I'm curious with "POLY" being the newish thing ...

[Britva415]

It's my guess that monogamy isn't necessarily culturally driven, but more of a group-think reflex to prevent one alpha from taking everything from the others. When it comes to sex and procreation, that alpha-takes-all causes genetic drift and eventually destroys the herd. The Pharaohs of Egypt and the "Bluebloods" of Europe were examples where too much alpha-imposed inbreeding allows genetic defects to propagate. The cultural reinforcement expecting monogamy in large groups gives other, lessor abled males a chance to provide more genetic material in the herd and gives other traits a chance to develop.

Well,

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Everything you described is cultural - from the groupthink reflex to the successful overriding of it. We can't swallow the idea that historical implementations of alpha-takes-all are cultural while simultaneously imagining that situations where the alpha does NOT manage to take all are somehow not cultural but merely biologically instinctive.

You even backpedaled it yourself, first saying you guess monogamy is not necessarily culturally driven but concluding what biological benefit the cultural reinforcement of monogamy provides.

 

[Lifestyle66]

Well,

Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Everything you described is cultural - from the groupthink reflex to the successful overriding of it. We can't swallow the idea that historical implementations of alpha-takes-all are cultural while simultaneously imagining that situations where the alpha does NOT manage to take all are somehow not cultural but merely biologically instinctive.

You even backpedaled it yourself, first saying you guess monogamy is not necessarily culturally driven but concluding what biological benefit the cultural reinforcement of monogamy provides.

Okay, I gather that you are "pro polo" and feel that monogamy is merely culturally driven.

I don't oppose either monogamy or poly relationships. They both have their place, and (in my experience) they can both fall apart for individuals caught in the wrong expectations when their significant other/s change.

When I say "large groups', I mean when people gather in communities large enough to reduce the genetic risks and consequences of inbreeding. Those who are less attractive (not as fast, strong, attractive, or rich) pressure others into those monogamous relationships due to their insecurities. Monogamy has a value in conflict resolution (or at least conflict reduction most of the time.)

I don't consider monogamy "culturally" driven, because we still have the alpha males trying to fuck every woman they can. And we have alpha females trying to "upgrade" from their current mate. Both are trying to spread their seed and improve their offspring, which is a biological drive. What "culture" creates such an undercurrent of conflict?

What you refer to as culture, I consider as groups leveraging whatever they can to keep what they have. Many unattractive women want to leverage the law or religion or community opinions to keep their husband. And many lessor-endowed, unattractive, or poor men want to leverage financials and politics to hang on to their wife. I just don't think there's a cultural drive there, as much as a group-think self-interest.


EDIT: I write a lot of sharing/swinger stories in LW. Is it "culture" which causes those 1-bombing haters to downgrade my stories? Or it is insecurities of losers who can't conceive of enjoying extra-marital sex?

 

[Britva415]

Okay, I gather that you are "pro polo" and feel that monogamy is merely culturally driven.

I don't oppose either monogamy or poly relationships. They both have their place, and (in my experience) they can both fall apart for individuals caught in the wrong expectations when their significant other/s change.

When I say "large groups', I mean when people gather in communities large enough to reduce the genetic risks and consequences of inbreeding. Those who are less attractive (not as fast, strong, attractive, or rich) pressure others into those monogamous relationships due to their insecurities. Monogamy has a value in conflict resolution (or at least conflict reduction most of the time.)

I don't consider monogamy "culturally" driven, because we still have the alpha males trying to fuck every woman they can. And we have alpha females trying to "upgrade" from their current mate. Both are trying to spread their seed and improve their offspring, which is a biological drive. What "culture" creates such an undercurrent of conflict?

What you refer to as culture, I consider as groups leveraging whatever they can to keep what they have. Many unattractive women want to leverage the law or religion or community opinions to keep their husband. And many lessor-endowed, unattractive, or poor men want to leverage financials and politics to hang on to their wife. I just don't think there's a cultural drive there, as much as a group-think self-interest.

I just don't know how you can call groupthink "not cultural," that's all.

 

[Lifestyle66]

I just don't know how you can call groupthink "not cultural," that's all.

I added my "edit" which might have given a better example.

There are people in our "culture" who actively oppose those things which you promote (poly).

There are also many who actively oppose MY sharing/swinger stories. They HATE and 1-bomb a consensual couple just having FUN!

Do they do so based on "culture" or their own shortcomings and insecurities?

I think you're facing people with those same insecurities in those who oppose poly relationships. Does a poly group in the community in any way threaten the community's "culture"? IMO, the answer is "no". That group threatens those in monogamous relationships whose spouse might see an alternative way out!

 

[SebastianHolt]

Some want more variety and will switch off between partners rather than be with both.

Some have a higher drive than one partner can fulfill.

think that I need to work on my communication skills as I'm doing something wrong. my current gf is very anti-poly, threesome, or swing ... this or that.

 

[DanOkeffie]

Some want more variety and will switch off between partners rather than be with both.

Some have a higher drive than one partner can fulfill.

I'd love to watch a woman go from man to man. Just sucks in today's world one has to wear condoms.

Course, never been with a woman that took two 'loads' hehe

 

[Britva415]

think that I need to work on my communication skills as I'm doing something wrong. my current gf is very anti-poly, threesome, or swing ... this or that.

Communication is good but it won’t “fix” the situation where someone just isn’t into what the other person is into.

You can try but if you don’t change her mind, you’ll have to just decide how bad you want it vs. how bad you want her.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Communication is good but it won’t “fix” the situation where someone just isn’t into what the other person is into.

You can try but if you don’t change her mind, you’ll have to just decide how bad you want it vs. how bad you want her.

This. I love poly but it's not for everybody. I've seen too many cases where somebody who wasn't cut out for poly let somebody else talk them into it - or even talked themselves into it - and it never ends well.

Well, maybe one time.

 

[ElectricBlue]

This. I love poly but it's not for everybody. I've seen too many cases where somebody who wasn't cut out for poly let somebody else talk them into it - or even talked themselves into it - and it never ends well.

Well, maybe one time.

Wow, that guy's desire for an open relationship sure backfired on him! Oops.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

Wow, that guy's desire for an open relationship sure backfired on him! Oops.

That happens a fair bit. It's almost as much a cliché as the male/female couple looking for the bisexual unicorn (always female...) to be their third in a triad.

A relationship can work with one person being poly and the other choosing not to be, but the only ones I know of have the monogamous partner with a very time-consuming hobby, instead.

 

[TheLobster]

This. I love poly but it's not for everybody. I've seen too many cases where somebody who wasn't cut out for poly let somebody else talk them into it - or even talked themselves into it - and it never ends well.

Well, maybe one time.

Turns out that all those hot girls in his area actually aren't.

 

[reesesebastian]

Poly relationships are gaining some level of acceptance.
They are not a new concept. Historically, they remained hidden, because of the negative reactions...
These days they are becoming more accepted as an option...
There are a lot of benefits for polyamorous relationships. Income, shared responsibilities around the house... support, and probably many others.
The negatives of course are the human psyche, and jealousy...
The idea of it sounds great, but does it work in reality??? I've never tried, but feel it might be harder in real life than fantasy...

Cagivagurl

Sadly, many of my friends have double standards. They want to have sex with as many women as possilbe but become upset when the woman they are dating has enjoyed previous lovers.