Nudist:

Leah! What the hell???"

My daughter had been home from her summer trip to Europe less than twenty-four hours, and here she was, walking around the house, stark naked.

"Didn't I tell you, Daddy? I'm a nudist now."

 

[NoTalentHack]

Cultural Exchanges pt. 3:

"This isn't Tex-Mex. This is a war crime."

 

[Codoc24]

Haven't published this story yet.


“Well, would you blow yourself if you could?” Tammy asked again, not getting an answer from her boyfriend.

 

[StillStunned]

“Well, would you blow yourself if you could?” Tammy asked again, not getting an answer from her boyfriend.

...because his mouth was suddenly full.

 

[yowser]

Just found this lovely first sentence by Elane Johnson in a superb story anthology 'Southern Sin: True Stories of the Sultry South and Women Behaving Badly.'

'It's been a long-held goal of mine not to become a porn star.'

 

[EmilyMiller]

"Hold still, Emmoreth, for fucks' sake."

— The Undoing of Emma

—

Mark had decorated. He wasn't entirely sure why.

— A Holiday Wish

—

Things were so strange on Earth.

— Lily’s First Valentine’s

 

[vagrantx]

My father is dead.
And yesterday I took the life of an elk.
What can I say? It was either her or me.

I'm disheartened knowing I will never in my life writing something as captivating as Erlend Loe's opening line to Doppler.

Although I am kind of pleased with my opening to Encased:

A rotund little man, dressed in a uniform that didn't quite fit him, stood in a corner of a great hall.

 

[AlinaX]

Shame almost that wasn't "... made little attempt to fit him ..."

 

[vagrantx]

Shame almost that wasn't "... made little attempt to fit him ..."

Anthropomorphizing isn't my strong suit.

ba dum tiss

 

[AlinaX]

Not in this case, anyway.