Quick question on names

[temp256]

I'm afraid I will have to start school as a male next week, but do you think it would be too weird if I told people to call me Jetta? I appear rather effeminate, but still male.

Damn this waiting. I wish I could start being a girl right now...

 

[Toilette]

It'd be weird, but not unreasonably-weird, because human-nature'll have them calling you 'jet', no matter what your sex-appearance is. Some girls are addicted-to hearing their full name pronounced, but that isn't a big-deal either...

 

[bisexplicit]

Why do you have to start school as a male?

I mean, while perhaps a sex-change operation won't be complete, couldn't you simply dress female and tell others that you were?

 

[temp256]

I live at home, and I'm dependent on my parents for clothes and the like. Dressing like a girl means coming out to my family, and I'm (unreasonably) terrified to tell them.

 

[neonflux]

hope you don't mind my two cents

I say, do what your heart tells you... Two Questions:

Would using Jetta assist/support you in your journey? I think Toilette was right, if you are still presenting as male, people will start calling you Jet, but it will then ease the transition to Jetta later on)

Would using Jetta force you to come out before you are ready to share who you really are with your family?

With great admiration for your courage in being true to yourself...

~ Justine

 

[bisexplicit]

I live at home, and I'm dependent on my parents for clothes and the like. Dressing like a girl means coming out to my family, and I'm (unreasonably) terrified to tell them.

Well, it seems like what people call you are the least of your worries.

For example, how do you plan to get a sex change operation without coming out to your parents?

 

[temp256]

I guess being called Jet really wouldn't do much at the moment. So many other things will change in the months to come, so I doubt the name will make much difference. I'm starting college classes, so it wouldn't force me to do anything.

Bisexplicit, a sex change is a very gradual process. It takes three months of therapy to even get hormones, and another year of a real-life test before surgery can even be considered. I'm currently at the "waiting to get an appointment with a therapist" stage, and I have no idea how far it will progress.

The problem is that I need to come out, if for nothing more than emotional stability. I'm as ready as I'll ever be, but I'm just far too nervous to say anything. I know I have nothing to fear, but my sense of paranoia is holding me back. I need to tell them, but I...can't.

Maybe I should start being careless with what I leave up on my computer...

Mom, I want to be a girl.​

 

[neonflux]

4 cents?

Temp256,

This is coming from working with a lot of LGBT/Queer and questioning youth and also understanding how complex the coming out process is.

My first impulse is still to say follow your heart, as scary as it is. But then when it comes to your family, I would ask you other questions, the answers to which might mean excercising caution, especially since you are at the beginning of this journey, in terms of the actual transition. You are just starting college. Do you live with your family? Do you depend upon them for financial support? Is there any chance they would kick you out? Have you already come out as bi or gay? (Sometimes that can make the next step easier because you already have a sense of how they might respond.) If they kick you out, do you have a way to support yourself and how would that be emotionally when you are also making another transition as a college student.

Re: needing to come out - if coming out to your family would not be safe, would it be easier to come out at college? Does your school have an LGBT student's union? If it does, perhaps this can be a safe first step and will also provide you with a support system for the bigger steps you'll need to take in the coming months.

Hope these questions are helpful... Feel free to PM me should you want to talk more. Am also on yahoo chat as neonflux.

~ Justine

I guess being called Jet really wouldn't do much at the moment. So many other things will change in the months to come, so I doubt the name will make much difference. I'm starting college classes, so it wouldn't force me to do anything.

Bisexplicit, a sex change is a very gradual process. It takes three months of therapy to even get hormones, and another year of a real-life test before surgery can even be considered. I'm currently at the "waiting to get an appointment with a therapist" stage, and I have no idea how far it will progress.

The problem is that I need to come out, if for nothing more than emotional stability. I'm as ready as I'll ever be, but I'm just far too nervous to say anything. I know I have nothing to fear, but my sense of paranoia is holding me back. I need to tell them, but I...can't.

Maybe I should start being careless with what I leave up on my computer...

Mom, I want to be a girl.​

 

[temp256]

I live with and depend on my family, but they have both implied and explicitly expressed their acceptance with whatever sexuality I might be. (When talking about the future, they casually speculate about my wife--or husband. I have never indicated a preference.) By all indications, this extends to sex as well.

There is no doubt I will be safe in coming out. I know I will be accepted. I know my fears are entirely internal; it has nothing to with potential negative reactions. I'm not even sure why I'm afraid. Quite likely it's merely a byproduct of all my other wildly fluctuating emotions. Unfounded though it may be, I have yet to overcome it.

My appointment is at one of the best GLBT clinics in the country, so if I ever get my appointment they can help better than any student union at my crappy college (I'm taking general courses where it's cheap, then transferring to a U). Then again if I come out, I will have no urgent need for such a thing.

Ack, I keep writing myself in circles. (Strange thought: my emotions resemble the function y=x*sin(x). This combined with references to circles...I am such an engineer geek. I really should get to bed...)
I'll bug my mom about getting my eyebrows waxed tomorrow and see where that leads.

 

[Toilette]

Since your fears are 'entirely internal', you may be one of those people who, instead of a fear of failure, have a fear of success... It's a rare, valid, treatable phobia centering-on the 'anticipation of euphoria' in-reaching a goal that you've put so much effort into... Most prompted-to-come-out-people have their identities tested (in the public-school system) around 'Prom Night', when parents start prodding-n-probing... Neon is right about college support-avenues, plus you could take 'theater'-classes, where the ratio of straight-to-GLBT's is near 1-to-1... Finally, concerning 'circles' and 'engineering', you may like reading Larry Niven's Ringworld, and The Ringworld Engineers, where one-of-the-lead-characters, Nessus, has dozens of phobia's and insecurities.

 

[Tymeless]

goodluck temp i'm pulling for you girl

 

[gypsywitch]

Dear Jetta, It is very common here in California for trans-genders to use their self-chosen name regardless of their attire. A non-Asian who has chosen to wear Kim in his work name tag is one of my favs. He's blonde and has to wear the same uniform that everyone else does. When I need his help I call him Kimmie and he smiles from ear to ear.

be brave,
Shanti

 

[Hisbabydoll26]

I'm afraid I will have to start school as a male next week, but do you think it would be too weird if I told people to call me Jetta? I appear rather effeminate, but still male.

Damn this waiting. I wish I could start being a girl right now...

Isn't that a car?

 

[temp256]

I think it's more of a fear of change than anything. I don't know.

I never went to prom, and my parents never prodded. I am thinking of joining the theater. I was part of the technical crew in high school, and this school is well known for their liberal arts. Too bad I despise their first play, "Our Town".

Yes, I have read the Ringworld series. Quite good. I'm working to prove my theory that engineering is a genetic trait, much like luck.

Isn't that a car?

I going to get this a lot, aren't I? I know and care nothing of cars. I got the name from the Clifford series. It's the name of the egotistic rich girl, my favorite type of character.

My second choice was Perdita, from the George Shrinks series. She's the hot mom. It lost to Jetta because it's a bit too unusual, and no one would be able to spell it.

Yes, I watch children's cartoons.

 

[temp256]

I'm...partially out now. My mother started asking about the clinic I'm trying to get into.

The dialogue consisted of her gentle but inquisitive questions and my silent nodding as I stared at nothing and petted the kitten. Oh how I love my long hair! The lengthy strands formed a perfect emotional shield for avoiding eye contact and masking my embarrassed grin. I wonder how I ever lived without it.

My mother was surprisingly accurate at guessing the clinic was for "gender identity", but she did expose her ignorance of transsexuality by asking if it was a place for surgery or merely the beginnings of therapy. (I don't understand why everyone assumes surgery is the only step in a sex change. The dangly bits don't matter until the end, if at all.)

She said there are probably counseling opportunities at the school, then casually resumed normal conversation as if nothing happened. Awkward though it was for me, she thankfully gave no indication of anything out of the ordinary.

Now, if I can just work in an eyebrow wax and ear piercings before Tuesday...

 

[neonflux]

Just a big!!!

Hug and

Please keep us posted!!!

~ Justine

P.S., lovely mom who has a lovely daughter

I'm...partially out now. My mother started asking about the clinic I'm trying to get into.

The dialogue consisted of her gentle but inquisitive questions and my silent nodding as I stared at nothing and petted the kitten. Oh how I love my long hair! The lengthy strands formed a perfect emotional shield for avoiding eye contact and masking my embarrassed grin. I wonder how I ever lived without it.

My mother was surprisingly accurate at guessing the clinic was for "gender identity", but she did expose her ignorance of transsexuality by asking if it was a place for surgery or merely the beginnings of therapy. (I don't understand why everyone assumes surgery is the only step in a sex change. The dangly bits don't matter until the end, if at all.)

She said there are probably counseling opportunities at the school, then casually resumed normal conversation as if nothing happened. Awkward though it was for me, she thankfully gave no indication of anything out of the ordinary.

Now, if I can just work in an eyebrow wax and ear piercings before Tuesday...

 

[temp256]

I didn't get to use my new name. Every teacher started with roll call, using the old name I had registered with. I guess I don't really care at the moment. Explicitly claiming a gender contradictive name would have created an awkward social standing, something I can't afford while I'm currently friendless.

Oh well...
Hopefully I'll at least get to these eyebrows tomorrow.

 

[College_geek]

It's only weird if it makes you uncomfortable. I have a friend who is going through the change to female and s/he goes by either the old male name or the newly chosen female name. We all try to go by the female name, but sometimes the male one slips and s/he is cool about that. It all depends on what you feel.

 

[Tymeless]

i would be starting therapy this week if i could get ahold of the therapist i want i'll prolly try and call her this week while i'm up in columbus.

 

[temp256]

It would be uncomfortable. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, so I wont be comfortable until I can pass. I can't pass without help, and I can't get help without friends.

Claiming a weird name tends to put people off. Combining this with my inherit shyness means I will end up alone once again. I can't let that happen, so I will have to put off my transition until I get at least a few allies.

Once again I am as stressed and confused as ever.