Secret Womanly Rituals

[neonlyte]

The making you wait with the jingling car keys is a response to your first passive/agressive jingle.

Also a power play in the classic D/s sense.

You see, historically we have the alpha male and the beta femme, but it is all a ruse on us sneaky devious female types.

In early society (back to the first homosapiens) the big dumb males went out to hunt while the larger-bained, complex brained females stayed back and swept the caves. We made you do all the work and face the dangers of the snaggytooth tiger and such so we could stay in the caves and plot. Oh yeah, we had the world population to deal with too, as well as creating the society.

You've always been in our power. *grin* The really evil thing, we made you believe otherwise. That way we could hang around and eat monkey brains (neanderthal bonbons).

Move ahead a few thousand years to the recent past, and we are still in power. Mr. John Q Robinson works his ass off all day for the Evil Mrs. Robinson, so after she has seduced the neighbour boy into cleaning the house for the privelige of wearing her frilly underwear, (that is after he's finished with the pool and the lawn) she has sent out for Dial A Dinner, or pops in another female invention - TV dinners - she greets her exhausted, Type A man-on-his-way-up (who can't get it up) fresh and pretty, with a drink in hand, so that she stupefies him in the evening hours so he cannot exercize his filthy manly desires. Years of this and he pops off with a stroke or something and she gets the money so she can hire the boytoy she really wants.

The problem with present day is that women got lazy and the insane idea that we should bring ourselves down to the level of our chomosonally challenged folk caught on among some strange revolutionary movement led by a woman with some strange notions that men were equal to us.

heh heh heh heh

The revolutionaries are dead and the world will soon turn back to th proper way of things.

Which is making you wait at the door, cursing our mysterious feminine incapability to be "ready" when you are.

News for you gentlemen - we're way ahead of you. :wink:

E.T.A Beer hair is just one of our little mind control tricks.

Hmmm... playing at your house sounds like fun

 

[Guest]

I was hoping to wake with a clear understanding of why "I'm ready" involves me standing by the front door with the car keys for 45 minutes while strange noises emanate from various parts of the house AND an explanation for why having driven 500 yards we have to return to the house for: 'flowers/chocolates/address/invitation/underwear/tickets/other shoes/cardigan' - please strike out the one that doesn't apply.

Instead, I get tips for washing hair - the entire thread is Women's Ritual

Never stand at the front door with the car keys.

Even if it is fifteen minutes past the time we're supposed to leave if hubby is doing that to me it makes me feel rushed. It adds more pressure to my getting ready situation.

Sit down, watch a little TV, read the paper, relax, as if you had all the time in the world.

Maybe the stockings had a previously undetected run, maybe the lacy peach bra was visible (unexpectedly) through the white shirt, maybe the slip was too long for the skirt, maybe the shoes didn't quite go with the outfit as thought, or - hair, makeup, jewelry . . .

Usually moms have to get the kids ready first, then herself. Toss a few unexpected happenings into the mix and it's a wonder we get anywhere at all.

When she does come racing out of the bedroom/bathroom, look up casually and smile. If she gasps out a hurried - "Let's go!" You can say - "You look great."

Now depending upon the stress of the situation, you may only receive a disgusted snort in reply, but you might get lucky.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Now depending upon the stress of the situation, you may only receive a disgusted snort in reply, but you might get lucky.

And, of course, the older you get the more likely the immediate response will be that snort. However, women have long memories and compliments and appreciation build up over time. That means when you get lucky, you could get really lucky.

 

[Guest]

And, of course, the older you get the more likely the immediate response will be that snort. However, women have long memories and compliments and appreciation build up over time. That means when you get lucky, you could get really lucky.

Building up points for blowjobs again, VM?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Building up points for blowjobs again, VM?

Moi?

 

[Guest]

Moi?

A man who memorizes a massage book deserves blowjobs. *nods*

Reeeal nice ones.

 

[Guest]

A man who memorizes a massage book deserves blowjobs. *nods*

Reeeal nice ones.

Will work for foot massages...

Maharat

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Will work for foot massages...

Maharat

Will you be in Chicago? My hands are getting really strong.

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

A man who memorizes a massage book deserves blowjobs. *nods*

Reeeal nice ones.

What we deserve and what we get are often two entirely different arenas.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

What we deserve and what we get are often two entirely different arenas.

Or how often we get it.

 

[Guest]

What we deserve and what we get are often two entirely different arenas.

 

[DesertPirate]

Or how often we get it.

Too true

 

[Guest]

What we deserve and what we get are often two entirely different arenas.

True. *sad*

 

[Gizzmotick]

A man who memorizes a massage book deserves blowjobs. *nods*

Reeeal nice ones.

I've got my book on massages memorized.

 

[3113]

I've got my book on massages memorized.

From your AV I see you're ready...but why don't you give us all massages first? We really can't give you that blow job until we've hard evidence that you have, indeed, memorized the book.

 

[Vermilion]

Never stand at the front door with the car keys.

Even if it is fifteen minutes past the time we're supposed to leave if hubby is doing that to me it makes me feel rushed. It adds more pressure to my getting ready situation.

Sit down, watch a little TV, read the paper, relax, as if you had all the time in the world.

Maybe the stockings had a previously undetected run, maybe the lacy peach bra was visible (unexpectedly) through the white shirt, maybe the slip was too long for the skirt, maybe the shoes didn't quite go with the outfit as thought, or - hair, makeup, jewelry . . .

Usually moms have to get the kids ready first, then herself. Toss a few unexpected happenings into the mix and it's a wonder we get anywhere at all.

When she does come racing out of the bedroom/bathroom, look up casually and smile. If she gasps out a hurried - "Let's go!" You can say - "You look great."

Now depending upon the stress of the situation, you may only receive a disgusted snort in reply, but you might get lucky.

Or you couldm play the vicious tricks the Fiance plays on me.

Say we *really* have to leave by 7pm
he'll tell me 6.30pm
So I'll be ready 6.30pm on the dot and he'll tell me - don;t worry, we have half an hour.

Then next time, he tells me quarter to 7. I think great, I have till quarter past. Oh no. This time he's told me the *correct* time and I end up late.

So I never know which time we're supposed to be leaving by, he stresses me out by bitching and moaning and hanging round by the front door *and*, to really tick me off, he complains about how long I take to get ready, when the reason I'm late is because I had to iron his bloody shirt halfway through, plus find his missing cufflink, plus write the card, wrap the present, call his parents to find out if they want us to give them a lift and wait for him to get out of the bathroom which he has gone into first despite the fact that his hair is an inch long and mine is 3 feet long - and I need to apply makeup.

OK. Rant done.
Howzat for a ritual?

x
V

 

[3113]

So I never know which time we're supposed to be leaving by, he stresses me out by bitching and moaning and hanging round by the front door *and*, to really tick me off, he complains about how long I take to get ready, when the reason I'm late is because I had to iron his bloody shirt halfway through, plus find his missing cufflink, plus write the card, wrap the present, call his parents to find out if they want us to give them a lift and wait for him to get out of the bathroom which he has gone into first despite the fact that his hair is an inch long and mine is 3 feet long - and I need to apply makeup.

LOL! Which is why a wise woman (and future wife) learns to call the shots instead of letting HIM call them. You find out ahead of time when the right time is, DON'T rely on him. An if it's 7, then at 6:30 you tell HIM that he has half-an-hour to find his cufflink, iron his shirt and do his hair, while you wrap the present and call his parents (you're already fully dressed and ready to go).

Decide that you're never going to trust him with the job of getting the two of you out the door and all will be well

 

[EnglishRoseFox]

I always rub cocoa butter onto my skin after my bath. I have found that most men love the smell of my skin and it keeps it very soft.

Never give a blow job unless I want to, they can always tell if its not what you want to be doing (luckily I enjoy it)

Always look as good underneath my clothes as on the outside, no saggy wash worn undies, so off-putting and you never know when yr gonna get your clothes ripped off unexpectedly

Be myself.














Oh..I'm single...so don't try these at home! x

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Um. I don't really think women have any...other than the human male casteration and sacrifice on Saturday nights. Oh? I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I? My bad.

 

[3113]

I always rub cocoa butter onto my skin after my bath. I have found that most men love the smell of my skin and it keeps it very soft.

Never give a blow job unless I want to, they can always tell if its not what you want to be doing (luckily I enjoy it)

Always look as good underneath my clothes as on the outside, no saggy wash worn undies, so off-putting and you never know when yr gonna get your clothes ripped off unexpectedly

Be myself.

Very nice rituals!

 

[Sun Tan Guy]

I always rub cocoa butter onto my skin after my bath. I have found that most men love the smell of my skin and it keeps it very soft.

Never give a blow job unless I want to, they can always tell if its not what you want to be doing (luckily I enjoy it)

Always look as good underneath my clothes as on the outside, no saggy wash worn undies, so off-putting and you never know when yr gonna get your clothes ripped off unexpectedly

Be myself.

Oh..I'm single...so don't try these at home! x

Heavenly.. cocoa butter can smell soo soo sexy on the beach getting a tan too..
YOur like the perfect woman...sigh...

 

[3113]

Um. I don't really think women have any...other than the human male casteration and sacrifice on Saturday nights. Oh? I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I?

Like that was a secret! Come on, Jenny. A "secret" from you would be something like, finding out that you're a vegan who raises bunnies for pets and knits flower-patterned blankets for babies.

 

[DesertPirate]

Um. I don't really think women have any...other than the human male casteration and sacrifice on Saturday nights. Oh? I wasn't supposed to mention that, was I? My bad.

Jenny we expect worse from you

 

[ms.read]

Always shave IN the shower. makes the hair wash away easier. Use a hand mirror *wink wink* Smooth is best. hot oral Here I cum!

 

[voluptuary_manque]

LOL! Which is why a wise woman (and future wife) learns to call the shots instead of letting HIM call them. You find out ahead of time when the right time is, DON'T rely on him. An if it's 7, then at 6:30 you tell HIM that he has half-an-hour to find his cufflink, iron his shirt and do his hair, while you wrap the present and call his parents (you're already fully dressed and ready to go).

Decide that you're never going to trust him with the job of getting the two of you out the door and all will be well

Exactly. Husbands are just like any other pet. You have to learn to manage us and we ain't too bright none, neither.