Puns

[done_got_old]

. The little person fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

 

[done_got_old]

A backward poet writes inverse.

 

[Ask For More]

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

 

[done_got_old]

In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

 

[Ask For More]

Why do teenage girls hang out in odd numbers?

Because they can't even

 

[DarkSimian]

It's not easy to find that certain woman, but I'm certain you can find an easy woman.

 

[done_got_old]

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

[LanguageOfLove]

I'm going to stand outside.

So if anyone asks...

I am outstanding.

 

[done_got_old]

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.'

 

[done_got_old]

Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.

 

[done_got_old]

I used to work for a blanket factory, but the company folded.

 

[Ask For More]

What do you call a homosexual reptile?

A Gator

 

[done_got_old]

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

 

[Emhdtats]

As the Rabbi said, puns are an under appreciated art form -- their true beauty rests in the "Oy!" of the beholder.

 

[done_got_old]

Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

 

[celticlady]

Whenever I undress in my bathroom, the shower gets turned on.

 

[SweetSara86]

"An old sea captain was sitting on a bench near the wharf when a young man walked up and sat down. The young man had spiked hair and each spike was a different color.... green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.


The young man noticed that the captain was staring at him.


"What's the matter old timer—never done anything wild in your life?"


The old captain snorted. "Got drunk once and married a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son!"

 

[Emhdtats]

I tried to strike a happy medium, but got arrested for assaulting a drunken fortune teller.

 

[Emhdtats]

Latest bio pharmaceutical news. Palm tree leaves can cure chronic constipation. With fronds like these, who needs enemas.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

 

[Emhdtats]

Back in the day, I used to be a photographer. Had to stop 'cos it was a negative hobby.

 

[done_got_old]

Back in the day, I used to be a photographer. Had to stop 'cos it was a negative hobby.

Two good ones in a row!

Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.

 

[done_got_old]

The baker had only half the flour he needed so he decided to make short bread.

 

[bunny4med]

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

[bunny4med]

religious vultures prey over their food.