Polyamory

[Bianca_Sommerland]

The hubs and I have had what some would consider a poly relationship with another couple, or a friends with benefits relationship, for a number of years. Any time I've tried to compare it with anyone else's poly relationship, it's different. We came to the conclusion to do what works for us, and not listen to advice. Any advice I could give would be based on my own relationship, anyway, and not worth a plug nickel to someone else. There are just too many variables in any relationship, but add someone else to the soup pot, and it's just too hard do define.

That's awesome. I've heard to have a successful experience like that the relationship has to be very secure. And before anyone misconstrues my words I am not saying people that can only ever be monogamous aren't secure...merely that a relationship with deep routed problems won't do well with the added variable.

It's cool when people find out what works for them, in or out of a relationship

 

[PREMwriter]

My mom is as sharp as they come. You have to be a member of the church to attend services with the Jehovah's Witnesses. So, one day they come knocking, and my mom says, "Cool. I want to visit your church, see if I like it."

Watching them stammer at the door was really funny.

Yep, a whole lot of yammering and the bottom line is give me your money. I'll keep my money thanks and spend it on my family where it's needed. Mom used to invite them in for a social and listen to them all, just for the company. She'd sit and listen and tell them how wrong they were and whip out her Bible and show them. She would have this satisfied smile on her face for days after.

 

[Stella_Omega]

My mom is as sharp as they come. You have to be a member of the church to attend services with the Jehovah's Witnesses. So, one day they come knocking, and my mom says, "Cool. I want to visit your church, see if I like it."

Watching them stammer at the door was really funny.

I'll have to remember that one!

I'm too honest though, to even pretend I'd want to go to church.

 

[cloudy]

I'll have to remember that one!

I'm too honest though, to even pretend I'd want to go to church.

Best one I ever heard was a guy who had long brown hair, a beard and a mustache. He said he saw them coming, and real quick, ran and changed into a sheet and sandals. When they knocked on the door, he threw it wide open, and said, "I'm back!"

 

[Epmd607]

I'll have to remember that one!

I'm too honest though, to even pretend I'd want to go to church.

I don't think they have anything resembling a church service. They sit around and study texts. They aren't much for ceremony.

 

[Stella_Omega]

let's go back to this;

I am not poly, but innately emotionally monogamous. It is an essential part of my nature, so I can see how being poly might be too.

Roses roses for that!

 

[PREMwriter]

"Singing, Poly-woly-doodle all the day". I guess that's how that song came about. People called it poly-woly-doodling instead of fucking. But being polyamorous has it's advantages and disadvantages as well. On the bright side, lots of sex to keep you happy. On the down side, an increase in the chance of getting a disease, too many kids to properly take care of and if impotency strikes the poor bugger, he's on his own, kind of like, "NO tickey, no washy," where as a momogamous relationship would see the couple work through the problem.

 

[buxxxom]

Best one I ever heard was a guy who had long brown hair, a beard and a mustache. He said he saw them coming, and real quick, ran and changed into a sheet and sandals. When they knocked on the door, he threw it wide open, and said, "I'm back!"

Love this!

 

[buxxxom]

I am not poly, but innately emotionally monogamous. It is an essential part of my nature, so I can see how being poly might be too.

This is exactly it.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

"Singing, Poly-woly-doodle all the day". I guess that's how that song came about. People called it poly-woly-doodling instead of fucking. But being polyamorous has it's advantages and disadvantages as well. On the bright side, lots of sex to keep you happy. On the down side, an increase in the chance of getting a disease, too many kids to properly take care of and if impotency strikes the poor bugger, he's on his own, kind of like, "NO tickey, no washy," where as a momogamous relationship would see the couple work through the problem.

Actually, with more partners, one man's impotence would be less frustrating for the women. Also, with more parents, that kind of evens things out with the extra kids. And if they're exclusive to just
the group, there's little risk of disease.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

FYI, the Fundamentalist branch that practices plural marriage is basically the sect that doesn't accept the suspension of it by Wilford Woodruff in 1890. They don't recognize that as valid, and see themselves as the true church, with the official one being apostate.

 

[Stella_Omega]

"Singing, Poly-woly-doodle all the day". I guess that's how that song came about. People called it poly-woly-doodling instead of fucking. But being polyamorous has it's advantages and disadvantages as well. On the bright side, lots of sex to keep you happy. On the down side, an increase in the chance of getting a disease, too many kids to properly take care of and if impotency strikes the poor bugger, he's on his own, kind of like, "NO tickey, no washy," where as a momogamous relationship would see the couple work through the problem.

Uh... huh.

Too many kids? Have you ever heard of birth control? All the cool kids are using it.

And have you ever heard of loving commitment? Doesn't sound as if you have.

 

[ottohauser1977]

Uh... huh.

Too many kids? Have you ever heard of birth control? All the cool kids are using it.

And have you ever heard of loving commitment? Doesn't sound as if you have.

I think that they assume that polyamorists don't practice either. Guess I'm not the most cynical person out there after all.

 

[SixtyMinuteMan]

During the first arc of our relationship, we were part of what I'd term a polyamorous group. We didn't all live together, and most of the time everyone had an SO, but sexuality was always part of our friendships. The core of it was the two of us, three friends, and at different points several shorter-term lovers.

Most of the time we were fidelitous with each other, with individuals leaving the group for a while when an SO didn't want to play or when they were sleeping around while they looked for a new SO or whatever. And for the most part it was deep friendship with sexual benefits, although there were periods when I was traveling for work and my lover basically lived with another couple, and periods when my best friend was on the road that his SO lived with us. Which of course is a different flavor of poly.

It was pretty awesome. Very, very intimate friendships, very much a family. We're sort of creeping back toward something similar, I think, although we're taking it slow. In some ways it's harder to rebuild a relationship than it is to build it the first time, and that's where we are, so trust and care are the keys right now.

Love need not be exclusive. We've both learned that, together and separately.

 

[PREMwriter]

Uh... huh.

Too many kids? Have you ever heard of birth control? All the cool kids are using it.

And have you ever heard of loving commitment? Doesn't sound as if you have.

I do know about the Pill Stella, unfortunately, it seems thousands of others haven't, and the rise of unwanted pregnancies is proof.. I'm not opposing plural relationships, I'm just saying that risks increase exponentially with more partners. The ones who have posted here have stated a constant coming and going of partners who are getting involved outside the "Unit" and doing it with other people. That increases the risk of disease and that's undeniable. It only takes one to pick up something and it spreads, condoms aside. Commitment is one thing, but I haven't read one of you state a commited relationship yet, just cumming and going.

 

[Stella_Omega]

We now have a good assessment of your reading comprehension;

People have talked about commitments all the way through this thread.

 

[PREMwriter]

We now have a good assessment of your reading comprehension;

People have talked about commitments all the way through this thread.

I totally understand commitment Stella. What I don't see is the commitment between everyone. All I see is transient patterns of moving from one couple to another and individual daliances. Where is the commitment you're speaking of?

 

[Stella_Omega]

I totally understand commitment Stella. What I don't see is the commitment between everyone. All I see is transient patterns of moving from one couple to another and individual daliances. Where is the commitment you're speaking of?

I talked about a woman that my husband and I proposed marriage to.

I talked about a triad that lasted for eight years. Is that not commitment enough for you?

SixtyMinutMan's description sounds pretty strongly committed as well.

I'm not sure what you expect; a proper religious-style "cleave unto each other till death do us part?" Hell, 99% of hetero marriages don't work so well that way.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Okay Prem I'm confused. I remembered you saying something positive about the possibilities of a poly relationship working...

The situation of being polyamorous is re-thinking the whole concept of love from a religious stand-point. If we are mentally guided to believe it's one man and one woman and that's it, it bcomes an obstacle for the mind to translate sharing your love with three or more people. The Mormons have been practicing it long enough that the people are conditioned to accept it freely. Of course that's only with the men having muliples. It's not accepted for women to, which sucks. If society believed and practiced multiple partner relationships, everyone could make their choice as to who and how many partners. This is why today, we have people thinking beyond the boundaries of religious confinement and social make up and going their own route. They are promoting the old free love of the sixties and enjoying the benefits of the multiplicity of love from their partners.

Now you seem to be contradicting yourself. Have you been in a failed poly relationship since then?

Just wondering

 

[PREMwriter]

During the first arc of our relationship, we were part of what I'd term a polyamorous group. We didn't all live together, and most of the time everyone had an SO, but sexuality was always part of our friendships. The core of it was the two of us, three friends, and at different points several shorter-term lovers.

Most of the time we were fidelitous with each other, with individuals leaving the group for a while when an SO didn't want to play or when they were sleeping around while they looked for a new SO or whatever. And for the most part it was deep friendship with sexual benefits, although there were periods when I was traveling for work and my lover basically lived with another couple, and periods when my best friend was on the road that his SO lived with us. Which of course is a different flavor of poly.

It was pretty awesome. Very, very intimate friendships, very much a family. We're sort of creeping back toward something similar, I think, although we're taking it slow. In some ways it's harder to rebuild a relationship than it is to build it the first time, and that's where we are, so trust and care are the keys right now.

Love need not be exclusive. We've both learned that, together and separately.

I'll use this example of what you deem a pretty committed relationship Stella. In the first paragraph, he talks about several short term lovers. In the second he talks about sleeping around while looking for a SO. Where is the commitment in there? Seems you have a pretty twisted view of what comittment is if you thought this was one of them. If you want to marry some woman, along with your husband/mate, that's fine. It's just you three, no problems. When you introduce casual sex and outside of the relationship sex with other plural couples, where is it then? Am I still not getting the point of commitment yet?

 

[Huckleman2000]

I'll use this example of what you deem a pretty committed relationship Stella. In the first paragraph, he talks about several short term lovers. In the second he talks about sleeping around while looking for a SO. Where is the commitment in there? Seems you have a pretty twisted view of what comittment is if you thought this was one of them. If you want to marry some woman, along with your husband/mate, that's fine. It's just you three, no problems. When you introduce casual sex and outside of the relationship sex with other plural couples, where is it then? Am I still not getting the point of commitment yet?

Perhaps you're confusing commitment with sexual exclusivity.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think you're not getting the point, period.

 

[PREMwriter]

Okay Prem I'm confused. I remembered you saying something positive about the possibilities of a poly relationship working...



Now you seem to be contradicting yourself. Have you been in a failed poly relationship since then?

Just wondering

Actually Bianca, I am Pro Poly, but the idea of saying the word commitment in the same sentence as saying they slept around with different people doesn't sound like commitment to me. Stella says I don't get the point period, but where is the justification for saying that when I just showed her. I think having more than one partner in life at the same time is great. If it's another couple, great. But it remains as status quo throughout the relationship, not moving from one partner to another. That's like saying hetero couples that marry should be able to screw whoever they want, as long as they stay in a committed relationship. Makes me wonder why there's so many divorces because of that? Silly people. Commitment means staying within the guidelines of the proposed relationship, not fucking someone else because the moment was there, or one couple broke up, so let's go fuck someone else now.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Actually Bianca, I am Pro Poly, but the idea of saying the word commitment in the same sentence as saying they slept around with different people doesn't sound like commitment to me. Stella says I don't get the point period, but where is the justification for saying that when I just showed her. I think having more than one partner in life at the same time is great. If it's another couple, great. But it remains as status quo throughout the relationship, not moving from one partner to another. That's like saying hetero couples that marry should be able to screw whoever they want, as long as they stay in a committed relationship. Makes me wonder why there's so many divorces because of that? Silly people. Commitment means staying within the guidelines of the proposed relationship, not fucking someone else because the moment was there, or one couple broke up, so let's go fuck someone else now.

Yes but Prem you quoted someone elses words, not hers. Several people in this thread have mentioned the kind of 'Commitment' you're refering to. And on that note, commitment can be applied in several different ways.

Part of commitment is responsibility. If the partners that are commited to one another agree to allow one another the choice of exploring new partners than they would have to trust one another to use protection. The guidelines are set by the people in the relationship.

Most divorces happen because trust is broken. In whatever way, shape or form. The trust in the love, trust in the relationship. That's what I believe anyway. It has nothing to do with who you're 'fucking'. It has to do with whether or not you should be fucking anyone else at all.

 

[Stella_Omega]

PREM, the people in SixtyMinuteMan's examples did establish rules and adhere to them. They just aren't the rules you think of, that's all.