LITEROTICA PODCAST
LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Now this was really funny

saw_man1 said:
This is the kind of Porn that crosses the line and should be banned! Banned I say!

I shudder to think what would happen if this were to fall into the hands of some impressionable young boy.
Click to expand...

I know! I mean, it would scar him for life. He might grow up into a guy who *gasp* puts his socks in the laundry hamper. *screams and faints*
 
saw_man1 said:
This is the kind of Porn that crosses the line and should be banned! Banned I say!

I shudder to think what would happen if this were to fall into the hands of some impressionable young boy.
Click to expand...

If you send me the impressionable young man I will do my best to keep him too busy to look at such porn pics.

*sigh*

The sacrifices I feel forced to make.
 
> Don't Argue With The Gay Flight Attendant

> My flight was being served by an obviously gay
> flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a
> good mood as he served us food and drinks.
> As the plane prepared to descend, he came
> swishing down the aisle and told us "Captain
> Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be
> landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely
> people, if you could just put your trays up, that
> would be super."
> On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed an
> extremely well-dressed and exotic young woman
> hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear
> me over those big brute engines but I asked you
> to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can
> pitty-pat us on the ground."
> She calmly turned her head and said, "In my
> country, I am called a Princess and I take orders
> from no one."
> To which the flight attendant replied, without
> missing a beat, "Well, sweet-cheeks, in my
> country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you.
> Tray up, Bitch."
>
 
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY

by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan.
Illustrated by Michael Moore
________________________________________


MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS &
HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA

by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
_______________________________________



THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL

by Hillary Clinton
________________________________

Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
___________________________________

MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE
by Osama Bin Laden
___________________________________

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates

____________________________________

THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman

_________________________________

THINGS I KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
_______________________________________

AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC

___________________________________

A COLLECTION of
MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J Kevorkian
__________________________________

ALL THE MEN I HAVE LOVED BEFORE
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
____________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
_______________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O.J. Simpson
_________________________________________

HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE OVER BRIDGES
by Ted Kennedy
___________________________________

MY BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with introduction by The Rev. Jesse Jackson
*******************************************************


AND, JUST ADDED:

Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy!

By Nancy Pelosi
 
While trying to escape through Pakistan , Osama Bin Laden found a bottle on a
beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with
a smile said "Master, may I grant you one wish?"

"You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't you know who I am? I don't
need any common woman giving me anything" barked Bin Laden.

The shocked genie said "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to
that bottle forever."

Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and
said "Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the

morning. So just do it and be off with you!"

The annoyed genie said , "So be it !" and disappeared.

The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with...

Lorena Bobbitt,

Tonya Harding and

Hillary Clinton.

His penis was gone, his knees were broken and he had no health insurance.

God is good.
 
The Why's of Men
1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)


2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)


3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?
(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing, aren't you?!?!)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties )



6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)



7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?
(don't know, it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)



And the personal favorite:


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your
heart...Then you are just an old sour puss !


One for the ladies



One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweat-shirt
. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me,
"What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma ."

And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------


A couple is lying in bed. The man says,
"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."



It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out
of
the shower . " Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I
mowed the lawn like this?"
"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.


-----------------------------------------------




Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor


-----------------------------------------------------------



Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And
Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll
beat
him to death.
AMEN



------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------- -
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

-----------------------------------------------------------


Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."
 
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach
good manners, asked her students the following question:

"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young
lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"

Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee."

The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite.

What about you Sherman, how would you say it?"

Sherman said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the
bathroom. I'll be right back."

"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table.
And you, little Tommy, can you use your brain for once and show us
your good manners?"

"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to
shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce
you to after dinner."

The teacher fainted...
 
Hillary Clinton said that her childhood dream was to
be an Olympic athlete. But, she was not athletic enough.
She said she wanted to be an astronaut, but, at
the time, they didn't take women. She said she wanted
to go into medicine, but hospitals made her woozy.
Should she be telling people this story? I mean, she's
basically saying she wants to be president because she
can't do anything else."
~Jay Leno

"Well, the big story -- Hillary Clinton will be
running for president in 2008. You know why I think
she's running? I think she finally wants to see what
it's like to sleep in the president's bed."
~Jay Leno

"Top Democrats have mixed feelings about Sen. Hillary
Clinton running for president. Apparently, some
Democrats don't like the idea, while others hate it."
~Conan O'Brien

"In a fiery speech this weekend, Hillary Clinton
wondered why President Bush can't find the tallest man
in Afghanistan . Probably for the same reason she
couldn't find the fattest intern under the desk."
~Jay Leno

"Former President Bill Clinton said that if his wife,
Hillary, is elected president, he will do whatever she
wants. You know Bill Clinton -- when he makes a vow to
Hillary, you can take that to the bank."
~Jay Leno

A student from the University of Washington has sold
his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he
probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very
much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I
got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine."
~Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said today that she wants legislation
to allow all ex-felons to vote. See, this way all the
Clinton 's former business partners can vote for her in
2008."
~Jay Leno

Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs have come out. So
much of her personality shines through, that in the
end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern."
~Craig Kilborn

In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,'
Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton,
falling in love with him, getting married, and living
a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife.
Then on page two, the trouble starts."
~Jay Leno

"In the book, she says when Bill told her he was
having an affair, she said "I could hardly breathe, I
was gulping for air. No, I'm sorry, that's
what Monica said."
~David Letterman

"Hillary Clinton, our junior senator from New York ,
announced that she has no intentions of ever, ever
running for office of the President of the United
States. Her husband, Bill Clinton, is bitterly
disappointed. He is crushed. There go his dreams of
becoming a two-impeachment family."
~David Letterman

"Last night, Senator Hillary Clinton hosted her first
party in her new home in Washington . People said it
was a lot like the parties she used to host at the
White House. In fact, even the furniture was the
same."
~Jay Leno

"Senator Hillary Clinton is attacking President Bush
for breaking his campaign promise to cut carbon
dioxide emissions, saying a promise made, a promise
broken. And then out of habit, she demanded that Bush
spend the night on the couch."
~Craig Kilborn

"CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired
woman in America . Women admire her because she's
strong and successful. Men admire her because she
allows her husband to cheat and get away with it."
~Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton is the junior senator from the great
state of New York . When they swore her in, she used
the Clinton family Bible. . .the one with only seven
commandments."
~David Letterman
 
Subject: GREAT FOOTBALL QUOTES!!!!


"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any."
Erk Russell / Georgia Southern.


"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas."
Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.


"After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that."
Bobby Bowden / Florida State


"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas


"When you win, nothing hurts."
Joe Namath / Alabama


"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas


"If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password,
"Roll, tide, roll!"
Bear Bryant / Alabama


"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

“There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.”
Woody Hayes / Ohio State

"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want
to win enough to warrant an investigation."
Bob Devaney / Nebraska

"In Alabama, an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
Wally Butts / Georgia


"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life."
Paul Dietzel / LSU

"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class."
Bear Bryant / Alabama


When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. "No, but you can see it from here."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas...

"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him
to quit in practice, not in a game."
Bear Bryant / Alabama

"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line."
Matty Bell / SMU

"Lads,you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died."
Frank Leahy / Notre Dame


"I never graduated from Iowa, but I was only there for two terms -
Truman's and Eisenhower's."
Alex Karras / Iowa


"My advice to defensive players:Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor."
Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State


"Always remember..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David."
Shug Jordan / Auburn

"They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces."
Darrell Royal / Texas


"Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.”
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"They whipped us like a tied up goat."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech


"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me
and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good."
Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State


"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
Bobby Bowden / Florida State


"Football is not a contact sport-it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team:
"All those who need showers, take them."
John McKay / USC


"If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education."
Murray Warmath / Minnesota


"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame


"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech


“It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.”
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches."
Darrell Royal / Texas


"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
John McKay / USC


"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad."
Darrell Royal / University of Texas


"I've found that prayers work best when you have big players."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame


“Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble this football.”
John Heisman
 
>>> On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.
The
>>>turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is
>>>struck by lightning One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she
>>>stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she
wails.
>>>Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on
>>>earth to be memorable! Is there anyone on this plane who can make me
>>>feel like a WOMAN?"
>>>For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten his or her own
>>>peril.
>>>They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the
>>>plane.
>>>
>>>Then a cowboy from Oklahoma stands up in the rear of the plane. He is
>>>handsome: tall, well built, with dark brown hair and hazel eyes. He
>>>starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt.
>>>One button at a time........
>>>No one moves..................
>>>He removes his shirt................
>>>Muscles ripple across his chest..........
>> ;>She gasps....................
>>>He whispers.................
>>>"
>>>"
>>>"
>>>"
>>>"
>>>"Iron this...then get me a beer."
 
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me."
 
graceanne said:
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes."
The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence.
The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?"
The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today protecting America 's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me."
Click to expand...
:D :D good one...and so true
 
Actual call center conversations!

Customer: "I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?"
Operator: "Where did you get that number, sir?"
Customer: "It's on the door of your business."
Operator: "Sir, those are the hours that we are open."
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Samsung Electronics
Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about."
Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?"
Operator: "I think it means the telephone plug on the wall."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?"
Operator: "Does the product name give you a clue?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
"If I register my car in France , and then take it to England , do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory Enquiries
Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please"
Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?"
Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator:
"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop."
Customer: "OK."
Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
Customer: "No."
Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?"
Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
Customer: "Wow! How can you see my screen from there?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for "Termination without Cause."

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
Operator: "Went away?"
Caller: "They disappeared"
Operator: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Caller: "Nothing."
Operator: "Nothing??"
Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
Caller: "How do I tell?"
Operator: "Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen??"
Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
Caller: "There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
Caller: "What's a monitor?"
Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??"
Caller: "I don't know."
Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
Caller: "Yes, I think so."
Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: "Yes, it is."
Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Caller: "Okay, here it is."
Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Caller: "I can't reach."
Operator: "OK. Well, can you see if it is??"
Caller: "No."
Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??"
Caller: "Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark."
Operator: "Dark??"
Caller: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Caller: "I can't."
Operator: "No? Why not??"
Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
Operator: "A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in??"
Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??"
Operator: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!!!"
 
"Stella Awards"!
>
>
>
> Hot dog! It's time again for the annual "Stella Awards"!
>
>
>
> For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after
81-year-old
> Stella Liebeck who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully
sued
> the McDonald's from where she purchased the coffee.
>
>
>
> That's right. These are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and
> verdicts that happened during 2006. You know, the kinds of cases that
> make you scratch your head. Here are the "Stellas" for the past year:
>
>
>
> To kick things off the right way, there was a three-way tie for 5th
> place.
>
>
>
> Kathleen Robertson was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after
> breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
> furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by
the
> verdict considering the running toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
>
>
>
> Also in 5th place is Carl Truman, 19, who won $74,000 plus medical
> expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord.
Truman
> apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car
when
> he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. Go ahead. Grab your
head
> scratcher.
>
>
>
> The last of the 5th place winners was Terrence Dickson, who was
leaving
> a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately
for
> Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could
not
> get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house
> because the door connecting the garage to the house locked when
Dickson
> pulled it shut. Forced to subsist for eight -- count 'em, 8! -- days
on
> a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the
homeowner's
> insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury
> said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.
We
> should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching.
>
>
> There are more.
>
>
>
> Jerry Williams, of Little Rock, Arkansas, garnered 4th Place in the
> "Stellas" when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after
being
> bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though
the
> beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard Williams did not get
as
> much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have
> been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had
climbed
> over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a
pellet
> gun. Grrrrr. Scratch, scratch.
>
>
>
> 3rd place went to Amber Carson because a jury ordered a restaurant to
> pay her $113,500 after she slipped on soft drink and broke her
tailbone
> (coccyx). The reason the soft drink was on the floor? Ms. Carson had
> thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
What
> ever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?
> Scratch, scratch, scratch.
>
>
>
> Hang in there, there are only two more Stellas to go.
>
>
>
> 2nd place goes to Kara Walton after she sued the owner of a night
club
> in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor
> and knocked out her two front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was
trying
> to sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying the $3.50
cover
> charge, the jury said the night club had to pay her $12,000 and...
oh,
> yeah dental expenses. Go figure.
>
>
>
> Finally (may I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please) this year's
> runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of
> Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor
> home. On her first trip home - from an OU football game, no less -
> having driven on to the free way, she set the cruise control at 70
mph
> and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago
to
> make herself a sandwich.
>
>
>
> Don't look so incredulous. Remember, we're talking about Oklahoma
here.
> Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway, crashed and
> overturned.
>
>
>
> Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting
in
> the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat
> while the cruise control was set. The jury awarded her -- you are
> sitting down, right? -- $1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago
> actually changed their manuals as a result of this suit. Just in case
> Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might buy a motor home.
 
HornyBabe1965 said:
I've seen that. Hysterical
Click to expand...


i know, i had to share... i love the audience faces... the men are all big eyed and full attention on the stage and the women... so mixed. and the embarassment of some of the audience members is delish!

oh! and young lady what are you doing spending all your time on youporn - i bet you even know the best way to find the kink is to search the word german (now let's see if you can restrain yourself from the search now i've brought it up)
 
Krinaia said:
i know, i had to share... i love the audience faces... the men are all big eyed and full attention on the stage and the women... so mixed. and the embarassment of some of the audience members is delish!

oh! and young lady what are you doing spending all your time on youporn - i bet you even know the best way to find the kink is to search the word german (now let's see if you can restrain yourself from the search now i've brought it up)
Click to expand...

LOL guess what I didn't see it on YouPorn, but you know that I'm gonna look!
 
HornyBabe1965 said:
LOL guess what I didn't see it on YouPorn, but you know that I'm gonna look!
Click to expand...


haha!!

there's only a handful but one or two of them are rather delicious
 
9 Things I Hate About Everyone



1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?


2 People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.


3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?


4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!


5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.


6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7 When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.


8 When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?


9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?
 
Last edited:
Dog Logic

The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
- Franklin P Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
-Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
-Phil Pastoret

Life is short! Break the rules! Forgive quickly! Kiss slowly!
Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably...
And never regret anything that made you smile. :D
 
If you ever feel a little stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you'll begin to think you're a genius .

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: 'I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,'
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

'Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff.'
--Mariah Carey

'Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,'
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign .

'I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,'
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

'Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,'
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington , DC

'Half this game is ninety percent mental.'
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

'It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.'
--A l Gore, Vice President

'Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances.'
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina

'Traditionally, most of Australia 's imports come from overseas.'
--Keppel Enderbery

'If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record.'
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman
 
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