Sentences that Never Belong in a Story (Serious)

[LeSabreur]

"I could tell you more, but suddenly I am run over by a truck."
--How to Write Good, PJ O'Rourke

That was my sig line in a couple of online forums years ago and more than one person asked where they could find that book, as they wanted to improve their writing.

 

[calmlikeabomb]

One person's important speech or event is another person's meh. It happens all the time.
An important memory I have, relating to a close moment with my wife was in my head recently and I asked her about it.
"I don't recall it at all."

And I frequently have the conversation when both sides swear blind that they did or didn't say the a thing. One of them is mistaken, but there is no way of finding out.

Ahh yes. The John Galt special.

 

[Actingup]

I've made some absolutely great progress today, and I've largely ironed out a lot of the problems with a story that beta-readers had serious issues with (they may well tell me that actually I haven't)

Still, I'm sitting here looking at one sentence of what I've written in particular:



And I can't help but feel that this is a sentence that never belongs in any work of fiction. The answer is always 'Because then the plot wouldn't have happened.' and the reader knows this is the bit where I justify the slight of hand I pulled 10k words ago. I'm bloody well not reworking the plot again, but I am going to be more subtle in how I do this bit.

How did you go with this in the end?

I was reminded of this thread by running across a comment on 'Pride and Prejudice' (when in doubt, go back to Austen) that pointed out:
'Men and women of that class in that time period couldn't "just talk it out" because there were so few acceptable ways to interact, and they were all in public.'
(thread is at

https://www.reddit.com/r/RomanceBooks/comments/13o0s8b/does_pride_and_prejudice_fall_under_the

)

 

[TheRedChamber]

Thanks for asking. I removed the line 'Why didn't you tell me earlier?' and looked very carefully at what was revealed when. I think I got away with it, but if you have 18k words worth of interest, you can find the story here. You may still think that in paragraph six where one character says 'Reschedule?' that the answer should clearly be 'Yes', but her saying 'No' makes the plot happen.

 

[SkyBubble]

Just because it's a trope doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

A trope becomes a trope for a reason, like a tradition.

 

[Actingup]

Thanks for asking. I removed the line 'Why didn't you tell me earlier?' and looked very carefully at what was revealed when. I think I got away with it, but if you have 18k words worth of interest, you can find the story here. You may still think that in paragraph six where one character says 'Reschedule?' that the answer should clearly be 'Yes', but her saying 'No' makes the plot happen.

Loved it - thanks for sharing.