Puns

[bunny4med]

I was kicked off the skydiving team because I couldn't chute straight.

 

[Emhdtats]

It's so hard to play the musical saw well. It always seems sharp.

 

[done_got_old]

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

 

[done_got_old]

Recently I read this book titled 'Democracy'. I like the author. Paul O'Ticks

 

[done_got_old]

Pi R squared. Nooo! Pie R round; cornbread R square.

 

[Ask For More]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the cannibal who was late for dinner? He got the cold shoulder.

 

[done_got_old]

A harbor master is in charge of berth control.

 

[DarkSimian]

Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.

 

[done_got_old]

To the guy who invented Zero: Thanks for nothing!

 

[AlmostLike]

Did you hear about the fire at the circus?


It was intense.

 

[done_got_old]

Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

 

[_valkyrie_]

Why do rogues wear leather armour?

Because it's made of hide.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the bear that was hit by an 18-wheeler and splattered all over the place? They said it was a grizzly accident.

 

[done_got_old]

The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government’s fault.

 

[done_got_old]

I put some turnips, his least-favorite vegetable, on my eleven-year-old son's dinner plate and instructed him to eat everything. He cleaned his plate, except for the turnip.

I pointed out to him that if he'd eaten it earlier, he wouldn't have been left with its taste in his mouth at the end of the meal.


Thoughtfully, he replied, "I guess I was just trying to delay the inedible."

 

[Ask For More]

I called my IT department but they don't provide support for problems with killer clowns.

 

[done_got_old]

My washing machine broke down this morning, but I didn't get too agitated.

 

[done_got_old]

I used to be a doctor, but then I lost patients.

 

[done_got_old]

http://i468.photobucket.com/albums/rr47/done-got-old/florist%20pun_zpsmdjgthlw.jpg

 

[Ask For More]

A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed in nothing but his underwear, and a woman on his back
His friend see him, and ask, "hey man, what are you meant to be?"
"Oh, I'm dressed as a turtle."
His friends respond, " How are you a turtle? Who's that woman on your back?"
He replies, "Oh that's just Michelle."

 

[done_got_old]

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

 

[done_got_old]

Don't expect anything original from an echo!

 

[done_got_old]

Cannibals like to meat people.

 

[done_got_old]

A tattoo artist has designs on his clients.