Proof of STD free status. Ask for it.

[superlittlegirl]

I don't think it is wrong to ask for documented proof of cleanliness at all. I think people are embarrassed about asking only because no one asks. I will require it of a future long-term lover (if I ever have one again) because if I'm involved, I'd like to have the option of condomless sex. I will also gladly volunteer my own results.

I think that the act of getting (and giving) proof needs to be destigmatized. No one should be made to feel silly, or cold, or unromantic just because they desire tangible reassurance of their physical well-being. It's not rude, or invasive, or overly-demanding. It actually says a lot about the committment level of a couple if they are able to discuss such matters without shame.


Thoughts? Comments?

 

[Jim_Henson]

What documents do you get?

 

[Bob Peale]

Sounds like dating has gotten a lot more complicated

 

[Cibo]

I agree...to be perfectly safe with a long time lover and not be worried about anything, both of you get tested at the same time to show each other that you care enough to get it done.

I'll do it if I was ever asked.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I agree with you completely and, I like your braids.

 

[RastaPope]

Sounds like dating has gotten a lot more complicated

Of course it has. People have gotten a lit nastier, too. It's not like the old days.

 

[Ice Cold]

I feel if you are going to be intimitate with some one, you have a right to know, as long as you are willing to share the same yourself.

 

[Guest]

There is absolutly nothing wrong with asking. First thing I do when my boy friend gets up here is ask him to take a test, and I'm going to to. As the saying goes, You are'nt just sleeping with that person, you are sleeping with everyone they ever slept with, and every one they ever slept with and so on and so on. One night can change your whole life!

 

[HeavyStick]

proof? some STD's do not show up for a couple of days, and within that timeline you are asking a person to get tested 2-5 days after each unprotected sexual encounter, and show you proof. While your request is respectable. How would you feel if you were asked for a "Dr.'s note" if a guy was interested in you?

 

[Bob Peale]

Of course it has. People have gotten a lit nastier, too. It's not like the old days.

Admittedly it's been a LONG time since I was in the dating pool...

 

[Agent99]

It needs a lot more chlorine these days.

 

[RastaPope]

proof? some STD's do not show up for a couple of days, and within that timeline you are asking a person to get tested 2-5 days after each unprotected sexual encounter, and show you proof. While your request is respectable. How would you feel if you were asked for a "Dr.'s note" if a guy was interested in you?

I would feel glad that the woman that was asking me cared enough to ask for proof of my cleanliness, and I would ask the same of her. I'd rather be safe than sorry. No sex is worth dying for.

Also, itching for.

 

[Laurel]

Sounds like dating has gotten a lot more complicated

I was just thinking the same thing. Makes me glad to be happily monogamous.

But what slg said is extremely wise. Sex isn't worth dying over.

 

[superlittlegirl]

Yes, dating is complicated by nature.

And I'd accept a document from a doctor's office or Planned parenthood or whatever. I'm sure that such a thing could be falsified, if we're going to split hairs about it, but I'd like to think that if I had gotten to know someone well enough that I thought they were the one for me, I could detect dishonesty.

Asking is a lot less risky than blindly hoping, all things considered.

 

[Cibo]

I personally would not have a problem getting tested...better you know yourself as early as possible so it can get treated before it gets worse.

 

[lickerish]

I get tested every 6 months.. and I make sure they know that. Thankfully everythings come back clean. I'm just tired of guys who say "I'm too selective to sleep with someone who'd have a disease" Yeah, YOU might be selective, but maybe the ho you slept with wasn't so much. Ya know? Like you can tell someone is clean just by looking at them

But how unromantic is that anyways? "Can I see your papers please?"

 

[Rubyfruit]

How would you feel if you were asked for a "Dr.'s note" if a guy was interested in you?

If I trusted the person well enough to want to share intimate space with them, I would trust them to be honest about how recently they were tested and what the results were.

I wouldn't have to see the lab results, but I'd ask the questions.

 

[Laurel]

Asking is a lot less risky than blindly hoping, all things considered.

Absolutely.

 

[RastaPope]

Think of it this way. When you buy aused car, you'd like to know where it's been, who's owned it, and any problems it may have.

 

[superlittlegirl]

I'd be honored that someone cared enough about me, and himself, to ask. This would be within a context of monogamy, not a casual fuck. (Although since I am tested regularly, I would gladly volunteer the info to anyone who asked. I still would not fuck without a condom without proof from him, though.)

proof? some STD's do not show up for a couple of days, and within that timeline you are asking a person to get tested 2-5 days after each unprotected sexual encounter, and show you proof. While your request is respectable. How would you feel if you were asked for a "Dr.'s note" if a guy was interested in you?

 

[Lasz]

I'd be honored that someone cared enough about me, and himself, to ask. This would be within a context of monogamy, not a casual fuck. (Although since I am tested regularly, I would gladly volunteer the info to anyone who asked. I still would not fuck without a condom without proof from him, though.)

What if we just had some phonesex or cybersex, that would work out. You dont need a test for that. I am sure I can help you there. Of course I could always get a test if the real thing ever happened

 

[tortoise]

Think of it this way. When you buy aused car, you'd like to know where it's been, who's owned it, and any problems it may have.

"Gee, honey, I don't know how my odometer got that crack in it."

 

[superlittlegirl]

It may be unromantic to ask for papers, but a lot of people are not tested regularly, and it's a little white lie that some people might find easier to tell than telling the truth. I would volunteer my paper proof first, and explain my rationale for asking for proof in return. Plus, what's a moment of un-romanticism when it's placed beside the freedom of all-out, unbridled, animalistic, certified disease-free fucking?

Of course, this all hinges on monogamy, because if there are other people involved, there are too many unpredictable variables. Still. When I love someone, I am monogamous by nature, even if I disagree with its enforcement as an institution.

And if someone gave me flak about it, I'd assume that they a) had something to hide or b) simply were not ready to make a committment.

 

[Guest]

Seems simple enough

 

[Laurel]

It may be unromantic to ask for papers,

...but it's also pretty unromantic to die, or end up with a lifelong rash.