Polyamory

[PREMwriter]

Yes but Prem you quoted someone elses words, not hers. Several people in this thread have mentioned the kind of 'Commitment' you're refering to. And on that note, commitment can be applied in several different ways.

Part of commitment is responsibility. If the partners that are commited to one another agree to allow one another the choice of exploring new partners than they would have to trust one another to use protection. The guidelines are set by the people in the relationship.

Most divorces happen because trust is broken. In whatever way, shape or form. The trust in the love, trust in the relationship. That's what I believe anyway. It has nothing to do with who you're 'fucking'. It has to do with whether or not you should be fucking anyone else at all.

Thanks Bianca, that's what I just said. I used Stella's reference to Sixty's comments on being pretty commited. I'm not saying hers isn't. Just the idea of commitment, with casual sex thrown in, just to spice things up even more, doesn't wash with me. It is, or it isn't. No grey area here for debate. Maybe that's why we have so many divorces, people don't understand what commitment is.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Thanks Bianca, that's what I just said. I used Stella's reference to Sixty's comments on being pretty commited. I'm not saying hers isn't. Just the idea of commitment, with casual sex thrown in, just to spice things up even more, doesn't wash with me. It is, or it isn't. No grey area here for debate. Maybe that's why we have so many divorces, people don't understand what commitment is.

I think you're misunderstanding what I'm saying. If you are in a relationship where looking elsewhere is not an option than you shouldn't--if you're commited to the relationship--do otherwise. But you are no less commited if the ideals of your relationship allow it.

Grey areas don't cause divorce. Lack of comminication and an unwillingness to compromise often does though.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thanks Bianca, that's what I just said. I used Stella's reference to Sixty's comments on being pretty commited. I'm not saying hers isn't. Just the idea of commitment, with casual sex thrown in, just to spice things up even more, doesn't wash with me. It is, or it isn't. No grey area here for debate. Maybe that's why we have so many divorces, people don't understand what commitment is.

okay, so no grey areas for you, as far as sexual sharing goes.

Sexual exclusivity isn't what commitment means to me, or my partner. Any more than playing tennis with one single partner throughout someone's lifetime would; It's about that ludicrous. And we have been together for more than thirty years now.

The woman who didn't want to join us? She's on her umpteenth one-on-one relationship, with kids by two different fathers.

 

[PREMwriter]

okay, so no grey areas for you, as far as sexual sharing goes.

Sexual exclusivity isn't what commitment means to me, or my partner. Any more than playing tennis with one single partner throughout someone's lifetime would; It's about that ludicrous. And we have been together for more than thirty years now.

The woman who didn't want to join us? She's on her umpteenth one-on-one relationship, with kids by two different fathers.

Stella, all you just said means you like casual sex, albeit on a long term basis. There is no mention of commitment, just a 'Whatever suits us today' outlook. I fail to see how your friend qualifies to be part of a polyamory commitment, when she can't handle a monogamous one.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Stella, all you just said means you like casual sex, albeit on a long term basis. There is no mention of commitment, just a 'Whatever suits us today' outlook. I fail to see how your friend qualifies to be part of a polyamory commitment, when she can't handle a monogamous one.

I can tell that you fail to see that.

 

[PREMwriter]

I can tell.

So basically, you and your husband are swingers then, right Stella. I made sure I had every definition understood about Polyamory and you haven't presented that to me here. The Polyamory groups define what is and what isn't and you fall in the latter. So stop blowing smoke out your ass and get the facts straight before accusing me of not knowing what I'm talking about.

 

[Stella_Omega]

yep, you caught me!

The OPO (Official Polyamory Organization) has us on their shit list for Doing It Wrong. They tore up our membership cards, and took the sticker off the station wagon window.

ROFLMAO!

 

[PREMwriter]

yep, you caught me!

The OPO (Official Polyamory Organization) has us on their shit list for Doing It Wrong. They tore up our membership cards, and took the sticker off the station wagon window.

ROFLMAO!

I'm laughing too. They probably would throw you out. I went to their site to get my facts straight before I wrote a single word on this subject. Too bad you didn't do the same. Just because you and hubby fuck lots of different people, doesn't make you polyamorous. Just people who like sex on their own terms.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

So basically, you and your husband are swingers then, right Stella. I made sure I had every definition understood about Polyamory and you haven't presented that to me here. The Polyamory groups define what is and what isn't and you fall in the latter. So stop blowing smoke out your ass and get the facts straight before accusing me of not knowing what I'm talking about.

Prem that's pretty narrow minded. 'The Polyamory groups define what is and what isn't'? That's like the church deciding what a persons marriage should be, to be a real marriage. Love and commitment are not things that can be regulated by anyone outside of the relationship.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Considering that I've lived my entire adult life loving more than one person at a time-- not just fucking-- I never thought I needed to go double check the definitions for what I was doing.

Dude, I was living this way before there was a group, before there was a site-- before there was an internet at all. Before there was a name for it.

And yes, we tend to focus on sex around here-- it's a porn site and it attracts sexually oriented people.

Go find yourself another sacred cow to build a fence around.

Or call me a swinger, if it makes you feel righteous-- your definition means jack shit to me.

 

[PREMwriter]

Considering that I've lived my entire adult life loving more than one person at a time-- not just fucking-- I never thought I needed to go double check the definitions for what I was doing.

Dude, I was living this way before there was a group, before there was a site-- before there was an internet at all. Before there was a name for it.

And yes, we tend to focus on sex around here-- it's a porn site and it attracts sexually oriented people.

Go find yourself another sacred cow to build a fence around.

Or call me a swinger, if it makes you feel righteous-- your definition means jack shit to me.

Not my definition at all Stella, it's the one they use to define themselves from other people doing what you're doing. Frankly I don't care who you fuck, that's your business, but don't spout off about polyamory being something you're doing, cuz you ain't. I have no need to continue proving my point, as it is done, so, Whatever.

 

[PREMwriter]

Prem that's pretty narrow minded. 'The Polyamory groups define what is and what isn't'? That's like the church deciding what a persons marriage should be, to be a real marriage. Love and commitment are not things that can be regulated by anyone outside of the relationship.

Bianca, they define what it is so they aren't lumped in with swingers and group sex or casual sex. They wanted the definition to be clear as to what it means and the people who practice it. Can't call yourself a Catholic and attend a Jewish Synagoge, now can you? Same thing with them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Not my definition at all Stella, it's the one they use to define themselves from other people doing what you're doing. Frankly I don't care who you fuck, that's your business, but don't spout off about polyamory being something you're doing, cuz you ain't. I have no need to continue proving my point, as it is done, so, Whatever.

I stand abashed and ashamed of myself.

For twenty years, I'd been doing it in a way that some group would condemn in 1996.

Not only that-- some dude would read their rules and point them my way, a decade later.

Woe! Woe!

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Bianca, they define what it is so they aren't lumped in with swingers and group sex or casual sex. They wanted the definition to be clear as to what it means and the people who practice it. Can't call yourself a Catholic and attend a Jewish Synagoge, now can you? Same thing with them.

Trying to conform people that don't want to be conformed. Don't see how that works but whatever.

And food for thought Prem. You can have two Catholic churches with very different ideas. Ones strict, the other's more relaxed. Who's right?

 

[PREMwriter]

I stand abashed and ashamed of myself.

For twenty years, I'd been doing it in a way that some group would condemn in 1996.

Not only that-- some dude would read their rules and point them my way, a decade later.

Woe! Woe!

Stella, I apologize if you think I'm saying you aren't allowed to have sex with other people in a loving way. That's not my contention at all. All I was trying to establish was the correct terms for Polyamory and how it's practiced. This thread is about Polyamory and that was all I was commenting on. All the power to you to enjoy as much sex as you want. It's what you call yourself is what brings things into question. As long as people show respect to each other and can put trust in having sex with multiple partners, there's nothing wrong with doing what you're doing.

 

[PREMwriter]

Trying to conform people that don't want to be conformed. Don't see how that works but whatever.

And food for thought Prem. You can have two Catholic churches with very different ideas. Ones strict, the other's more relaxed. Who's right?

That's true too Bianca. Even they have a difference of opinion on some things, but others are set in stone to them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I don't think you read all that well, PRE. What you are demanding is technically a polyfidelitous relationship. The society, however, does not demand this fidelity as a criteria for its members.

Adultery is a monogamous concept. We are not saying that all monogamous relationships are adulterous but there is no similar term found in the Polyamory community other than dishonoring lifestyle agreements that you have made with your partners. ... Polyamory is about a group of people coming together in an attempt to achieve multiple, sustainable, emotionally committed, strong relationships. Responsibility and maturity in all its forms is the cornerstone of Polyamorous relationships.

There doesn't seem to be a miminum time span that is required before TPTB consider the relationship responsible or mature. I think they trust their members to make that decision themselves.

For a giggle, I found this on the definitions page;

Polyfi Fundamentalist n : Closely related to the One True Way Polyamorist [See One True Way Polyamorist], differing only in the fact that they believe polyfidelity is paramount to all of the other Poly-style relationships. Will politely tell you how immoral you are if you are not Polyfidelitous. Though, some will vehemently call you a swinger or wannabe if you argue with them.

One True Way Polyamorist n : Often times the Bright-eyed Novice [See Bright-eyed Novice] will morph into The One True Way Polyamorist after several months. This person has read everything they can find and will tell you exactly how Polyamory works, and what you must do. They will tell you that you are immoral or dishonorable if you disagree with them.

Damn, haven't I met someone like that recently!

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

That's true too Bianca. Even they have a difference of opinion on some things, but others are set in stone to them.

To them. Are you in a poly relationship Prem? 'Cause you see, I'm not a Christian so I won't try telling them what should or shouldn't be okay to them. So long as they don't try and tell me how to live I'll do little more than offer my opinion out of interest, with no judgment.

 

[Stella_Omega]

To them. Are you in a poly relationship Prem? 'Cause you see, I'm not a Christian so I won't try telling them what should or shouldn't be okay to them. So long as they don't try and tell me how to live I'll do little more than offer my opinion out of interest, with no judgment.

Thank you, Bianca.

 

[PREMwriter]

I don't think you read all that well, PRE. What you are demanding is technically a polyfidelitous relationship. The society, however, does not demand this fidelity as a criteria for its members.
There doesn't seem to be a miminum time span that is required before TPTB consider the relationship responsible or mature. I think they trust their members to make that decision themselves.

For a giggle, I found this on the definitions page;





Damn, haven't I met someone like that recently!

It says exactly what I said Stella. A commited relationship. And I have problems reading do I? Hmmm, where have I had this debate before? Lem'me see?

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Thank you, Bianca.

No prob Stella

 

[Stella_Omega]

It says exactly what I said Stella. A commited relationship. And I have problems reading do I? Hmmm, where have I had this debate before? Lem'me see?

And I am in a committed relationship. Very committed.

 

[PREMwriter]

To them. Are you in a poly relationship Prem? 'Cause you see, I'm not a Christian so I won't try telling them what should or shouldn't be okay to them. So long as they don't try and tell me how to live I'll do little more than offer my opinion out of interest, with no judgment.

I'm not in a Poly relationship, but what this WHOLE thing is about, isn't telling people what they should do or shouldn't do. It's about what a Polyamory relationship is and what defines it. Stella has posted the definitions and I don't need to do it now. Everyone can fuck who they want to, that's their business. The Pollies want it made clear for their sake, not mine, as to what kind of sexual relationship falls under their guidelines to be classed as such.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Stella, I apologize if you think I'm saying you aren't allowed to have sex with other people in a loving way. That's not my contention at all. All I was trying to establish was the correct terms for Polyamory and how it's practiced. This thread is about Polyamory and that was all I was commenting on. All the power to you to enjoy as much sex as you want. It's what you call yourself is what brings things into question. As long as people show respect to each other and can put trust in having sex with multiple partners, there's nothing wrong with doing what you're doing.

I couldn't see much respect in your first post in this thread, actually.

Nor have I seen much respect in your subsequent ones. This post here is about the first. And it completely misses the point, which is that an open marriage is, in fact, one perfectly legitimate form of polyamorousness.

it's listed as such on your expert's site.(halfway down the page).

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

It says exactly what I said Stella. A committed relationship. And I have problems reading do I? Hmmm, where have I had this debate before? Lem'me see?

Emotionally committed Prem. Now you're being obtuse.