Puns

[mnbreastluver]

Did you hear about the penis-less man who ejaculated?
It came out of nowhere.

 

[Specula]

Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion

This is too much to swallow!

 

[SweetCheeks879]

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box

 

[Eisranac]

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking outside the box

Funny...I thought that claustrophobic people were afraid of that bearded guy in the red suit who appears at Christmas time ever year.

 

[dashie33]

Funny...I thought that claustrophobic people were afraid of that bearded guy in the red suit who appears at Christmas time ever year.

I'm dyslexic, so I get presents from Satan every year.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/71309705_2307560402689915_6351543511594041344_n.jpg?_nc_cat=1&_nc_oc=AQm4YHCmu9oJIT28lIXeNHfFBY2s3ceWvQQggKPc3UGvz3Sd9RHHx-NHAtxtL9TVrTZau5GiIWXvw2S81RYVDtl7&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=3fcc14579bde1e28ba6e13aa7149c808&oe=5E39530B

 

[mnbreastluver]

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

 

[done_got_old]

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.

You are so wrong for this!

 

[mnbreastluver]

You are so wrong for this!

How so?

When I was born I was given a choice. A big dick or a good memory. I don’t remember what I chose.

 

[done_got_old]

How so?

I was being funny!

When I was born I was given a choice. A big dick or a good memory. I don’t remember what I chose.

Good memory?

 

[done_got_old]

Does a Dogwood tree bark?

 

[Eisranac]

Does a Dogwood tree bark?

It does knot.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Impotence: Nature’s way of saying no hard feelings.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/72346487_2768773333135674_831366125018152960_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&_nc_eui2=AeEZU--NvgI1YtQEcICgbsvyLNsUEL-NDx4xojICZ4m0RiT3eCPWQdWl6k6tizUPc71jz2hdYBEDHhZru6UWM9o9JxCc6GYUDS9Fm5w-R4sg4Q&_nc_oc=AQkLiTMTrLxQ45GzuVn87xvZ5XEn3YnrLOIlx3nvNYOEceGiG_KGM-5-98TpN2YDFiLxrY6Rawrm-WgeqAa2Kfml&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=da85cfa5b432cb869f7fd026c8c7c43f&oe=5E265852

 

[mnbreastluver]

Having sex is like playing bridge- if you don’t have a good partner you better have a good hand.

 

[done_got_old]

At a San Antonio truck stop I had the best slice of apple pie in my life..It came with a delicious slice of country-made cheddar cheese and a luscious scoop of vanilla ice cream.

If I'm ever back in San Antonio and get a chance to get to that place I'll always remember the a la mode.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
For fingering a minor.

 

[done_got_old]

Two dead bodies were found inside a trunk this morning. Police are seeking the public's help, particularly in locating the rest of the elephant.

 

[mnbreastluver]

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

 

[dashie33]

What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.

Let's bounce.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Let's bounce.

There are only two words found to be offensive to men ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’ unless they are used together.

 

[cyberking001]

pre-ejactulation (plus a couple of others)

I was supposed to attend a meeting of Pre-Ejaculators Anonymous.
It was supposed to start at 7:00 p.m. but no one was there.
I guess they finished early.

I went to the Halloween party with no shirt, just my pants.
They asked me, who are you supposed to be?
I said... I am a pre-ejactulator .....
I just came in my pants.

While working at the deli, I stuck my cock into the bread slicer.
So they fired me.
What happened to the bread slicer? you may wonder.
They fired her, too.

I ordered premature ejaculation medication online.
I paid extra for expedited shipping.
I sure hope it comes real soon.

I am a premature ejaculator.
I love playing hide-and-go-seek.
Ready or not, here I come!!!

My girl friend left me because I am a premature ejactulator.
Oh well, you know what they say ...
Easy come, easy go!

I was not happy at the meetings for premature ejaculators.
So I decided to stop coming.

Let me tell you about my girl friend.
She is 5'3, 120 pounds, 34DD tits, and the hottest ....
Ummmmmmm...... never mind. Do you have any tissue?

I called the Premature Ejaculation Clinic to ask for an appointment.
They said that I could come at any time.

An ad was on the radio, "Do you suffer from premature ejaculation?"
My girl friend does, but I don't -- I enjoy it.

There is a movie about premature ejaculation.
Coming soon to a theatre near you.

My penis is too small.
I bought some cream for it.
They told me that if I rubbed the cream on my penis that it would get bigger.
So I did ... and they were right!

Erotica story for premature ejaculators:
The pretty blonde looked at him and smiled.

Julius Caesar was a premature ejaculator.
How do we know? From what he said:
Veni. Vedi. Vici.
I came. I saw. I conquered.

I am a premature ejaculator.
Last night, I made love to my girl friend in the dark.
Wow, she didn't see that coming!

My girl friend laughed at me because I came too soon.
I said, "What are you laughing at? The joke's on you!"

And finally:
How do you get "Dick" from "Richard"?
Just ask him.

 

[done_got_old]

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?

 

[dashie33]

If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking Fanta make you fantastic?

Drinking Sprite makes me impish.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/72706010_2507887332833944_8973949769713975296_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_oc=AQkZTh2iH0-JHo3oLFgiRGG7x8sWn3QWtrdSqbeCDVfSSjLOdO6kEEZRb-6I9ltkaW1QwZ9O8FGMtBhQqe_9Ih75&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=41032d4a7f843288aab65074dfdeef7b&oe=5E25D7E4