horny_giraffe said:
Many points to address here. Sorry.
Its of merit to point out that internet relationships that are successful to whatever degree usually are initiated as a springboard to meeting in person. (If not...all this discussion is a moot point) Think of it like using a personals service, the work is done ahead of time, and can really be quite advantagous. When relationships are taken to the next level, IM, phone, etc...it becomes as real as any other relationship.
I've found that I've learned so much more about others when meeting them in this venue than say, a blind date, or someone you meet off the street, providing I've done my homework. The tools are there, you just have to use them. You can get to know someone over time, good days, bad days, perspectives, moods, triggers...etc and you can do so in a manner that is timely. What transpires online/long distance could very well take months to happen between two strangers meeting in person for the first time.
When the intent is honest, well, I can't see that it is a less valued way of meeting/finding a mate.
In Rams case, he was just screwed. Period. Did he deserve it...is that a real question???
With regard to your last paragraph on trolls, you are absolutely correct. Hanns never bothered me until he took my pictures. In this case, hell yes, I deserved it for being stupid. I'll not explain again my reasons for ever posting my pics, my intent means squat. I got something beautiful out of it...and thats about the only way left for me to look at it. I can't undo it now.
It is when troll are friends first and then troll you, as LordLucan74 did with me, that it hits hard. Its when you realize that it goes deeper for some trolls than others, as in obsession, that it hits even harder.
I've never had a response of this nature to me and I realize I didn't handle it well. And actually, I don't know that I ever will...he is truly a freaky person.
I know that the best thing to do is to no longer respond to LL at all, but it kills me for him to throw out lies about me, and twist what little relationship we had into something that suits his purposes, which are simply to inflict pain.
I feel when I don't respond that its perceived as "well, he must be telling the truth" or something along those lines and that is very hard for me.
I can only hope that in time, he will hang himself. I have to keep reminding myself that those that know me know the whole story, but still, it bites.
Back to Tan...this is not a new experience for me. At my first message board two years ago, I befriended a female that was bipolar, manic/depressive... and had several other diagnoses that I cannot recall, and I am only stating this because she was quite unstable. When she was up and taking her meds and doing good, she was a wonderful young lady. When not, she bacame clingy and demanding and a little on the obsessive side. She was also a rape victim, and bleeding heart that I am, I befriended her. At this point, I learned that she was bi~sexual and had an interest in me. That was fine, I was married still and she knew I had no interest and said she accepted that. But she did not. I began to try to distance myself because she began to try to manipulate me, and that is one of the worst things anyone can try to do to me, plus, she came to me with problems that I just couldn't handle. Well, she didn't like that worth a damn. Within a week, a thread was started by a so called friend of hers that her abusive boyfriend had beaten her and that she was in the hospital near death.
She was the person that started the thread, and I knew it instantly. I knew it was a manipulative move made to get me to do what she wanted me to do. I played along, but it so violated my sensibilities that I outfoxed her on the board publicly and in the end, she admitted it.
I shut down...shut her out, and walked away.
She apologized, but by then, I was numb.
So...having said that, my feelings about what supposedly happened to Tan were of no importance and still are not. She has made that perfectly clear.
