Polyamory

[Bianca_Sommerland]

I'm not in a Poly relationship, but what this WHOLE thing is about, isn't telling people what they should do or shouldn't do. It's about what a Polyamory relationship is and what defines it. Stella has posted the definitions and I don't need to do it now. Everyone can fuck who they want to, that's their business. The Pollies want it made clear for their sake, not mine, as to what kind of sexual relationship falls under their guidelines to be classed as such.

Ya. And I read the definitions she posted.

Apparently one of us was standing on our head when we did so.

Could be me *shrug*

 

[PREMwriter]

You know what? Let's just drop this whole stupid issue and go to the naked party room and get drunk. I'm buying, what'll you have?

 

[Stella_Omega]

Check out the definitions page one more time-- go halfway down.

and then you can buy me some cheap sippin whiskey.

 

[PREMwriter]

Check out the definitions page one more time-- go halfway down.

and then you can buy me some cheap sippin whiskey.

Point taken Stella, too many variables in one group to make a clear descision about themselves. The hell with polyanything, let's just get naked and fuck and have fun like we're supposed to. And no cheap sippin whiskey. I'll treat you to some Alberta Springs, real smooth

 

[CharleyH]

I've been meaning to start this thread for a few days but kept forgetting (thanks to Stella's blog pun for reminding me!).
Thoughts on polyamory? Real life experiences?

I've never given it much thought, mainly because I find it very difficult to love even one person, let alone more than one. That said, I'm increasingly intrigued by the idea of it, and would love to hear from the more knowledgable.

I used to call it being bi-natured, although by that I always meant the capacity to love a man or a woman intimately. When I was in 2 separate relationships, one with a man and one with a woman at the same time, I called both a non-committal relationship. I wasn't selfish. My partners were happy with that.

I have never personally been in a 'defined' polyamorous relationship, but I have seen (been the one they call at 4am) friends crushed in polyamorous relationships. When all agree that polyamoury works for them, it goes well and it does go well for a while. It goes great until you notice that you only get 3 days a week and not 4. Polyamoury is fabulous for the one in the middle, but if his or her partners are not also polyamourous, the result can be hell.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Point taken Stella, too many variables in one group to make a clear descision about themselves. The hell with polyanything, let's just get naked and fuck and have fun like we're supposed to. And no cheap sippin whiskey. I'll treat you to some Alberta Springs, real smooth

You just dissed my life, my morals, and my right to define myself -- and now you want to fuck?

ooookay...

Which would you prefer then, my silicone strapon, or my fist? I like the fist myself, on account of the nerve endings-- makes it more fun for me-- but the silicone is smaller.

 

[CharleyH]

You just dissed my life, my morals, and my right to define myself -- and now you want to fuck?

ooookay...

Which would you prefer then, my silicone strapon, or my fist? I like the fist myself, on account of the nerve endings-- makes it more fun for me-- but the silicone is smaller.

ROFLOL

 

[PREMwriter]

In the context of all fairness, I have been misled by the Poly-groups own interpretation of what they are. As such, I want to offer my sincere apology to Stella and Bianca for trying to defend something that wasn't clearly defined in the first place. Stella was right in her assessment of her own relationship and I respect her for it. What can I say? My bad.

 

[PREMwriter]

You just dissed my life, my morals, and my right to define myself -- and now you want to fuck?

ooookay...

Which would you prefer then, my silicone strapon, or my fist? I like the fist myself, on account of the nerve endings-- makes it more fun for me-- but the silicone is smaller.

I wasn't actually referring to doing it with you, but if you insist, I'll take the silcone with lots of lube thanks, Just a nice light fuck up the ass before dinner, please. I'd hate to spoil dessert.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Sigh! An intentional community seems like my daydream, yanno?

 

[Stella_Omega]

In the context of all fairness, I have been misled by the Poly-groups own interpretation of what they are. As such, I want to offer my sincere apology to Stella and Bianca for trying to defend something that wasn't clearly defined in the first place. Stella was right in her assessment of her own relationship and I respect her for it. What can I say? My bad.

I appreciate the apology, PREM.

 

[PREMwriter]

I appreciate the apology, PREM.

You're very welcome Stella. If I fucked up, I'm man enough to admit it and take the big one up the ass for it. Thanks for the lube though, made it easier to take.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You're very welcome Stella. If I fucked up, I'm man enough to admit it and take the big one up the ass for it. Thanks for the lube though, made it easier to take.

Did you like the cherry scent?

 

[PREMwriter]

Did you like the cherry scent?

I never noticed. I was opening the Alberta Springs for you while you pounded my ass mercilessly. I'm not a big fan of cherry though. Got any vanilla?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I never noticed. I was opening the Alberta Springs for you while you pounded my ass mercilessly. I'm not a big fan of cherry though. Got any vanilla?

Okay, now you're just feeding me lines.

 

[PREMwriter]

Okay, now you're just feeding me lines.

Of course I am. The sippin whiskey is with me in the naked thread. I do like vanilla better though. Cherry is too fake smelling, same as strawberry. Now motor oil has a good smell that drives me wild.

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

I'll use this example of what you deem a pretty committed relationship Stella. In the first paragraph, he talks about several short term lovers. In the second he talks about sleeping around while looking for a SO. Where is the commitment in there? Seems you have a pretty twisted view of what comittment is if you thought this was one of them. If you want to marry some woman, along with your husband/mate, that's fine. It's just you three, no problems. When you introduce casual sex and outside of the relationship sex with other plural couples, where is it then? Am I still not getting the point of commitment yet?

Okay, PREM, since you dragged me in, here's how it worked.

Our group, ver. 1: Me(Ken) and my lover(Marie); my best friend(Shawn) and his lover(Denise); our good friends Chris(M) and Jessie(F). All fluid-bonded, meaning no sex with anyone outside the circle without condoms & barriers and routine tests every six months. There were three girls and one boy who were occasional players with us during this period, all of whom remained on a protected sex basis with the rest of us.

Ver. 2: Shawn and Denise break up. He leaves the group for a while because of course he wants to find a life partner. On rare occasions he came and played, but I do mean rare, and there were always barriers involved. When you have the health of several people to think of, you're careful of disease. One of the girls left during this period, as did our single male playmate. So this version of the group is two couples and two guest-starring girls. Only the core four of us were fluid-bonded.

Ver. 3: Shawn gets together with Bella and after a while they start playing with us again. Marie and I have a live-in boyfriend. Chris and Jessie have separated and he doesn't come play with us because his new girlfriend isn't into it. One of the girls who sometimes played with us leaves because she's graduated college and moved off to NY. Sometime later we have a new girl join us, and, while she's not dating anyone in particular within the group, she decides that our love and friendship is enough while she's in college and commits to no sex with anyone outside the group without condoms and tests, and so fluid-bonds with us. Which we jokingly referred to as "joining the family."

Ver. 4: Our live-in boyfriend leaves for grad school. Shawn and Bella break up when her exchange year is over and she goes back to Spain, but he doesn't leave the group this time because he immediately starts dating September, who is one of the girls who's been playing with us for a couple years. They eventually marry and are still together 15 years and a basketball team's worth of kids later. Chris is back, first single and then with Karen, another girl who he met through our group. They're also married now. After a couple years, Marie and I have a girl move in with us in an unequal triangle, and that group becomes basically static for the next five-ish years, with two breaks while Marie and I traveled.

And now, ver. 5: Marie and I split up for a while, and the group fragmented when we did. Chris and Karen live in Seattle and have at least a couple playmates they'd like us to meet. Shawn and September live in Guam and are still quite the sluts, although I'm not real clear on their ground rules these days. They're definitely happy and definitely stable. Marie and I have been back together for a couple of years and are just starting to dip our toes into the poly pool again. She has her eye on a guy she thinks is bi, although there's some question whether he knows it, and there's a girl she works with who comes over to play with us sometimes. We're only exchanging fluids with each other, and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon, but we both still get tested twice a year out of lifelong habit. We're sluts with morals, you see.

To be clear, there has never at any point been casual sex outside the group by someone who was still participating in the group. Any outside sex was uncommon, and it was always accompanied by protection. We weren't monogamous, but we were faithful. And the group produced three relationships that are still going after more than a decade as well as numerous lifelong friendships.

If that doesn't work for you, so be it. But don't tell me I don't know what commitment is.

 

[BiBunny]

I never post here, but the title of the thread snagged my attention. I thought y'all might be interested in the Polyamory thread over in the BDSM Cafe.

FWIW, I've been polyamorous for years and am currently involved in a poly relationship.

 

[Stella_Omega]

SixtyMinuteman;

PREM, you said something like; "The Poly people themselves can't come up with a single concise definition for themselves."

Let me suggest that Poly people don't need or want a "single concise definition" (as one might surmise, really, from the term "poly" after all). There are a number of human groups like that; another is LGBT organizations who have sentences such as; "The writers and publishers (of LGBT literature) are the ones who will be doing the self-identifying. Sexuality today is fluid and we welcome and cherish this freedom." (Lambda Literary Foundation)

It was very irritating to me to see statements (I'm not pissed off, just musing aloud here) that insisted that a group of partners had to, basically, live a conventional married life with the kids and the cars in the garage and death do us part--in order to qualify as properly Poly. Holding poly folk to a standard that mono people tend to fail miserably at.

 

[ottohauser1977]

For many, poly is a Bohemian lifestyle, and many poly types revel in that kind of freedom. Not all are cut out for petty bourgeois notions of "respectability".

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I live as conventional a life as you could expect from a suburban bear but my daydreams are of a poly/hippie commune/free-love community. I write about them because they're sort of mild obsession. I wish I was in one.

 

[CharleyH]

I never post here, but the title of the thread snagged my attention. I thought y'all might be interested in the Polyamory thread over in the BDSM Cafe.

FWIW, I've been polyamorous for years and am currently involved in a poly relationship.

Thank you, BiBunny. No one is ignoring you. Chime in. I know I would love it and others will also. xo