Polyamory

[SEVERUSMAX]

In a perfect world, we'd all be polyamorous. Well, at least in my idea of a perfect world.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

In a perfect world, we'd all be polyamorous. Well, at least in my idea of a perfect world.

Mine, too.

 

[vrosej10]

I've personally had no experience of polyamory, but I went to school with two boys whose father maintained multiple relationships with multiple women, some many that he turned his house into something like a motel to house all his various women. It was really fucked up and it did his kid's heads in. Plus one of the women couldn't copy, went right over the edge and wound up in a mental institution. I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[Freefall_mc]

bump...

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

That sounds like an extreme case and probably involved a lot more going on than just polyamory. If it was one of those religious sects and their odd version of polygamy, that might explain it. Even in a poly relationship, you still have to treat each other with respect. Whatever form he had, it sounds like he didn't do that, which would create a distorted version of the lifestyle. Plus, marital abuse exists in all kinds of marriage, including polygamy.

 

[Isid]

ain't happeniing

 

[OneLustyWench]

Polyamory can be done, but it is always hard.

You have to be able to hold and maintain a primary relationship first and foremost. If you can't do that, you can't do poly. Poly doesn't mean go out and do whoever you want whenever you want. Poly is building a deep and meaningful relationship with more than one person.

Jealousy is a major downfall for many who try this. Balancing needs and attention is always a tricky thing. For those who manage it, it can be a wonderful thing. But if you have issues, don't try it, it won't work. And unless everyone is 100% on board, with faith, trust and guidelines/rules, it won't work.

 

[Tio_Narratore]

Anyone remember John Barth's 158-pound Marriage?

Polyamory with an easy-going basis as well as problems, but to me far more comfortable than I've seen with some of the stricter-than-monogamy models of poly that have been presented.

 

[vrosej10]

That sounds like an extreme case and probably involved a lot more going on than just polyamory. If it was one of those religious sects and their odd version of polygamy, that might explain it. Even in a poly relationship, you still have to treat each other with respect. Whatever form he had, it sounds like he didn't do that, which would create a distorted version of the lifestyle. Plus, marital abuse exists in all kinds of marriage, including polygamy.

It wasn't a religious thing. The relationship had two core primaries, a first and second wife who had come to some kind of understanding and were cool with each other; they acted like sisters, but the plural wives in addition to them were the problem.As far as I know there was no abuse, but the guy was very controlling and something of a meglomaniac. I actually think the whole thing started as away of him feeding his enormous ego; that he had a right to anything he wanted and that he could take whatever he wanted regardless of the expense to others.

 

[JamesSD]

I have a friend-of-a-friend who is Poly, and my understanding of how they work is a little different than some of the examples posted here.

She has a boyfriend who she lives with and is her primary partner. She has a secondary boyfriend, and that guy also has his own primary girlfriend he lives with. It's different than swinging, etc, because the focus is much more on the relationship, and it's not a "love square" but a "love line", if you will.

Thing is, said friend-of-friend doesn't want kids and isn't that enthusiastic about marriage (she's almost 30). What's interesting to me is she talks about being poly the same way gay people talk about being homosexual. I'm not sure I believe it is something innate and inborn like homosexuality, but I also think people are free to do what they want if they are honest and consenting adults. Personally I don't have a strong desire to form multiple romantic connections, but I have found conversations with her to at least be interesting.

 

[Belegon]

It wasn't a religious thing. The relationship had two core primaries, a first and second wife who had come to some kind of understanding and were cool with each other; they acted like sisters, but the plural wives in addition to them were the problem.As far as I know there was no abuse, but the guy was very controlling and something of a meglomaniac. I actually think the whole thing started as away of him feeding his enormous ego; that he had a right to anything he wanted and that he could take whatever he wanted regardless of the expense to others.

That doesn't sound like polyamory, it sounds like "classic" polygamy. I do not consider them to be even close to the same. ESPECIALLY as the way the relationship is presented sounds like the single male partner is totally in charge.

If it were truly polyamory, I do not feel these other women would be involved without the first two women's permission, desire and acceptance.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

That doesn't sound like polyamory, it sounds like "classic" polygamy. I do not consider them to be even close to the same. ESPECIALLY as the way the relationship is presented sounds like the single male partner is totally in charge.

If it were truly polyamory, I do not feel these other women would be involved without the first two women's permission, desire and acceptance.

That certainly would be my understanding. HM won't share so I don't get involved with anyone else. It has to do with promises. The patriarchal polygamy isn't a valid example because it's about power, IMO. What I'm after is expanded relationship along with the sex.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I have a friend-of-a-friend who is Poly, and my understanding of how they work is a little different than some of the examples posted here.

She has a boyfriend who she lives with and is her primary partner. She has a secondary boyfriend, and that guy also has his own primary girlfriend he lives with. It's different than swinging, etc, because the focus is much more on the relationship, and it's not a "love square" but a "love line", if you will.

Thing is, said friend-of-friend doesn't want kids and isn't that enthusiastic about marriage (she's almost 30). What's interesting to me is she talks about being poly the same way gay people talk about being homosexual. I'm not sure I believe it is something innate and inborn like homosexuality, but I also think people are free to do what they want if they are honest and consenting adults. Personally I don't have a strong desire to form multiple romantic connections, but I have found conversations with her to at least be interesting.

I can only speak for myself, that it is innate for me. I can't say for others.

 

[vrosej10]

I can only speak for myself, that it is innate for me. I can't say for others.

I am not poly, but innately emotionally monogamous. It is an essential part of my nature, so I can see how being poly might be too.

 

[PREMwriter]

The situation of being polyamorous is re-thinking the whole concept of love from a religious stand-point. If we are mentally guided to believe it's one man and one woman and that's it, it bcomes an obstacle for the mind to translate sharing your love with three or more people. The Mormons have been practicing it long enough that the people are conditioned to accept it freely. Of course that's only with the men having muliples. It's not accepted for women to, which sucks. If society believed and practiced multiple partner relationships, everyone could make their choice as to who and how many partners. This is why today, we have people thinking beyond the boundaries of religious confinement and social make up and going their own route. They are promoting the old free love of the sixties and enjoying the benefits of the multiplicity of love from their partners.

 

[cloudy]

The situation of being polyamorous is re-thinking the whole concept of love from a religious stand-point. If we are mentally guided to believe it's one man and one woman and that's it, it bcomes an obstacle for the mind to translate sharing your love with three or more people. The Mormons have been practicing it long enough that the people are conditioned to accept it freely. Of course that's only with the men having muliples. It's not accepted for women to, which sucks. If society believed and practiced multiple partner relationships, everyone could make their choice as to who and how many partners. This is why today, we have people thinking beyond the boundaries of religious confinement and social make up and going their own route. They are promoting the old free love of the sixties and enjoying the benefits of the multiplicity of love from their partners.

That's not Mormons, but an offshoot of LDS. The LDS doesn't condone polygamy.

Just so you know.

 

[PREMwriter]

That's not Mormons, but an offshoot of LDS. The LDS doesn't condone polygamy.

Just so you know.

I stand corrected. Thank you Cloudy

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I couldn't handle a poly-amorous lifestyle. I'm monogomous to the core. One man one woman for me.

 

[cloudy]

I stand corrected. Thank you Cloudy

I'm probably the closest thing to an expert on LDS that's here. My sister converted thirty-something years ago, so a huge percentage of my rather large family is Mormon (she has 14 kids).

The missionaries keep coming around to try to convert me because I enjoy having biblical/philosophical discussions with them.

 

[PREMwriter]

I'm probably the closest thing to an expert on LDS that's here. My sister converted thirty-something years ago, so a huge percentage of my rather large family is Mormon (she has 14 kids).

The missionaries keep coming around to try to convert me because I enjoy having biblical/philosophical discussions with them.

The Elders have spent many a time at our house doing the same. I was a Mormon and baptized at 13, but I hate religion and won't label myself as anything other than a believer, period. They love to try and persuade me their way will answer my needs. I laugh and say thanks, but no thanks. Nice folks though, I'll give them that.

 

[buxxxom]

I couldn't handle a poly-amorous lifestyle. I'm monogomous to the core. One man one woman for me.

The hubs and I have had what some would consider a poly relationship with another couple, or a friends with benefits relationship, for a number of years. Any time I've tried to compare it with anyone else's poly relationship, it's different. We came to the conclusion to do what works for us, and not listen to advice. Any advice I could give would be based on my own relationship, anyway, and not worth a plug nickel to someone else. There are just too many variables in any relationship, but add someone else to the soup pot, and it's just too hard do define.

 

[cloudy]

The Elders have spent many a time at our house doing the same. I was a Mormon and baptized at 13, but I hate religion and won't label myself as anything other than a believer, period. They love to try and persuade me their way will answer my needs. I laugh and say thanks, but no thanks. Nice folks though, I'll give them that.

Very nice people, even if we don't believe the same things.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I am not poly, but innately emotionally monogamous. It is an essential part of my nature, so I can see how being poly might be too.

How delightful to find someone capable of extrapolation like this!

 

[PREMwriter]

Very nice people, even if we don't believe the same things.

No one said I had to agree with someone to like them, right. Just like the Jehovah's that come. I had them both here at the same time and it got interesting to hear them debate. I have my own ideals and God is with me everywhere I go, so I don't need a middleman to get there.

 

[cloudy]

No one said I had to agree with someone to like them, right. Just like the Jehovah's that come. I had them both here at the same time and it got interesting to hear them debate. I have my own ideals and God is with me everywhere I go, so I don't need a middleman to get there.

My mom is as sharp as they come. You have to be a member of the church to attend services with the Jehovah's Witnesses. So, one day they come knocking, and my mom says, "Cool. I want to visit your church, see if I like it."

Watching them stammer at the door was really funny.