Not quite sure what I'm feeling- needing advice

[anna_louise]

Hi, I came across this forum a long time ago and have been interetsed in many things I have read.

I feel quite silly posting here. From what I've seen, a lot of people here seem to be very experienced and know what they're talking about and to be honest, I don't really have much of an idea at all.

For a while i've been interested in certain aspects of BDSM and had a few experiences, but nothing major.

I have an overwhelming need to be dominated during sex and to feel pain.... i'm not quite sure why this is or what its called (please excuse my ignorance) but it makes me feel as though i'm not normal. The way my friends talk about sex and their experiences and fantasies is a lot different to the way I am and the way I feel.

My girlfriend is quite good about it all. I'm slowly introducing her to new things I want to try. Usually it takes her a while to get used to the idea of it (the most recent was wanting to be scratched on my back with broken glass.) She will go along with most things I ask of her but I don't think she realises my NEED for this to happen.

In most aspects of my life I'm quite dominant. I'm not sure if thats the right word, what I mean is I like to take control. But during sex I like to be taken control of. I've spoken to a few people about this and they've assured me that different people find pleasure in different things.... but it seems as if they're just dimissing it.

I think i've always felt this, and a lot of my earlier sexual experiences have had aspects of BDSM (if thats the right word) but I think its only recently that i've realised it, (the same way that it took me quite a while to realise my sexuality even though looking back I can realise i've always been that way.)

It wasn't until a few weeks ago when my friend told me how she likes to be scratched with broken glass (and i found the idea appealing) that I really realised what I like and what is important to me.

I'm sorry for this long post, and for my ignorance on the subject. I'm just hoping someone can make sense of my ramblings

 

[FurryFury]

I didn't understand your question exactly but it sounds like you have some good things going for you. A gf who will do what you want. A friend who gives you ideas.

Good for you!

Fury

 

[3113]

Safety Measures?

I have an overwhelming need to be dominated during sex and to feel pain.... i'm not quite sure why this is or what its called (please excuse my ignorance) but it makes me feel as though i'm not normal. The way my friends talk about sex and their experiences and fantasies is a lot different to the way I am and the way I feel.

It's called SM--or Sadomachocism. It is perfectly normal. You are the "m" liking pain. If you're lucky, your girlfriend is the "S" liking either to inflict pain and/or see you get off on the pain.

There isn't anything wrong or abnormal with wanting to be out of control during sex or liking pain. Both can give a person a rush of endorphins, feelings of freedom, estacy, release, even peace. Some subs (submissives) report a feeling they call "subspace" where they feel like they're floating.

But for heaven's sake, please do some real research before you do more or go further. Most especially on safety measures. Cutting with broken glass could lead to a potentially fatal cut--an artery, for example. You don't want to do that to yourself or your girlfriend--bleed to death or end up with her taken you to the emergency room.

If this is your route to sexual fulfillment, that's fine. But do it responsibly, for both your sakes.

 

[Marquis]

Hi, I came across this forum a long time ago and have been interetsed in many things I have read.

I feel quite silly posting here. From what I've seen, a lot of people here seem to be very experienced and know what they're talking about and to be honest, I don't really have much of an idea at all.

You have more of an idea than a lot of people who feel this way and don't bother to find answers or information. I'm a baby compared to most people here, and some of my most trusted mentors are journeymen compared to the Masters they pay homage to.

It's not about what stage of the journey you're at, it's about how to move forward.

For a while i've been interested in certain aspects of BDSM and had a few experiences, but nothing major.

I have an overwhelming need to be dominated during sex and to feel pain.... i'm not quite sure why this is or what its called (please excuse my ignorance) but it makes me feel as though i'm not normal. The way my friends talk about sex and their experiences and fantasies is a lot different to the way I am and the way I feel.

Honestly, I don't think most of us would even be on this website if we didn't have that in common. I've always felt my sexual experiences and the way I thought about sex was very different than other people I talk to, with VERY few exceptions. There's nothing wrong with this, you're just unique.

Some of us are just wired differently. I don't think we'd have a BDSM community if this wasn't the case.

My girlfriend is quite good about it all. I'm slowly introducing her to new things I want to try. Usually it takes her a while to get used to the idea of it (the most recent was wanting to be scratched on my back with broken glass.) She will go along with most things I ask of her but I don't think she realises my NEED for this to happen.

In most aspects of my life I'm quite dominant. I'm not sure if thats the right word, what I mean is I like to take control. But during sex I like to be taken control of. I've spoken to a few people about this and they've assured me that different people find pleasure in different things.... but it seems as if they're just dimissing it.

I understand how you feel. I've had similar experiences with BDSM, and with being bipolar.

People who are unfamiliar with Bipolar disorder ask me what it means, and I tell them that I have strong mood swings where I am sometimes unreasonably depressed then unreasonably excited and so forth. They usually laugh and tell me everyone is like that.

I guess the entire psychiatric field must be a total fucking joke.

The truth is it isn't, and neither is BDSM. Your friends don't have to understand and perhaps they never will, but that shouldn't make you question the validity of how YOU feel and what YOU know about yourself.

I think i've always felt this, and a lot of my earlier sexual experiences have had aspects of BDSM (if thats the right word) but I think its only recently that i've realised it, (the same way that it took me quite a while to realise my sexuality even though looking back I can realise i've always been that way.)

It wasn't until a few weeks ago when my friend told me how she likes to be scratched with broken glass (and i found the idea appealing) that I really realised what I like and what is important to me.

I'm sorry for this long post, and for my ignorance on the subject. I'm just hoping someone can make sense of my ramblings

I hope you stick around and continue to share with us. Unfortunately no one can make sense of your "ramblings" but you, but I think you'll find plenty of people happy to serve as sounding boards.

I could tell you its unsafe to get scratched with broken glass, but I'm sure its something you already know. Truthfully, it might not even be that dangerous depending on how you do it, and I'm not really one to talk considering I've definitely pulled more dangerous stunts than that looking for a thrill.

I think it helps to know that how you're feeling is healthy though, and thusly there are healthy ways to get your jollies.

Take it easy.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Marquis, that was great post and says it all very well.

Welcome Anna Louise. You are not alone, just part of a minority. There will always be those who don't understand as well as many of us who do. Just embrace & enjoy it and be happy that you have found a partner who is willing to oblige.

 

[anna_louise]

But for heaven's sake, please do some real research before you do more or go further. Most especially on safety measures. Cutting with broken glass could lead to a potentially fatal cut--an artery, for example. You don't want to do that to yourself or your girlfriend--bleed to death or end up with her taken you to the emergency room.

If this is your route to sexual fulfillment, that's fine. But do it responsibly, for both your sakes.

Thanks for reminding me of this, I know how dangerous it could be. I didn't make it very clear on my previous post but my girlfriend never cuts me with the glass or leaves any serious marks. I know there is a danger of this (and i think the risk of that is part of the thrill.) I guess it seems silly really to just be scratched with glass when fingernails give almost the same feeling with a lot less danger, but as i've said, its the risk and thrill of it that I enjoy.

I enjoy the pain but i'm quite squeamish about blood, so don't think I would ever go that far. If i were to get cut my girlfriend would stop straightaway and we would sterelize the wound, e.t.c. My girlfriend insists on using the smooth edge of glass (such as the corner from glass out a photo frame) With using the smooth edge, i guess there is less danger as there are no jagged edges which could catch and tear the skin. Th other night my girlfriend caught her hand on the glass and we stopped straightaway and cleaned her hand and she now wraps something around the edge which she is holding.

Thanks for all the comments. I think I just wanted to know that i'm not the only one who has slightly different ideas about what is enjoyable.

I enjoy things that inflict pain but i'm not reckless about it. I will always stay in control of what is happening and make sure there's no serious danger.

 

[marieR19]

As has already been said, you seem to know a lot more then you think you do. lol You sound like you know what you want and are just new-ish to it, and knowing what you want and need and feel is a huge thing, yunno? You remind me a lot of myself when I first came to this forum, and I've learned so much then from everyone here, and from my own experiences. It is wonderful to have that girl that can give you what you want, isn't it? *smiles*

Heather

 

[brioche]

I hope you post more.
Marquis said all that needed to be said, and very well indeed, but I wanted to say welcome!