RisiaSkye
Artistic
- Joined
- May 1, 2000
- Posts
- 4,387
This whole ongoing fracas is and has been a tempest in a teapot. The claims that this place is dead are wrong and insulting to everyone who's still here. This place is, and will be, whatever the participants make it. The only people who can "kill" it are Laurel & Manu. The only ones who can make it thrive are the posters to it. It has the potential to be a forum for both serious and light discussion about *all* things BDSM related, and that could be a very useful, enjoyable, and sophisticated thing--something of value for everyone.
This forum was originally intended to be a discussion forum focused on BDSM lifestyle. It was not intended to be a free-for-all, a chat room, or even the community that it became. It was meant to be a serious place for serious conversation. There's nothing anti-First Amendment about a moderated, on-topic discussion forum. It's narrow in focus, certainly. That's why it isn't a "General" board. Nor should it be a "general" board. We already have an excellent general forum. Some people have used narrow focus as their "proof" of censorship, overmoderation, and the general unfairness of the Lit-universe.
That's ridiculous, in my opinion. Narrowness of focus isn't necessarily narrowness of minds or opinions, though some have behaved as though focus equates to rigid control. Some of the complaints about the forum's evolution are entirely valid, and we're working toward addressing them. Ideally, moderated discussion is just an attempt to direct content toward a specified end, the discussion of BDSM and related issues. It's a worthwhile end, a difficult thing to maintain, and it's not for everyone. It's not, for example, for those who want to bandy about the suggestion that all kinks are going to hell. It's not a place to get into "whip me, beat me" fantasy online sessions. And it shouldn't be a place to destroy each other with toxic words or to lose onesself in excessive flirtation.
As the forum's grown, it's become many things in addition to a discussion group. People got to know each other and started to have friendly discussions on tangentially related issues or about their lives. Others started creating a split between the curious and the experienced, between M-Doms and f-subs, between LDR and 24/7, between gay & straight, etc. etc. etc. And resentments started to accumulate. Some of the people who were here from the inception of the M thread tried to hold onto what it was, and paid the price of their stubbornness. Some tried to destroy the people they didn't like, inasmuch as it's possible from their keyboard. Some have gone, new people have arrived, and the evolution continues.
It is true that what this place was designed to be, a forum for serious discussion for lifestylers and those interested in the life, is not what it's become. That is neither good nor bad. I have no *personal* interest in a kinked GB, so if it evolves into that, I'll leave it in someone else's capable hands. But the forum will almost certainly remain, to be made into what everyone participating creates for themselves.
I think the real problem that's been brewing here for the last several months is that some people have complained that it isn't inclusive, and others have countered that it is, and then everyone gets hung up on arguing about it. In truth, it wasn't a fully "inclusive" place; it was never meant to be. It started as a question and answer thread with lifestylers taking questions. It became a social gathering of lifestylers and the curious. It was meant to be a discussion for a very narrow segment of the population (those interested in skin2skin BDSM)--that's why we were all so surprised to get a whole forum.
As it grew, and the GB went into another of its down-phases, this forum became something else: a place for anyone to talk about things even remotely kinky, a haven for the curious, and a social club for the long-term participants and lifestylers. Those factors have done more to change the nature of this board than even the flame wars, which are an irritant, a form of entertainment, and ultimately not much else.
Of course, you have freedom. We've proved that point to hell and back, I think. However, I don't understand why it's necessary to use that freedom in destructive ways. And I don't understand what's so inflammatory, repressive, or unfair about trying to create a discussion group. If the idea of a focused discussion directed toward BDSM offends you, I'm sorry. May I recommend another forum, more suited to your preferences?
By way of compromise, I'd like to suggest the following:
Tag your new threads honestly, and think about what you're doing before hitting the "submit" button.
*If it's meant to be flirtation, fluff, or GB-type content but you still feel it belongs here rather than in the GB, be honest about the content.
*Don't hijack threads, changing the topic entirely. If you have a sidenote or even a small flirtatious aside, fine. But don't enter discussions and then not discuss the topic at hand.
*If it's a serious discussion, give it an appropriately serious title and take responsibility for participating in the conversation you create so that it stays on track.
*If you want to get into a flame war that has nothing to do with BDSM, be prepared to have your words removed or your thread closed if they become personally directed attacks. Flame wars are GB material. Discussion and disagreements happen, but before contributing to another hurled accusation in the ongoing cycle of complaints and misunderstandings, consider your actions and be prepared for the consequences of them.
I'm not a babysitter, and it isn't true that only Laurel or Manu have the right to decide what belongs in the forum. That's one of the Moderator(s)' jobs as well. I've tried to err on the side of free expression, but I'm tired of throwing water on the flames. I'm not a firefighter, any more than I am a babysitter.
You'll notice, if you look, that the sticky's been updated. Its language is, I think, now more accurately descriptive of this forum and its purpose.
Best to you all,
Risia Skye
BDSM Forum Moderator
This forum was originally intended to be a discussion forum focused on BDSM lifestyle. It was not intended to be a free-for-all, a chat room, or even the community that it became. It was meant to be a serious place for serious conversation. There's nothing anti-First Amendment about a moderated, on-topic discussion forum. It's narrow in focus, certainly. That's why it isn't a "General" board. Nor should it be a "general" board. We already have an excellent general forum. Some people have used narrow focus as their "proof" of censorship, overmoderation, and the general unfairness of the Lit-universe.
That's ridiculous, in my opinion. Narrowness of focus isn't necessarily narrowness of minds or opinions, though some have behaved as though focus equates to rigid control. Some of the complaints about the forum's evolution are entirely valid, and we're working toward addressing them. Ideally, moderated discussion is just an attempt to direct content toward a specified end, the discussion of BDSM and related issues. It's a worthwhile end, a difficult thing to maintain, and it's not for everyone. It's not, for example, for those who want to bandy about the suggestion that all kinks are going to hell. It's not a place to get into "whip me, beat me" fantasy online sessions. And it shouldn't be a place to destroy each other with toxic words or to lose onesself in excessive flirtation.
As the forum's grown, it's become many things in addition to a discussion group. People got to know each other and started to have friendly discussions on tangentially related issues or about their lives. Others started creating a split between the curious and the experienced, between M-Doms and f-subs, between LDR and 24/7, between gay & straight, etc. etc. etc. And resentments started to accumulate. Some of the people who were here from the inception of the M thread tried to hold onto what it was, and paid the price of their stubbornness. Some tried to destroy the people they didn't like, inasmuch as it's possible from their keyboard. Some have gone, new people have arrived, and the evolution continues.
It is true that what this place was designed to be, a forum for serious discussion for lifestylers and those interested in the life, is not what it's become. That is neither good nor bad. I have no *personal* interest in a kinked GB, so if it evolves into that, I'll leave it in someone else's capable hands. But the forum will almost certainly remain, to be made into what everyone participating creates for themselves.
I think the real problem that's been brewing here for the last several months is that some people have complained that it isn't inclusive, and others have countered that it is, and then everyone gets hung up on arguing about it. In truth, it wasn't a fully "inclusive" place; it was never meant to be. It started as a question and answer thread with lifestylers taking questions. It became a social gathering of lifestylers and the curious. It was meant to be a discussion for a very narrow segment of the population (those interested in skin2skin BDSM)--that's why we were all so surprised to get a whole forum.
As it grew, and the GB went into another of its down-phases, this forum became something else: a place for anyone to talk about things even remotely kinky, a haven for the curious, and a social club for the long-term participants and lifestylers. Those factors have done more to change the nature of this board than even the flame wars, which are an irritant, a form of entertainment, and ultimately not much else.
Of course, you have freedom. We've proved that point to hell and back, I think. However, I don't understand why it's necessary to use that freedom in destructive ways. And I don't understand what's so inflammatory, repressive, or unfair about trying to create a discussion group. If the idea of a focused discussion directed toward BDSM offends you, I'm sorry. May I recommend another forum, more suited to your preferences?
By way of compromise, I'd like to suggest the following:
Tag your new threads honestly, and think about what you're doing before hitting the "submit" button.
*If it's meant to be flirtation, fluff, or GB-type content but you still feel it belongs here rather than in the GB, be honest about the content.
*Don't hijack threads, changing the topic entirely. If you have a sidenote or even a small flirtatious aside, fine. But don't enter discussions and then not discuss the topic at hand.
*If it's a serious discussion, give it an appropriately serious title and take responsibility for participating in the conversation you create so that it stays on track.
*If you want to get into a flame war that has nothing to do with BDSM, be prepared to have your words removed or your thread closed if they become personally directed attacks. Flame wars are GB material. Discussion and disagreements happen, but before contributing to another hurled accusation in the ongoing cycle of complaints and misunderstandings, consider your actions and be prepared for the consequences of them.
I'm not a babysitter, and it isn't true that only Laurel or Manu have the right to decide what belongs in the forum. That's one of the Moderator(s)' jobs as well. I've tried to err on the side of free expression, but I'm tired of throwing water on the flames. I'm not a firefighter, any more than I am a babysitter.
You'll notice, if you look, that the sticky's been updated. Its language is, I think, now more accurately descriptive of this forum and its purpose.
Best to you all,
Risia Skye
BDSM Forum Moderator
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