Polyamory

[Etoile]

Thank you for the trust that I didnt say what I said with purpose to offend someone here. I am very sensitive to this issue as well, well thats why I haven't use the word BBW or fat. I just said I am alike some girls on this boards. Compare you know who to sexy thin girls my man likes was meant as compliment, not as something that should make her mad. :/

If I said I am fat as X, Y, Z I would understand if they get mad about it, but when I say my man like thin girls like "you know who" and she gets mad about it I don't really get it yes. Say about someone that she's fat is insulting and I would never say that. I didn't know that say about someone she's nice, thin and sexy can be understood as insulting and ignorant too, oh well.

I'll be aware not to do that next time HM, thank you.

Perhaps instead of using the names of people you know on Lit, you could use famous celebrities. Like "I look more like Queen Latifah and he likes girls like Nicole Kidman." Or Camryn Manheim and Kate Moss, or Kirstie Alley and Victoria Beckham? This technique would have saved a lot of stress and hijacking.

 

[SubKekiLee]

You know, they say fat women are really good in bed. And they say crazy women are really good in bed. I must be fucking phenomenal because I've got it covered on both counts.

As for poly, I'm gonna say something mean. Why is it that almost every couple looking for that hot bi femsub is absolutely batshit crazy? *Notice I said almost, people* At one time, I'd have loved to be part of a triad, but now, after seeing how most of them are...there's no way in hell I'd touch that. No way in hell!

Im with NH23 and BB... Ive heard the same things and although I wouldnt agree that I am completely batshit crazy... Im crazy enough to br loved and I am big girl as well... but all that matters is who loves me for me.... and as for BB hooray girl YOU know I love ya!

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Perhaps instead of using the names of people you know on Lit, you could use famous celebrities. Like "I look more like Queen Latifah and he likes girls like Nicole Kidman." Or Camryn Manheim and Kate Moss, or Kirstie Alley and Victoria Beckham? This technique would have saved a lot of stress and hijacking.

Good idea Etoile. Will do that next time, thank you.

I am sorry for the hijack of this thread, it wasn't the point of why I posted something here.

 

[fishercat]

Perhaps instead of using the names of people you know on Lit, you could use famous celebrities. Like "I look more like Queen Latifah and he likes girls like Nicole Kidman." Or Camryn Manheim and Kate Moss, or Kirstie Alley and Victoria Beckham? This technique would have saved a lot of stress and hijacking.

I don't mean to hijack or add to the confusion, but I had to respond to this post. When I read the comparisons, I realized that I really think Queen Latifah, Camryn Manheim and Kirstie Alley are strong, sexy, beautiful women, and that I find them just as attractive as Nicole Kidman, Kate Moss or Victoria Beckham. This was a revelation to me. And while I will still keep trying to lose weight for my health's sake, it really is a wake-up call for me to love myself as I am.

So, thank you Etoile. One tiny little good thing has come out of this brouhaha.

 

[ShatteredSoul]

(Yes, I am posting this under an alt. Not because I am hiding from any posters here, but because the people I will be speaking about lurk here and read the posts I make under my "real" name. I hesitate to post this at all, but I really need advice at this point. If anyone wants to know who this is, you are welcome to PM me.)

I am the third in a triad. The other two people are a married couple, E and G. E and I met on another website that has nothing to do with sex,D/s, or BDSM. Long story short, I have been getting together with her and her husband, G to "play" for about a month now. (They are both switches and it works out great.) Originally, E was my primary play partner in the relationship...which was awesome. She is quite frankly my best friend in everyday life, and everything else just complimented that. The last two times the three of us have gotten together though, it seems as if E is taking a step back. She's tired....doesn't feel like playing...etc. i am always welcome to play with G though, and I do. That's where problem number 2 creeps in, I am getting very emotionally attached now to G as well. Our play has turned very sensual, very loving...etc. While it's great, and no one has ever made me feel as sexy and wanted as he does, I feel like I am being disloyal to E in some way. Ideally I want the loving attachment to both of them...and on my part..it's there. It just bothers me tremendously that I feel she is slipping away.

I guess what it boils down to is that I feel like E is removing herself from this part of our relationship, and I want to know how to stop it. Do I tell her that I don't want to play with G anymore unless she is involved? (Which would suck....but..) It's funny, but I can pretty much say anything in the world to G, but I get shy and tongue-tied around E whenever the conversation turns emotional/sexual. So it would be VERY hard for me to bring these issues up to her... (She's the same way when it comes to saying sexual/emotional stuff to me...LOL)

I adore the both of them. This is what I always wanted...my ideal relationship. I don't want to lose either of them...as friends, as "partners" or as lovers.

Thanks for any input or advice.

 

[serijules]

ShatteredSoul,

I understand being tonguetied and finding it hard to talk around certain people, even when you love them and are very comfortable around them. I have this problem too, it drives me nuts.

Maybe you could write it all out.....and make a date with E only, give her the letter and give her a chance to respond? It would save you from getting tongue tied and not saying what you really want to say, yet the issue would be talked out and resolved right then and there as you are together and can't avoid it.

Even the most secure people in poly have off moments. For me, one of the most valuable things another person involved with my Ma'am can say to me is "I respect you". Let her know you respect her feelings, her boundaries, her relationship, her desires. She may know it and know it well, but simply need to hear it from you.

You already know that leaving this unsaid and unresolved is only going to make it worse, but it's obvious you care and want to make it work, and frankly the only thing that is going to do that is communication.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

 

[ecstaticsub]

(Yes, I am posting this under an alt. Not because I am hiding from any posters here, but because the people I will be speaking about lurk here and read the posts I make under my "real" name. I hesitate to post this at all, but I really need advice at this point. If anyone wants to know who this is, you are welcome to PM me.)

I am the third in a triad. The other two people are a married couple, E and G. E and I met on another website that has nothing to do with sex,D/s, or BDSM. Long story short, I have been getting together with her and her husband, G to "play" for about a month now. (They are both switches and it works out great.) Originally, E was my primary play partner in the relationship...which was awesome. She is quite frankly my best friend in everyday life, and everything else just complimented that. The last two times the three of us have gotten together though, it seems as if E is taking a step back. She's tired....doesn't feel like playing...etc. i am always welcome to play with G though, and I do. That's where problem number 2 creeps in, I am getting very emotionally attached now to G as well. Our play has turned very sensual, very loving...etc. While it's great, and no one has ever made me feel as sexy and wanted as he does, I feel like I am being disloyal to E in some way. Ideally I want the loving attachment to both of them...and on my part..it's there. It just bothers me tremendously that I feel she is slipping away.

I guess what it boils down to is that I feel like E is removing herself from this part of our relationship, and I want to know how to stop it. Do I tell her that I don't want to play with G anymore unless she is involved? (Which would suck....but..) It's funny, but I can pretty much say anything in the world to G, but I get shy and tongue-tied around E whenever the conversation turns emotional/sexual. So it would be VERY hard for me to bring these issues up to her... (She's the same way when it comes to saying sexual/emotional stuff to me...LOL)

I adore the both of them. This is what I always wanted...my ideal relationship. I don't want to lose either of them...as friends, as "partners" or as lovers.

Thanks for any input or advice.

Just from what you have written I would highly recommend that you get together with E and talk this out, no matter how hard it is. The triad is still new--about a month right? FInd some time that just you and her can be together when you are both feeling comfortable and talk it out. I think I would also stay away from playing with just G untill E feels comfortable again.

Good luck

 

[Untamed_Tygress]

I'm seeing 2 men right now who happen to be my bf and his best friend. I've been asked to become part of a triad on 2 separate occasions but it never really worked out. I always ended up feeling much closer to the male partners than the females.
I think the reason that our relationship worked out so well this time is cuz we weren't seeking anyone...it just kind of happened. I'm the female version of his best friend, so as much as that attracted my bf to me, it also ended up eventually making me & his best friend fall in love.

His best friend needs reassurance every now and then that he's not a bad person, but other than that we're doing fine! The 2 of us are bondage freaks, while he falls somewhere in the middle, so while our mutual friends are completely understanding of our relationship and some have even been there before themselves, he has 1 of his own who comes from a completely different world & thinks it's perfectly acceptable to tell him that if he was in my bf's shoes he'd kick his ass. I really wish he'd quit sticking his nose into our business! It's ok though, cuz since we both share the same personality i can usually make his fears disappear within minutes of talking to him.

My bf gets a kick out of it cuz his best friend is always doing silly stuff like calling HIS cellphone & saying "Hey, K how's it going? ..... ask Cyn if she wants to go out to eat" or ask Cyn if she wants to go to the movies, play pool, go camping, or whatever it may be, & it's become an ongoing joke that if he doesn't ask me something first then something is wrong with him. lol

 

[EmpressFi]

I was googling "polyamory valentine" on a hunch... and found this link... it's a repository of articles relating to being poly...

I was kinda upset that Malin and I missed a convention in PA but I think I might have stumbled on a great resources, like a blog and a live journal... but mostly, I thought people might like to read some of the articles posted.

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-polyamorous-celebrate-valentines.html

 

[the captians wench]

my poly valentine....

we're all sick and misserable. And I'm working until 10 tonight double And chances are I'll be spending saturday in bed recovering rather than playing. *sigh*


here's wishing for a healthy birthday.

 

[sexycaz22]

I was googling "polyamory valentine" on a hunch... and found this link... it's a repository of articles relating to being poly...

I was kinda upset that Malin and I missed a convention in PA but I think I might have stumbled on a great resources, like a blog and a live journal... but mostly, I thought people might like to read some of the articles posted.

http://polyinthemedia.blogspot.com/2008/02/how-polyamorous-celebrate-valentines.html

A very interesting article, and some great sources, too!

Thank you for sharing!

 

[Netzach]

Nice blog! I followed it here, which is kind of a neat read.

 

[EmpressFi]

Nice blog! I followed it here, which is kind of a neat read.

I liked that.. thanks for linking that

 

[_kiana_]

Nice blog! I followed it here, which is kind of a neat read.

Mistress Matisse regularly posts about polyamory in her blog. I've only ever gotten great stuff out of her writing and I'd certainly recommend people to read her or have a look through archives and such.

 

[Netzach]

post issue, nevmind.

 

[bdsm_librarian]

NH23 I just checked and my memory did serve me correctly, this thread had been included in the Library upgrade

Polyamory referenced threads link

 

[nh23]

NH23 I just checked and my memory did serve me correctly, this thread had been included in the Library upgrade

Polyamory referenced threads link

Aww..Thank you Rebecca. I'm flattered.

 

[Homburg]

I've realised a truth about poly.

It doesn't always work out.

But you still have someone there to tell you lies that you need to hear about how it will be okay.

 

[intothewoods]

I've realised a truth about poly.

It doesn't always work out.

But you still have someone there to tell you lies that you need to hear about how it will be okay.

Lies? It won't be okay? This too shall pass - it will be okay!

 

[Homburg]

Lies? It won't be okay? This too shall pass - it will be okay!

*blinks*

Come hither and satisfy me sexually, and all will most assuredly be okay.

....

Whoa, channeling My Cock for a moment there.

 

[intothewoods]

*blinks*

Come hither and satisfy me sexually, and all will most assuredly be okay.

....

Whoa, channeling My Cock for a moment there.

Come hither and satisfy me sexually? Your cock needs some work on his wine-ing and dining! Where's the flowers? I'm high maintenance!

 

[nh23]

I've realised a truth about poly.

It doesn't always work out.

But you still have someone there to tell you lies that you need to hear about how it will be okay.

Nothing always works out. Polyamory is no different. Anything that involves humans is complicated. You don't need someone to tell you lies about how it will be okay. You need them to tell you what you already know and just can't see. You pick yourself back up, tighten your bootstraps and move on.

Sounds good huh? Like something you'd tell me..lol

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Aww..Thank you Rebecca. I'm flattered.

Don't be, placement is not personal : laughs : Slim pickings if it was ( humor peeps ) , this thread is of immense merit. I have to say, my quiet views based on misconceptions about poly relationships has been largely dymystified by this thread. I am grateful for that . There are several people in my life I value hugely that embrace poly to varying degrees and as much as I adore them, I was always drawing such a blank on this topic. Frankly I didn't want to 'go there' because for me the concept is out of my league to embrace at an intimate level. I am so happy for the insight and far more relaxed on the topic. My mother often used to say "Ignorance is bliss", I never once agreed

 

[Homburg]

Come hither and satisfy me sexually? Your cock needs some work on his wine-ing and dining! Where's the flowers? I'm high maintenance!

Half-dozen roses was all I could find.

Smoove.

-----------------------

Nothing always works out. Polyamory is no different. Anything that involves humans is complicated. You don't need someone to tell you lies about how it will be okay. You need them to tell you what you already know and just can't see. You pick yourself back up, tighten your bootstraps and move on.

Sounds good huh? Like something you'd tell me..lol

Well aware. The point was that loss can be face easier when you have someone. So while poly allows for greater exposure to heartache, at least you're not necessarily single like you would be with heartbreak arising from monogamy.

 

[Netzach]

I've realised a truth about poly.

It doesn't always work out.

But you still have someone there to tell you lies that you need to hear about how it will be okay.

Sounds an awful lot like most one-on-one, actually. Oh you mean....

well I find the temptation to pour out romantic heartache to the other partner kind of the ultimate in self-absorption. I won't say I've never done it, but I hate myself doing it. It feels really wrong.

This is the kind of thing I save for shrink, other friends. I mean if my Bull is making me sad, I'll tell M, but I won't do the destabilizing thing of crying all over him like my world is over.