Picking up?

[Guest]

Okay, firstly I don't go out on the pull very often but over the christmas period I should be going to several very good parties with lots of very atrractive females. Point is I'm not terribly good at getting talking with any of them, or if I do I don't properly convey the message that I am out there to pull and risk offending somebody else who simply isn't.

What are your tactics to, well, score without saying anything blatent or offensive and without being overconfident, because I am not terribly, even when under the influence of alcohol. And from a female point of view, what kind of attitude would you like to see a guy adopt if he wishes to talk to you?

I'm not suggesting I 'have' to go all the way with anyone, but I do want to have some fun, I don't want to give the wrong impression that I am just after somebody to chat with or something. Hmmm.

I'm going off the point a little I think. Basically, what are the best ways to... chat women up?

 

[Smilodon]

Hello Questionaskingidiot, (I'm sure you're not really an idiot)

For me there is nothing worse than someone who is overconfident and smarmy and I will laugh at them or ignore tham if they try anything on.

I am quite shy and I like it when I can see someone's a little unsure of coming up to speak to me, so someone who looks at me and catches my eye but looks away is perfect. Then after that's happened a few times then a nice smile will get me every time!

And if we get as far as talking, then some intelligent, slightly flirty conversation is very good. But I can't tell you what to talk about, I always fret about that before a party situation but always end up having lots to say when I'm there.

I know what you mean though, it's a bit of a minefield isn't it!

Good luck

Smiley

 

[SexyChele]

I agree with Smiley - overly confident men are a turn off! However, a man with a little confidence is very convincing.

I'm also very shy (I know, I know, it does seem so here, but...), so a man who takes the intiative in starting a conversation is always welcome. What to do? What? In getting her attention? Catch her eye, and give her a little smile before glancing away. If you can catch her eye again, hold it a little longer, give her a smile, and then look away. If she smiles back or holds your glance, by all means, approach her. (However, don't stare at her - that is just creepy!)

What to talk about? That's harder. Unless you know, with perfect certainty, that you tell great jokes, avoid them. So many men think they are funny and try to come on with humor, but they simply are not funny. The best thing is to ask her about herself, get her to talk about her - people love talking about themselves. Now, don't get too personal or ask too many questions - that's creepy, as well! Ask her something like what she does for a living, then listen to what she says, and let that lead to more questions. If walk up with a rote list of questions to ask, its, well, creepy!

Don't, please don't, walk up to any female hoping to "score". It comes through in your mannerisms, in your voice, in your whole being! Approach her as a person, as a potential friend, as some one you are interested in chatting with. Let her guide the flow - she will. Try to pick up on her cues, if she is interested, she will be letting you know. And don't get angry if you've talked with her for a half hour, and she walks away - hey, nothing ventured, nothing gained! Now, why treat her as a potential friend? Because things might not "click" with her, BUT she might know of a friend that would be perfect for you, and we females are always trying to play "matchmaker"! You may not get "her" but her friend may be twice as good!

 

[Guest]

Heh, thanks for that girls. Extremely informative
As for the 'trying to score' persona. I agree, but sometimes I mess it up, It's nice just to chat with somebody, if nothing happens then it is better than being in the corner and talking to nobody all night. I'm probably slightly inexperienced though, I can spot the obvious signals but what are the more subtle ones that she likes you?

 

[J.B.]

First os all there's nothing I hate more than a cheezy pick up line... so please .. Please .. PLEASE don't use those. No matter how smoth you think you sound the girl will see right throught you and just laugh in your face at best & do God knows what @ worst... I'm a shy person by nature when it comes to that too ( & only that aperantly... lol) so just go say hi & see where it takes you... if you know that you don't sound all too... uh... shall we say "normal" when you've had a few try & limit your intake... Besides the 2nd thing girls hate is a drunk guy hitting on them (they don't want to think you're just looking @ them throught beer bottle glasses).. besides... lot's of us girls go for the shy guy... I don't know why don't ask me to explain it..
I know I probably wasn't any help...

 

[SexyChele]

I'm probably slightly inexperienced though, I can spot the obvious signals but what are the more subtle ones that she likes you?

Normally, if a woman is conversing with a man she is interested in, she will hold his eye contact, and she will smile more frequently. And not that, "oh please give me a break when will this guy shut up" fake grin. I mean a "real" smile! Remember, as well, that when men are interested in a woman, they have a tendency to face them. When women are comfortable with a man, she will want him to stand next to her - it's her "personal space".

Also, she will usually touch you in some way. Her fingers on your arm, a hand on your shoulder as she leans up to say something in your ear. Now, these are "iron clad", but they can be good indicators.

In the course of your conversation, once you start to feel at ease, and you crack a silly joke, and she actually laughs - pretty good bet you are in. Us women HATE non-funny jokes when a man initially approaches us. We LOVE them when we are interested in a man. (Hey, we do reserve the right to change our minds!) If she doesn't come up with an excuse to leave after 10-15 minutes, chances are good she is interested.

Watch her eyes. If you are talking to her and you notice her eyes raking over the room as though she were looking for something or some one, it is not a good sign. Don't get angry with her, though. She may be meeting some one there and might simply be watching for them. You might ask her politely if she is in fact expecting some one. But do be polite.

People who are interested in you and in what you are saying are not difficult to spot. They usually leans towards you, maintain eye contact, touch you more often, and ask you questions. If they leave your company for any reason, they will seek you back out again. Many times women feign being "polite", and men think of it as encouragement. However, it was the way we were raised. Well, most of us anyway.

Anyway, relax, enjoy, and good luck!