What a little drama Lit is! I really think we are quite worthy of a soap, or atleast a Talk Show..."Loony Litties"....I'll have to think on it a bit.
These are my perspectives after a week I'll not soon forget.
I wonder why anyone here thinks that Ram or someone speaking on Tan's behalf, or Ish, or anyone else in Tan's immediate circle of closest friends should have to prove anything to Literotica?
This is how I recall this situation. Ram started a thread to memoralize Tan to those of us that knew her. I imagine his thinking was that it would be a great deal easier than calling and PMing countless friends, especially in his state of mind at the time he posted the thread. I think he also did it as a favor to those that may have came across her in threads here and there, and might see some reference in the near future to her death and this would let these people know, as well.
He gave very generic info because that is all a public forum on the internet requires, really. Those of us that are close to him and her knew we would get our answers in time...you did not see us demanding that he answer our questions on the board, did you? It would be one thing if he had attempted to relay the details of her death to us, then you might have the right to disect his words and demand explanations because then he is throwing something out for you to nibble on. (Though I see the need for anyone here not close to her to do that as morally bankrupt.) He did not do that. He spoke his heart about his loss, he let us know that "God took her back". Most of you expressed your sentiments and moved on. But then by and by, more and more began to question the validity of his words like a pack of wolves. I realize that initially, its very easy to say "hmm...." but what amazes me is that you guys seem to forget who we are talking about here. We are talking about Ram and Tan! For those of you that know them well...you know better, don't you? I will never be able to accept that my friends would do this to us (speaking specifically to those of us that know them well.) unless it is proven otherwise, and you know what? I don't need that proof posted on a damn internet message board like a piece of tabloid trash, and even were it to be proven to me, I really don't want to know the details as to "why" because I know it can be nothing I want to even begin to fathom. If this is done with ill intent, it tells me that someone, somewhere is in alot of pain....
Quite frankly the only person that can prove that to me is Tan herself, and that will never happen...so.....for me, I am accepting what others wish me to accept.
Some of you may be remembering how I wanted to know (privately) what happened to her on the night Ram started the thread. Well....she was my closest friend, and I did want to know how she left this world...I wanted to know what her last moments were like. I wanted something to give me some kind of closure. I wanted to know what situation her baby girl was in, I NEEDED to know that she was OK. Since I know her Father is available to her, I am satisfied that she is, as best as she possibly can be.
Oh, and since I know the vultures are circling, just know that Ram tried to call me that night so that he could tell me the news himself, but we kept missing eachother and he later told me that he decided to just start the thread.
Ram and Tan and her friends owe the likes of Hanns and the unregistereds and the others "demanding" an explanation and proof NOTHING. If you want proof that badly, do the detective work yourself and stop sitting here expecting to be entertained, and feeling someone owes you something.
And I wonder...should you manage to dig up something that proves she is alive, I'm just betting you'll make a beeline for that "new thread" button won't you? You would like to come in here and hurt us even more than we are already hurting, huh??? Tell me...will you get off on that, and expect us to call you our hero, and thank you?
When I read that thread he started and sit absorbing all that it says, I'm reminded of those of you that love to belittle so many people here by calling them drama queens and attention seekers and claiming always that someone else is worse than you. And I sit stunned by the claims that I am feeding off this event and trying to make it about me...tell me, how do I fit in this category? Because I have two initial replies of shock, and then realization that obviously this was why he wanted to call me, and then one other post in which I wrote a small paragraph about my memories of her?
If so...well, OK.
Further.....whoever it is that started the thread supposedly with my ID as the originator, with the av of Tan and the comic head attached, posted that crap and you idiots sat reading it and BELIEVING it and thinking I posted it....I wanted to vomit but I couldn't....it just wouldn't happen and I wondered why? And that is when it finally hit me...I am not shocked or stunned or truly suprised anymore. The last couple months spent here at LordLucans hand and Hanns' hand have taken me to a new level of reality, and ya know...it ain't pretty. But it's real, huh.....or is it?
It took me awhile to get to this point, but I am finally here. I have finally realized, or hell...maybe its more that I've just finally come to terms with the fact that the very sickness and other crap in others that I removed myself from in my personal life cannot be avoided anywhere. In my two years online and on message boards, it all finally caught up with me and once it was my turn to get a major dose of reality, I bucked and fought and denied and still kept right on believing that people could use these venues in a good way, in a way that helps them and that they enjoy. The one thing that always appealed to me about message boards was that all that could really influence and sway one about the character and inner beauty of another was effectively stripped away...you couldn't see it. What you were left with was, in my opinion, what mattered most....one's thoughts and perspective and their feelings. I loved getting these little glimpses inside the minds of others, and all in all, I am still left with the belief that there are some really cool people in this world, and you have touched me and you have helped me because you made me think in bigger terms than I ever have before. I have been enriched by this board more than any other place online because there are people from all over this world here, and even if you're in "smalltown nowhere", you have your own ideas and experiences and they matter, because you gave a little of it to others and often, it was me that benefitted. So...thank you, you are for me, bigger than Hanns and LordLucan and all that I have experienced because of them.
I hope you realize that I really AM saying alot with that one.
In closing...I have been asked what I have done about Hanns stealing my pics and using them on other websites. First, I want to thank those of you that have given me advice in PMs that I haven't yet responded to. I really appreciate it. There has been an abundance and I just haven't had the energy lately to form my thoughts well enough to adequately say thank you. Some of you wrote very long PMs and I feel kind of foolish simply saying thank you...but that is what comes to mind...that is what I feel. My mind has been on Tan and the pics and the question of whether or not I can handle being here anymore...so I'm sorry I haven't answered them all yet, but I will.
The general answer is that when I first learned of the websites, I notified Geocities/Yahoo and said that I was the woman posted in the link and that I did not give permission for it to be used, and I asked that it be removed. They did not do so. I will continue on with them, but I must say, my work is cut out for me, as he has so many sites now and continues to add more, so I may never get them all removed. I do not have the money to fight this in another manner, so what I have realized is that I just have to accept what has happened and try to not even think about it. I was foolish to post my pics here and foolish to trust anyone online to simply appreciate them or not, and move along. I posted them, I have to live with his abuse of my trust and of my intent.
So be it.
Hanns and LL and all you little coward "unregistereds", I'm not going away. I am not changing myself and my words to suit you, either. I have too much here that is meaningful to me and since I have to do alot of "dealing with it" to be able to stay, it is now your turn.....just deal with it.
Having said that, I will never address either of you again, no matter what.
Hey...I just had an idea. Maybe you would like to use this thread to post your perspectives...to tell us what kind of taste has been left in your mouth after all this? It sure would be nice to put it here, and leave Rams thread alone...and leave Hanns' threads alone...and let this be your vent/therapy session.
These are my perspectives after a week I'll not soon forget.
I wonder why anyone here thinks that Ram or someone speaking on Tan's behalf, or Ish, or anyone else in Tan's immediate circle of closest friends should have to prove anything to Literotica?
This is how I recall this situation. Ram started a thread to memoralize Tan to those of us that knew her. I imagine his thinking was that it would be a great deal easier than calling and PMing countless friends, especially in his state of mind at the time he posted the thread. I think he also did it as a favor to those that may have came across her in threads here and there, and might see some reference in the near future to her death and this would let these people know, as well.
He gave very generic info because that is all a public forum on the internet requires, really. Those of us that are close to him and her knew we would get our answers in time...you did not see us demanding that he answer our questions on the board, did you? It would be one thing if he had attempted to relay the details of her death to us, then you might have the right to disect his words and demand explanations because then he is throwing something out for you to nibble on. (Though I see the need for anyone here not close to her to do that as morally bankrupt.) He did not do that. He spoke his heart about his loss, he let us know that "God took her back". Most of you expressed your sentiments and moved on. But then by and by, more and more began to question the validity of his words like a pack of wolves. I realize that initially, its very easy to say "hmm...." but what amazes me is that you guys seem to forget who we are talking about here. We are talking about Ram and Tan! For those of you that know them well...you know better, don't you? I will never be able to accept that my friends would do this to us (speaking specifically to those of us that know them well.) unless it is proven otherwise, and you know what? I don't need that proof posted on a damn internet message board like a piece of tabloid trash, and even were it to be proven to me, I really don't want to know the details as to "why" because I know it can be nothing I want to even begin to fathom. If this is done with ill intent, it tells me that someone, somewhere is in alot of pain....
Quite frankly the only person that can prove that to me is Tan herself, and that will never happen...so.....for me, I am accepting what others wish me to accept.
Some of you may be remembering how I wanted to know (privately) what happened to her on the night Ram started the thread. Well....she was my closest friend, and I did want to know how she left this world...I wanted to know what her last moments were like. I wanted something to give me some kind of closure. I wanted to know what situation her baby girl was in, I NEEDED to know that she was OK. Since I know her Father is available to her, I am satisfied that she is, as best as she possibly can be.
Oh, and since I know the vultures are circling, just know that Ram tried to call me that night so that he could tell me the news himself, but we kept missing eachother and he later told me that he decided to just start the thread.
Ram and Tan and her friends owe the likes of Hanns and the unregistereds and the others "demanding" an explanation and proof NOTHING. If you want proof that badly, do the detective work yourself and stop sitting here expecting to be entertained, and feeling someone owes you something.
And I wonder...should you manage to dig up something that proves she is alive, I'm just betting you'll make a beeline for that "new thread" button won't you? You would like to come in here and hurt us even more than we are already hurting, huh??? Tell me...will you get off on that, and expect us to call you our hero, and thank you?
When I read that thread he started and sit absorbing all that it says, I'm reminded of those of you that love to belittle so many people here by calling them drama queens and attention seekers and claiming always that someone else is worse than you. And I sit stunned by the claims that I am feeding off this event and trying to make it about me...tell me, how do I fit in this category? Because I have two initial replies of shock, and then realization that obviously this was why he wanted to call me, and then one other post in which I wrote a small paragraph about my memories of her?
If so...well, OK.
Further.....whoever it is that started the thread supposedly with my ID as the originator, with the av of Tan and the comic head attached, posted that crap and you idiots sat reading it and BELIEVING it and thinking I posted it....I wanted to vomit but I couldn't....it just wouldn't happen and I wondered why? And that is when it finally hit me...I am not shocked or stunned or truly suprised anymore. The last couple months spent here at LordLucans hand and Hanns' hand have taken me to a new level of reality, and ya know...it ain't pretty. But it's real, huh.....or is it?
It took me awhile to get to this point, but I am finally here. I have finally realized, or hell...maybe its more that I've just finally come to terms with the fact that the very sickness and other crap in others that I removed myself from in my personal life cannot be avoided anywhere. In my two years online and on message boards, it all finally caught up with me and once it was my turn to get a major dose of reality, I bucked and fought and denied and still kept right on believing that people could use these venues in a good way, in a way that helps them and that they enjoy. The one thing that always appealed to me about message boards was that all that could really influence and sway one about the character and inner beauty of another was effectively stripped away...you couldn't see it. What you were left with was, in my opinion, what mattered most....one's thoughts and perspective and their feelings. I loved getting these little glimpses inside the minds of others, and all in all, I am still left with the belief that there are some really cool people in this world, and you have touched me and you have helped me because you made me think in bigger terms than I ever have before. I have been enriched by this board more than any other place online because there are people from all over this world here, and even if you're in "smalltown nowhere", you have your own ideas and experiences and they matter, because you gave a little of it to others and often, it was me that benefitted. So...thank you, you are for me, bigger than Hanns and LordLucan and all that I have experienced because of them.
I hope you realize that I really AM saying alot with that one.
In closing...I have been asked what I have done about Hanns stealing my pics and using them on other websites. First, I want to thank those of you that have given me advice in PMs that I haven't yet responded to. I really appreciate it. There has been an abundance and I just haven't had the energy lately to form my thoughts well enough to adequately say thank you. Some of you wrote very long PMs and I feel kind of foolish simply saying thank you...but that is what comes to mind...that is what I feel. My mind has been on Tan and the pics and the question of whether or not I can handle being here anymore...so I'm sorry I haven't answered them all yet, but I will.
The general answer is that when I first learned of the websites, I notified Geocities/Yahoo and said that I was the woman posted in the link and that I did not give permission for it to be used, and I asked that it be removed. They did not do so. I will continue on with them, but I must say, my work is cut out for me, as he has so many sites now and continues to add more, so I may never get them all removed. I do not have the money to fight this in another manner, so what I have realized is that I just have to accept what has happened and try to not even think about it. I was foolish to post my pics here and foolish to trust anyone online to simply appreciate them or not, and move along. I posted them, I have to live with his abuse of my trust and of my intent.
So be it.
Hanns and LL and all you little coward "unregistereds", I'm not going away. I am not changing myself and my words to suit you, either. I have too much here that is meaningful to me and since I have to do alot of "dealing with it" to be able to stay, it is now your turn.....just deal with it.
Having said that, I will never address either of you again, no matter what.
Hey...I just had an idea. Maybe you would like to use this thread to post your perspectives...to tell us what kind of taste has been left in your mouth after all this? It sure would be nice to put it here, and leave Rams thread alone...and leave Hanns' threads alone...and let this be your vent/therapy session.
