Pick Your Label(s)

[HB1965]

Quite possibly a soon-to-be-born-again vanilla. That way I can just keep all of this locked up nice and tight inside and not feel like a jackass.

If you're a jackass then I'm a jackass

 

[callinectes]

 

[callinectes]

If you're a jackass then I'm a jackass

At least I am in fine company.

I'm just whiny tonight. I need to just get over myself.

 

[Homburg]

Click me.

Societal conditioning is strong, no doubt. But Sister76 is right. Coach's tears were as natural as his laughter, and the sheer confidence of the man was astounding.

Excellent story. Thank you for linking it. I shouldn't feel so damned bad about the tears. They're honest, and were earned honestly. I don't mind people knowing that I love completely and deeply, and these tears are just a physical sign of the depth of that emotion.

In more rational moments, my philosophy background would start talking about postmodernism and hermaneutics and the power of words and labels. Maybe tomorrow, or someday, I'll dig my brain out of the hole it has crawled into and post something cogent on topic.

 

[Luvkitty33]

Click me.

Societal conditioning is strong, no doubt. But Sister76 is right. Coach's tears were as natural as his laughter, and the sheer confidence of the man was astounding.

Thank you so much for posting this story!! It really is a beautiful testament to what a REAL man isn't afraid to do. I also think it was an invaluable lesson that he passed on to the team, and I would assume that the message was taken much more to heart because of the respect and emotional ties the men had to their coach. It's one thing when a so-called "wuss" cries and then states that real men cry, but when the same scenario happens, but with a so-called "man's man," and one that is looked up to and respected, I think the message carries more weight. Anyway, thank you for sharing the story.

To "H"---I'm so sorry to read about the ending of a relationship that obviously meant a great deal to you with a woman that you obviously loved very much. I'm sure you already know about the stages of grief that we all must go through, but I sincerely hope that your journey through the stages is a quick one and a healing one. I'm glad to hear that you have support from people who care about you and that you're willing to accept that support. Hang in there, and again, I'm truly sorry for the pain I know you're feeling.

 

[Homburg]

To "H"---I'm so sorry to read about the ending of a relationship that obviously meant a great deal to you with a woman that you obviously loved very much. I'm sure you already know about the stages of grief that we all must go through, but I sincerely hope that your journey through the stages is a quick one and a healing one. I'm glad to hear that you have support from people who care about you and that you're willing to accept that support. Hang in there, and again, I'm truly sorry for the pain I know you're feeling.

Thank you for your kind words. I'd heard about the stages of grief, but never looked into it. Having read it, I see a similar pattern in my own emotions. Denial occurred three weeks ago when the completely unbelievable event occurred that precipitated the end of our relationship. I could not believe that it had happened because it was well and truly unbelievable. How do you deal with finding out that a friend (that I've known for over a decade, and considered my little sister) has to your mother and told her about the three-way relationship you are having with your wife and another woman? Anger happened that same night, as I was as angry as I have ever been in my entire life at the person. I won't go into it, but some truly unpleasant things were said to her husband, who is very definitely my brother, blood or not.

I also handled Bargaining that night, as I convinced "w" not to break it off as a knee-jerk reaction. To give it thought and consideration. So no wI am left with Depression, and that has been an issue for three weeks now. Yesterday was just the validation of the end, as I'd felt it was coming. I'm working hard to move into Acceptance. I'm mostly there, as I've been preparing emotionally for this for a couple of weeks now, but I still have Depression to deal with.

Nonetheless, I thank you for mentioning this. It puts into words what I have been going through. I find that helpful. I'm fairly sure that "w" is in the same rough stage I am, but she is both prone to depression, and very closed up about such things. I doubt that she will be honest with me about her feelings, even though we are still talking.

It is interesting how the act of labelling the stages of grief can be useful to someone like me. I like labels, and names. Getting back to my previous references to postmodernism, hermaneutics, et al, there is a very strong argument that we, as human beings, cannot conceive of something that we do not have language to describe. If there was somehow a new primary colour discovered, we would not be able to think of it or recall it without naming it. I'm explaining it poorly, but the idea is that our brains are wired up to behave linguistically far more than we think.

Daniel Dennett used the example of the purple cow in his book "Consciousness Explained" (a truly fascinating read full of peaks behind the curtain in the your own mind). His position was that you cannot actually imagine a purple cow, unless you've seen a cow painted purple, or are one of the very few people with truly visual-image-centered thinking. If you are like most people, you are bringing up the memory file labelled "cow", if you'll excuse the use of computer terminology, and adding the modifier "purple" to it, producing the idea of a purple cow, but without the strong realisation of details. again, I am explaining it poorly, but the concept is fascinating.

If you enjoy the idea of looking into your own thought processes in a very different fashion, I suggest reading his book. There's all kinds of neat little ideas and exercises in it to show that you aren' tthinking what you think you're thinking. Good stuff.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Homburg I am sorry for all you've gone through over the past weeks. Only one person with access to my family knows about me and my kink (besides Master) and she now lives in Tokyo so hopefully I'm safe. It would cause serious problems in my family if it came out and I have no wish to inflict my left of mainstream relationship on them.

You're grieving for two relationships here; the one you thought you had with your 'little sister' as well as the one you were planning with 'w.' That's 2 helpings of each stage of grief and IMHO you're coping admirably. Added to that you have the issue of family members knowing about your kink, whom you had no wish to inform. I'm not surprised this has knocked you sideways.

Your posts on this have been insightful, you've learned things about yourself and others. I think that you and 'v' will emerge from this stronger. It's when your personal world is threatened that you really take stock of who and what you value in it and this has been one of those times.

I think the only advice I can give is to take Evil Geoff up on his offer, I have no doubt that his hard won experience is the best advice you'll get from anywhere.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}

 

[Homburg]

Thank you VelvetDarkness. I did take Evil Geoff up on that offer. He has been down this road, and his advice was nothing short of insightful.

I think the outing has been harder on the gals than on me. I'm oddly used to taking serious heat. I have an interesting personality, and frequently considered to be the 'bad guy', for lack of a better word, because I'm, well, Dominant. I'm unafraid of getting what I want socially, and people frequently get bent to my will to get it. This has caused resentment and a lot of people, especially my friends, are willing to casually see me as easy to be spiteful towards. I don't usually mind, as, again, I'm used to it, and I take a perverse pleasure in the attention.

So, as a result, I have excellent coping mechanisms in place. My folks and I are on an even keel. Sure, they'll never look at me the same, but they weren't going to be but SO surprised. With "v" though, not only was she involved in this crazy thing I had with "w", "Little sister" also outed "v" as *gasp* bisexual. It is one thing to be kinky apparently, but another entirely to be kinky and bisexual (well, bi-curious. She's has one experience with a woman to date). Mom gave her unpleasant grief over that. She eventually apologised and asked forgiveness, but it was still damaging.

So I'm kinky and awful to my poor wife, but everybody knows I'm a bastard, so no big deal. But "v", well, she's kinky, a doormat for me, AND she has had homosexual intercourse! The whole attitude makes me want to slap the crap outta somebody. Specifically "little sister".

And I won't get into how devastated "w" was. the whole event was traumatising to her in a very deep fashion, and represented her deepest fear. And the fact that it happened to me made it worse. She has to deal with the thoughts that my relationship with my parents, and most of my friends, are all utterly mangled, and she blames herself. Interestingly, my friends being my friends, and me being me, they blame me, and consider her just another of my victims. Gotta love my friends....

So, yeah, I'm dealing with the loss of "w", and I'm dealing with the wreckage of a lot of the friendships I have. "Little sister" can die in a fucking fire. Her jealousy ruined my fucking life, and the bitch has the gall to be self-righteous about it. The fact that a large number of my friends have issues with me, and these are people I've known for decades, is a bit more of an issue for me.

"v", though, is golden. Oddly enough, taking up with "w" has saved our marriage. It was dwindling day by day. I still loved her, but neither one of us was in love with the other. "w" kicked that all around and "v" and I remembered why we feel in love with each other in the first place. It's just another amazing thing "w" did for me.

I thank you for your kind words, both in advice and your feedback offered on my posts. Thank you.

 

[Luvkitty33]

Homburg

Thank you for your kind words. I'd heard about the stages of grief, but never looked into it. Having read it, I see a similar pattern in my own emotions. Denial occurred three weeks ago when the completely unbelievable event occurred that precipitated the end of our relationship. I could not believe that it had happened because it was well and truly unbelievable. How do you deal with finding out that a friend (that I've known for over a decade, and considered my little sister) has to your mother and told her about the three-way relationship you are having with your wife and another woman? Anger happened that same night, as I was as angry as I have ever been in my entire life at the person. I won't go into it, but some truly unpleasant things were said to her husband, who is very definitely my brother, blood or not.

I also handled Bargaining that night, as I convinced "w" not to break it off as a knee-jerk reaction. To give it thought and consideration. So no wI am left with Depression, and that has been an issue for three weeks now. Yesterday was just the validation of the end, as I'd felt it was coming. I'm working hard to move into Acceptance. I'm mostly there, as I've been preparing emotionally for this for a couple of weeks now, but I still have Depression to deal with.

Nonetheless, I thank you for mentioning this. It puts into words what I have been going through. I find that helpful. I'm fairly sure that "w" is in the same rough stage I am, but she is both prone to depression, and very closed up about such things. I doubt that she will be honest with me about her feelings, even though we are still talking.

It is interesting how the act of labelling the stages of grief can be useful to someone like me. I like labels, and names. Getting back to my previous references to postmodernism, hermaneutics, et al, there is a very strong argument that we, as human beings, cannot conceive of something that we do not have language to describe. If there was somehow a new primary colour discovered, we would not be able to think of it or recall it without naming it. I'm explaining it poorly, but the idea is that our brains are wired up to behave linguistically far more than we think.

Daniel Dennett used the example of the purple cow in his book "Consciousness Explained" (a truly fascinating read full of peaks behind the curtain in the your own mind). His position was that you cannot actually imagine a purple cow, unless you've seen a cow painted purple, or are one of the very few people with truly visual-image-centered thinking. If you are like most people, you are bringing up the memory file labelled "cow", if you'll excuse the use of computer terminology, and adding the modifier "purple" to it, producing the idea of a purple cow, but without the strong realisation of details. again, I am explaining it poorly, but the concept is fascinating.

If you enjoy the idea of looking into your own thought processes in a very different fashion, I suggest reading his book. There's all kinds of neat little ideas and exercises in it to show that you aren' tthinking what you think you're thinking. Good stuff.

You are a remarkable person, Homburg. I've been extremely moved by many of your posts since my recent discovery of these message boards. The love that you so obviously feel for the women in your life is palpable (not sure if that's the right word or not).......I can just FEEL it radiating from the screen as I read your posts. Despite some of the labels you've given yourself or that your "friends" have given you, I find that your words reveal something else. I find that they reveal a kind, thoughtful, deep, self-aware, intelligent person with a huge amount of love to share and a compassion and understanding for "V" and "W" that I frankly find beautiful. I'm constantly blown away by how in-tune you are to their needs, both sexually and emotionally, and how hard you work to ensure their comfort, safety, and happiness.

As far as the stages of grief, I'm glad that you're finding it helpful to have labels for your feelings. I agree that having a way to identify emotions and thoughts can be almost a relief of sorts. At least for myself, knowing that there are stages and what they are has been helpful in a couple of ways in the past. For one, being able to put a name to a feeling and knowing that the name exists and is part of something larger (stages of grief) somehow makes those feelings more.......hmmmmm....what do I want to say here??? Acceptable??? I think what I mean is that I didn't feel so lost. scared, and alone because I knew that what I was feeling was "normal" and that, in order for the label to even exist, millions of others had most likely gone through a similar process.

Another reason I think that having labels for those feelings as part of the stages of grief was helpful for me in the past is because it kind of allowed me to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Having suffered from severe chronic depression in the past due after an accident at the school where I taught forced me to give up my dream of teaching, I unfortunately have become "best friends" with those stages of grief. I think that it helped me when I was experiencing that "stuck in the bottom of a very deep well, hanging on by my fingernails to the desire to live" feeling to know that this was one of the stages. Those feelings were "normal," and those feelings would eventually pass. There was a light at the end of the tunnel.

I don't know if anything that I'm saying here is making any kind of sense, but I hope you can get at least a little something of value from my jumbled up thoughts. I just want to point out that, although there are stages of grief, not everyone will go through all the stages in the same order. Something else to keep in mind is that different people will stay in the various stages for different amounts of time, and it's also possible to revert back to a stage that you thought you'd already passed through. I'm only pointing this out to you so that IF......and that's a big IF, any of these situations happen to you, you won't feel caught of guard. Grief can bring a huge sense of loss of control, which I know is difficult for most people, but I'm assuming even more so for true doms?????......at least you pointed out your distaste for lack of control in a few previous posts.

Before I write a novel here, I wanted to thank you for your book recommendation. I actually found your comments to be very thought provoking and will probably pick up the book you suggested to explore them further.

There is SO much more that I want to say about a few other things you brought up, but this post is long enough!! I just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and that I truly hope your heart heals quickly.

Luvkitty

 

[Homburg]

You are a remarkable person, Homburg. I've been extremely moved by many of your posts since my recent discovery of these message boards. The love that you so obviously feel for the women in your life is palpable (not sure if that's the right word or not).......I can just FEEL it radiating from the screen as I read your posts. Despite some of the labels you've given yourself or that your "friends" have given you, I find that your words reveal something else. I find that they reveal a kind, thoughtful, deep, self-aware, intelligent person with a huge amount of love to share and a compassion and understanding for "V" and "W" that I frankly find beautiful. I'm constantly blown away by how in-tune you are to their needs, both sexually and emotionally, and how hard you work to ensure their comfort, safety, and happiness.

Wow, you've both made me blush and made me wonder if I'm going to get *ahem* misty again.

To be frank, I earned my labels from my friends, and, yes, with the exception of recent events, my friends are damned good friends that I've been able to count on for support for years. In some cases, for 15+ years. That says a lot for me, as my dad was in the Army, and I spent my whole childhood moving around the world. To look at someone and know that I've known them and been friends with some of them for literally 19 years is a HUGE thing for me. For the first half of my life, 3 years was the longest I'd known anyone beyond family.

My friends are incredibly important to me, and I am serious about them. I feel like I've failed them as much as some of them have failed me. In short, i've been absent from their lives, sometimes brusquely so for basically the whole summer. This lead to some resentment. When one is *ahem* Dominant it affects and informs reltionship beyond D/s ones. Many of my friends looked up to me and looked to me for guidance because I tend to assume leadership and mentoring roles naturally.

And that is not my ego talking. I've mentioned that I lift weights. Before this summer, I was the coach, personal trainer, program designer, and primary motivator behind a whole lot of my friends coming over here and training. When things got heavy with "w" that petered out. Instant resentment, as these guys weren't paying attention to why we did what we did. They were just doing what I told them and getting great results from it. Now they are no longer getting results, not feeling like they're welcome here, etc. I earned the resentment for this by not being a good friend or, well, er, coach.

We're gamers, roleplayers, and I ran the big game that all of my friends were in. When the situation with "w" became so emotionally stressing, I stopped the game. 30 some-odd people were suddenly left without a bi-weekly social outlet that I'd organised, handled, and supported for two years now. Instant resentment, and, again, I earned it. Yes, it was done because I couldn't handle things any more, and people "understand", but they still resent.

There are other issues there, but they're largely caused by resentful people ("little sister" leading the way) doing a lot of gossiping and speculating behind my back. Some very ugly allegations were made about me outside of the "w" issue, and I've had to, well, shove proof down some throats. This did not engender me more supporters, as you can imagine. But I'm not one to take allegations well that I somehow cheated my friends out of money for training gear (especially when I'm more than $400 out of my pocket over what every else chipped in on).

So trust me when I say that I can be a right bastard, and that I earn my labels honestly.

I do work hard. You're right about that. One of the reasons why my relationships dwindled with my friends is because I was concentrating so heavily on my ladies. Having one sub is work, as any Dom will tell you. Having two, especially when you are a sensual Dom and honestly in love with both, is mind-boggling. Part of my problem right now is that I'm emotionally exhausted.

why is it so much work? Well, I had "v", my lovely, and loyal wife, who is now wonder why her hubby of 16 years is suddenly in love with another woman. Sure, I was also FAR more in love with "v" again, and expressing it constantly, but she still had huge issues with self-worth, inadequacy, doubt, etc, and she is prone to these demons even in the best of times. So I averaged about two hours a day minimum just making damned certain that "v" knew that she was loved, cherished, and owned, and that I wasn't going anywhere. And that is outside of sex, normal wife/husband relations, father duties, etc.

"w" lives on her own, but is a wee bit high maintenance. Not super needy, per se, but she has her own ration of doubts, insecurities, etc. And the fact that I wasn't around her constantly meant that I had to do a lot of LDR sorts of things to keep her feeling loved, cherished, etc. And I felt like I really had to WOW her when we were together (someday I'll start a thread on it). And "w" needed a much different style of stimulation. So I didn't have two slaves with similar requirements that could be dispensed of in the same sitting. I was carrying on two seperate relationships with utterly different needs and requirements that were almost entirely seperate from each other due to scheduling and the needs of the individuals involved.

So instead of having simply double the time commitments due to double the number of submissives, I had something more akin to three times the workload. Emotionally, it was a challenge to say the least. All that said, let me stress one thing - I loved it. I have never felt more alive in my life, more loved, more incredible, more, well, Dominant.

So long as I live I will hold various moments bright and clear in my memory. The most perfect moment of the overall relationship for me was the first night that we were physically intimate, and the only time all three of us were involved in the same event. I spent the whole night awake. Could not sleep. "v" had fallen asleep snuggled into my right side, and "w" was snug against my left. Sure, I was hot, and eventually aching like crazy because I didn't want to disturb them by moving, but what could be more perfect? Two incredible ladies that I love more than life itself, sleeping snuggled against me. It may be sappy to say this, but that was better than even the three-way that we just finished. Yes, I was more blown away simply by having them with me asleep in bed than I was with what amounts to the ultimate male fantasy.

It only happened that one time, but, oh my, I was up all night with no thoughts of sleeping. Just laying there and looking at them sleeping so peacefully. I can't begin to describe that feeling. I wasn't even tired the next day, all night awake or not. That is my definition of total emotional satisfaction, and moments like that made ALL of the work and heart-break worthwhile.

As far as the stages of grief, I'm glad that you're finding it helpful to have labels for your feelings. I agree that having a way to identify emotions and thoughts can be almost a relief of sorts. At least for myself, knowing that there are stages and what they are has been helpful in a couple of ways in the past. For one, being able to put a name to a feeling and knowing that the name exists and is part of something larger (stages of grief) somehow makes those feelings more.......hmmmmm....what do I want to say here??? Acceptable??? I think what I mean is that I didn't feel so lost. scared, and alone because I knew that what I was feeling was "normal" and that, in order for the label to even exist, millions of others had most likely gone through a similar process.

You are spot on here. Spot on. Knowing that these feelings are normal, and that, as you said, there's a light at the end of the tunnel, are very relieving things to know.

Another reason I think that having labels for those feelings as part of the stages of grief was helpful for me in the past is because it kind of allowed me to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Having suffered from severe chronic depression in the past due after an accident at the school where I taught forced me to give up my dream of teaching, I unfortunately have become "best friends" with those stages of grief.

I'm sorry to hear that. Having recently lost a dream myself, I can sympathise. Teaching is a calling, not something that do for the usual reasons.

I don't know if anything that I'm saying here is making any kind of sense, but I hope you can get at least a little something of value from my jumbled up thoughts.

More value than you realise, sweet kitten, thank you.

Grief can bring a huge sense of loss of control, which I know is difficult for most people, but I'm assuming even more so for true doms?????......at least you pointed out your distaste for lack of control in a few previous posts.

I do not have words to describe that feeling. I do not have words to express how devastating that feeling is to me. I cannot adequately relate how traumatising it is to me to know that I have failed so utterly and completely, and failed so many people that I care so deeply about.

"v" is the ONLY reason I get out of bed right now. She is the only reason that I haven't found a dark hole to crawl into and just let the world fall to fucking pieces or not without me. Were it not for her, there would be no me.

Before I write a novel here, I wanted to thank you for your book recommendation. I actually found your comments to be very thought provoking and will probably pick up the book you suggested to explore them further.

It's a very thought-provoking read. Might be tough to find, dunno. I got mine some ten years ago.

There is SO much more that I want to say about a few other things you brought up, but this post is long enough!! I just want you to know that you're in my thoughts and that I truly hope your heart heals quickly.

Luvkitty

Thank you, Luv. As you can see, I'm the king of book-length posts. Apparently the biggest thing I took with me from my philosophy degree was a tendency towards wordiness and bloviation. *shrug* Luckily, it's easy to scroll by if people don't want to read it.

I thought seriously about not posting this message, by the way. Or posting it in PM. But then I thought about, and thought about all the PM's I've received. There are people here that take heart from what I write, and how I express it. There are people here that want to know, though sometimes I wonder why. I don't think there's all that much special about me. I'm just a guy that gives a damn about other people, and loves deeply and unashamedly. I may be ashamed of my tears and weakness in moments like these, but I want to shout my love for these two amazing ladies from the rooftops! I don't give a damn who knows how I love, and who I love. Let them see, and gain hope that romantic love isn't dead. Let them see and think to themselves that there has to be other men out there that care, that aren't total bastards.

I hope to god there are. I've got two daughters, and I fear them running into the sorts of bastards that have inflicted so much evil on so many women I know. And I hope, god I hope, that "w" will keep me in her heart, and compare whoever else vies for her hand to me. I hope that she'll be picky, that she won't go with the next monster with dark eyes and a strong voice because she is lonely and needs someone. I fear that SO badly.

I wonder if other Doms out there have felt this when a sub leaves service. I wonder how many of us have wondered, and felt fear, for their beloved former submissives. I can't be alone in this...

At the end of the day, all I fought for, all I strove for with "w" was to "bring a measure of Grace" to her world. I think I did, and, if so, it was worth it. A moment's peace, a smile, a short time feeling that she really was as beautiful as she was in my eyes, a single night spent sleeping peaceful, safe and secure; all worth every ounce of pain, worry, and work on my part. And I would gladly take it all on again for one more moment like that.

The line on "measure of Grace" is from "Man of la Mancha". Aldonza asks Don Quixote why he does what he does, and he responds simply "I seek to bring a measure of Grace to the world". If you want a glimpse inside the deepest most private parts of my love and my heart, listen to the soundtrack. If it doesn't move you, you are probably dead and just haven't stopped moving.

 

[Luvkitty33]

Homburg...

I just wanted to check in and see you're feeling. I hope that your heart is on the mend.

 

[Homburg]

Thank you for your concern. Yes, it is on the mend. Doing fairly well, actually. One of the biggest reasons is that I realised that "w" and I are still very important parts of each others lives, that it does look as if we will stay friends, etc. I'm not holding out false hope of reconciliation, but I take comfort in the fact that it was not a total loss. This incredible light has not gone out of my life, just changed how it shines.

I still miss her. Miss the feelings and the experiences we shared. Miss them something painful, and the hardest part about staying friends is not saying the things I want to say. It both helps and hurts when I hear her having the same problem. Unfortunately, we pick up on each others' emotional states all too well, so she hears it in my voice too =P

She's a friend, and I can say "I love you" to a friend without shame. I just don't say it with the same heat that I used to.

So, overall, I'm okay, I guess. I'm not great. Not gonna be great. I feel like the museum of my heart has this beautiful display case meant to hold something truly precious, and that something is gone. The absence is still painful, but it is a quiet thing.

Thank you for asking. There are so many people on here that deserve my thanks. Thank you.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

I'm dominant. I can document my descent from most of the men and women who made a major impact on Western Civilization, beginning with the pharoahs of Egypt. The Caesars of Rome. The great emperors and kings. I must have 50 ancestors who are documented American Patriots. A couple of my ancestors came into Florida about 1816 and took it away from the Spanish.

To me much of BDSM seems like nickle-dime bullying, or pretend bullshit. I get the kink part, though.

I think real dominance is the ability to impose my standards on everyone else.

When Homburg speaks of bikers and big men, I recall my uncle, Frank. Frank was a little fella. A big man assaulted Frank one day, and before the man touched Frank, Frank buried a knife in the man's chest. You shoulda seen the look of surprise on the guy.

 

[Homburg]

Anything tacked onto sex beyond plain old in-out is "pretend bullshit". Any sex beyond that which is needed for procreation is "pretend bullshit".

I like the "pretend bullshit", as my brain is larger than my penis.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Homburg

Good for you..

 

[Homburg]

I think real dominance is the ability to impose my standards on everyone else.

Meh, that's just being forceful, or delusional, depending.

Real Dominance is making them want to conform to my standards.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

Homburg

Maybe we oughta arm wrestle to see who's right.

 

[Homburg]

*shrug* Sure, carry yourself up someplace worthwhile and we'll have some fun.

Being strong doesn't make you Dominant though, just strong.

 

[EmpressFi]

Meh, that's just being forceful, or delusional, depending.

Real Dominance is making them want to conform to my standards.

I like the wording of this. Real Dominance is not about bullying me into servitude..but inspiring me to WANT to serve

 

[SubKekiLee]

I like the wording of this. Real Dominance is not about bullying me into servitude..but inspiring me to WANT to serve

Empress Fi
YES this is it.. . INSPIRE me to be your sub just like my signature says.....

Obedience is doing something because you have to do it-because someone told you to and you know it has to be done. But "true" obedience is doing it because you want to please the other person. When it's "true", your own feelings don't matter-you want to obey just to make the other person smile"

 

[Homburg]

I was told once by someone that meant the world to me that I could simply just claim her submission. That I could take her, and she wouldn't stop me. That she would be mine. To say that I was tempted would be the understatement of the millenia. I did not.

I do not take. I do not force. Offer it to me because you need for me to have it. No other reason will suffice.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

HOMBURG

Damn man! We agree on something.

 

[rachy91]

Im a "newbie" to bdsm and such and have only had one online master that lasted 4-5months? i used to call him sir ormaster and hed call me pet, slave, his little girl and the such

I lean more towards the pet, i love being the kitty or the puppy, especially a bad puppy who gets spanks!

But overall im me and a big giant ferret man in disguise :0

 

[Noctame]

hmm. Pet here.

 

[Noctame]

I guess you would call me a submissive with a healthy masochistic streak, I don't really think I could be a slave. I like to talk back way to much.

me too! rofl