Scouries scores the nude day contest entries

[scouries]

STORY 19 – ‘Its Ability That Counts’ by Rumple Foreskin

STORY 19 – ‘Its Ability That Counts’ by Rumple Foreskin

Another Lit oldtimer and multi prize winner. Actually it’s almost impossible not to like this rumpled and conniving old veteran. His posts also invariably contain pictures of beautiful young women who’re hard to resist. There is no doubt at all, this old codger gives good sex.

3 Best sex scenes, best dialogue, short paragraphs, best story construction…but in this story (as in many of yours), there’s that background smirk, the tongue in cheek way of…I would have given it a 4 anyway, probably the best of the twenty I’ve read so far, but you didn’t even pretend that this story had anything to do with the contest theme…I’m not sure why the contest censor even allowed it in the contest.
And I know you must have another in reserve. A good read.

 

[scouries]

STORY 20 – ‘Kimmy’ by hyulhyulhyul

STORY 20 – ‘Kimmy’ by hyulhyulhyul

I started to read this today and realized I’d already read it the day it came out, read it without realizing it was in any contest. I think I read it that day because I was surprised to see an incest story near the top of the day’s offerings. (For those of you who write in other categories and may not know it, generally incest and nonconsent stories are always at the bottom of the new story list).

It’s funny, sexy, well written. You make it look amazingly easy.

3 I still have to quibble about the really long paragraphs, they are brutal on my laptop. But there was public nudity in it.
Feel the Dolly scene on the first page could have been left out. For the contest I just wish you had only entered the classroom part. There are two good stories here, wish they’d been separated. According to my scoring system I had to take 1 and a half marks off for length – sorry. Otherwise it would have been at the top. A third entry?

 

[scouries]

STORY 21 – ‘Caribbean Vacation’ by imalickin

STORY 21 – ‘Caribbean Vacation’ by imalickin

I started to read your story after I’d just visited my thread for the first time since I posted my first scores on what is the first thread I’ve ever started. I almost clicked out after three paragraphs – fuck, I don’t need thread politics in the stories I read, I thought. Fortunately we finally got to the Caribbean.

2 I didn’t particularly like this story. To me much of it read like a travelogue. I actually had visions of Jim working the slide machine at home while Lilith regaled the neighbors with a running commentary. I agree with the commenter who said much of the first page could go. It finally picked up with the Serena/Jim/Lilith scene – that was both unusual and fun. Unfortunately the story quickly came to a close after that.

 

[scouries]

STORY 22 – ‘A Slut Named Carrie’ by RedHairedandFriendly

STORY 22 – ‘A Slut Named Carrie’ by RedHairedandFriendly

Another author I’ve never read before and clicking her name find an incredible output. When I read the note at the top (all that promised sex) I was afraid it was going to be 10 pages long. Happily it was short and pretty good.
The first story in the contest I’ve read so far that at least tries to address the nudist lifestyles. That examines what a person feels when he/she first steps out naked in front of strangers. And I asked for sex! But I gotta say, this sounds more like some hedonistic, swingers resort than it does any nudist beach or naturism gathering I’ve been to.

3 It was simply too much sex, too fast, in too many combinations for me to really enjoy. And there was no background plot or interesting character to carry me along.


Enough for today,
22 stories, one 1, four 2’s, thirteen 3’s, three 4’s, and one undecided. I’ve put too many perhaps as three, and still haven’t given a 5. I wish I was able to score on a scale from 1-100 so that I could truly differentiate between the contestants. C’est la vie!

And alas, my first ever thread has lost the symmetry I’d hoped for – it’s become ugly.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

STORY 19 – ‘Its Ability That Counts’ by Rumple Foreskin

Another Lit oldtimer and multi prize winner. Actually it’s almost impossible not to like this rumpled and conniving old veteran. His posts also invariably contain pictures of beautiful young women who’re hard to resist. There is no doubt at all, this old codger gives good sex.

3 Best sex scenes, best dialogue, short paragraphs, best story construction…but in this story (as in many of yours), there’s that background smirk, the tongue in cheek way of…I would have given it a 4 anyway, probably the best of the twenty I’ve read so far, but you didn’t even pretend that this story had anything to do with the contest theme…I’m not sure why the contest censor even allowed it in the contest.
And I know you must have another in reserve. A good read.

Thanks for input, Scouries. If you ever get a chance, please PM or post an example of the "tongue-in-cheek" you mentioned. I've nothing against using TIC in narrative (did a lot of that in my "Outdoor Angie" trilogy) but that's true only if it's intentional and includes the readers.

As for the contest theme, I wanted to use Nude Day to try and slip in a thought that true beauty and sexuality are more than just a perfect body. Probably too heavy a message for me to get across in that light a story.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[NoRain]

I'm out.

And the thread becomes less than it might have been.

 

[hyulhyulhyul]

STORY 6 ‘Pris’ by huylhuylhuyl

Another new author for me. Best story in the contest I’ve read so far. It was funny and erotic, taken just to the right point.

3 Another bloody three! Why? Well, what does this story have to do with Nude Day? Nothing! It’s a piss off to have to give a three when it could have been a 4 or 5. Also the paragraphs were too long, made it hard to read. Also, you lost points for using an already established character.
I see you have another story. Hopefully that one is original and on theme. I like your style.

Thanks for your kind words about this and my other story "Kimmy". It's nice to have someone actually mention my stories for a change.

I don't know what to say about the paragraph length. Most of my paragraphs are in the four line range when I type my stories out on Wordpad using Arial size 10 font. If they appear too large on your laptop, maybe you can do what I usually do and copy the stories you read to Wordpad to read them. Or else adjust the resolution on your laptop screen.

I suppose you are right about "Pris" not adhering completely to the theme of the contest. I assumed that the required nudity in the story was sufficient to qualify it, considering that so many of the other entries had similar marginally qualified content.

Thanks for the mention.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Good, sound advice when it refers to feedback to give to your girlfriend when she asks if those pants make her ass look big. When it refers to writing, it's the most harmful advice there is.

If you don't have anything nice to say about a story you read, it's your obligation to say it. The author asked for feedback, and if there is one thing that will be useful for him or her to know in order to grow as a writer is that to you, as a reader, that story doesn't work. You need to let him or her know that, and why it doesn't work.

By staying silent, you become an accomplice of Crap-Proliferation and Author-Stagnation, the penalties for which should be death.

I think I must disagree with you. My opinions about a story are just that, personal opinions. I don't think I have the necessary talent to critique another writer's work.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

That's entertainment!

I thought I was in the audience of the Springer show for a minute...

 

[JamesSD]

"I don't know if it's art, but I know what I like"

I have to say, writing public reviews is pretty brave. I also like a lot about scouries reviews as a whole. I like that the average is falling near 3. I like that he has his criteria and lays them out from the start. It helps that I agree with some of his preferences.

Guess what? Length matters. It matters in movies, it matters in books, and it matters in short stories. I rarely enjoy really short (<1 lit page) erotic stories, nor do I particularly care to read 6+ lit pages unless I fall in love with the story.

Category also matters. It's very difficult to write a good erotic essay. Many other categories quickly lend themselves to cliches or are just hard to be creative in. When the author is allowed to choose their category, it's fair to critique the choice.

As for pertaining to the contest theme... I certainly think that entries that are more "on target" should be rewarded. intuitively for me, a "nude day" story should involve nudity. Preferably a lot of it

And this will sound like sucking up, but i pretty much agree with everything Lauren wrote in this thread.

 

[imalickin]

STORY 21 – ‘Caribbean Vacation’ by imalickin

I started to read your story after I’d just visited my thread for the first time since I posted my first scores on what is the first thread I’ve ever started. I almost clicked out after three paragraphs – fuck, I don’t need thread politics in the stories I read, I thought. Fortunately we finally got to the Caribbean.

2 I didn’t particularly like this story. To me much of it read like a travelogue. I actually had visions of Jim working the slide machine at home while Lilith regaled the neighbors with a running commentary. I agree with the commenter who said much of the first page could go. It finally picked up with the Serena/Jim/Lilith scene – that was both unusual and fun. Unfortunately the story quickly came to a close after that.

I want to thank you for your thoughtful input on this story, which is just the first chapter in a series recounting the two week adventure of Lilith and Jim. I was going to post the whole thing for the contest but felt it too long to be a contest post. You are probably right that most of the first page could be done away with for the contest post, however it provides background about the main character that comes into play in later chapters. Thus, it had to be included.

I look forward to you critiquing the rest of the story when I post the other chapters.

Thanks again for you honest critique.

 

[Captain Midnight]

Probably in the wrong thread, but ...

Good, sound advice when it refers to feedback to give to your girlfriend when she asks if those pants make her ass look big. When it refers to writing, it's the most harmful advice there is.

If you don't have anything nice to say about a story you read, it's your obligation to say it. The author asked for feedback, and if there is one thing that will be useful for him or her to know in order to grow as a writer is that to you, as a reader, that story doesn't work. You need to let him or her know that, and why it doesn't work.

By staying silent, you become an accomplice of Crap-Proliferation and Author-Stagnation, the penalties for which should be death.

I'm sure this reply is in the wrong place, because it should be in a general review-criticism theme. But it's here.

I personally dislike 1-bombing a story for any reason at all, or even calling a story mediocre. I personally hand out 5s and nothing but 5s. If I don't like a story, it gets no vote. If I particularly like a story, I write the author and say so.

Authors are hypersensitive to criticism. I think critics are hypersensitive to being disagreed with. As a newspaper editor, I have given bad reviews to some movies (I couldn't stand "The Family Stone," for one example, even though my grilfrienxd and her sister loved it). Some people think I am an idiot for trashing a few of those I have really disliked. Yes, it bothers me. It leaves me vulnerable, as a writer, to getting trashed myself.

My stories actually get very few reads and very few votes. I may be writing for the wrong site, although I like writing for this site and I like the people I have met on it. Whether or not I am qualified to pass judgment on a story is highly questionable, unless it is about the use of the English language -- I have some skills there and have edited a few stories. But I do not and will not believe in chasing out the riff-raff with negative reviews.

Captain Midnight

 

[scouries]

All 5's?

Just logged in to deliver some more reviews and saw the above comment about only giving 5's. Perhaps okay for regular stories but in a contest?
We'd end up every contest with 83 winners all with a perfect score! What would be the point?

 

[scouries]

STORY 23 – ‘Naked and Public’ by Rassendyll

STORY 23 – ‘Naked and Public’ by Rassendyll

Where the fuck is Jesus Green? I had to delay writing this review while I googled for the place. Is it in Cambridge? I found one Jesus Green in Cambridge described as follows: Originally proposed as the site for Cambridge's main railway station, Jesus Green is a broad piece of parkland immediately adjacent to Midsummer Common. When the Strawberry Fair is in full swing, it provides a quiet retreat to roll up a reflective spliff. I kid you not!
As soon as I read the above I wondered if Mr. Rassendyl’s story, which I had originally thought ludicrous, might not be true. There is even a picture of the Jesus Green swimming pool at http://www.cambridge2000.com/cambridge2000/html/0008/P8152115.html although I don’t see Alice or her mom in it.

4 4 going on 5. I love this guy. He can be my investment manager anytime. A great laugh. Love it or hate it, everyone should read it. I promise this is different from the usual contest fare. As you read, imagine it’s a Monty Python skit, with John Cleese in the lead, naked, marching the two ladies towards the pool….

 

[scouries]

STORY 24 - ‘Graduation and Graduating’ by sexygodess06

STORY 24 - ‘Graduation and Graduating’ by sexygodess06

I don’t know – this one is a real hard one. If legit it’s great. If not, if it’s some alt trying to write down…

3 Savage slice of life story. Hard to read but interesting.

 

[scouries]

STORY 25 - ‘Sunbathing with My Stepsister’ by Series6

STORY 25 - ‘Sunbathing with My Stepsister’ by Series6

Strange! After each of the first 3 or 4 paragraphs I had to stop and ask myself what the hecks this all about. After the previous two stories I was a little punch-drunk. For some reason I had assumed as I read that the author was a girl and until the penis was mentioned in the eighth paragraph I thought we were heading to a lesbian story.
But then it really picked up. Series6 gives good sex.

3 Slow start, fast finish. A good, easy read. Start at the third or fourth paragraph.

 

[scouries]

STORY 26 - ‘Sergeant Sebastian’s Vacation’ by SexSweetheart

STORY 26 - ‘Sergeant Sebastian’s Vacation’ by SexSweetheart

At first I didn’t like it. Didn’t like how the words ran. But strangely I immediately was able to imagine the two as they sat in the dining room. Literally saw them! Didn’t particularly like them, but you certainly drew them for your reader.

Not the wordsmith of many of your fellow competitors, yet you are able to bring your scenes to life. I know these two as they spread lotion on each others bodies, see them clearly. Although I don’t usually read BDSM I think I’ll try some of your other stories.

2 Not a bad story. It would have been a 3 but had to take a mark off for you using characters you’ve already used before (see my scoring guidelines above).

 

[scouries]

STORY 27 – ‘Garden of Eden’ by SelenaKittyn

STORY 27 – ‘Garden of Eden’ by SelenaKittyn

I’LL PROBABLY REGRET THIS…

Of course I can’t claim never to have read this author (oh, I wish!). I wasn’t ‘smart’ enough apparently to appreciate her earlier work, but according to the grapevine this work has been ‘dumb-ed’ down so that even I will have a chance to understand it. I woke to quite a few e-mails this morning warning me you had written this one especially for me. How clever! Actually I’m touched. To be considered a mentor for one of Literotica’s up and comers is quite an honor. But you could have dedicated it to me.

It’s amazing how a young author like you can pick up so much, so fast, from another author by simply being exposed to some of his work. It’s fun to see one’s acolyte finally fly free on her own. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

A+ You really didn’t think I’d dare score you below 5 again, did you? No fuggin way! I’ve learned my lesson! It would be impossible for me to give you a fair score after you uglied up my thread (you should be ashamed of yourself!). Were you really more worried about the reviewer’s grammar than his critique?

Selena approached her teacher as soon as the class ended, a tear hanging precariously from her left eye. “What’s an A+ Miss Scouries,” she whimpered, fearful of her Daddy’s reaction, “usually I get a Turquoise W and a perfect 5.”

“It means you tried your best sweetie, no one could ever ask for anything more than that.”

“Did anyone else get one,” the suddenly interested child asked.

“No honey. Only you. Everyone else got 2’s and 3’s and 4’s.”

“So Daddy will be happy with me?” the youngster asked.

“Of course he will be Selena, he’s your father.”

“Oh goody,” the suddenly radiant infant said, but as the jubilantly smiling girl turned and skipped away, Miss Scouries thought she heard the pretty teen add, “then Daddy will let me sleep in his bed tonight.”

Still, you are one of the Kitten sisters. By the way, do you happen to know when your lovely and more pleasant younger sister Danielle is going to post an entry? The world anxiously awaits her.

3468.

I’ve now caught up. As long as the stories don’t start to flood out, I should be able to keep up. 27 stories, one 1, five 2’s, fifteen 3’s, four 4’s, one undecided and one A+.

IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT!!! Go Partyyyy!

 

[Liar]

IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT!!! Go Partyyyy!

I'm way ahead of you there.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

STORY 27 – ‘Garden of Eden’ by SelenaKittyn

I’LL PROBABLY REGRET THIS…

Of course I can’t claim never to have read this author (oh, I wish!). I wasn’t ‘smart’ enough apparently to appreciate her earlier work, but according to the grapevine this work has been ‘dumb-ed’ down so that even I will have a chance to understand it. I woke to quite a few e-mails this morning warning me you had written this one especially for me. How clever! Actually I’m touched. To be considered a mentor for one of Literotica’s up and comers is quite an honor. But you could have dedicated it to me.

It’s amazing how a young author like you can pick up so much, so fast, from another author by simply being exposed to some of his work. It’s fun to see one’s acolyte finally fly free on her own. And at worst, at least it’s kept you out of trouble for a couple of days – and spared us another fairy tale disaster.

A+ You really didn’t think I’d dare score you below 5 again, did you? No fuggin way! I’ve learned my lesson! It would be impossible for me to give you a fair score after you uglied up my thread (you should be ashamed of yourself!). Were you really more worried about the reviewer’s grammar than his critique?

Selena approached her teacher as soon as the class ended, a tear hanging precariously from her left eye. “What’s an A+ Miss Scouries,” she whimpered, fearful of her Daddy’s reaction, “usually I get a Turquoise W and a perfect 5.”

“It means you tried your best sweetie, no one could ever ask for anything more than that.”

“Did anyone else get one,” the suddenly interested child asked.

“No honey. Only you. Everyone else got 2’s and 3’s and 4’s.”

“So Daddy will be happy with me?” the youngster asked.

“Of course he will be Selena, he’s your father.”

“Oh goody,” the suddenly radiant infant said, but as the jubilantly smiling girl turned and skipped away, Miss Scouries thought she heard the pretty teen add, “then Daddy will let me sleep in his bed tonight.”

Still, you are one of the Kitten sisters. By the way, do you happen to know when your lovely and more pleasant younger sister Danielle is going to post an entry? The world anxiously awaits her.

3468.

I’ve now caught up. As long as the stories don’t start to flood out, I should be able to keep up. 27 stories, one 1, five 2’s, fifteen 3’s, four 4’s, one undecided and one A+.

IT’S FRIDAY NIGHT!!! Go Partyyyy!

you're a dog, Scouries... lol

This story has been done, actually long before ENS... have been editing and rewriting... LadyCibelle edited it for me, you can ask her when she sent it back to me... several other AH authors saw the beginning of it long before you started this thread... so whoever was emailing you, telling you that I wrote it "just for you" is quite mistaken.

Don't flatter yourself.

I write incest, on occasion... and this is a theme (religion/incest/daddy&daughter) I've played with before...

I don't write anything that doesn't interest me.

but thanks for the approval, Daddy... I'll sleep better in my little babydoll nightie and pigtails knowing it fit your template for a good story...

 

[TheEarl]

Okay, I was on your side until a minute ago. Not your proudest moment.

The Earl

 

[Selena_Kitt]

Okay, I was on your side until a minute ago. Not your proudest moment.

The Earl

was there a side to be on? is this a war? *shrug*

 

[TheEarl]

was there a side to be on? is this a war? *shrug*

Nope, but it was an argument earlier in the thread. No need to be facetious.

The Earl

 

[yui]

was there a side to be on? is this a war? *shrug*

Get off Earl, Selena. He's right, you came across as condescending and facetious given the previous posts.

Agreed. Not your finest moment.

 

[mismused]

delete