Pardon my Boner

[hotwords229_A]

Anyone who has stuck it in a vacuum is technically a pioneer
We have dildos and fleshlights, video conferencing and VR technology. How long before that peanut butter and chocolate meet and online sex becomes a "real" thing?

We have paved the way for a brighter future

 

[JerseyJade]

My most notorious boner was when I was like 16. I have told this story before, but it’s pretty good. So I’ll repeat it.

Pteen was working in the garage and, being 16, my penis was perpetually hard. I noticed a sexy shop vac over in the corner. So, short story long, I stuck my dick in that vacuum. I imagined it had on some lingerie. Then, I came pretty quickly. It was a fine upgrade from my hand.

I fucked that vacuum all summer.

Eventually, we grew apart. Wanted different things. Sometimes I still think of her round bottom, her wheels, her long hose and loud squeal. I wonder what would happen if things had been different. Sure, I see other vacuums now. But you never forget your first. I wander through Lowe’s some days just wishing I would see that model again.

Aside from the fond feelings of the vacuum, this story is entirely true.

Here ya go! Have a nice life, you two.

https://tesco.scene7.com/is/image/tesco/221-1316_PI_1000319MN

 

[Lord Pmann]

Funny post. But you might want to read this before your next date. A vacuum scorned...

https://drmarkgriffiths.wordpress.c...ief-look-at-sexual-injury-by-vacuum-cleaners/

I mean, sure... some vacuum fucking experiences aren’t the best. There are some vacuums who are abusive and selfish and just go too rough. But some have a gentler, low power mode. That’s the kind of vacuum you take home to mother.

But my experiences were meaningful and I came every time.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I stuck my dick in a shop vac once and as soon as the suction began it scared me to death and I quickly turned it off. That was the longest three seconds of my life and I'm thankful to the penile Gods that it didn't rip my dick skin off!

It seems like such a good idea until you feel everything being pulled into that hose

I believe a good trick would be to crack the hose slightly, so that suction was compromised. Like, have one hose for normal use and another for fucking.

Mine was never a problem. It only ever felt good. The most worried I’ve ever been about my dick was using the Hitachi Magic Wand on it for 45 minutes. It looked like a viper bit my dick afterwards. It was swollen and kinked. Luckily, it returned to its normal baby arm size.

 

[JerseyJade]

--------------

 

[clistenovena]

Shop vacs are too out there for me They are into some serious kink.

Remember, people- safe, sane, and consensual.

At least safe.

 

[JerseyJade]

Shop vacs are too out there for me They are into some serious kink.

Remember, people- safe, sane, and consensual.

At least safe.

Did you see Pmann's AV? Right there should tell you to stay away from shop vacs!

 

[Suz_anne]

I just imagine the Pparents going to use the shop vac, not understanding why it isn't working as well, discovering a terrible, mysterious congealed clog in the line...

 

[DeckardNYC]

I mean, sure... some vacuum fucking experiences aren’t the best. There are some vacuums who are abusive and selfish and just go too rough. But some have a gentler, low power mode. That’s the kind of vacuum you take home to mother.

But my experiences were meaningful and I came every time.

I heard car wash vacuums will do anyone for loose change. Word is they have tremendous suction, more then a house vac or even a shop vac, and the long hose means you're further removed from danger.

 

[standard1]

Shop vacs are too out there for me They are into some serious kink.

Remember, people- safe, sane, and consensual.

At least safe.

two out three ain’t bad. no sanity, please. fuck me insanely.

 

[clistenovena]

Did you see Pmann's AV? Right there should tell you to stay away from shop vacs!

You have a very valid point, JJ. One much different than Pmann's...point, though.

two out three ain’t bad. no sanity, please. fuck me insanely.

Sanity is so overrated. Especially when it comes to fucking. Unless one is fucking a shop vac, then one should consider the sanity of the shop vac. 'Cause consensual.

 

[Lord Pmann]

I just imagine the Pparents going to use the shop vac, not understanding why it isn't working as well, discovering a terrible, mysterious congealed clog in the line...

It is a wet/dry vac! No harm, no foul!

 

[alwaysaway]

It is a wet/dry vac! No harm, no foul!

I love how you still refer to it in present tense.

 

[standard1]

Sanity is so overrated. Especially when it comes to fucking. Unless one is fucking a shop vac, then one should consider the sanity of the shop vac. 'Cause consensual.

no offense to pteen, but as far as i’m concerned shop acs everywhere are safe. consent will never be an issue. you, on the other hand, could be a different story entirely.

 

[clistenovena]

no offense to pteen, but as far as i’m concerned shop acs everywhere are safe. consent will never be an issue. you, on the other hand, could be a different story entirely.

Shop vacs- the answer to #metoo.

And I'm safe. No fireplay here. I'll leave that kink to the shop vacs.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I believe a good trick would be to crack the hose slightly, so that suction was compromised. Like, have one hose for normal use and another for fucking.

Mine was never a problem. It only ever felt good. The most worried I’ve ever been about my dick was using the Hitachi Magic Wand on it for 45 minutes. It looked like a viper bit my dick afterwards. It was swollen and kinked. Luckily, it returned to its normal baby arm size.

https://66.media.tumblr.com/fbf56c24bccaf32a779137bbae2bef22/tumblr_ptudd84OKH1wyq49so1_540.jpg

I appreciate the advice, but this is what you look like in my mind while I'm reading your words.

 

[hotwords229_A]

I think the worst is when I get a boner and it heads right into the keys in my pocket.