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IhateClowns

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Joined
Feb 7, 2010
Posts
25,386
I need a suger mama(s). The sugar can come in different forms. Money, laughter, sex, good conversation, or whatever else I see fit to need at the time. So here is a little about me for those that don't know:

I ama cross between David Beckham, Brad Pitt and that 18 year old gay guy in the Twilight movies all the women love. I bench press 350lbs while snacking on toaster strudel. I have size 13 feet which corrolates into a 13" foot. I love Oprah and sports center. When i have problems I express my feelings by walking on the beach holding hands with my Mom discussing those itches that I am unsure about.

I use a bounce drier sheet for every load of laundry I do. I wear a pinkie ring on both hands and I am a big fan of ascots. My hero in life is who ever created People magazine as it is my bible. I live my life based on their horoscopes they provide in the back of their magazines.

I have minimal back and shoulder hair and only require it to be trimmed by you every other Thursday. Not Friday because that is when I spend my afternoon at the local YMCA playing tether ball with my friends.

Basically I am a catch as you can tell. Where else are you going to find an internet catch like myself? Seriously. Everyone on here just lies about themselves so where are you going to find honesty like this????

So here is what I am looking for:

A woman who can pin her knees behind her head while reading Dr. Suess. Are you her? If so please explain why.

The winner gets a special treat. I have a close up pic of my gooch that is framed and ready to be hung on your bedroom wall. So make your application worthwhile please.
 
As much as I appreciate the few who have PM'ed me their applications I would much rather you just post them on here...So a little bit more to entice you.

The ride you will be seen in when i take you around town:

http://img815.imageshack.us/img815/2594/325421749432c9899dff.jpg

Now I can smell your wetness from here. Calm down ladies. I know I know. A hot ride, a large cock. What more could you want??????
 
IhateClowns said:
I need a suger mama(s). The sugar can come in different forms. Money, laughter, sex, good conversation, or whatever else I see fit to need at the time. So here is a little about me for those that don't know:

I ama cross between David Beckham, Brad Pitt and that 18 year old gay guy in the Twilight movies all the women love. I bench press 350lbs while snacking on toaster strudel. I have size 13 feet which corrolates into a 13" foot. I love Oprah and sports center. When i have problems I express my feelings by walking on the beach holding hands with my Mom discussing those itches that I am unsure about.

I use a bounce drier sheet for every load of laundry I do. I wear a pinkie ring on both hands and I am a big fan of ascots. My hero in life is who ever created People magazine as it is my bible. I live my life based on their horoscopes they provide in the back of their magazines.

I have minimal back and shoulder hair and only require it to be trimmed by you every other Thursday. Not Friday because that is when I spend my afternoon at the local YMCA playing tether ball with my friends.

Basically I am a catch as you can tell. Where else are you going to find an internet catch like myself? Seriously. Everyone on here just lies about themselves so where are you going to find honesty like this????

So here is what I am looking for:

A woman who can pin her knees behind her head while reading Dr. Suess. Are you her? If so please explain why.

The winner gets a special treat. I have a close up pic of my gooch that is framed and ready to be hung on your bedroom wall. So make your application worthwhile please.
Click to expand...

Best thread of the month!... :D
 
IhateClowns said:
As much as I appreciate the few who have PM'ed me their applications I would much rather you just post them on here...So a little bit more to entice you.

The ride you will be seen in when i take you around town:

http://img815.imageshack.us/img815/2594/325421749432c9899dff.jpg

Now I can smell your wetness from here. Calm down ladies. I know I know. A hot ride, a large cock. What more could you want??????
Click to expand...



This car does not really work for me.... Maybe a better color ?

This color Screams "Fresh Cock"

 
Maybe I am not giving you enough information about myself. So now I will answer any questions that you might have. A sort of Q&A with a bachelor stud that has a job that pays me hourly. Lets hear em'
 
DeliciousInRed said:

I must confess..... I'm feeling a little something between my thighs right about now.....

I just hope the seats lean back.......;)
Click to expand...

Seats? Oh no dear. No seats. I have half a couch in there. I sawed it in half. Put one half in the front seat and the other half in my bathroom because I like to sit when doing my hair.
 
IhateClowns said:
Seats? Oh no dear. No seats. I have half a couch in there. I sawed it in half. Put one half in the front seat and the other half in my bathroom because I like to sit when doing my hair.
Click to expand...





I think I just Came in my Panties........:kiss:

 
I should send you two a bill... or something. Broken ribs... but couldn't stop reading this... it hurt like hell, but was soooo worth it. Laugh Out Fucking Loud... then ouch, ouch, ouch...
 
IhateClowns said:
I need a suger mama(s). The sugar can come in different forms. Money, laughter, sex, good conversation, or whatever else I see fit to need at the time. So here is a little about me for those that don't know:

I ama cross between David Beckham, Brad Pitt and that 18 year old gay guy in the Twilight movies all the women love. I bench press 350lbs while snacking on toaster strudel. I have size 13 feet which corrolates into a 13" foot. I love Oprah and sports center. When i have problems I express my feelings by walking on the beach holding hands with my Mom discussing those itches that I am unsure about.

I use a bounce drier sheet for every load of laundry I do. I wear a pinkie ring on both hands and I am a big fan of ascots. My hero in life is who ever created People magazine as it is my bible. I live my life based on their horoscopes they provide in the back of their magazines.

I have minimal back and shoulder hair and only require it to be trimmed by you every other Thursday. Not Friday because that is when I spend my afternoon at the local YMCA playing tether ball with my friends.

Basically I am a catch as you can tell. Where else are you going to find an internet catch like myself? Seriously. Everyone on here just lies about themselves so where are you going to find honesty like this????

So here is what I am looking for:

A woman who can pin her knees behind her head while reading Dr. Suess. Are you her? If so please explain why.

The winner gets a special treat. I have a close up pic of my gooch that is framed and ready to be hung on your bedroom wall. So make your application worthwhile please.
Click to expand...


As usual...you come up with something fresh and fun.

Giggling like crazy here. It rivals GA's My Grandfather the Sausage thread for me.

Micropenis though? Yikes :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
Now see ladies I am hurt. You have cut me to the quick. That is right I said cut me to the quick, so yes you can now see I also read poetry. Laughing at my quest hurts me. Saying I have a micro penis hurts me. Laughing at Delicious' panties hanging on my laundry wire hurts me.

Maybe you all don't get it. Maybe you don't see the sentimental side of me. Maybe you don't see the REAL IHC. Do i need to get sentimental on your asses? Hold on I think I have an 8-track of Barry White in here somewhere. Hmmmmm the only thing I could find was a cassette tape of 2 Live Crew. So I am going to play that sentimental diddy of theirs "Fuck the Police" kinda low while I tell you a quick story to show you just how sentimental I am.

Close your eyes and imagine an old lady, a puppy, a rainbow, some ky jelly and a bag of flour. Picture a beautiful house with a large swimming pool and maids and servants all over. Are your eyes closed? Can you see it? Now imagine a young hired hand that is in search of a sugar mama. The want and need in his eyes as he searches out the lady that will allow him to be free. A lady that will support him and allow him to lay on the couch and watch Judge Judy all day while eating pork rinds and sipping on Barqs rootbeer.

Now think about that poor chap having to get this old ladies food every day. Taking her temperature rectally every day. Living the life he never wanted having no friends but the puppy he found in the woods the other day. When he sees a bag of flour he decidess he has to do what he has to do. He sneaks upstairs late at night while the old bat is sleeping. He takes the big bag of flour and drops it on the old ladies head. Yelling out "Why can't you use an oral thermometer you old bitch!" She dies and that poor lad is arrested.

Are you sad? Do you feel sentiment for me now? Good because I made that shit up. See I can be sentimental. You think I would kill an old lady witha bag of flour??? Come on. I watch CSI, I know they would catch me no problem. I just wanted you to see I can be sentimental by rescuing that puppy.

So please take this seriously. If any of you ladies have any skepticsm or question for me please do not hesitate to ask. I am an open book. So to give you another peek at the ultimate Lit bachelor I have included another picture. Now if you have a pacemaker I would not scroll down any further. I am a merciful person and am warning you ahead of time. Now imagine these lips and this tongue dancing with yours as we cuddle on my papsan chair while watching celebrity rehab.

http://img704.imageshack.us/img704/407/1510402001defc3272ae.jpg
 
Because of the massive amount of responses that I have received I am seriously considering taking this search to NBC. I really think there is room on the channel to share a poignant story of my chase for a suger mama.

I have also put a number counter by the front door. Just pull a number and wait for you turn. I will get to you shortly. There are cookies on the counter provided by Dateline's Chris Hanson. Enjoy.
 
IhateClowns said:
I need a suger mama(s). The sugar can come in different forms. Money, laughter, sex, good conversation, or whatever else I see fit to need at the time. So here is a little about me for those that don't know:

I ama cross between David Beckham, Brad Pitt and that 18 year old gay guy in the Twilight movies all the women love. I bench press 350lbs while snacking on toaster strudel. I have size 13 feet which corrolates into a 13" foot. I love Oprah and sports center. When i have problems I express my feelings by walking on the beach holding hands with my Mom discussing those itches that I am unsure about.

I use a bounce drier sheet for every load of laundry I do. I wear a pinkie ring on both hands and I am a big fan of ascots. My hero in life is who ever created People magazine as it is my bible. I live my life based on their horoscopes they provide in the back of their magazines.

I have minimal back and shoulder hair and only require it to be trimmed by you every other Thursday. Not Friday because that is when I spend my afternoon at the local YMCA playing tether ball with my friends.

Basically I am a catch as you can tell. Where else are you going to find an internet catch like myself? Seriously. Everyone on here just lies about themselves so where are you going to find honesty like this????

So here is what I am looking for:

A woman who can pin her knees behind her head while reading Dr. Suess. Are you her? If so please explain why.

The winner gets a special treat. I have a close up pic of my gooch that is framed and ready to be hung on your bedroom wall. So make your application worthwhile please.
Click to expand...


Ok IHC, that is soooo HOT...I'm headed to the "What I'm craving now" thread.
 
msmaggie said:
Ok IHC, that is soooo HOT...I'm headed to the "What I'm craving now" thread.
Click to expand...

Now now Mags. Control yourself you are a lady for crying out loud. Tell you what. I will bump you up in line. I hope your resume' is neatly typed and you are well spoken. Have you ever talked with your mouth full? I kinda like that. So get ready.

Also I need a list of what you are going to bring to the table please. I am a complex character and need a woman who can keep up. I watch family Guy one minute and Nancy Grace the next. I am a chameleon. Hope you have what it takes to keep up.
 
I got a PM asking what kind of date I would take my sugar mama on. Let's get it straight, you would be taking me out on a date. Not the other way around. Now don't get me wrong, on special occassions I might pull out the velcro wallet and pick up the tab. Depending on how well you treat me I might even supersize your happy meal. Yeah that is the kind of guy I am. Class act all the way.
 
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