Sentences that Never Belong in a Story (Serious)

[Kumquatqueen]

Someone once said - I'm sure - that the fact that "this really happened" is no excuse for putting it into a story.

There's nothing like starting a tale with "This is a true story" to convince me it's a work of total fiction.

 

[shelleycat1]

One person's important speech or event is another person's meh. It happens all the time.
An important memory I have, relating to a close moment with my wife was in my head recently and I asked her about it.
"I don't recall it at all."

And I frequently have the conversation when both sides swear blind that they did or didn't say the a thing. One of them is mistaken, but there is no way of finding out.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Still, I'm sitting here looking at one sentence of what I've written in particular:

"Why didn't you tell me all this earlier?" I ask.

And I can't help but feel that this is a sentence that never belongs in any work of fiction ...

Nah. I can see it making perfect sense in certain situations. Some plausible replies:

1. There wasn't time! I had to save my sister from those kidnappers!
2. I like watching you suffer, worm.
3. It was so humiliating to tell you about my fetish for minestrone, I couldn't bring myself to open up about it on a first date. If only you hadn't insisted on that Italian restaurant. Now I have to get these pants cleaned.

--Rocco

 

[MrPixel]

This discussion just makes me think of this clip:

 

[Kelliezgirl]

I was chatting about this with a friend of mine and we concluded that most Seinfeld episodes are funny because they're about miscommunication. I think modern viewers won't "get" the humor because a whole lot of what makes Seinfeld hilarious is completely obsolete in a world where people have cellphones.

OP, I think you're overthinking. Just write. If people would say it in real life, there's nothing wrong with sticking it into a story. Naturalistic dialogue is never a problem.

Not just Seinfeld but the whole "missed him by that much" sitcom trope goes away with technology.
"I need to find Ted to tell him..."

 

[intim8]

And I can't help but feel that this is a sentence that never belongs in any work of fiction. The answer is always 'Because then the plot wouldn't have happened.' and the reader knows this is the bit where I justify the slight of hand I pulled 10k words ago. I'm bloody well not reworking the plot again, but I am going to be more subtle in how I do this bit.

Just because it's a trope doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Congratulations, you have just destroyed the entire romance genre.

It's a popular trope, and an irritating one, but I've read (and written) romance that doesn't depend on miscommunication to carry the story.

 

[iwatchus]

Thinking about this, I realized I did this in one chapter of a multi-part series. I hadn't planned it at all, if fact I didn't even realize the character had been hiding something for two days of the story until two sentences before he admitted it. But it fit perfectly with his pissy mood he had been in, so I went with it.

And I don't feel bad about it. A lot of what I am interested in writing is couples overcoming challenges to grow closer together. Miscommunication is one of the very real challenges couples face IRL. If there are no challenges, it seems like the stories are boring. Is there some list somewhere that describes which challenges are okay to include in a story and which are too irritating to consider?

 

[MrPixel]

It's a popular trope, and an irritating one,

Like in the TV comedy, Frasier. Funny most of the time, but I stopped watching because every episode became about mishaps due to bad interpersonal communication.

 

[Erozetta]

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I did!"

"No you didn't. When was it supposed to have been?"

"We were in the car on the way to the shops. By the roundabout."

"When you interrupted yourself to point out that cyclist coming from the wrong direction?"

"Well, I *meant* to tell you."

(Actual conversation, speakers undisclosed)

My husband's ADHD brain: "We absolutely thought about ten different ways to tell her."

My husband to his brain: "But did we actually say any of them out loud?"

Brain: "Here's that jingle you hate."

Me, tapping my fingers on my arm as I raise my eyebrow: "Well?"

Husband shrugs vaguely: "Brain's a jerk."

 

[Norogaster]

Yeah, there's a lack of communication involved in the ending of Phase 1 of Draft Animal, but it's because one of the characters turns out to be a shitty person, unable to handle the relationship they've gotten into. Not so much a thing held back to set up a conflict, but because the character is innately flawed. At least, I hope that's what people take away from it. The main character understands why he wasn't told sooner. It doesn't make it any better.

But doing a deus ex machina with information to set up a plot point?

"Sorry I didn't tell you, I was doing volunteer work in Contriveistan."

 

[mrs_mackenzie]

It's a popular trope, and an irritating one, but I've read (and written) romance that doesn't depend on miscommunication to carry the story.

Unfortunately an increasingly common romance trope is: don't talk about an issue to provide two-thirds of the plot; finally talk about it and reconcile; then make a self-aware joke about how 'you realise that if we'd just communicated about this a month ago...!'

Sigh.

 

[Actingup]

I've made some absolutely great progress today, and I've largely ironed out a lot of the problems with a story that beta-readers had serious issues with (they may well tell me that actually I haven't)

Still, I'm sitting here looking at one sentence of what I've written in particular:



And I can't help but feel that this is a sentence that never belongs in any work of fiction. The answer is always 'Because then the plot wouldn't have happened.' and the reader knows this is the bit where I justify the slight of hand I pulled 10k words ago. I'm bloody well not reworking the plot again, but I am going to be more subtle in how I do this bit.

It's just a question of degree. As others have said, miscommunication happens in real life. So do double bookings of hotel rooms where two attractive, single people just happen to turn up at the same time. The latter becomes a self-knowing trope well before the former raises any eyebrows.

Still... I can certainly think of books where I've wanted to scream at the author for basing a whole plot on stupid miscommunications. I love Connie Willis, for example, and she has won eleven Hugo Awards and seven Nebula awards for her science fiction/fantasy. I'm not worthy to kiss her feet, but... oh boy, the miscommunication between her leads drives me nuts!

 

[Wifetheif]

Another plot killer: Technology suddenly not existing in a novel or people in the novel not using established technology like folks do in the real world. My bad book club is currently reading a novel in which cellphones and the internet exist. Our female protagonist is told by studly, hunky, brooding male love interests to not ask about his past. He just wants a no strings attached bang partner. OK Fine. BUT the woman never even googles the guy to see if he's a wanted serial killer or something? What woman today doesn't Google their date? In my single days, I was Googled before the first date because of meeting so many women on he internet. Don't make your characters dumber than any other person on the planet.

 

[TheWritingGroup]

Another plot killer: Technology suddenly not existing in a novel or people in the novel not using established technology like folks do in the real world. My bad book club is currently reading a novel in which cellphones and the internet exist. Our female protagonist is told by studly, hunky, brooding male love interests to not ask about his past. He just wants a no strings attached bang partner. OK Fine. BUT the woman never even googles the guy to see if he's a wanted serial killer or something? What woman today doesn't Google their date? In my single days, I was Googled before the first date because of meeting so many women on he internet. Don't make your characters dumber than any other person on the planet.

I have an unconscious tendency to "write against" what I see as flaws in fiction that I read. In "Pranked", I realized after finishing that my subconscious had gone out my way [sic] to make cell phones a key plot point in this action story. as opposed to being ignored because they were inconvenient to the author.

--Annie

 

[Kelliezgirl]

Another plot killer: Technology suddenly not existing in a novel or people in the novel not using established technology like folks do in the real world. My bad book club is currently reading a novel in which cellphones and the internet exist. Our female protagonist is told by studly, hunky, brooding male love interests to not ask about his past. He just wants a no strings attached bang partner. OK Fine. BUT the woman never even googles the guy to see if he's a wanted serial killer or something? What woman today doesn't Google their date? In my single days, I was Googled before the first date because of meeting so many women on he internet. Don't make your characters dumber than any other person on the planet.

Technology aside, that would be a huge red flag for any sane woman.

 

[Bazzle]

I've made some absolutely great progress today, and I've largely ironed out a lot of the problems with a story that beta-readers had serious issues with (they may well tell me that actually I haven't)

Still, I'm sitting here looking at one sentence of what I've written in particular:



And I can't help but feel that this is a sentence that never belongs in any work of fiction. The answer is always 'Because then the plot wouldn't have happened.' and the reader knows this is the bit where I justify the slight of hand I pulled 10k words ago. I'm bloody well not reworking the plot again, but I am going to be more subtle in how I do this bit.

I watched the making off Gavin and Stacey over xmas, James Corden said an interesting thing about the reveal that he was getting married to the wrong women.

Triangles of knowledge. At any one time two people need to know what is going on and one doesn't

The characters between them, and the audience.

two characters can talk about something they know and the reader doesn't and this happens in Gavin and Stacey.

With the big reveal in the John Lewis shop the two characters knew but the audience didn't, so Smithy 'led' the audience along, making them feel comfortable with the direction as he walks through the store until the surprise.

Now I've heard it, you can't unsee it in other TV shows and books.

For example in the greatest detective series ever Columbo the audience and the characters know who the murderer is from the beginning, but the enjoyment is watching Columbo over a couple of hours catch up with the audience following the clues. The show wouldn't work half as well if the audience didn't know.

With your story if the reader already knows and 1 characters knows its fine...as long as you have made the reader fully aware that the person who learns...isn't aware up to that point. If the cluelessness is part of the plot. Your character is allowed to catch up if they are the missing corner of your triangle.

hope I have not confused you and made everything square, rather than triangle.

B

 

[crookedletter]

I've made some absolutely great progress today, and I've largely ironed out a lot of the problems with a story that beta-readers had serious issues with (they may well tell me that actually I haven't)

Still, I'm sitting here looking at one sentence of what I've written in particular:



And I can't help but feel that this is a sentence that never belongs in any work of fiction. The answer is always 'Because then the plot wouldn't have happened.' and the reader knows this is the bit where I justify the slight of hand I pulled 10k words ago. I'm bloody well not reworking the plot again, but I am going to be more subtle in how I do this bit.

I think it's a good impulse, questioning whether the line constitutes natural dialog between your characters or a crack in the suspension of disbelief where your reader will see the strings, so to speak. As others have said, miscommunication as a shortcut to conflict is overused and often unconvincing. But it's only unconvincing if it's unconvincing. Miscommunication is a perfectly valid -- and common -- source of conflict, as long as your characters are believable.

In short I think there's nothing wrong with the line as long as the character it's directed to has a believable and justifiable answer to it.

 

[TadOverdon]

There's nothing like starting a tale with "This is a true story" to convince me it's a work of total fiction.

"Dear literotica, I never believed your stories were real until this happened to me. My husband and I..."

 

[PrimalDual]

The line introduced by the OP can be okay or not okay in a story. It depends on whether the reader feels they are being treated fairly. If the character in the story was in the dark but the reader either understood or else had the breadcrumbs to follow, it can be fun, can't it?

 

[Izanami9]

My husband's ADHD brain: "We absolutely thought about ten different ways to tell her."

My husband to his brain: "But did we actually say any of them out loud?"

Brain: "Here's that jingle you hate."

Me, tapping my fingers on my arm as I raise my eyebrow: "Well?"

Husband shrugs vaguely: "Brain's a jerk."

My Swiss-cheese ADHD brain and I relate to your husband *much* more than I wish I could!

I agree with the Lobster et al; it’s a writer’s job to make suspending disbelief as smooth and easy as possible for the reader, but I believe the key to believability is not so much in the literal content of the dialogue or plot point as it is in consistency with the characters and setting already established.

For example: My absent-mindedness is - much to my dismay - quite consistent with my character, so no one thought it was odd when my locksmith sister had to help me break into my own house once. If my hyper-organized husband had done the same thing, however, we would have had him stuffed into an ambulance and headed for a CAT scan STAT.

 

[Erozetta]

My Swiss-cheese ADHD brain and I relate to your husband *much* more than I wish I could!

I agree with the Lobster et al; it’s a writer’s job to make suspending disbelief as smooth and easy as possible for the reader, but I believe the key to believability is not so much in the literal content of the dialogue or plot point as it is in consistency with the characters and setting already established.

For example: My absent-mindedness is - much to my dismay - quite consistent with my character, so no one thought it was odd when my locksmith sister had to help me break into my own house once. If my hyper-organized husband had done the same thing, however, we would have had him stuffed into an ambulance and headed for a CAT scan STAT.

Literal conversation I had with my husband recently. Sadly, I was the one who locked myself out of the house.

 

[ElectricBlue]

Literal conversation I had with my husband recently. Sadly, I was the one who locked myself out of the house.

That's high drama!

 

[Erozetta]

That's high drama!

I thought the understated ending of "I need a new plastic screen thing for my phone" part was quite great.

My way of saying "Yes, I used a thin sheet of plastic to break into our apartment. I am resourceful! And our apartment is really not very secure, it turns out."

Also, his follow up of "Make sure you have your keys" was perfectly dry hilarity.

 

[Izanami9]

Literal conversation I had with my husband recently. Sadly, I was the one who locked myself out of the house.

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This is amazeballs - so happy I’m not alone! And glad it turned out well, of course