questions from a newbie

[faeriefire]

Hi All-

I'm new here and nervous, but I've had ideas bouncing around in my head for the past week or so that I think some of you might be able to help me answer.

1. Are religious philosophies (Christian in particular) compatible with...shoot, I don't even know how to say it. I guess I want to know how people active in the lifestyle balance any religious beliefs, especially those religions that say there's something inherently wrong with sex?

2. I have this love-hate thing going on in my head: it's been sorta ingrained that anything sexual is 'dirty' or 'evil' but I think that's part of the appeal. How do folks handle prejudice in their own head?

3. How do people usually learn about bdsm/kink/deviance/etc.? Is one avenue safer than others? A bit along those lines how does one know if they're a Dom/sub/switch?

4. Once they've become involved in the community do people go back and forth from D/s to vanilla or do people pretty much stick to one or the other?

My apologies if I'm posting this where it shouldn't be or if my questions have already been answered elsewhere. With the sheer number of threads already running I'm not sure where to start. Any help is much appreciated. And if I break any rules of etiquette or whatever the standards here are please let me know so I don't annoy people without realizing it. Thank you for your patience with me.

faeriefire

 

[BiBunny]

1.) You can make most anything fit with your values and/or religious beliefs if you're open-minded and you really want to.

2.) I don't know how to answer this question. I grew up in a very repressive Southern Baptist home, but I honestly never saw sexuality as a "bad" or "dirty" thing. Some people have a hard time coming to grips with who they are, but I never did because I know without question that I was born this way. So I'm sorry that I don't have a good answer for you.

3.) Some people learn through trial and error. Some people read about stuff online or in books. Some people join local groups. I don't think any one way is always safer than the other, but I will say don't read about all this stuff on the Internet and think you know all about it because that's a good way to get you or your partner hurt. Go slow and be sensible. Also, the way to tell if you're a Dom/me or sub or switch is the same way you figure out if you like anything else. Try it and see if you like it.

4.) D/s and vanilla sex are not exclusive of one another. You can still be in a D/s situation while having sex in the missionary position with the lights out. It depends on the mindset of the people involved. But if you're asking if we always have elaborate "scenes" with whips and chains and costumes or whatever, then, no, we don't. I like a long, slow, lazy fuck just as much as the next person.

Did that help at all?

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Hi All-

I'm new here and nervous, but I've had ideas bouncing around in my head for the past week or so that I think some of you might be able to help me answer.

1. Are religious philosophies (Christian in particular) compatible with...shoot, I don't even know how to say it. I guess I want to know how people active in the lifestyle balance any religious beliefs, especially those religions that say there's something inherently wrong with sex?

2. I have this love-hate thing going on in my head: it's been sorta ingrained that anything sexual is 'dirty' or 'evil' but I think that's part of the appeal. How do folks handle prejudice in their own head?

3. How do people usually learn about bdsm/kink/deviance/etc.? Is one avenue safer than others? A bit along those lines how does one know if they're a Dom/sub/switch?

4. Once they've become involved in the community do people go back and forth from D/s to vanilla or do people pretty much stick to one or the other?

My apologies if I'm posting this where it shouldn't be or if my questions have already been answered elsewhere. With the sheer number of threads already running I'm not sure where to start. Any help is much appreciated. And if I break any rules of etiquette or whatever the standards here are please let me know so I don't annoy people without realizing it. Thank you for your patience with me.

faeriefire

Hi faeriefire,

Welcome aboard! Resource # 1 here on Lit - The BDSM Library - http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=266656 Please feel free to make use of it fo rother questions you may have.

As for your initial questions, #1 - You will get many different answers, and seriously, the only one that can be given is "it depends." Me, personally, I am a Christian and find nothing incompatible with BDSM, Master/slave, SM, or poly lifestyles within my religious beliefs. Then again, I tend to go straight to the source and disregard the ramblings of Paul, who clearly had "issues" when it comes to anything approaching sex.

Since the time of Paul, other people with sexual hangups have taken Paul's "advice" as being set in stone and added their own twisted interpretations to justify their hangups and emotional malfunctions. They take their own discomfort about their sexuality and turn it into a "sin", completely contrary to the Big Guy's design and desires.

#2 - Sex and sexuality is dirty? Evil? Sinful? Read The Song of Solomon. That's hot, erotic, BIBLICAL sexuality. 'Nuff said. Prejudice? I grew up in Alabama in the '60's. My next door neighbor (and father of my first girlfriend) was a Grand Dragon in the Ku Klux Klan. We learn better, and work to let the prejudice go. It's all we _can_ do if we wish to rid ourselves of prejudice.

#3 - There are any number of ways to learn about this lifestyle. Some are inherently safer than others. READ BOOKS. There are LOTS of them. From an earlier post of mine:

Looking for BDSM reading material? Most of these are in my personal library:

From Mystic Rose Books - http://www.mysticrose.com
Screw The Roses, Give Me the Thorns by Miller & Devon,
To Love, To Obey, To Serve by viola Johnson
and if you like erotic fiction -
The Marketplace Series by Laura Antoniou

Depending on your orientation and inclination I recommend the following (in no particular order except as they occur to me):
Also at Greenery Press - http://www.greenerypress.com
Miss Abernathy's Concise Slave Training Manual by Christina Abernathy
The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book Easton & Hardy
The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities by Easton & Liszt
When Someone You Love Is Kinky by Easton & Liszt
Partners in Power by Jack Rinella
The Loving Dominant by John Warren
Safe, Sane, Consentual and Fun by John Warren

At Daedelus Publishing - http://www.daedaluspublishing.com/ :
SlaveCraft by a grateful slave with Guy Baldwin
The Ties That Bind by Guy Baldwin
The Master's Manual by Jack Rinella
The Compleat Slave by Jack Rinella
Leatherfolk edited by Mark Thompson
Leathersex by Joseph Bean

From Uncle Abdul - http://www.uncleabdul.com/UAweb22.htm
JUICE--Electricity for Pleasure and Pain by Uncle Abdul

From Cleis Press - http://www.cleispress.com/authors.php
Public Sex by Pat Califia
Sensous Magic by Patrick Califia
Speaking Sex to Power by Patrick Califia

Also from Gloria Brame - http://www.gloriabrame.com (her website links to http://www.amazon.com for the book)
Different Loving by Gloria Brame, William Bram and Jon Jacobs

I could go on, but I think that's enough BDSM/kinky reading to keep any pervert busy and happy for quite a while! *evil grin* If you lived nearby, I'd even think about letting you borrow some of mine...

There are numerous websites out there, a few have good information, a lot of them are nothing more than cyberfantasy wanking material. When it comes to educational BDSM sites a few I recommend are:

The BDSM Resource Center - http://www.thebrc.net/
The Frugal Domme - http://www.frugaldomme.com/
Wizdomme Pages - http://www.wizdomme.com/
LeatherViews (by Jack Rinella) - http://www.leatherviews.com/kinkyinfo.htm
The Steel Door - http://www.steel-door.com
Literotica.com - The BDSM Talk forum. The BDSM Cafe isn't bad, most of the people that post there have at least a clue, but a few, well... you'll figure out who the clueless wonders are soon enough. Stay away from the role playing forums like The Playground unless you are looking for fantasy fuel.

Get involved in your local BDSM community. Trust me, there is one, even if you have to dig like a mole and go underground to find it. But for the more open, easier to find groups, try:

SceneUSA - http://www.darkheart.com/sceneusa.html
Caryl's Page - http://www.drkdesyre.com/
The BDSM Events Page - http://www.thebdsmeventspage.com/ which has links to both organizations AND events.
SirPaul's National Munch Page - http://phoenixdragon.dreamknight87.com/nmp.htm

Learn to protect yourself, learn to trust your guts when something isn't right. Learn how to screen/interview/negotiate with potential play partners. YOU are responsible for your own safety, no one else is. Your life, your body, your spirit, YOUR responsibility. Don't trust ANYONE on the internet, not even me. On the internet anyone can pretend to be anyone or anything. Be polite, but unless someone can back up their online song and dance with references, don't trust them until they prove they are who and what they claim to be.

Just because someone claims to be in this lifestyle doesn't make them any more honest, honorable, brighter or better than anyone else. People are people are people. Kinky or fetishy doesn't give them a fast track to goodness.

#4 - It really depends. Some people go through a "phase" where they are active and involved and then they become uninvolved. Some do this in the bedroom and no where else. Some live their entire lives emersed in the BDSM and only get vanilla enough to keep their jobs when they are out in the rest of the world. Follow your heart, your values, your beliefs, if you are true to yourself, mostly everyone else is cool with that.

Hope that helps!

 

[bdsm_librarian]

Welcome faeriefire, the following link may be of assistance to you until other Board members join in this ongoing discussion. There are several sections that may compliment aspects of questions you have posed in your opening post . Please feel free to explore at your leisure.

Best of luck

BDSM Library Link

Edit to Add : Seems timing is everything. Loitered too long with a post page open and EG has provided a wonderful platform of information while I was interrupted. EG if you read this I am now embarking on checking any listings you have provided that may not currently included in the BDSM Library, thus rectifying immediately for future & ongoing reference. Many thanks.

 

[twysted73]

*coughs and smiles a little*

 

[twysted73]

- On the Religous vs. D/s slant, ask Sweet Gigi. I've never known someone who so perfectly blends deep religous belief with D/s as effortlessly as she does.
Talk to her and she'll set you strait.

- As for self-discovery, talk to madetotakeit. She's just past the point of personal acceptance of this in her life and realizing it's not something that she can brush under the table.
She's a good source. (very insightful)

- If you're looking for misdirected angst and sarcasm with no helpful end in sight, talk to primalex.

- If you want a mother's touch, talk to Catalina. (She's a sweetie.)

- Question on Rope Bondage or a conversation with a talking penis? Homburg's your man. He (and his oddly talking phalice) are and can be quite helpful when they want to be heard. (just go with it on the penis. If you're goth-y you're a shoe in)

- Remourseless insight and hard truth? Netzach's your girl. Brass tacks there.
Just don't go in thinking she'll sugar coat it. Hell no.

- Snide sarcasm mixed with sadism? Marquis. (big anal fan) Take that however you wish. *mmwaahahaha*

- Awesome cookies and laugh-out-loud points of view? Betticus.

- Bratty, challanging and sensual opinions? unfound diamond is the woman to go to.

- Wanna talk to someone who just seems to know enough about everything to be helpful? Evil_Geoff. *hmm..looks like he's already found you*

- Bi-Bunny's good on emotional massochism. Damn near cornered the market.
( i WONDERED where that got to! thankx for the finder)

These are the people I've found to be most prominent in my searches.

*man, this almost sounds like a Celebrity Roast *

 

[Evil_Geoff]

HEY! What happened to "Keeping it real for all of us? See Evil_Geoff..."

Dadgum... all my efforts for naught!

Ooops.. never mind, I just saw the edit! *LMBFHAO*

 

[BiBunny]

- If you're looking for misdirected angst and sarcasm with no helpful end in sight, talk to primalex.

*Snort*

- Bi-Bunny's good on emotional massochism. Damn near cornered the market.

In both the right ways and the wrong ways. If you can't be a good example, at least serve as a horrible warning, huh?

Edit: Well, damn, now I look stupid. You took the part with my name in it out. *Pouts* This is doing wonders for my ego.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Ooops... that was suppposed to be an edit, not a quote...
So I'll edit this and quote someone else...

In both the right ways and the wrong ways. If you can't be a good example, at least serve as a horrible warning, huh?

Horrible warning? I think not. You are quite the lovely kinky, bisexual, horsey, studious switchy woman. Besides... I likes me a serious masochist sometimes...

 

[YourCaptor]

I don’t really know what to call my belief, I’m not a theist, nor atheist, and agnostic doesn’t really sum it up either.

Anyway, heres some of my thoughts on this.

If there is a god, why would it care how you have sex?
If god does care, why should you?

Plus the bible says slaves are fine, women should worship men as their lord, and mean treat women as their temple. If your gender and power preference match up, god told you to do it.

 

[BiBunny]

Ooops... that was suppposed to be an edit, not a quote...
So I'll edit this and quote someone else...


Horrible warning? I think not. You are quite the lovely kinky, bisexual, horsey, studious switchy woman. Besides... I likes me a serious masochist sometimes...

You are too kind, suh. Too kind indeed. *Bats eyelashes*

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Faeriefire

As far as religion goes, I'll admit that I've strayed a bit. I was brought up in a very religious home and had reached saturation point by the time I was adult enough to make my own decisions. That's not to say I blame my family or my erstwhile church for my loss of faith, that's just how it was.

If you've spent your whole life in a certain faith it's impossible to feel that you have an unbiased perspective of the world and spirituality in general. I have spent time away from my church community. I've read widely around religion, philosophy, science, evolution theory, quantum physics - this is all stuff that I was never encouraged to read in case it addled my po' l'il mind and made me a target for Satan.

As it happens, once Master and I have married (hopefully in the next year or two) I will almost certainly return to my church. The important thing for me is that I'll have come full circle and I'll be there because I want to be there, because I believe it 100%. I will not be there simply because I've always been there. I won't regret the time I spent as a thinking agnostic, I'll be grateful for it. Also, when I did my searching into religion, the Bible and so on, I wasn't sat there dreaming up my ideal notion of a deity. I wanted to find out what God was actually like, what his motivations are behind his toleration of the evil in the world and so on.

Personally I have no hangups about Master and I's dynamic. I consider that it's nobody else's business in the same way that everybody's sexlife is nobody else's business. I have done nothing that harms anyone or makes me a less caring and Christian person in my pursuit of a BDSM based relationship. I will stand before my God one day and he will judge me. Not what other people thought of me but how I acted and what my motivations were. We were not created in order to stand in judgement over one another. We are meant to do our best, endeavour to be good, faithful people and to very deliberately leave judgement to God.

My relationship and my sexlife are intensely fulfilling in a way that life with a devout man from my church with very narrow views of sex and relationships could never be. I don't feel that I'm being disrespectful or ungrateful for seeking what's right for me outside my church. I have great affection for my church and believe that of all the people trying their best to live right, they're the closest I've seen to what I believe God wants from us.

People who are very religious often forget that sex was God's idea in the first place. It was designed to cement relationships and give people a source of joy, a bonding experience and an endorphine kick. Orgasms were God's idea. He wanted humans to have richly fulfilling lives.

I believe strongly that if you damn any part of creation, you damn God. Where is God not? What part of this universe is separate from the divine fire that created Jesus and the angels? I also believe that damning people in particular is counter productive because it leaves them with nothing to lose. People who grow up in certain faiths and discover that they're homosexual (for example) and get excommunicated or thrown out - what have they got left to lose if you've convinced them they're going to hell? If they're already going to hell in a handbasket they might as well have a good time now right?

I'm not about to get into homosexuality and the Bible. It's an area of conflict I have yet to resolve completely but if you actually read what's there in a reliable and accurate translation taken directly from the oldest surviving manuscripts and scrolls, the deeper philosophy of the scriptures is evident in a way that modern translations have missed completely IMHO.

OK, end of rant. I hadn't expected it to last quite this long.

It's kind of catch 22 that the only sure way to discover whether you're kinky and whether you're domme, sub or switch (someone who enjoys both roles) is to experiment and find out. Your fantasies are a good guide but reality is always very different. I don't know your views on sex before marriage but it's possible to experiment without having penetrative intercourse if you'd rather not do that. If you're honest about what you want to try and what you're prepared to do, there'll be someone willing to play by your rules. There are different sensations you can try out on yourself (if you think you're submissive. if you're more dominant self exploration might prove tricky) In theory I guess you could make it to marriage with a kinky person without any form of sexual play beforehand but then how do you know if it's really right for you?

If you decide you like kink it doesn't mean that you're banned from vanilla experiences and relationships. You have to decide what you need as a sexual woman and find someone who's compatible with you. This could be someone who's your equal in all things but spanks you occasionally during sex or it could be someone who you want to call Master, wear a collar for and obey implicitly. There's so much middle ground.

Good luck with your journey. #

P.S. If you'd like someone to chat with more privately via pm, my inbox is always open.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

In both the right ways and the wrong ways. If you can't be a good example, at least serve as a horrible warning, huh?

Personally, I find your honesty on these boards refreshing. We're inclined to creep around each other politely in the interest of free speech and not being judgemental but often that means posting thoughts that are diluted.

I also like the fact that once you've posted something, you let it stand, even if it was unpopular.

I know a few people who edit whatever they've written at the first sign of controversy. IMHO that kind of thing feels deceitful, hypocritical and cowardly. I can understand editing posts if someone was blind drunk, logged on and ended up having an obscenity-fuelled ventfest but in general, posts should be left as they are if the integrity of the forum is to be maintained.

So I think you deserve a and a to the world at large.

 

[Guest]

.....

 

[catalina_francisco]

- If you want a mother's touch, talk to Catalina. (She's a sweetie.)

LOL, now that is the first time I have ever been classed a sweetie...mother's touch? Not sure on that descriptor either. Sadist, slave, obsessed, honest, masochist, evil, and the latest from my sister-in-law - sex addicted...now they soud much more like moi.


Duty calls, but I'll get back soon to answer the OP questions from my experience/perspective.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

1. Are religious philosophies (Christian in particular) compatible with...shoot, I don't even know how to say it. I guess I want to know how people active in the lifestyle balance any religious beliefs, especially those religions that say there's something inherently wrong with sex?

Have to pass on this one as I think it is personal to those involved, their actual beliefs vs what is taught, and the reasoning behind the teachings of that faith.

2. I have this love-hate thing going on in my head: it's been sorta ingrained that anything sexual is 'dirty' or 'evil' but I think that's part of the appeal. How do folks handle prejudice in their own head?

Reasoning and common sense...education...honesty.

3. How do people usually learn about bdsm/kink/deviance/etc.? Is one avenue safer than others? A bit along those lines how does one know if they're a Dom/sub/switch?

I have had tendencies since early childhood which then moved into reading novels with a somewhat, but often un-named BDSM theme on some level, and always having fantasies since childhood with a strong D/s or M/s theme. Dabbled some with things which attracted me while living mainly in the mainstream, then was enlightened by someone who saw in me what was bursting to get out and began educatiing me long distance. Knowing what role fitted me best was easy as I allowed my fantasies to run free and they never strayed into areas where I was the one on top so to speak.

4. Once they've become involved in the community do people go back and forth from D/s to vanilla or do people pretty much stick to one or the other?

Can't say I have ever been involved in the community. The only community I have contact with is here, and that has only been since I married and committed to being a TPE slave. If I had been involved with an 'in the flesh' type community while looking for the one for me, I do not see that I would have teetered between vanilla and lifestyle as vanilla had always left me wanting something indefineable...M/s hasn't.


Catalina

 

[madetotakeit]

I never had an internal "love/hate" thing with what I like, it was more of a "desire/fear" thing. The confusion over why my mind would stray that way when I knew that was not typical. It went against so much of what was ingrained by my parents, society to be like. From my parents I learned about how to be strong and get through difficulties which is invaluable and I consider myself very lucky to have that example. Sex was talked about, but in more generalized acceptable for prime time ways. It was more about the romance than the rough and tumble side that goes along with it. From society I learned that conformity is rewarded. This went against what was going on inside. What I wanted was never acknowledged in the main stream except as inclusion in a joke or as a characteristic of a flawed character in a show. Truthfully the first time I saw it given any positive spin (that I can think of anyway) was when Angelina Jolie admitted she was into BDSM, and well, the media is so enamored of her that it was acceptable in her case.

Fighting the battle to accept was not a one step process. It certainly wasn't a short process. I acknowledged them within myself. I felt odd at times, can't deny that. At first I walked around feeling like people could look at me and tell. Somewhere on me there had to be my "scarlet A." I expected to be called out at any time. Then I realized, that wasn't happening. That irrational fear went away. Then I acknowledged it to someone else. The internet can be useful for being open without fear of reprisal. It felt awkward and I still remember the butterflies of talking about it for the first time. Sometimes it was met with a negative response, but for the most part it was accepted. I understand that for the most part these first people I spoke with were by and far hng's, but it was still therapeutic. If they could use my words for their purposes, it was only fair that I could benefit with my own. I found the nerve to start having conversations with like minded women in my area. I can't say that I talked at that point so much as absorbed. There were others like me, who had the same yearnings and thoughts. They gave me the strength to start seeking what I wanted, and so I looked. I've lost count of how many I talked to before finding someone I was comfortable with. A lot of it had to do that I had become more comfortable with what was going on in me, but a lot also had to do with choosing wisely. I still wasn't completely accepting of me. While part of me knew that what I wanted and needed effected nobody else but the person I was with and me, it was still intimidating to think about taking that step into practice. I was as honest as I could be. I talked about what I wanted things that I was comfortable with and things that I wasn't completely. I made the leap and met him. I had never looked in the eyes of someone that I had said all these things to before. In conversations he had emphasized all of these things that I knew-mainly that why be concerned about what others think when what makes me happy is what counts. So even with this encouragement I approached with caution. It was surprisingly comfortable. He knew, he accepted, and it became a non-issue. I could theorize all I wanted to about how accepting I was of myself, but being shown that another can be okay with it was what I needed. Others aren't going to live my life for me, nor would I want them to. So why was I restricting myself living by someone else's guidelines? I still have difficulty putting some things into words. I am working on articulating what desires are going through my head. It's no longer a mental block of acceptance however, but a foreign concept of being that open. I blame this on still being so new. There are so many things that I want to try, but having not done them I am not sure how to express it. The desire/hate over what I like has been replaced by a desire to be who I am and a fear that I may not experience all that I want to.

I did my research online. There are some great sites that offer intelligent information. The library here is a wealth of information and the boards are filled with people who are more than happy to give their two cents from every perspective imaginable. I read everyone's opinions, I have found I have learned a lot from those that differ. It gives me a new angle to consider things. Of course it is always nice when you find someone who agrees with your views as well. It just depends on the topic. Take what you need and disregard the rest. I highly suggest gathering information before starting a search. I personally read everything even if it is not something I am interested in, or think I won't be interested in. Every little bit of information helps and you never know when you find something new to add to the must try list. (At this point mine is depressingly/enticingly long.)

Everyone is different in their recipe for how much vanilla remains in their life. Just like anything relating to BDSM, when it comes to vanilla-to each their own. I've recently had a glaring example of how I stand on this. For me, there is a time and a place for vanilla, but for me to have a lasting relationship it is going to have to be able to switch gears. I want it all and anyone I spend my life with is going to have to be on the same page. Vanilla isn't gone for me, I just expanded what I can experience.

- As for self-discovery, talk to madetotakeit. She's just past the point of personal acceptance of this in her life and realizing it's not something that she can brush under the table.
She's a good source. (very insightful)

*man, this almost sounds like a Celebrity Roast *

I am honored and humbled beyond words.

For the most part I have to agree with your summations. Pretty close to how I would describe those you have included. Personally, I would edit back in bi-bunny. You were spot on in a good way.

 

[intothewoods]

Hi faeriefire, neat questions.

1. Are religious philosophies (Christian in particular) compatible with...shoot, I don't even know how to say it. I guess I want to know how people active in the lifestyle balance any religious beliefs, especially those religions that say there's something inherently wrong with sex?

I'm Jewish, and was never taught there is anything inherently wrong with sex. I learned in hebrew school that sex is one way to be close to God.

2. I have this love-hate thing going on in my head: it's been sorta ingrained that anything sexual is 'dirty' or 'evil' but I think that's part of the appeal. How do folks handle prejudice in their own head?

I can sort of relate, even though it's not rooted in my religion. If something feels wrong to me, or dirty or bad, I question it. I think it through. Is there any legitimate reason why the desire would be dangerous or harmful, to myself or my family. If not, I accept that I am a sexual being, and work on letting any shame go.

3. How do people usually learn about bdsm/kink/deviance/etc.? Is one avenue safer than others? A bit along those lines how does one know if they're a Dom/sub/switch?

There seems to be a range. Many people I know knew they were different from a young age. I did not have that experience, but also can be characterized as a "light player" by many in the lifestyle. To make a long story short, I stumbled across D/s specifically (as opposed to s&m) online, and it resonated with me and some of my patterns. I specifically related to the submissive traits, and not the Dom traits, but I have playfully leaned a little toppy at a few parties.

I'm very new to this and still getting comfortable with my D/s orientation, so I had a month or two where I pondered if I was a switch. I kind of think it was more to do with feeling empowered at realizing my sub tendencies than anything else, but who knows. Read, think, talk and question yourself.

4. Once they've become involved in the community do people go back and forth from D/s to vanilla or do people pretty much stick to one or the other?

That's a tough question. I have started to see kink and vanilla as pretty fluid. I know many people who are not in the "lifestyle" but are happily kinky. I know people who are kinky and very sex-positive and open-minded, but bdsm is not the mainstay in their sex lives. I know people who are in the lifestyle and would not consider a relationship with anyone outside. I think it depends on a whole variety of factors, including how important the scene is in your life and whether identifying publicly is important to you.

Best wishes, and happy reading.

 

[Primalex]

- If you're looking for misdirected angst and sarcasm with no helpful end in sight, talk to primalex.

I'm infamous! By the way, what's wrong with the good old word "fear"?

- Snide sarcasm mixed with sadism? Marquis.

Hmm..

Can I have "misdirected sadism and snide sarcasm with no helpful end" next time?

 

[Primalex]

1. Are religious philosophies (Christian in particular) compatible with...shoot, I don't even know how to say it. I guess I want to know how people active in the lifestyle balance any religious beliefs, especially those religions that say there's something inherently wrong with sex?

Is there such a religion? The Teen Virgin Movement is not a religion.

2. I have this love-hate thing going on in my head: it's been sorta ingrained that anything sexual is 'dirty' or 'evil' but I think that's part of the appeal. How do folks handle prejudice in their own head?

Ha, if I'm not aware of it, I don't mind, if I am, it's not really prejudice. And if I did something because I enjoyed it but then think it was so totally wrong (like the thingie with the mother and her daughter...), then I let the angel and the devil battle in my head, until someone wins and then they are silent until I think about it again and then maybe the other one wins or not. As woman you are entitled to not have a consistent opinion anyway. I reserve this right, too.

3. How do people usually learn about bdsm/kink/deviance/etc.? Is one avenue safer than others? A bit along those lines how does one know if they're a Dom/sub/switch?

Don't know anything about "the people". It will grow on you like psora, if it's in you. If not, you can read web forums and books and try your best.

4. Once they've become involved in the community do people go back and forth from D/s to vanilla or do people pretty much stick to one or the other?

What community?

And if I break any rules of etiquette or whatever the standards here are please let me know so I don't annoy people without realizing it.

Did you already post your boobs (heh heh, I say it again: boobs, heh heh!) picture in my "Perfect Boobs" thread?

 

[nh23]

1. Are religious philosophies (Christian in particular) compatible with...shoot, I don't even know how to say it. I guess I want to know how people active in the lifestyle balance any religious beliefs, especially those religions that say there's something inherently wrong with sex?

I was raised Pentacostal. I don't practice any religion at all at this point in my life. As far as Christian religions go if you actually read the bible instead of listening to every two bit preacher that comes along, you'll see that the bible actually advocates sex rather than says their is something wrong with it. (in most places..lol. Like EG said Paul had some issues.) M/s, D/s also seems to have a strong place in the bible/ biblical times. Like I said I don't practice any religion to speak of at the moment, but rather go with what's in my heart. And my heart doesn't tell me the lifestyle I live is wrong.

2. I have this love-hate thing going on in my head: it's been sorta ingrained that anything sexual is 'dirty' or 'evil' but I think that's part of the appeal. How do folks handle prejudice in their own head?

I've never felt that way about sex. I was raised in a home where sex wasn't a taboo. Not that all of my family accepts the fact that I'm kinky or polyamorous, but for the most part they don't comment on it. I was raised more in the belief that sex between a man and wife is a beautiful thing. I carried it over to sex in general is a beautiful thing..lol You have to learn to accept yourself for who and what you are. Easier said than done I suppose in some cases. But that's the basic concept.

3. How do people usually learn about bdsm/kink/deviance/etc.? Is one avenue safer than others? A bit along those lines how does one know if they're a Dom/sub/switch?

I had the desires before I knew there was a name for it. I was being tied up by my first boyfriend at 15..lol. And learned around the same age that I could cum a lot easier and harder if I was being bitten or given some kind of pain. When I got a little older I started researching because that's just my nature to research everything I can about a subject that interests me. There is a lot of valuable information online, and a ton of books on the subject that are worth their weight in gold. IMO though nothing compares to R/L experience. Finding someone that can mentor you, or pairing up with someone who can show you proper techniques. You can read all day how to flog someone, but that doesn't mean you're safe to just start flogging someone.

4. Once they've become involved in the community do people go back and forth from D/s to vanilla or do people pretty much stick to one or the other?

I suppose it depends on the person. I myself am polyamorous. My husband and Dom are not one and the same. My husband is vanilla..well soft core kinky. I have a D/s relationship with my Dom. I wouldn't really say I go back and forth, because my desires never change. Vanilla doesn't satisfy me. I couldn't just go vanilla and not take part in any BDSM activities. It wouldn't work for me.

 

[BiBunny]

Personally, I find your honesty on these boards refreshing. We're inclined to creep around each other politely in the interest of free speech and not being judgemental but often that means posting thoughts that are diluted.

I also like the fact that once you've posted something, you let it stand, even if it was unpopular.

I know a few people who edit whatever they've written at the first sign of controversy. IMHO that kind of thing feels deceitful, hypocritical and cowardly. I can understand editing posts if someone was blind drunk, logged on and ended up having an obscenity-fuelled ventfest but in general, posts should be left as they are if the integrity of the forum is to be maintained.

So I think you deserve a and a to the world at large.

Awww, thank you! I think you deserve a , too!

 

[faeriefire]

Thank you all so much...some of what you've said is really resonating. Part of the reason the religion question is big for me is I've been questioning the dogma I grew up with for the past few years. Reading philosophy got me wondering and I went from there. Primalex...can I just say that for someone in a small rural Catholic community your 'what religion' question doesn't help. No hard feelings though as I've been wondering the same ever since I left. Not that I don't still hear the preacher's voice emphasizing 'virgin' before talking about Mary or denying that sex was a word present is Jesus' vocab. Poor guy

1) From catalina_francisco (or anyone else who knows), what does TPE stand for?

2) From madetotakeit what does hng's stand for? Your comment on desire/fear is one of the things that's sticking in my head and bouncing around. If I figure it out I'll let you know, but for clarifying, I thank you

3) For nh23 or anyone is a similar relationship what's it like having multiple partners, especially partners with different roles in your life (husband vs Master) and do they care/know about the other?

I also want to thank VelvetDarkness for the God-rant as it were. I've always felt closer to God/Mother Nature when I'm climbing a mountain, watching the sun rise or bathing in a clear glacial lake because how else could something so beautiful exist? For the sarcastic ones out there, yes, I am aware of the Big Bang, natural selection and evolution. But I digress... I suspect my library is about to grow.

Last question for this post: for any of you who started with reading/fantasizing and then went on to explore a relationship with someone, how real were the fantasies compared with hands-on bdsm? To anyone I didn't thank personally *hugs* I'm starting to feel like a know a bit about some of you and the bio-rundown for who to turn to is much appreciated. As for editing I will probably ask some blunt questions and get some blunt answers, which is what I want. I've spent a lot of years pussyfooting around anything that could be perceived as offensive. Not that the boob comment still doesn't raise my hackles, but I'd rather that than have people sugar-coating the truth. Catch you later.

faeriefire

 

[catalina_francisco]

1) From catalina_francisco (or anyone else who knows), what does TPE stand for?

Total Power Exchange.

Catalina

 

[nh23]

3) For nh23 or anyone is a similar relationship what's it like having multiple partners, especially partners with different roles in your life (husband vs Master) and do they care/know about the other?

Yes my husband and Dom know about each other. My husband and I are polyamorous. I'm not all about the secret lives. Honesty is huge for me. As far as what it's like, I have a thread you can check out if you want on Polyamory. Lots of good info.

http://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=561580