"Night Night"
- Thread starter My Erotic Tail
- Start date
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Night Night Saturday
The day is over and night has fallen...
so get ready for bed and curl on up...
opens my book of tales..."Ready?"
"How was your day?...good I hope..."
sO BUFFORD AND TIBIDOUX got arrested for
selling drugs...it was their first offense so the
judge gave them a chance, by sentencing them
to teach youths not to get involved with drugs.
"In one month we will review your success" said
the judge
One month later they went back before the judge.
Judge asked tibidoux..."How many youths did you
instruct and do you think you helped any of them?"
Tibidoux said, "I had 30 in my group and I helped
maybe 5 or more."
the judge asked, "How"...
"Well I drew two cirles (O...o) and told them the
little circle was their brain on drugs and the big
circle was their brain with out drugs"
-
"Wonderful" said the judge, then turned to Bufford.
"How many did you teach and do you think you got
thru toany of them?"
"Oh Yes Judge, I had a bout 30 also in my group and
I helped all 30." Bufford said smiling.
"Great," said the judge, "How did you do it?'
Bufford answered, "Well I drew two circles also (O...o)
and said the little circle was your asshole before jail
and the big circle was your ass hole after jail..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"oh my"..hehehehe ouch...
turns the page...
AT a covention in Japan the Japanesse were bragin
how they could take a liver transplant person and
with proper theropy could have them looking to work
in about a month...
everyone thought this was great...
the Russians said that was nothing they could take
a lung, transplant it in a person and that person will
be back to looking for work in about two weeks.
Well thats amazing....everyone thought...
The Americans got up to tell how well they could do...
"Well thats nothing.,..we have proven we can take an
asshole out of Arkansas and place it at the white house
and everyone will be looking for work the next day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
turns the page....
Why did the condom fly across the room
It got pissed off!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: First: I must announce that the last
confederate widows funeral has been postphoned
till june 12...???? well they are ensureing that those
all over can attend the Full Confederate Military honor.
Second: I read that the "Nude Day story contest"
will begin June 15 th, So woohoo and good luck
writers...Just remember to get into your work by
getting out of your clothes...hehehe
Nightly read: gilded cage...bY minsue
"Night Night" turns out the light...
The day is over and night has fallen...
so get ready for bed and curl on up...
opens my book of tales..."Ready?"
"How was your day?...good I hope..."
sO BUFFORD AND TIBIDOUX got arrested for
selling drugs...it was their first offense so the
judge gave them a chance, by sentencing them
to teach youths not to get involved with drugs.
"In one month we will review your success" said
the judge
One month later they went back before the judge.
Judge asked tibidoux..."How many youths did you
instruct and do you think you helped any of them?"
Tibidoux said, "I had 30 in my group and I helped
maybe 5 or more."
the judge asked, "How"...
"Well I drew two cirles (O...o) and told them the
little circle was their brain on drugs and the big
circle was their brain with out drugs"
-
"Wonderful" said the judge, then turned to Bufford.
"How many did you teach and do you think you got
thru toany of them?"
"Oh Yes Judge, I had a bout 30 also in my group and
I helped all 30." Bufford said smiling.
"Great," said the judge, "How did you do it?'
Bufford answered, "Well I drew two circles also (O...o)
and said the little circle was your asshole before jail
and the big circle was your ass hole after jail..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"oh my"..hehehehe ouch...
turns the page...
AT a covention in Japan the Japanesse were bragin
how they could take a liver transplant person and
with proper theropy could have them looking to work
in about a month...
everyone thought this was great...
the Russians said that was nothing they could take
a lung, transplant it in a person and that person will
be back to looking for work in about two weeks.
Well thats amazing....everyone thought...
The Americans got up to tell how well they could do...
"Well thats nothing.,..we have proven we can take an
asshole out of Arkansas and place it at the white house
and everyone will be looking for work the next day."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
turns the page....
Why did the condom fly across the room
It got pissed off!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: First: I must announce that the last
confederate widows funeral has been postphoned
till june 12...???? well they are ensureing that those
all over can attend the Full Confederate Military honor.
Second: I read that the "Nude Day story contest"
will begin June 15 th, So woohoo and good luck
writers...Just remember to get into your work by
getting out of your clothes...hehehe
Nightly read: gilded cage...bY minsue
"Night Night" turns out the light...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Sunday Night
Sun goes down and night takes over,...
your yawning and getting sleepy...so curl up
and cover up and get ready for a night night
tale..and lil joke to make ya smile.
"Ready?" How was your weekend?"
opens my book of tales and humor...
So this older guy goes to the doctor
asking for a prescription for 'Viagra'.
The guy asks for a large dose of the
*strongest* variety. The doctor asks
why he needs so much. The guy says
that two young nymphomaniacs are
spending a week at his place.
The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to
the doctor asking for pain killers.
The doctor asks 'why, is your dick in
that much pain?', 'no', says the guy,
'it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!" The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm". The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was. The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?" To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: TENSION~
I read that the body can store tension
from a pain for years. I try to meditate everyday..
I don't always get to but I try usually about bath time
anyway the feet and the hands holf most of the bodys
tension as well as the back but you can't give yourself
a back massage properly. So massage your hands first,
every nuckle and joint, slowly and carefully, working all
over both hands. then do the feet and especialy the inner
arch and toes. Don't forget to breath correctly..this is
important. and perhaps you'll feel relief from stress. The
modern man/woman is riddled with stress daily. So as the
body tightens it needs release. yin and yang...smile.
Nightly read: Mirror Mirror ch 9 By Joseki ko...the mirror mirror tale gets a great erotic twist in this next to last chapter.
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
Sun goes down and night takes over,...
your yawning and getting sleepy...so curl up
and cover up and get ready for a night night
tale..and lil joke to make ya smile.
"Ready?" How was your weekend?"
opens my book of tales and humor...
So this older guy goes to the doctor
asking for a prescription for 'Viagra'.
The guy asks for a large dose of the
*strongest* variety. The doctor asks
why he needs so much. The guy says
that two young nymphomaniacs are
spending a week at his place.
The doctor fills the prescription.
Later that week, the same guy goes back to
the doctor asking for pain killers.
The doctor asks 'why, is your dick in
that much pain?', 'no', says the guy,
'it's for my wrists - the girls never showed up!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One winter year, these two little fleas headed for the warm sunny beaches of California to escape the cold. The first flea got there and started rubbing suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flee legs. Just then, the second flea arrived just a shiverin' and a shakin'. The first flea asked, "What the hell happened to you?" To which the second flea replied "I just rode out here on a bikers mustache and I'm so very coldddd!" The first flea said, "Don't you know the special trick to gettin here, first you go to the airport, go straight to the ladies cammode, wait for a pretty young stewardess to come along, and when she sits down you climb right up in there where its nice and warm". The second flea agreed that this was a grand idea. The next winter comes along and it was time for the fleas to head for the sunny beaches again. The first flea arrived and began putting suntan lotion on his little flea arms and his little flea legs. About that time, the second flea arrived again just a shiverin', shakin', and mumbling about how cold he was. The first flea exclaimed "Didn't you learn anything that I taught you about getting here nice and warm?" To which the second flea replied, "I did just as you said; I went to the ladies cammode and this pretty stewardess came in and sat down, I climbed right up in there and it was so very warm. Next thing I know we stop at a bar and I fell asleep. All of a sudden I woke and there I was, right back on that bikers mustache!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it,"He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover. As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: TENSION~
I read that the body can store tension
from a pain for years. I try to meditate everyday..
I don't always get to but I try usually about bath time
anyway the feet and the hands holf most of the bodys
tension as well as the back but you can't give yourself
a back massage properly. So massage your hands first,
every nuckle and joint, slowly and carefully, working all
over both hands. then do the feet and especialy the inner
arch and toes. Don't forget to breath correctly..this is
important. and perhaps you'll feel relief from stress. The
modern man/woman is riddled with stress daily. So as the
body tightens it needs release. yin and yang...smile.
Nightly read: Mirror Mirror ch 9 By Joseki ko...the mirror mirror tale gets a great erotic twist in this next to last chapter.
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
nite mon
Monday night is here and where are you?
In bed ready for a tail...I mean tale...hehehe
curl on up and lets get started..."Ready?"
An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," said the grocer. "It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer said he was sorry, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh? What was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
oh my......
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehehehe
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehehe...ok one more....(Life)
A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly read:The Literotica Olympics begins
Tatelou opens the Literotica Olympics with the opening ceremonies in this hilarious begining for the chain story Literotica Olympics. The Olympics will never be the same....LMAO great job Lou~ Sets the dial to; (Anticipation) for the rest of the stories that will follow.
Nightly comment: I wrote and finished the last chapter of the chain story ..."Mirror Mirror" chapter 10 and submitted today...the chain has been a wonderful story line with each and every chapter adding wonderfull twists and turns. to this marvelous mystery tale. Of course when it posts I'll post it here but if you haven't had a chance to read them all I suggest it whole heartedly. LadyShiannes chapter 2 took the story catagorie for april and with the vast number of chain stories out I encourage people to read/comment/ and vote on them,
Joseki ko had LORD OF THE RINGS...another great chain story Idea that was wonderful to write for and now....
Elizabetht has a chain story on SUPERSTICION: That is another great story line to write into...This seems to be a great year for chain stories, so if you get with them I am sure they would love to have more stories added to the chains. The literotica olympics kicked off today and there are several others out there. So great job everyone...keep those creative juices flowing and the colaboration of Authors is astonishing.
"Night Night" turns out the lights....
Monday night is here and where are you?
In bed ready for a tail...I mean tale...hehehe
curl on up and lets get started..."Ready?"
An eight-year-old boy went into a grocery store and picked out a large box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," said the grocer. "It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it. A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer said he was sorry, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog." "Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh? What was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
oh my......
A woman was trying hard to get the catsup to come out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone right now. She's hitting the bottle."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehehehe
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehehe...ok one more....(Life)
A philosophy professor stood before her class and had some items in front of her. When the class began, silently she picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks. She then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was. So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. She shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. She then asked the students again if the jar was full. They again agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. Now, said the professor, I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff. If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical check-ups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.
But then... A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full. The moral of this tale is that no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly read:The Literotica Olympics begins
Tatelou opens the Literotica Olympics with the opening ceremonies in this hilarious begining for the chain story Literotica Olympics. The Olympics will never be the same....LMAO great job Lou~ Sets the dial to; (Anticipation) for the rest of the stories that will follow.
Nightly comment: I wrote and finished the last chapter of the chain story ..."Mirror Mirror" chapter 10 and submitted today...the chain has been a wonderful story line with each and every chapter adding wonderfull twists and turns. to this marvelous mystery tale. Of course when it posts I'll post it here but if you haven't had a chance to read them all I suggest it whole heartedly. LadyShiannes chapter 2 took the story catagorie for april and with the vast number of chain stories out I encourage people to read/comment/ and vote on them,
Joseki ko had LORD OF THE RINGS...another great chain story Idea that was wonderful to write for and now....
Elizabetht has a chain story on SUPERSTICION: That is another great story line to write into...This seems to be a great year for chain stories, so if you get with them I am sure they would love to have more stories added to the chains. The literotica olympics kicked off today and there are several others out there. So great job everyone...keep those creative juices flowing and the colaboration of Authors is astonishing.
"Night Night" turns out the lights....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Tue nite
Its night night time again...ready for bed?
well curl up and get ready to read...lol
"Ready?' if not start when ever you are...lmao
Ok....heres some stuff I found today...enjoy.
Oxymoron
An oxymoron is two words having opposite
meanings put together...here are some
great examples....
Act naturally
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Phone sex
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Same difference
Almost exactly
Everything except
Civil War
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Silent scream
Small crowd
Soft rock
Butt Head
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Exact estimate
Freezer Burn
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
so if we take two opposites and put them together
that would be a ying yang word...how did they get
oxy moron...oh wait...only morons use these words
.....snicker....hehehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now,'
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
"Oh My"..hehehehe
way to go mom...hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear: 'PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.' That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'THUMBTACKS.' In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?'"
LMAO
"oH My Wipe my tears of laughter from that last
one...ok...ok...turns the page.....giggle...hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This one actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year in a biology class; the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen as in sugar?' 'That's correct,' responded the professor, going
on to add statistical information. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books with out a word and walked out of class...and
never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.''
hehehehe...okay....
now everybody needs to go out and either lap
up or distribute glueglose....lmao
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: Well after reading this I have to
say becareful when you shop and make sure the
prices are on each package when you pick it up off
the shelf cause there ain't no telling what they'll ask
for a price for over that intercom...hehehehehe
My thoughts are human nature...the most
embarresing moments and accidents seem to
amke us laugh, we laugh at others ill fate or mishap
human nature or was this instilled in us when we fell
as a young child and someone laughed at us? We all
find the three stooges funny (well most) and those
poor guys probably hurt and ached more from trying
to make us laugh than they laughed doing it.
any way try to be kind to those who are having a
bad situation and laugh at ourselves as much as we
laugh at others. And laugh at lifes situations. Our
mentality works better when we don't too serious
about the little things and save serious time for the
important things and laugh as much as possible.
Its good medicine for a bad situation....
I would love to here of some of ya'lls most embarrising
moments..hehehehehehe
Nightly read:
The Ancient Rites by Elizabetht
I read this and it was good, erotic with a great
story line. E~ told me she enjoyed writing this...
I finished 1 of 2 of my NUDE day stories today...
and I felt the same way, I had so much fun writing
it that I don't care if I win...its just that I did it and
enjoyed it. And as any Author would love to share
their work...please comment and vote...
"Night Night" turns out the light....
Its night night time again...ready for bed?
well curl up and get ready to read...lol
"Ready?' if not start when ever you are...lmao
Ok....heres some stuff I found today...enjoy.
Oxymoron
An oxymoron is two words having opposite
meanings put together...here are some
great examples....
Act naturally
Microsoft Works
Holy war
Found missing
Resident alien
Minor Catastrophe
Affordable housing
Near miss
Phone sex
Advanced BASIC
Genuine imitation
Same difference
Almost exactly
Everything except
Civil War
Sanitary landfill
Alone together
Silent scream
Small crowd
Soft rock
Butt Head
New classic
Sweet sorrow
Childproof
"Now, then"
Passive aggressive
Taped live
Clearly misunderstood
Peace force
Extinct Life
Plastic glasses
Terribly pleased
Definite maybe
Pretty ugly
Twelve-ounce pound cake
Exact estimate
Freezer Burn
Jumbo Shrimp
Loners Club
so if we take two opposites and put them together
that would be a ying yang word...how did they get
oxy moron...oh wait...only morons use these words
.....snicker....hehehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now,'
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter."
"Oh My"..hehehehe
way to go mom...hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear: 'PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.' That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word 'Tampax' for 'THUMBTACKS.' In a business like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom: 'DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?'"
LMAO
"oH My Wipe my tears of laughter from that last
one...ok...ok...turns the page.....giggle...hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This one actually happened at Harvard University in October of this year in a biology class; the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, 'If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose in male semen as in sugar?' 'That's correct,' responded the professor, going
on to add statistical information. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn't it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books with out a word and walked out of class...and
never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the Professor's reply was classic... Totally straight-faced he answered her question, 'It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat.''
hehehehe...okay....
now everybody needs to go out and either lap
up or distribute glueglose....lmao
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: Well after reading this I have to
say becareful when you shop and make sure the
prices are on each package when you pick it up off
the shelf cause there ain't no telling what they'll ask
for a price for over that intercom...hehehehehe
My thoughts are human nature...the most
embarresing moments and accidents seem to
amke us laugh, we laugh at others ill fate or mishap
human nature or was this instilled in us when we fell
as a young child and someone laughed at us? We all
find the three stooges funny (well most) and those
poor guys probably hurt and ached more from trying
to make us laugh than they laughed doing it.
any way try to be kind to those who are having a
bad situation and laugh at ourselves as much as we
laugh at others. And laugh at lifes situations. Our
mentality works better when we don't too serious
about the little things and save serious time for the
important things and laugh as much as possible.
Its good medicine for a bad situation....
I would love to here of some of ya'lls most embarrising
moments..hehehehehehe
Nightly read:
The Ancient Rites by Elizabetht
I read this and it was good, erotic with a great
story line. E~ told me she enjoyed writing this...
I finished 1 of 2 of my NUDE day stories today...
and I felt the same way, I had so much fun writing
it that I don't care if I win...its just that I did it and
enjoyed it. And as any Author would love to share
their work...please comment and vote...
"Night Night" turns out the light....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Hump Nite
Its time to hump...I mean its hump nite...
curl up and get ready for me....hehehehe
to read you a story...."Ready?"
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh my...I've got a head ache..hehehe
A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An apple," replied little Ian "No it's an onion, but it shows your thinking." Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says "I've got something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end." "Dirty little boy," said the teacher "No it's a match, but it shows you were thinking," he answered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: Life is like sailing...
Your are either on the front watching to see where
you're going...or busy in the middle and not watching
whats around you...or at the back of the boat watching
where you've been. somedays are calm seas and pretty
days and some are stormy and miserable.
Nightly read: "Soon" by cloudy
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
Its time to hump...I mean its hump nite...
curl up and get ready for me....hehehehe
to read you a story...."Ready?"
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 9-1/2 E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see... size 36."
Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
oh my...I've got a head ache..hehehe
A young female teacher was giving her class of six year olds a quiz "behind my back I've got something red, round and you can eat it. what is it?" she asked. "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it." "An apple," replied little Ian "No it's an onion, but it shows your thinking." Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says "I've got something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end." "Dirty little boy," said the teacher "No it's a match, but it shows you were thinking," he answered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: Life is like sailing...
Your are either on the front watching to see where
you're going...or busy in the middle and not watching
whats around you...or at the back of the boat watching
where you've been. somedays are calm seas and pretty
days and some are stormy and miserable.
Nightly read: "Soon" by cloudy
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
THRU NITE
Its thurs nite and the day is ending..
Open my book and now I'm begining.
"Ready?"..."How was your day?"
I learned I can move a mountain today...
well I figured this by unloading 40,000Lbs
of lumber today. One piece at a time. Might
take forever to move a mountain one rock at
a time. But widdle away at it you can... It wasn't
as hard as it seem
but it was a hot
one today..."Love a good work out"...hehehe
"Now showered fresh and ready for Night Night."
"Ok, this is a good one, well I thought it was
...little on the serious side.
not a joke!)
How Budweiser handled those who
laughed at those who died on the 11th of
September, 2001. Thought you might
like to know what happened in a little
town north of Bakersfield, California.
After you finish reading this, please
forward this story on to others so that
our nation and people around the
world will know about those who laughed
when they found out about the
tragic events in New York,
Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon.
On September 11th, a Budweiser
employee was making a delivery to a
convenience store in a California town
named McFarland. He knew of the
tragedy that had occurred in New York
when he entered the business to find
the two Arabs, who owned the business,
whooping and hollering to show
their approval and support of this treacherous attack.
The Budweiser employee went back to his truck,
called his boss and told
him of the very upsetting event!
He didn't feel he could be in that store
with those horrible people. His boss asked him,
"Do you think you could go in there long enough
to pull every Budweiser product and item our beverage
company sells there? We'll never deliver to them again."
The employee walked in, proceeded to
pull every single product his
beverage company provided and left
with an incredible grin on his face. He told
them never to bother to call for a delivery again.
Budweiser happens to be
the beer of choice for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern County
handled this situation. And now the
rest of the story: It seems that the Bud
driver and the Pepsi man are
neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.
Pepsi called his boss who told him to pull
all Pepsi products as well !!
That would include Frito Lay, etc. Furthermore,
word spread and all vendors followed suit!
At last report, the store was closed indefinitely.
Good old American
Passive-Aggressive BUTT Whoppin'!
America needs to know that we're all working together.
God Bless America!!...thanks deb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Law Regarding Kids::rolleyes
1. The later you stay up, the earlier
your child will wake up the next morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something
else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal,
the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.
7. The surest way to get something
done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely
it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out of the driveway
causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
10. The more challenging the child, the
more rewarding it is to be a parent...sometimes
Thanks Shi~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The driver lost control and crashed the bus into the ditch. A farmer came by, and, finding the politicians lying in the road, buried them. The police arrived on the scene just as he finished tamping the dirt down over the last one. They started asking him questions about the wreck. "So you buried ALL the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
"Life is not measured by the number of
breaths we take, but by the moments
that take our breath away."
Nightly read:
( Bull Ridin' ) a poem by me,
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
Its thurs nite and the day is ending..
Open my book and now I'm begining.
"Ready?"..."How was your day?"
I learned I can move a mountain today...
well I figured this by unloading 40,000Lbs
of lumber today. One piece at a time. Might
take forever to move a mountain one rock at
a time. But widdle away at it you can... It wasn't
as hard as it seem
but it was a hot one today..."Love a good work out"...hehehe
"Now showered fresh and ready for Night Night."
"Ok, this is a good one, well I thought it was
...little on the serious side.
not a joke!)
How Budweiser handled those who
laughed at those who died on the 11th of
September, 2001. Thought you might
like to know what happened in a little
town north of Bakersfield, California.
After you finish reading this, please
forward this story on to others so that
our nation and people around the
world will know about those who laughed
when they found out about the
tragic events in New York,
Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon.
On September 11th, a Budweiser
employee was making a delivery to a
convenience store in a California town
named McFarland. He knew of the
tragedy that had occurred in New York
when he entered the business to find
the two Arabs, who owned the business,
whooping and hollering to show
their approval and support of this treacherous attack.
The Budweiser employee went back to his truck,
called his boss and told
him of the very upsetting event!
He didn't feel he could be in that store
with those horrible people. His boss asked him,
"Do you think you could go in there long enough
to pull every Budweiser product and item our beverage
company sells there? We'll never deliver to them again."
The employee walked in, proceeded to
pull every single product his
beverage company provided and left
with an incredible grin on his face. He told
them never to bother to call for a delivery again.
Budweiser happens to be
the beer of choice for that community.
Just letting you know how Kern County
handled this situation. And now the
rest of the story: It seems that the Bud
driver and the Pepsi man are
neighbors. Bud called Pepsi and told him.
Pepsi called his boss who told him to pull
all Pepsi products as well !!
That would include Frito Lay, etc. Furthermore,
word spread and all vendors followed suit!
At last report, the store was closed indefinitely.
Good old American
Passive-Aggressive BUTT Whoppin'!
America needs to know that we're all working together.
God Bless America!!...thanks deb
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Murphy's Law Regarding Kids::rolleyes
1. The later you stay up, the earlier
your child will wake up the next morning.
2. For a child to become clean, something
else must become dirty.
3. Toys multiply to fill any space available.
4. The longer it takes you to make a meal,
the less your child will like it.
5. Yours is always the only child who doesn't behave.
6. If the shoe fits...it's expensive.
7. The surest way to get something
done is to tell a child not to do it.
8. The gooier the food, the more likely
it is to end up on the carpet.
9. Backing the car out of the driveway
causes your child to have to go to the bathroom.
10. The more challenging the child, the
more rewarding it is to be a parent...sometimes
Thanks Shi~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
One day the whole state legislature was aboard the official state bus touring a rural area. The driver lost control and crashed the bus into the ditch. A farmer came by, and, finding the politicians lying in the road, buried them. The police arrived on the scene just as he finished tamping the dirt down over the last one. They started asking him questions about the wreck. "So you buried ALL the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
"Life is not measured by the number of
breaths we take, but by the moments
that take our breath away."
Nightly read:
( Bull Ridin' ) a poem by me,
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
Last edited:
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
TGIF
Night Night time, *opens my "Book of Tales."
Kicks back, props my feettup, unbutton
the button on my jeans.* "Ahhhh..."..lol
"Ready?"
Fear? I had a 'face with fear' learning
today, I won't tell what happen for
fear somemight have nightmares and
we know I like to put ya to bed with a
smile but the little guy who tempted
eve with an apple, came face to face
with me today...and I think back to how
I was busy as a beaver building a "damn"
there it was, eye to eye with me,
Now fear "sritkes "through you like a shot
with a cattle prod. Your body and muscles
freeze.
FROZEN in time and life. "Stiff as a board."..hehe
Your thoughts go to red alert. There I faced
my fear, Knowing running would only get me
got as close as we were.
Now 'eves' tempter was just as afraid and
showing signs of it's fear. I eased out like a snail
on a slow day. Adrenaline dumped into the
bodies system creates urges to jolt, dash or flee.
But the fear factor? A human emotion, that is so
intense, that it can feeze the body, in an instant.
Now if I could harness that, would it be called
a date rape drug...hehehehehe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Ok..here's a good one, saved it for tonight...
Thanks Deb~
Bush and Osama decided to settle
the war once and for all. They sat down and
decided to settle the whole dispute
with one dog fight. They would have 5
years to breed the best fighting dog
in the world and whichever side's dog
won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest
Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the
world and bred them with the meanest
Siberian wolves. They selected only the
biggest and strongest puppy from the litter,
and removed his siblings, which
gave him all the milk.
After 5 years, they came up with the biggest,
meanest dog the world had ever
seen. Its cage needed steel bars that
were 5" thick and nobody could get
near it.
When the day came for the dog fight,
Bush showed up with a strange looking
animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund.
Everyone felt sorry for Bush because
there was no way that this dog could
possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog.
When the cages were opened up, the
Dachshund came out of it's cage, and
slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog.
Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of
its cage and charged the American
Dachshund--- but when it got close
enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its
mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite.
There was nothing left of his
dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his
head in disbelief, "We don't understand
how this could have happened. We had
our best people working for 5 years
with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler
female dogs in the world and the
biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing", said Bush.
"We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons
working for 5 years to make that
alligator look like a wiener dog."
Now that was a "Thriller, thiller..."..hehehe
ok turns the page...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an
Irishman are all to give speaches
to the Deaf Society. All are keen to
make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise
of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his
chest and then his groin.
When he finishes the Scotsman and
Irishman ask him what he was doing.
Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest
I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by
rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen.
So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman
thought to himself I'll go one better than that
English bastard and started his speech
by making an antler symbol
with his fingers above his head before also
rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked
what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By imitating antlers
and then rubbing my chest and groin
I was starting my speech by
saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman
thought to himself I'll go one further than
that and started his speech by making an antler
symbol above his head, rubbing his chest,
and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him
what he was doing.
"Well" he explained," by imitating antlers,
rubbing my chest and then my groin and then
masturbating
I was starting my speech by saying -
Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh My"..hehehehe..it gives me great pleasure
to bring you night nights...lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm.
He found just what he was looking for.
During an inspection of the property,
however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly
afraid of bees, and there was
no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the
bees were completely harmless,
but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer.
The buyer would allow himself to be
tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under
the nest. So sure of the
friendliness
of his bees was
the farmer that if ONE bee were
to sting him, the farm would be his for
free.
The buyer thought it
over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to
the tree and saw the poor
guy slumped over in his bindings.
Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and
asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said,
"No... the bees never touched me -
but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Speaking of bee's ...we got a hive hanging on the
side, under the eve of the millworks shop..bout
the size of a basetball, I havn't quite figured out
how to get that "Honey" with out getting stung,
Kind of like love......hehehe
I like the song...every rose has its thorns...grin.
and why do they call it the 'birds and the bee's'...
you fly and soar...then taste the honey and get stung?
Nightly read: Joseki ko has three stories that needs a read/vote.
"Night Night" turns out the light....
Night Night time, *opens my "Book of Tales."
Kicks back, props my feettup, unbutton
the button on my jeans.* "Ahhhh..."..lol
"Ready?"
Fear? I had a 'face with fear' learning
today, I won't tell what happen for
fear somemight have nightmares and
we know I like to put ya to bed with a
smile but the little guy who tempted
eve with an apple, came face to face
with me today...and I think back to how
I was busy as a beaver building a "damn"
there it was, eye to eye with me,
Now fear "sritkes "through you like a shot
with a cattle prod. Your body and muscles
freeze.
FROZEN in time and life. "Stiff as a board."..hehe
Your thoughts go to red alert. There I faced
my fear, Knowing running would only get me
got as close as we were.
Now 'eves' tempter was just as afraid and
showing signs of it's fear. I eased out like a snail
on a slow day. Adrenaline dumped into the
bodies system creates urges to jolt, dash or flee.
But the fear factor? A human emotion, that is so
intense, that it can feeze the body, in an instant.
Now if I could harness that, would it be called
a date rape drug...hehehehehe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Ok..here's a good one, saved it for tonight...
Thanks Deb~
Bush and Osama decided to settle
the war once and for all. They sat down and
decided to settle the whole dispute
with one dog fight. They would have 5
years to breed the best fighting dog
in the world and whichever side's dog
won would be entitled to dominate the world.
Osama found the biggest, meanest
Doberman and Rottweiler female dogs in the
world and bred them with the meanest
Siberian wolves. They selected only the
biggest and strongest puppy from the litter,
and removed his siblings, which
gave him all the milk.
After 5 years, they came up with the biggest,
meanest dog the world had ever
seen. Its cage needed steel bars that
were 5" thick and nobody could get
near it.
When the day came for the dog fight,
Bush showed up with a strange looking
animal. It was a 9 foot long Dachshund.
Everyone felt sorry for Bush because
there was no way that this dog could
possibly last 10 seconds with the Afghanistani dog.
When the cages were opened up, the
Dachshund came out of it's cage, and
slowly waddled over towards Osama's dog.
Osama's dog snarled and leaped out of
its cage and charged the American
Dachshund--- but when it got close
enough to bite, the Dachshund opened its
mouth and consumed Osama's dog in one bite.
There was nothing left of his
dog at all.
Osama came up to Bush, shaking his
head in disbelief, "We don't understand
how this could have happened. We had
our best people working for 5 years
with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler
female dogs in the world and the
biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."
"That's nothing", said Bush.
"We had Michael Jackson's plastic surgeons
working for 5 years to make that
alligator look like a wiener dog."
Now that was a "Thriller, thiller..."..hehehe
ok turns the page...
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an
Irishman are all to give speaches
to the Deaf Society. All are keen to
make an impression on their audience.
The Englishman goes first and to the surprise
of his colleagues starts by rubbing first his
chest and then his groin.
When he finishes the Scotsman and
Irishman ask him what he was doing.
Well" he explained" By rubbing my chest
I indicated breasts and thus Ladies and by
rubbing my groin I indicated balls and thus Gentlemen.
So my speech started Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Scotsman
thought to himself I'll go one better than that
English bastard and started his speech
by making an antler symbol
with his fingers above his head before also
rubbing his chest and his groin.
When he finished his colleagues asked
what he was doing.
"Well" he explained" By imitating antlers
and then rubbing my chest and groin
I was starting my speech by
saying Dear Ladies and Gentlemen".
On his way up to the podium the Irishman
thought to himself I'll go one further than
that and started his speech by making an antler
symbol above his head, rubbing his chest,
and then his groin, and then masturbating furiously.
When he finished his colleagues asked him
what he was doing.
"Well" he explained," by imitating antlers,
rubbing my chest and then my groin and then
masturbating
I was starting my speech by saying -
Deer Ladies and Gentlemen, it gives me great pleasure......."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh My"..hehehehe..it gives me great pleasure
to bring you night nights...lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A city slicker wanted to buy a farm.
He found just what he was looking for.
During an inspection of the property,
however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly
afraid of bees, and there was
no way he could consider this piece of land.
The landowner assured him that the
bees were completely harmless,
but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer.
The buyer would allow himself to be
tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under
the nest. So sure of the
friendliness
of his bees was
the farmer that if ONE bee were
to sting him, the farm would be his for
free.
The buyer thought it
over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to
the tree and saw the poor
guy slumped over in his bindings.
Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and
asked if he had been stung.
The city fella looked up and weakly said,
"No... the bees never touched me -
but doesn't that calf have a mother!?!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Speaking of bee's ...we got a hive hanging on the
side, under the eve of the millworks shop..bout
the size of a basetball, I havn't quite figured out
how to get that "Honey" with out getting stung,
Kind of like love......hehehe
I like the song...every rose has its thorns...grin.
and why do they call it the 'birds and the bee's'...
you fly and soar...then taste the honey and get stung?
Nightly read: Joseki ko has three stories that needs a read/vote.
"Night Night" turns out the light....
Last edited:
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Saturday Night 'Ho'-down...
"Woohoo," its Saturday night
("is that an 'Oxymoron?"
Satur'DAY' ..."Night"...???
Well get "ready," to 'Ho' down...
How many "Ho"s went down?...lol
Saturday night...
For those who only take a bath once a
week this is a special night,
Saturdays are better cause most dont have
to work on "Sunday" Our day off where
we now must do 7 days worth of stuff at
home to catch up, cause were gone working
the other 5-6.
So now we either kick up our heels out on the
town, or brighten up the pixels and play with
the 'HARD' drive, 'Clit' on the monitor, I meant
...click... ...and...surf, stroll, whip, zip, finger
waltz, flow, or any other way to go through the
world wide web, hence you found a PM from me.
So its time for "Night Night, on Saturday night..grin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand in a trial - a
grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you
Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a
young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you're a cheat,
you manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a rising big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to
do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to
baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has
been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy,
bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the shoddiest in the
entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to
silence and called both counselors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you ask her if she knows me, you'll be
jailed for contempt!"
hehehehehehehe
Thanks Shi~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Famous Sexual Quotes
Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My girlfriend always laughs during
sex---no matter what she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf
is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My mother never saw the irony in
calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-- Jack Nicholson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where
he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady,
and you didn't think Barbara had a
sense of humor)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word
meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome,
but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"According to a new survey, women say
they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing
in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where,
of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a new medical crisis.
Doctors are reporting that many men
are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, I know what I'm doing.
Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Instead of getting married again,
I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"See, the problem is that God gives men a
brain and a penis, and only enough
blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
Thanks E~
Thanks Jo~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
hehehehehe....turns the page...
Who Wears the Pants....
I was tired of being bossed around
by my wife; so I went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said I needed to build
my self-esteem, and so he gave
me a book on assertiveness,
which I read on the way home.
I finished the book by the time
I reached my house. I stormed
into the house and walked up to my wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, I
said, "From now on, I want you to know
that *I* am the man of this house, and *my*
word is law! I want you to prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and
when I'm finished eating my meal,
I expect a sumptuous dessert afterwards.
Then, after dinner, you're going to
draw me my bath so I can relax.
And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess
who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The f*cking funeral director," she said.
Thanks Deb~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares
and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes.
These great questions and answers are from the
days when "Hollywood Squares"
game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and (often) dull,
as they are now. PeterMarshall was the
host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little
heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should
do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out
and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to
diminish as you getolder?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than
three words to say
"I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it
with a pineapple and a
twenty.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are
you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not,
I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss
two subjects at nudist camps.One is politics,
what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in
the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe
in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the CampFireGirls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head
he will wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years,
what would you give
birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is,
it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their
anything wrong with getting into the habit of
kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body,
what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly
isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby,
who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver:
I'll lend him the car, the rest is up
to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed
that he firmly believes
in them and has actually seen
them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly Comment: "Words" Funny little guys that
do a juggling act to Bring you a smile. Words can set
your mood, anger you, make you feel loved
or special. The comunication factor in which
we dabble, Poetry, stories,forums, the enjoyment of
these little troopers, (The Alfabet) has brought
us together. And hopefully a smile, before you go
"Night Night"
Nightly read: Annora'a Red Doors 6
The erotic Sex Theropist has another session
behind...Red Doors...lol
"Night Night" turns out the light
"Woohoo," its Saturday night
("is that an 'Oxymoron?"
Satur'DAY' ..."Night"...???
Well get "ready," to 'Ho' down...
How many "Ho"s went down?...lol
Saturday night...
For those who only take a bath once a
week this is a special night,
Saturdays are better cause most dont have
to work on "Sunday" Our day off where
we now must do 7 days worth of stuff at
home to catch up, cause were gone working
the other 5-6.
So now we either kick up our heels out on the
town, or brighten up the pixels and play with
the 'HARD' drive, 'Clit' on the monitor, I meant
...click...
...and...surf, stroll, whip, zip, fingerwaltz, flow, or any other way to go through the
world wide web, hence you found a PM from me.
So its time for "Night Night, on Saturday night..grin.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A small town prosecuting attorney called his
first witness to the stand in a trial - a
grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you
know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you
Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a
young boy. And frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you're a cheat,
you manipulate people and talk about them behind
their backs. You think you're a rising big shot
when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper
pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to
do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs.
Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to
baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has
been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy,
bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't
build a normal relationship with anyone and his
law practice is one of the shoddiest in the
entire state. Yes, I know him."
At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to
silence and called both counselors to the bench.
In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If
either of you ask her if she knows me, you'll be
jailed for contempt!"
hehehehehehehe
Thanks Shi~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Famous Sexual Quotes
Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake whole relationships."
-- Sharon Stone
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My girlfriend always laughs during
sex---no matter what she's reading."
- Steve Jobs (Founder: Apple Computers)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" on it. I said, "Thyroid problem?"
-- Arnold Schwarzenegger
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hockey is a sport for white men.
Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf
is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps."
-- Tiger Woods
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"My mother never saw the irony in
calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
-- Jack Nicholson
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where
he parks or where he lives, but he
never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is."
- Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady,
and you didn't think Barbara had a
sense of humor)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word
meaning to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome,
but I think of it as the only
time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Women need a reason to have sex.
Men just need a place."
-- Billy Crystal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"According to a new survey, women say
they feel more comfortable undressing
in front of men than they do undressing
in front of other women. They say
that women are too judgmental, where,
of course, men are just grateful."
-- Robert DE Niro
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a new medical crisis.
Doctors are reporting that many men
are having allergic reactions to latex condoms.
They say they cause severe swelling.
So what's the problem?"
-- Dustin Hoffman
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There's very little advice in men's magazines,
because men think, I know what I'm doing.
Just show me somebody naked."
-- Jerry Seinfeld
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Instead of getting married again,
I'm going to find a woman I don't like
and just give her a house."
-- Rod Stewart
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"See, the problem is that God gives men a
brain and a penis, and only enough
blood to run one at a time."
Robin Williams
Thanks E~
Thanks Jo~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
hehehehehe....turns the page...
Who Wears the Pants....
I was tired of being bossed around
by my wife; so I went to a psychiatrist.
The psychiatrist said I needed to build
my self-esteem, and so he gave
me a book on assertiveness,
which I read on the way home.
I finished the book by the time
I reached my house. I stormed
into the house and walked up to my wife.
Pointing a finger in her face, I
said, "From now on, I want you to know
that *I* am the man of this house, and *my*
word is law! I want you to prepare me a
gourmet meal tonight, and
when I'm finished eating my meal,
I expect a sumptuous dessert afterwards.
Then, after dinner, you're going to
draw me my bath so I can relax.
And, when I'm finished with my bath, guess
who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
"The f*cking funeral director," she said.
Thanks Deb~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares
and its comics, this may
bring a tear to your eyes.
These great questions and answers are from the
days when "Hollywood Squares"
game show responses were spontaneous and
clever, not scripted and (often) dull,
as they are now. PeterMarshall was the
host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little
heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump,
at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should
do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep.
Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party
and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out
and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to
diminish as you getolder?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than
three words to say
"I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it
with a pineapple and a
twenty.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are
you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not,
I'm too busy growing
strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss
two subjects at nudist camps.One is politics,
what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in
the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe
in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the CampFireGirls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head
he will wag his tail.
What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years,
what would you give
birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is,
it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is their
anything wrong with getting into the habit of
kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body,
what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly
isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put
horseradish on his head what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby,
who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver:
I'll lend him the car, the rest is up
to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed
that he firmly believes
in them and has actually seen
them on at least two
occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly Comment: "Words" Funny little guys that
do a juggling act to Bring you a smile. Words can set
your mood, anger you, make you feel loved
or special. The comunication factor in which
we dabble, Poetry, stories,forums, the enjoyment of
these little troopers, (The Alfabet) has brought
us together. And hopefully a smile, before you go
"Night Night"
Nightly read: Annora'a Red Doors 6
The erotic Sex Theropist has another session
behind...Red Doors...lol
"Night Night" turns out the light
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
The sun is setting and I am sitting
opens my book of tales and begins.
"Ready?"
"Once upon a time, long long ago,
There was a fair Maiden who longed
for a prince to come along and take her
from her slavery duties. Sitting by a pond
one day she was crying, her sorrow was...
no love at all.
Happened a long was a frog, who seen
\this beautiful lady crying and weeping.
"There, there young lady, cry not for your
prince is here." said the frog.
The Maiden sniffled and looked about.
"I see no prince," she said drying her tears.
"Here, down here," said the frog. Hopping around
to get her attention. With bewilderment she
picked the frog up and gazed at him while he said,
"I am your prince, cursed by the wicked witch,
and turned into a frog."
"Oh My," said the Maiden. "How can you ever
change back?" she asked.
"You must kiss me, then I will change back into
a prince," the frog said. The Maiden looked about
and looked at the frog. Then sat the frog back
down.
"I don't know what you did to piss the wicked witch
off...but I ain't kissing no frog to find out."
And the Maiden whisped away.
The frog snickered, "Well, there all not that smart,"
the frog heckled. "I was sitting around the old witch
when she was brewing a spell and I read her spell
on how frogs can speak." The frog giggled. "Can't
count as high as I've been kissed." The frog laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a father took his little boy to
the nude beach. They went home for
lunch and the little boy ran over to his mommy,
"Mommy, Mommy, I saw the
lady w/the biggest boobs!!" His Mom replied,
"The bigger they are, the
dumber they are." The next day they
went back to the nude beach and upon
coming home for lunch the little boy had
another story to tell his mom.
"Mommy, Mommy, I saw the man w/the
biggest cock!!" Once again his Mother
replied, "The bigger they are the dumber
they are." The next day the little
boy's father took him to the nude beach
once again. They came home and the
little boy told his Mommy what he saw,
"Mommy, Mommy, today Daddy was
talking to the dumbest woman in the
world and the longer he talked the
dumber he got!!"
heheheheheeh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told
me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten
it up. We had a party there the previous evening, and
she was none too happy about the mess.
As she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely
dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it. Finally my
brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom
and asked Mom, "Can I use this, or
were you planning to go somewhere?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Thoughtful Man
When Mike got home last night, his wife
demanded that he take her out to
some place expensive.
So Mike took her to the gas station.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Treasures in life...are thoughts that cross your
mind...and your reward is the smile and feeling
that has come over you. Life is to be Treasured.
Nightly read:
The Literotica Olympics Day: 2
The collabertaion of these writers is wonderful,
in this chain story, by cloudy.
"Night Night," ...turns out the light.
opens my book of tales and begins.
"Ready?"
"Once upon a time, long long ago,
There was a fair Maiden who longed
for a prince to come along and take her
from her slavery duties. Sitting by a pond
one day she was crying, her sorrow was...
no love at all.
Happened a long was a frog, who seen
\this beautiful lady crying and weeping.
"There, there young lady, cry not for your
prince is here." said the frog.
The Maiden sniffled and looked about.
"I see no prince," she said drying her tears.
"Here, down here," said the frog. Hopping around
to get her attention. With bewilderment she
picked the frog up and gazed at him while he said,
"I am your prince, cursed by the wicked witch,
and turned into a frog."
"Oh My," said the Maiden. "How can you ever
change back?" she asked.
"You must kiss me, then I will change back into
a prince," the frog said. The Maiden looked about
and looked at the frog. Then sat the frog back
down.
"I don't know what you did to piss the wicked witch
off...but I ain't kissing no frog to find out."
And the Maiden whisped away.
The frog snickered, "Well, there all not that smart,"
the frog heckled. "I was sitting around the old witch
when she was brewing a spell and I read her spell
on how frogs can speak." The frog giggled. "Can't
count as high as I've been kissed." The frog laughed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
One day a father took his little boy to
the nude beach. They went home for
lunch and the little boy ran over to his mommy,
"Mommy, Mommy, I saw the
lady w/the biggest boobs!!" His Mom replied,
"The bigger they are, the
dumber they are." The next day they
went back to the nude beach and upon
coming home for lunch the little boy had
another story to tell his mom.
"Mommy, Mommy, I saw the man w/the
biggest cock!!" Once again his Mother
replied, "The bigger they are the dumber
they are." The next day the little
boy's father took him to the nude beach
once again. They came home and the
little boy told his Mommy what he saw,
"Mommy, Mommy, today Daddy was
talking to the dumbest woman in the
world and the longer he talked the
dumber he got!!"
heheheheheeh
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told
me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten
it up. We had a party there the previous evening, and
she was none too happy about the mess.
As she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely
dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it. Finally my
brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom
and asked Mom, "Can I use this, or
were you planning to go somewhere?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Thoughtful Man
When Mike got home last night, his wife
demanded that he take her out to
some place expensive.
So Mike took her to the gas station.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Treasures in life...are thoughts that cross your
mind...and your reward is the smile and feeling
that has come over you. Life is to be Treasured.
Nightly read:
The Literotica Olympics Day: 2
The collabertaion of these writers is wonderful,
in this chain story, by cloudy.
"Night Night," ...turns out the light.
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Mon Nite
Its night night time again...curl up and get ready,
"Ready?' if not start when ever you are...lmao
"It's Monday, and the week jumped off busy
as ever, The rainey weekend, made the sunny
monday, hot and humid. So I had a long...long...
long...HARD...Hot...day...hehehehehehehehe
Drenching wet...
Ok....heres some stuff sent to me...enjoy.
Food for thought:
1. No man or woman is worth your tears,
and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you
with all they have.
3. A true friend is someone who reaches
for your hand and touches your heart.
4. The worst way to miss someone is to
be sitting right beside them knowing
you can't have them.
5. Never frown, even when you are sad,
because you never know who is falling
in love with your smile.
6. To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman,
who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong
people before meeting the right one,
so that when we finally meet the right person,
we will know how to be grateful.
9. Don't cry because it is over,
smile because it happened.
10. There's always going to be people
that hurt you so what you have to do
is keep on trusting and just be more careful
about who you trust next time around.
11. Make yourself a better person and know
who you are before you try and know someone else
and expect them to know you.
12. Don't try so hard, the best things
come when you least expect them to.
Nightly comment:
(Seems this turned into my nightly comment)
Number 12 is me writing, I can write something
love it, edit it, proof read it...rewrite it...etc...and
hardly get any votes or comments. But most of my
success as far as ratings were those I had in my head
they spewed out into a tale, sent it in, an BAM..lots
of votes and comments. Mentions and feedback. Funny
how that is, with stories and poems. They may get
bombarded by the grammer po... I mean critics,
but they soar in score...'wicked grin'
My favorite story, I like that I wrote, has the least votes,
has great views and rates well. My true success tale with lit
was written in a whim and spell checked and submitted
and the votes climbed and climbed, probably for its
catagorie, as well as creativity. Any way where I'm going
with this is THIS... the Nude Day story contest kicks off
tomorrow. I wrote one story and spent forever going over
and over it, trying to do 'me gramer beter' and my
other ones not done...but working on it.
My voting phylosophy is that if I read your story and I
get all the way to the end. You get a 5. If I dont make it
to the END...the vote panel, you don't get a vote, If you have a lot
of comments, I move on, if you don't have a comment
I leave one. Every one is different.
But rather...or don't matter...what matters is to take the
time to read all the great stories that come out of these
holiday write-a-thons. And vote and comment. I got stories
with 20,000 + reads...and 5 comments. Now whats up
with that? ...."That bad huh?" ......"Or they have the
same phylosophy I do, and saw comments were left and
moved on?"...hehehehe (No I don't have a story with
20,000 votes...hehehe....frown...lol
So the Nude Day read-a-thon is about to begin...
Ready with your book "MARK"
Get your "SET" of reading glasses...
"Go" and read, read , read...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches
the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the
United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh....Mr. President! What may I do for you?"
asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have to confess
your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers,
"Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't
call it 'dope-smoking' because I didn't inhale.
There were inappropriate extramarital relationships,
but you can't call it 'adultery' because I
didn't have full 'sexual relations.' And I made
some statements that were misleading, but legally accurate,
but you can't call it 'bearing false witness' because,
as far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of
perjury."
With that St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly,
and declares, "Okay, here's the deal.
We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call
it 'Hell.' You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity.'
And when you enter, you don't have to "abandon all hope,"
just don't hold your breath .......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men
will be dropped
on an island with
1 car
and
4 kids each,
for 6 weeks.
Each kid plays two sports
and either takes
music or dance classes.
****
There is no access to fast food.
****
Each man must take care of his 4 kids,
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
****
The men only have access to television
when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
there is only one TV between them
and there is
NO REMOTE.
****
The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
which they must apply themselves,
either while driving or
while making four lunches.
*****
They must attend weekly PTA meetings;
clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.;
make an Indian hut model with
six toothpicks,
a tortilla
and one marker;
and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.
*****
The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.
*****
The last man wins...
only if...
he has enough energy to be intimate
with his spouse at a moment's notice.
*****
If the last man does win, he can play the game
over and over again
for the next 18-25 years...
eventually earning the right to be called
*****************
***"Mother."***
*****************
So this is where you find the woman working in
the mans spot? Keeping the income flowing...in the
102 heat, mending fences and running the cattles and
horses to feed and groom. Shovel the barn, Frame
a house, repair the roof, on a hot day. Come home
only to find the grass needs cut, weed eated, trimed.
Unload a few trucks in the heat. Then ...well...
as long as she does it in a bikini...hehehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly read:
Mirror Mirror Ch 10 THE END ..
This chapter raps up the mystery in this erotic
"who done it?"chain story, by My Erotic Tail
Like a little mystery in your tail...I meant tale?..hehehe
Special Thanks to:
Lady Shi~
Elizabetht~
Lady D~
Joseki ko~
who helped make this Chain Story an awesome tale.
Thanks Man, and Ladies....lol
"Night Night" turns out the light.
Its night night time again...curl up and get ready,
"Ready?' if not start when ever you are...lmao
"It's Monday, and the week jumped off busy
as ever, The rainey weekend, made the sunny
monday, hot and humid. So I had a long...long...
long...HARD...Hot...day...hehehehehehehehe
Drenching wet...
Ok....heres some stuff sent to me...enjoy.
Food for thought:
1. No man or woman is worth your tears,
and the one who is, won't make you cry.
2. Just because someone doesn't love you the way you
want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you
with all they have.
3. A true friend is someone who reaches
for your hand and touches your heart.
4. The worst way to miss someone is to
be sitting right beside them knowing
you can't have them.
5. Never frown, even when you are sad,
because you never know who is falling
in love with your smile.
6. To the world you may be one person,
but to one person you may be the world.
7. Don't waste your time on a man/woman,
who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
8. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong
people before meeting the right one,
so that when we finally meet the right person,
we will know how to be grateful.
9. Don't cry because it is over,
smile because it happened.
10. There's always going to be people
that hurt you so what you have to do
is keep on trusting and just be more careful
about who you trust next time around.
11. Make yourself a better person and know
who you are before you try and know someone else
and expect them to know you.
12. Don't try so hard, the best things
come when you least expect them to.
Nightly comment:
(Seems this turned into my nightly comment)
Number 12 is me writing, I can write something
love it, edit it, proof read it...rewrite it...etc...and
hardly get any votes or comments. But most of my
success as far as ratings were those I had in my head
they spewed out into a tale, sent it in, an BAM..lots
of votes and comments. Mentions and feedback. Funny
how that is, with stories and poems. They may get
bombarded by the grammer po... I mean critics,
but they soar in score...'wicked grin'
My favorite story, I like that I wrote, has the least votes,
has great views and rates well. My true success tale with lit
was written in a whim and spell checked and submitted
and the votes climbed and climbed, probably for its
catagorie, as well as creativity. Any way where I'm going
with this is THIS... the Nude Day story contest kicks off
tomorrow. I wrote one story and spent forever going over
and over it, trying to do 'me gramer beter' and my
other ones not done...but working on it.
My voting phylosophy is that if I read your story and I
get all the way to the end. You get a 5. If I dont make it
to the END...the vote panel, you don't get a vote, If you have a lot
of comments, I move on, if you don't have a comment
I leave one. Every one is different.
But rather...or don't matter...what matters is to take the
time to read all the great stories that come out of these
holiday write-a-thons. And vote and comment. I got stories
with 20,000 + reads...and 5 comments. Now whats up
with that? ...."That bad huh?" ......"Or they have the
same phylosophy I do, and saw comments were left and
moved on?"...hehehehe (No I don't have a story with
20,000 votes...hehehe....frown...lol
So the Nude Day read-a-thon is about to begin...
Ready with your book "MARK"
Get your "SET" of reading glasses...
"Go" and read, read , read...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Clinton finishes his time on earth and approaches
the Pearly Gates of Heaven.
"And who might you be?" inquires St. Peter.
"It's me, Bill Clinton, formerly the President of the
United States and Leader of the Free World."
"Oh....Mr. President! What may I do for you?"
asks St. Peter.
"I'd like to come in," replies Clinton.
"Sure," says the Saint. "But first you have to confess
your sins. What bad things have you done in your life?"
Clinton bites his lip and answers,
"Well, I tried marijuana, but you can't
call it 'dope-smoking' because I didn't inhale.
There were inappropriate extramarital relationships,
but you can't call it 'adultery' because I
didn't have full 'sexual relations.' And I made
some statements that were misleading, but legally accurate,
but you can't call it 'bearing false witness' because,
as far as I know, it didn't meet the legal standard of
perjury."
With that St. Peter consults the Book of Life briefly,
and declares, "Okay, here's the deal.
We'll send you somewhere hot, but we won't call
it 'Hell.' You'll be there indefinitely, but we won't call it 'eternity.'
And when you enter, you don't have to "abandon all hope,"
just don't hold your breath .......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE NEXT SURVIVOR SERIES
Six married men
will be dropped
on an island with
1 car
and
4 kids each,
for 6 weeks.
Each kid plays two sports
and either takes
music or dance classes.
****
There is no access to fast food.
****
Each man must take care of his 4 kids,
keep his assigned house clean,
correct all homework,
complete science projects, cook, do laundry, etc.
****
The men only have access to television
when the kids are asleep and
all chores are done.
there is only one TV between them
and there is
NO REMOTE.
****
The men must shave their legs,
wear makeup daily,
which they must apply themselves,
either while driving or
while making four lunches.
*****
They must attend weekly PTA meetings;
clean up after their sick children at 3:00 a.m.;
make an Indian hut model with
six toothpicks,
a tortilla
and one marker;
and get a 4-year-old to eat a serving of peas.
*****
The kids vote them off the island, based on performance.
*****
The last man wins...
only if...
he has enough energy to be intimate
with his spouse at a moment's notice.
*****
If the last man does win, he can play the game
over and over again
for the next 18-25 years...
eventually earning the right to be called
*****************
***"Mother."***
*****************
So this is where you find the woman working in
the mans spot? Keeping the income flowing...in the
102 heat, mending fences and running the cattles and
horses to feed and groom. Shovel the barn, Frame
a house, repair the roof, on a hot day. Come home
only to find the grass needs cut, weed eated, trimed.
Unload a few trucks in the heat. Then ...well...
as long as she does it in a bikini...hehehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly read:
Mirror Mirror Ch 10 THE END ..
This chapter raps up the mystery in this erotic
"who done it?"chain story, by My Erotic Tail
Like a little mystery in your tail...I meant tale?..hehehe
Special Thanks to:
Lady Shi~
Elizabetht~
Lady D~
Joseki ko~
who helped make this Chain Story an awesome tale.
Thanks Man, and Ladies....lol
"Night Night" turns out the light.
Attachments
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Redneck "nite"
Jumps beside you and rubs my hand
on the back of your neck...Rubbing vigorously.
Your neck aint red enough for these
"Red-Neck" jokes...hehehehehe
Ya Might Be Ah Redneck If...
You can't get married to your sweetheart
because there's a law against it.
--------------------------------------
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
--------------------------------------------
You let your twelve-year-old daughter
smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
---------------------------------------------
You wonder how service stations keep
their restrooms so clean.
---------------------------------------
The bluebook value of your truck goes
up and down, depending on how much gas is in it..
--------------------------------------------
You think loading a dishwasher means
getting your wife drunk.
-------------------------------------------
You've been married three times and
still have the same in-laws.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
------------------------------------------
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-------------------------------------
You think a woman who is "out of your league"
bowls on a different night..
----------------------------------------
Your junior prom had a day-care.
-----------------------------------------
You have to go outside to get
something from the fridge.
------------------------------------
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
------------------------------------
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off its wheels.
-------------------------------------------------
You come home from the garbage dump
with more than you went with.
--------------------------------------------
You've ever used lard in bed
-------------------------------------
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper
quality entertainment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your family tree doesn't fork.
-------------------------------------------
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
-------------------------------------------
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.
-----------------------------------------------------
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
------------------------------------------------
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
----------------------------------------
You consider your license plate personalized
because your dad made it in prison.
--------------------------------------
You consider a three piece suit to be:
a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and
thermal underwear.
---------------------------------------
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
-----------------------------------------
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck
you drive him around in.
"I'm guilty of this one...hehehehe"
(long time ago...snicker)
----------------------------------------------
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
---------------------------------------------
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
--------------------------------------------
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape,
it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
--------------------------------------------
Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'.
(of course this is a very sophisticated redneck joke...
if you laughed... you must be a redneck,
only they will get this one.)
---------------------------------------------
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok...red-necks listen to both kinds of music...
country and western...hehehe
...................................................
Funny tail
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports
for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Elmo's all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face," I think you misunderstood me yesterday.
Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehehe
Nightly comment:
A person could spend a lifetime
searching for the perfect blossom,
only to find that they're all...Perfect.
(From the Movie..."Last Samauri" Great show...grin)
We are all like the blooming roses on a bush,
we don't all bloom at the same time...
The last blossom to open, is the most remembered...
speaking of blossoming at different times....
Nightly read...
Nude Day "Streak-a-thon" 2004
Yep...the nude day contest has begun,
Here is my story...
"Night Night" turns out the light....
Jumps beside you and rubs my hand
on the back of your neck...Rubbing vigorously.
Your neck aint red enough for these
"Red-Neck" jokes...hehehehehe
Ya Might Be Ah Redneck If...
You can't get married to your sweetheart
because there's a law against it.
--------------------------------------
Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."
--------------------------------------------
You let your twelve-year-old daughter
smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
---------------------------------------------
You wonder how service stations keep
their restrooms so clean.
---------------------------------------
The bluebook value of your truck goes
up and down, depending on how much gas is in it..
--------------------------------------------
You think loading a dishwasher means
getting your wife drunk.
-------------------------------------------
You've been married three times and
still have the same in-laws.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."
------------------------------------------
You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
-------------------------------------
You think a woman who is "out of your league"
bowls on a different night..
----------------------------------------
Your junior prom had a day-care.
-----------------------------------------
You have to go outside to get
something from the fridge.
------------------------------------
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
------------------------------------
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off its wheels.
-------------------------------------------------
You come home from the garbage dump
with more than you went with.
--------------------------------------------
You've ever used lard in bed
-------------------------------------
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper
quality entertainment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Your family tree doesn't fork.
-------------------------------------------
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
-------------------------------------------
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.
-----------------------------------------------------
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road".
------------------------------------------------
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
----------------------------------------
You consider your license plate personalized
because your dad made it in prison.
--------------------------------------
You consider a three piece suit to be:
a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and
thermal underwear.
---------------------------------------
You gene pool doesn't have a "deep end"
-----------------------------------------
Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck
you drive him around in.
"I'm guilty of this one...hehehehe"
(long time ago...snicker)
----------------------------------------------
Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle
---------------------------------------------
When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
--------------------------------------------
"Buck Naked Line Dancing" isn't a videotape,
it's "Ladies Night" at the local bar.
--------------------------------------------
Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'.
(of course this is a very sophisticated redneck joke...
if you laughed... you must be a redneck,
only they will get this one.)
---------------------------------------------
You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose! "
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ok...red-necks listen to both kinds of music...
country and western...hehehe
...................................................
Funny tail
A new employee is hired at the Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports
for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman from the assembly line throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire plant behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides that he should see this for himself so the two men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Elmo's all over the floor and they're really beginning to pile up. At the end of the line stands the new employee. She has a roll of red plush fabric and a big bag of marbles. The men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches the woman. "I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face," I think you misunderstood me yesterday.
Your job is to give each Elmo two test tickles."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
hehehehe
Nightly comment:
A person could spend a lifetime
searching for the perfect blossom,
only to find that they're all...Perfect.
(From the Movie..."Last Samauri" Great show...grin)
We are all like the blooming roses on a bush,
we don't all bloom at the same time...
The last blossom to open, is the most remembered...
speaking of blossoming at different times....
Nightly read...
Nude Day "Streak-a-thon" 2004
Yep...the nude day contest has begun,
Here is my story...
"Night Night" turns out the light....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
nite of the hump
Its half way thru the week, hang in
there.,..fridays coming. Ready for nite nite?
ok.....
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnacy questions
Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my
husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better
chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure
out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now.
When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. Ever since I've been pregnant,
I haven't been able to go to bed at night
without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more
often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain
I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado
might be called an air current.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be
in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes
the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy out on the golf course takes a high
speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground,
when he finally gets himself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going
on my honeymoon next week and my
fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in
a splint to let it heal and
keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and
formed a neat little 4-sided bandage,
and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl,
marries, and on his honeymoon
night in the motel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set
of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has
ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says...
" Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
............................................................
One night a lady pregnant with triplets was
walking by and a masked robber
ran out of a bank and shot her in the s
tomach three times.
Her docter told her that he couldn't perform
surgery because it would be too
risky.
All was well for 16 years when one of the girls
came running into the room crying.
"Whats wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out".
"It's ok" said the mom and explained what
happened 16 years ago.
A week later the other girl came running i
nto the room crying, "I know what
happened, you were taking a pee and a
bullet came out?"
"Yes" replied the girl.
"It's ok" said the mom and explained what
happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy came running in crying,
"I know what happened, you were
taking a pee and a bullet came out.
"No" replied the boy, "I was playing
with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nightly comment:
May a duck swim a lake and never loose a
feather, may this time tomorrow we all be
together.
Nightly comment:
the blues...Illustration and
poem by Art
"Night Night" turns out the light...
Its half way thru the week, hang in
there.,..fridays coming. Ready for nite nite?
ok.....
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him." Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pregnacy questions
Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my
husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better
chance if he doesn't wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure
out exactly when I got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now.
When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. Ever since I've been pregnant,
I haven't been able to go to bed at night
without onion rings. Is this a normal craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more
often strangers smile at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. My childbirth instructor says it's not pain
I'll feel during labor, but
pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado
might be called an air current.
Q. Is there any reason I have to be
in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.
Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.
Q. Can a mother get pregnant while nursing?
A. Yes, but it's much easier if she removes
the baby from her breast and puts him to sleep first.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy out on the golf course takes a high
speed ball right in the crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground,
when he finally gets himself to the doctor.
He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going
on my honeymoon next week and my
fiancée is still a virgin in every way."
The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in
a splint to let it heal and
keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
So he took four tongue depressors and
formed a neat little 4-sided bandage,
and wired it all together; an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl,
marries, and on his honeymoon
night in the motel room, she rips open
her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set
of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.
She says, "You are my FIRST, no one has
ever touched these breasts."
He whips down his pants and says...
" Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"
............................................................
One night a lady pregnant with triplets was
walking by and a masked robber
ran out of a bank and shot her in the s
tomach three times.
Her docter told her that he couldn't perform
surgery because it would be too
risky.
All was well for 16 years when one of the girls
came running into the room crying.
"Whats wrong?" asked the mother.
"I was taking a pee and a bullet came out".
"It's ok" said the mom and explained what
happened 16 years ago.
A week later the other girl came running i
nto the room crying, "I know what
happened, you were taking a pee and a
bullet came out?"
"Yes" replied the girl.
"It's ok" said the mom and explained what
happened 16 years ago.
A week later the boy came running in crying,
"I know what happened, you were
taking a pee and a bullet came out.
"No" replied the boy, "I was playing
with myself and shot the dog!!!!!!!!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nightly comment:
May a duck swim a lake and never loose a
feather, may this time tomorrow we all be
together.
Nightly comment:
the blues...Illustration and
poem by Art
"Night Night" turns out the light...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
tgif
"Night Night...time." Curl up for a
nightly read, sits down and opens
my book of tales, ....smile...
First I apologize for no thursday nite nite
Some people have triple A ROAD SERVICE
Mine has me. I had to do a rescue run to
Houston. Didn't get in till late...
Second, The Nude day contest is on a roll...
I read almost all of them and there are a
couple cute ones. "Making tracks at Mardi Gras"
"Training Games" "Excel for Dummies"
Third: Joseki ko Congratulations to
May 2004's Category Nominee:
Chain Stories – Mirror Mirror Ch. 07 / Joseki Ko
Way to "Go" Jo~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Non-Erotic Poetry – Little Escapes / WickedEve
Way to go, "Wicked"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was painting with a roller, and as the roller spun
along the wall painting it splattered little speckles
on my glasses, but in my duties vigor I continued
till the job was done, and got busy cleaning my
mess and for got about the speckles, little tiny
dots on my glasses...
As I was driving home the sun blinded me just
enough, That I saw the little specks on my
glasses, I went home which wasn't far,
and began to clean my glasses, my hands,
my arm, my shoulder, "My shoes" are
ruined. HEHEHEHE I hadn't noticed the
paint everywhere, head to toe. I didn't let
it bother me when I went into the store.
Or when I stopped at the cafe and got
my ussual friday night catfish dinner to go.
Or when I stopped at the corner store and
bought ice cream. No one seem to care about
my appearence, or rather weren't brave
enough to say anything, but as a lesson
learned, we got thru life with imperfect
and apperant flaws of person. We except
people for what they are, they may laughed
their asses off when I left, but they were
polite. hehehehehe....
WITCH OF THE SOUTH
You all remember that in the movie "The Wizard of Oz",
the wicked witch of the East was killed by the falling house,
the witch of the West stalked Dorothy and was
killed by water, and Glenda, the Witch of the
North helped Dorothy get home.
There is no mention of the witch of the
South. Here's what she would probably be like:
CLOTHING
West: Black hat and cape
North: Pink formal dress
South: Tube top and spandex
NOTABLE FEATURES
West: Green Nose
North: Flawless Beauty
South: Beehive Hairdo
FAVORITE DRINK:
West: Potions
North: Morning Dew
South: Moonshine/Mint Julep
FOOD
West: Apples from talking trees
North: Poppies
South: Moon Pies
HOUSE
West: Large black castle
North: In the sky?
South: Why else would tornados be
attracted to mobile homes?
TRANSPORTATION
West: Broom
North: Bubble
South: Pink Cadillac (That was a yellow
bricked ROAD, not a sidewalk)
FRIENDS
West: Flying Monkeys
North: Munchkins
South: Hound Dogs
DESIRES
West: The ruby slippers
North: For Dorothy to learn her lesson
South: A full mouth of teeth
FEARS
West: Water, a house falling on her
North: She'll mess up her hair
South: Revenuers
WEAPONS
West: Ball of fire
North: Snow
South: Shot Gun
FAVORITE SAYINGS
West: I'll get you, my pretty
North: There's no place like home
South: Ya'll ain't from around here, are ya?
DEALING WITH PROBLEMS
West: Make Dorothy wait until the sand runs
out on the hourglass North: Make Dorothy run all over
Oz looking for the Emerald City
South: Just click them heels, Darlin',
and get yourself home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to archaeologists, for millions of years
Neanderthal man was not fully erect.
That's pretty easy to understand considering
how ugly Neanderthal woman were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
This elderly lady had a snouzer dog...named
"whiskers" cute little dog, growled and barked
at me when I came into their home. I went and
petted Mr. Whiskers, the lady said that most people
are afraid of whiskers when he barks but I
petted him and we made friends..I said "I saw his
Tail waggin and sniffin, just a routine greeting for
a dog........I say people ....
are the same way, they come up waggin their
tail...woohoo...hehehe or tail between their legs...lmao
or have their hair raised up on their backs, even though
you can't see their backs you feel it...hehehehe
Nightly read: Training Games By Joseki ko...
Humorus Nude Day story....
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
"Night Night...time." Curl up for a
nightly read, sits down and opens
my book of tales, ....smile...
First I apologize for no thursday nite nite
Some people have triple A ROAD SERVICE
Mine has me. I had to do a rescue run to
Houston. Didn't get in till late...
Second, The Nude day contest is on a roll...
I read almost all of them and there are a
couple cute ones. "Making tracks at Mardi Gras"
"Training Games" "Excel for Dummies"
Third: Joseki ko Congratulations to
May 2004's Category Nominee:
Chain Stories – Mirror Mirror Ch. 07 / Joseki Ko
Way to "Go" Jo~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Non-Erotic Poetry – Little Escapes / WickedEve
Way to go, "Wicked"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I was painting with a roller, and as the roller spun
along the wall painting it splattered little speckles
on my glasses, but in my duties vigor I continued
till the job was done, and got busy cleaning my
mess and for got about the speckles, little tiny
dots on my glasses...
As I was driving home the sun blinded me just
enough, That I saw the little specks on my
glasses, I went home which wasn't far,
and began to clean my glasses, my hands,
my arm, my shoulder, "My shoes" are
ruined. HEHEHEHE I hadn't noticed the
paint everywhere, head to toe. I didn't let
it bother me when I went into the store.
Or when I stopped at the cafe and got
my ussual friday night catfish dinner to go.
Or when I stopped at the corner store and
bought ice cream. No one seem to care about
my appearence, or rather weren't brave
enough to say anything, but as a lesson
learned, we got thru life with imperfect
and apperant flaws of person. We except
people for what they are, they may laughed
their asses off when I left, but they were
polite. hehehehehe....
WITCH OF THE SOUTH
You all remember that in the movie "The Wizard of Oz",
the wicked witch of the East was killed by the falling house,
the witch of the West stalked Dorothy and was
killed by water, and Glenda, the Witch of the
North helped Dorothy get home.
There is no mention of the witch of the
South. Here's what she would probably be like:
CLOTHING
West: Black hat and cape
North: Pink formal dress
South: Tube top and spandex
NOTABLE FEATURES
West: Green Nose
North: Flawless Beauty
South: Beehive Hairdo
FAVORITE DRINK:
West: Potions
North: Morning Dew
South: Moonshine/Mint Julep
FOOD
West: Apples from talking trees
North: Poppies
South: Moon Pies
HOUSE
West: Large black castle
North: In the sky?
South: Why else would tornados be
attracted to mobile homes?
TRANSPORTATION
West: Broom
North: Bubble
South: Pink Cadillac (That was a yellow
bricked ROAD, not a sidewalk)
FRIENDS
West: Flying Monkeys
North: Munchkins
South: Hound Dogs
DESIRES
West: The ruby slippers
North: For Dorothy to learn her lesson
South: A full mouth of teeth
FEARS
West: Water, a house falling on her
North: She'll mess up her hair
South: Revenuers
WEAPONS
West: Ball of fire
North: Snow
South: Shot Gun
FAVORITE SAYINGS
West: I'll get you, my pretty
North: There's no place like home
South: Ya'll ain't from around here, are ya?
DEALING WITH PROBLEMS
West: Make Dorothy wait until the sand runs
out on the hourglass North: Make Dorothy run all over
Oz looking for the Emerald City
South: Just click them heels, Darlin',
and get yourself home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
According to archaeologists, for millions of years
Neanderthal man was not fully erect.
That's pretty easy to understand considering
how ugly Neanderthal woman were.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
This elderly lady had a snouzer dog...named
"whiskers" cute little dog, growled and barked
at me when I came into their home. I went and
petted Mr. Whiskers, the lady said that most people
are afraid of whiskers when he barks but I
petted him and we made friends..I said "I saw his
Tail waggin and sniffin, just a routine greeting for
a dog........I say people ....
are the same way, they come up waggin their
tail...woohoo...hehehe or tail between their legs...lmao
or have their hair raised up on their backs, even though
you can't see their backs you feel it...hehehehe
Nightly read: Training Games By Joseki ko...
Humorus Nude Day story....
"Night Night" turns out the light.....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Sat on a nite
Its Saturday night..Time for your bath and
ready for beddin...hehehe..curl up and I'll
tell ya a couple jokes....smile..."Ready?"
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies ... nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. The oars are whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that’s impossible!" stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned.
"Let’s row over to my place." she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please, would you like a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can’t take any more coconut juice."
"It’s not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"WOW! This woman is amazing!" he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know ..."
She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. "You mean ..", he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here..?"
"Can I post on ...Lit?"...hehehehehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Great New Excercise Program
For a really great fitness routine, try the following.
For those of us getting on in years and needing a bit of exercise, I
thought I might let you, my friends, in on a little secret I've found for building my arm and shoulder muscles. You might wish to adopt this regimen, three days a week or so.
I started by standing outside, behind the house, and with a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extending my arms straight out to my sides and holding them there as long as I could.
After a few weeks, I moved up to 10-lb. potato sacks, then 50-lb. potato sacks, and finally 100-lb. potato sacks.
Finally I got to where I could lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Next, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but I would caution you not to overdo it at this level.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: There was a young girl in a
village who went to talk with a Buddist priest
everyday, and almost always the same conversation
the girl would say, "I want some one to love me and
make me happy" or another day, "When will I find
love and happiness," and always the Buddist Priest
would say, "You need patience."
The girl got married, but still come to the priest
everyday asking for the same thing, "Happiness
when will I find happiness?" The priest would reply
"patience,"
One day the girl came to visit the priest as always
and walked in and sat down. Not saying a word...
for a long time there was silence. The Buddist Priest
looked at her smiling and poured their ussual
hot tea.
"You Have found Happiness?" The preist asked.
"No...I have learned Patience," the woman answered.
Nightly Read: Making Tracks at Mardis Gras Nude day story, by cloudy. 'Woohoo' party at the GRAS'
"nIGHT nIGHT" Turns out the light....
Its Saturday night..Time for your bath and
ready for beddin...hehehe..curl up and I'll
tell ya a couple jokes....smile..."Ready?"
Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies ... nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."
"Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."
"Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. The oars are whittled from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"But-but, that’s impossible!" stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"
"Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."
Ed is stunned.
"Let’s row over to my place." she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.
While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumb struck.
As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It’s not much, but I call it home. Sit down please, would you like a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can’t take any more coconut juice."
"It’s not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"
Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk.
After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I’m going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism.
"WOW! This woman is amazing!" he muses. "What next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We’ve been out here for a really long time. You’ve been lonely. There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now, something you’ve been longing for all these months. You know ..."
She stares into his eyes.
He can’t believe what he’s hearing. "You mean ..", he swallows excitedly, "I can check my e-mail from here..?"
"Can I post on ...Lit?"...hehehehehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Great New Excercise Program
For a really great fitness routine, try the following.
For those of us getting on in years and needing a bit of exercise, I
thought I might let you, my friends, in on a little secret I've found for building my arm and shoulder muscles. You might wish to adopt this regimen, three days a week or so.
I started by standing outside, behind the house, and with a 5-lb. potato sack in each hand, extending my arms straight out to my sides and holding them there as long as I could.
After a few weeks, I moved up to 10-lb. potato sacks, then 50-lb. potato sacks, and finally 100-lb. potato sacks.
Finally I got to where I could lift a 100-lb. potato sack in each hand and hold my arms straight out for more than a full minute!
Next, I started putting a few potatoes in the sacks, but I would caution you not to overdo it at this level.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man left work on Friday afternoon, but instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.
When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by his very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade of his actions. Finally, his wife stopped the nagging and said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"
To which he replied, "That would be fine with me."
Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment: There was a young girl in a
village who went to talk with a Buddist priest
everyday, and almost always the same conversation
the girl would say, "I want some one to love me and
make me happy" or another day, "When will I find
love and happiness," and always the Buddist Priest
would say, "You need patience."
The girl got married, but still come to the priest
everyday asking for the same thing, "Happiness
when will I find happiness?" The priest would reply
"patience,"
One day the girl came to visit the priest as always
and walked in and sat down. Not saying a word...
for a long time there was silence. The Buddist Priest
looked at her smiling and poured their ussual
hot tea.
"You Have found Happiness?" The preist asked.
"No...I have learned Patience," the woman answered.
Nightly Read: Making Tracks at Mardis Gras Nude day story, by cloudy. 'Woohoo' party at the GRAS'
"nIGHT nIGHT" Turns out the light....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
nite sun
The day that starts another week,
the day of rest for some, not me today
I worked...it was half a day though..
"what did you do?" you ready for a tale
or joke?....ok...I aim it to please...hehehe
One evening as a man and his
wife sat together, he started eating peanuts
by throwing them in the air and
catching them in his mouth. As he threw
one in the air, his wife asked him a question.
When the man turned his head,
the peanut fell in his ear . He tried to get it out,
but his fingers were
to big. His wife tried to get the peanut out
with a pair of tweezers, but
just pushed it in farther. They finally
decided to go to the hospital .
As they were about to leave, their daughter
and her date came home. They
told them their situation and theirs
daughters date said he could get it out
for him. The daughters date put his
two fingers in her fathers nose and told
him to blow real hard. It worked and the
peanut fell out. The daughter and
her date went up stairs and the man and
his wife talked about how smart the
boy was in coming up with that idea.
The man's wife asked, "I wonder what he's
going to be when he grows up,
maybe a doctor?"
The man says, "From the smell of his fingers,
he's going to be our son-in-law ".She fainted.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(some bumper stickers)
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"
Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because
it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and
fragile to be out by itself.
And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See!!
Welcome to Australia...now speak English
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXPERT HUNTER
The big game hunter walked in the bar
and bragged to everyone about his
hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly
a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that they could blindfold
him and he would recognize
any animal's skin from its feel, and if he
could locate the bullet hole
he would even tell them what caliber
the bullet was that killed the animal.
The hunter said that he was willing to
prove it if they would put up the drinks,
and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him
carefully and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced
"Bear."
Then he felt the bullet hole and declared,
"Shot with a .308 rifle." He
was right. They brought him another skin,
one that someone had in their car trunk.
He took a bit longer this time and then said,
"Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.
He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills
again and again, every time
against a round of drinks. Finally he
staggered home, drunk out of his
mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw
in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night,
but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not
remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you!
You got into bed and put
your hand down my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly
announced,
"Skunk, killed with an axe."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
"Happy Fathers Day"...hope every one
called, seen, hugged or kissed their pops today
those of us whose have passed on, take a moment
or two and reflect. Moms and Dads are important.
by golly if they didn't have SEX...we wouldn't
be here....smile....way to go DAD...hehehe
Nightly read: The Cupid Training Academy
when I went looking for a tale worthy
of the nightly read...When I saw this one...
I instantly remember the humor and enjoyment
I had when I read it, "Bone'apetite" la cookie...."Jar"
ya with this one...hehehe
"Night Night" turns out the light....
The day that starts another week,
the day of rest for some, not me today
I worked...it was half a day though..
"what did you do?" you ready for a tale
or joke?....ok...I aim it to please...hehehe
One evening as a man and his
wife sat together, he started eating peanuts
by throwing them in the air and
catching them in his mouth. As he threw
one in the air, his wife asked him a question.
When the man turned his head,
the peanut fell in his ear . He tried to get it out,
but his fingers were
to big. His wife tried to get the peanut out
with a pair of tweezers, but
just pushed it in farther. They finally
decided to go to the hospital .
As they were about to leave, their daughter
and her date came home. They
told them their situation and theirs
daughters date said he could get it out
for him. The daughters date put his
two fingers in her fathers nose and told
him to blow real hard. It worked and the
peanut fell out. The daughter and
her date went up stairs and the man and
his wife talked about how smart the
boy was in coming up with that idea.
The man's wife asked, "I wonder what he's
going to be when he grows up,
maybe a doctor?"
The man says, "From the smell of his fingers,
he's going to be our son-in-law ".She fainted.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(some bumper stickers)
Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an ass.
Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings,"
Everyone has a photographic memory
...some just don't have any film.
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
Guys...just because you have one,
doesn't mean you have to be one.
If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.
Some people are only alive because
it is illegal to shoot them.
Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and
fragile to be out by itself.
And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See!!
Welcome to Australia...now speak English
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXPERT HUNTER
The big game hunter walked in the bar
and bragged to everyone about his
hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly
a good shot and no one could dispute that.
But then he said that they could blindfold
him and he would recognize
any animal's skin from its feel, and if he
could locate the bullet hole
he would even tell them what caliber
the bullet was that killed the animal.
The hunter said that he was willing to
prove it if they would put up the drinks,
and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him
carefully and took him to his first animal skin.
After feeling it for a few moments, he announced
"Bear."
Then he felt the bullet hole and declared,
"Shot with a .308 rifle." He
was right. They brought him another skin,
one that someone had in their car trunk.
He took a bit longer this time and then said,
"Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle.
He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills
again and again, every time
against a round of drinks. Finally he
staggered home, drunk out of his
mind, and went to sleep.
The next morning he got up and saw
in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner.
He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night,
but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not
remember it. Where did I get this black eye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you!
You got into bed and put
your hand down my panties.
Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly
announced,
"Skunk, killed with an axe."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
"Happy Fathers Day"...hope every one
called, seen, hugged or kissed their pops today
those of us whose have passed on, take a moment
or two and reflect. Moms and Dads are important.
by golly if they didn't have SEX...we wouldn't
be here....smile....way to go DAD...hehehe
Nightly read: The Cupid Training Academy
when I went looking for a tale worthy
of the nightly read...When I saw this one...
I instantly remember the humor and enjoyment
I had when I read it, "Bone'apetite" la cookie...."Jar"
ya with this one...hehehe
"Night Night" turns out the light....
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Tue Nite
Nite Nite time...curl up and get ready
for the nightly humor...hehehehe
"Ready?
I got in late last night from a long day
on my way home on 356 a farm road
out in the middle of no where...the
police had the road blocked off at "DW's"
dance hall and beer joint. The whole road
was blocked with police vehicles. I got out
and went up to James the sheriffs deputy
directing traffic.
"Hey James, whats wrong. some body get
a little wild in the bar?" I asked...I looked over
and saw about 20 cows in the parking lot.
"No, Mr. Fraziers cows got out and they are
hanging around the bar for some reason
and with all the cars we can't seem to corral them
into a herd and get them back in the fence.
I laughed till the cows came home...hehehehe
I asked James if he wanted me to get the cows
back in the fence for him...he laughed said they
had been trying for an hour.....I laughed.....
I went to a truck in the parking lot...don't know
whos, but they had an empty bucket I saw....
I took the bucket and grabbed a handfull of
rocks and put it in the bucket and shook the bucket
loudly and walked to the downed fence. Yep those
dumb cows thought I had oats or corn and came a
running after me. we got all of them in the fence
and mended it for Mr Frazier. Well I was a hero for
about a minute. Just an old trick I use on the horses.
So sorry I didn't have a nite nite for monday I was
rescueing the bar from a herd of heffers....lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do ducks celebrate the Fourth of July?
A.. With fire quackers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a
UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked
Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the
question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington
had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the question I've always wanted answered!
A Row of Bottles
A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I hope to pop,
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take,
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot,
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple goes to my brain,
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to sneeze,
or cough, or choke or even wheeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all,
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones so big and bright,
Stop my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills,
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nightly comment: Next time you take a bite
of food and put it in your mouth ask your self...
have you fed your brain lately....read a book
played a game, or puzzle? The mind needs
input as does the tummy.
Food for thought...
3 men go to a convention and to save money
they share a room at a hotel...its 30 dollars..
for the room...they pay it while signing in
they let it out that they are there for the convention
and the clerk says oh then you get the discount.
Im not sure how much but Ill send up your refund later,
later the clerk sends the bell hop with 5 dollars.
The bell hop on the way to their room decides he cant
split 5 dollars 3 ways so he'll give them 3 dollars...and
so he knocks on the door and gives them 3 dollars...
but kept 2 dollars...
So they spent 30 and got 3 dollars back making it
27 dollars for the room right? the bell hop kept
2 dollars right....27 plus 2 dollars is 29 dollars...
where is the other dollar?
Nightly Read: Superstitions Ch.1 By Elizabetht
starting off the chain story "Superstitions with this
great first chapter.
"Night Night," Turns out the light...
Nite Nite time...curl up and get ready
for the nightly humor...hehehehe
"Ready?
I got in late last night from a long day
on my way home on 356 a farm road
out in the middle of no where...the
police had the road blocked off at "DW's"
dance hall and beer joint. The whole road
was blocked with police vehicles. I got out
and went up to James the sheriffs deputy
directing traffic.
"Hey James, whats wrong. some body get
a little wild in the bar?" I asked...I looked over
and saw about 20 cows in the parking lot.
"No, Mr. Fraziers cows got out and they are
hanging around the bar for some reason
and with all the cars we can't seem to corral them
into a herd and get them back in the fence.
I laughed till the cows came home...hehehehe
I asked James if he wanted me to get the cows
back in the fence for him...he laughed said they
had been trying for an hour.....I laughed.....
I went to a truck in the parking lot...don't know
whos, but they had an empty bucket I saw....
I took the bucket and grabbed a handfull of
rocks and put it in the bucket and shook the bucket
loudly and walked to the downed fence. Yep those
dumb cows thought I had oats or corn and came a
running after me. we got all of them in the fence
and mended it for Mr Frazier. Well I was a hero for
about a minute. Just an old trick I use on the horses.
So sorry I didn't have a nite nite for monday I was
rescueing the bar from a herd of heffers....lol
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. How do ducks celebrate the Fourth of July?
A.. With fire quackers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a
UCLA freshman, sat in her US
government class. The professor asked
Bambi if she knew what Roe vs.
Wade was about. Bambi pondered the
question then finally said,
"That was the decision George Washington
had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the question I've always wanted answered!
A Row of Bottles
A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I hope to pop,
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take,
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot,
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple goes to my brain,
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to sneeze,
or cough, or choke or even wheeze.
The red ones, smallest of them all,
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones so big and bright,
Stop my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills,
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know,
Is what tells each one where to go!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nightly comment: Next time you take a bite
of food and put it in your mouth ask your self...
have you fed your brain lately....read a book
played a game, or puzzle? The mind needs
input as does the tummy.
Food for thought...
3 men go to a convention and to save money
they share a room at a hotel...its 30 dollars..
for the room...they pay it while signing in
they let it out that they are there for the convention
and the clerk says oh then you get the discount.
Im not sure how much but Ill send up your refund later,
later the clerk sends the bell hop with 5 dollars.
The bell hop on the way to their room decides he cant
split 5 dollars 3 ways so he'll give them 3 dollars...and
so he knocks on the door and gives them 3 dollars...
but kept 2 dollars...
So they spent 30 and got 3 dollars back making it
27 dollars for the room right? the bell hop kept
2 dollars right....27 plus 2 dollars is 29 dollars...
where is the other dollar?
Nightly Read: Superstitions Ch.1 By Elizabetht
starting off the chain story "Superstitions with this
great first chapter.
"Night Night," Turns out the light...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
wed nite
Night Night time...curl up and I'll open ....
my book and tell ya a tale or two...or three..
hehehe..."Ready?"
I love to read Zen stories as you can tell
by now, but I need help with this one...
your suppose to figure out the meaning
of Zen stories and learn...I read a lot of them
and finally found one I don't understand...
I read it for a week and thought about it..
but can't figure it out...so if you have any
idea what this Zen story teachs then please
enlighten me...hehehe
Whenever anyone asked him about Zen, the great master Gutei would quietly raise one finger into the air. A boy in the village began to imitate this behavior. Whenever he heard people talking about Gutei's teachings, he would interrupt the discussion and raise his finger. Gutei heard about the boy's mischief. When he saw him in the street, he seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and began to run off, but Gutei called out to him. When the boy turned to look, Gutei raised his finger into the air. At that moment the boy became enlightened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex. Afterward, the man says, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?" "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says. "That makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man. The woman replies, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."
Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."
"That's true," said Paul.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Temper the one thing you may lose but not
get rid of...it is better to extend an open hand
than to swing a closed fist...and its
alot cheaper....hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly read: Assignment: Nude Day 2004
my second nude day story....SEXTASY-TV covers the
erotic day's events...hehehehe
"Night Night" turns out the light...
Night Night time...curl up and I'll open ....my book and tell ya a tale or two...or three..
hehehe..."Ready?"
I love to read Zen stories as you can tell
by now, but I need help with this one...
your suppose to figure out the meaning
of Zen stories and learn...I read a lot of them
and finally found one I don't understand...
I read it for a week and thought about it..
but can't figure it out...so if you have any
idea what this Zen story teachs then please
enlighten me...hehehe
Whenever anyone asked him about Zen, the great master Gutei would quietly raise one finger into the air. A boy in the village began to imitate this behavior. Whenever he heard people talking about Gutei's teachings, he would interrupt the discussion and raise his finger. Gutei heard about the boy's mischief. When he saw him in the street, he seized him and cut off his finger. The boy cried and began to run off, but Gutei called out to him. When the boy turned to look, Gutei raised his finger into the air. At that moment the boy became enlightened.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man and woman are at a bar having a few beers. They start talking and soon realize they're both doctors. After an hour, the man says, "Hey, how about if we sleep together tonight? No strings attached." The woman doctor agrees to it. They go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes into the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. At last, she goes into the bedroom and they have sex. Afterward, the man says, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yes," says the woman, "how did you know?" "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started," he says. "That makes sense," says the woman. "You're an anaesthesiologist, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" asks the man. The woman replies, "Because I didn't feel a thing."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."
Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."
"That's true," said Paul.
"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"
"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"
"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.
Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.
Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone." The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?" "Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should
see all the sports cars outside our house!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Temper the one thing you may lose but not
get rid of...it is better to extend an open hand
than to swing a closed fist...and its
alot cheaper....hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly read: Assignment: Nude Day 2004
my second nude day story....SEXTASY-TV covers the
erotic day's events...hehehehe
"Night Night" turns out the light...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
nite nite
Hey...ready for a tail...I mean tale?
Curl up beside me and allow me to tell
ya a joke or two...or three...hehehe
"Ready?"
The rivers on the rise since we have had so
much rain. The swift water and strong currents
has everybody talking about how high it will
rise...hehehe
I had to go to the store and our little town population
350 people was a traffic jam....I was astonished
to find that the cause was the ducks that
refuse to float in the fast flowing water
and decided to walk in a row down town...
funniest thing I've seen in awhile. The tame
local ducks wouldn't fly off...they just waddled
around down town like they owned the place...
hehehehe~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde
genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion
surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and
begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under
his feet. He looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door, and standing
there are two people dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a branch
and hang him by the neck until he is dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods, and it's
the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one,
"Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women
in a big mansion. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
.....But to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
````````````````````````````````````
The Pope is having a shower. Although
he is very strict about the celibacy rules,
he occasionally feels the need to empty
his scrotal sacs, and this is one of these
occasions.
Just as he shoots his load, he sees a
photographer taking a picture of the holy
seed flying through the air.
"Hold on a minute," says the Pope,
"you can't do that. You'll destroy the
reputation of the Catholic Church."
"This picture is my lottery win," says the
photographer. "I'll be financially secure
for life."
So the Pope offers to buy the camera off
the photographer, and after lots of nego-
tiation, they eventually arrive at a figure of
two million dollars.
The Pope then dries himself off, and heads
off with his new camera. He meets his house-
keeper, who spots the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she
says, "how much did it cost you?"
"Two million dollars," replies the Pope.
"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" says the housekeeper,
"they must have seen you coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
A bird in hand is better than two in the bush
but a bush is better than one in own hand.
nightly read: Making the A team by Joseki ko...
this was a great read, its also a Nude Day story...
"night night" turns out the lights...
Hey...ready for a tail...I mean tale?
Curl up beside me and allow me to tell
ya a joke or two...or three...hehehe
"Ready?"
The rivers on the rise since we have had so
much rain. The swift water and strong currents
has everybody talking about how high it will
rise...hehehe
I had to go to the store and our little town population
350 people was a traffic jam....I was astonished
to find that the cause was the ducks that
refuse to float in the fast flowing water
and decided to walk in a row down town...
funniest thing I've seen in awhile. The tame
local ducks wouldn't fly off...they just waddled
around down town like they owned the place...
hehehehe~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially
buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde
genies appear and they tell him he has been granted three wishes.
The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion
surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and
begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under
his feet. He looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Then, there is a knock at the door. He answers the door, and standing
there are two people dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits.
They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a branch
and hang him by the neck until he is dead.
As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods, and it's
the two blonde genies. One blonde genie says to the other one,
"Hey, I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women
in a big mansion. I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
.....But to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
````````````````````````````````````
The Pope is having a shower. Although
he is very strict about the celibacy rules,
he occasionally feels the need to empty
his scrotal sacs, and this is one of these
occasions.
Just as he shoots his load, he sees a
photographer taking a picture of the holy
seed flying through the air.
"Hold on a minute," says the Pope,
"you can't do that. You'll destroy the
reputation of the Catholic Church."
"This picture is my lottery win," says the
photographer. "I'll be financially secure
for life."
So the Pope offers to buy the camera off
the photographer, and after lots of nego-
tiation, they eventually arrive at a figure of
two million dollars.
The Pope then dries himself off, and heads
off with his new camera. He meets his house-
keeper, who spots the camera.
"That looks like a really good camera," she
says, "how much did it cost you?"
"Two million dollars," replies the Pope.
"TWO MILLION DOLLARS!" says the housekeeper,
"they must have seen you coming."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
A bird in hand is better than two in the bush
but a bush is better than one in own hand.
nightly read: Making the A team by Joseki ko...
this was a great read, its also a Nude Day story...
"night night" turns out the lights...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Friday Night
Bring on the weekend...as the sun sets
the night brings on the Night Night...
"Ready?" grab a snack or beverage and
curl up into a read..."snicker"
There I was working hard and "Randy"
called me over excidedly.."Art...come here..
look at this." So curious, I walked over to
see what he was in histerics about.
There on the arm saw deck, was a dead fly
laying on its back and dead. The other fly...
yes there was two....was fucking the dead
fly.
I told "Randy" I didn't know which was more
perverted...a fly fucking another fly that was
dead...or him watching them...hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just let it scroll ! ! ! Just hold down the little arrow in the
scroll bar to the
right and don't let go!!!!!
This is guaranteed to alleviate pressure in the
boomboom area of your head,
HOLD THE DOWN ARROW AND KEEP GOING
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How I love Literary Art....and no I didn't
mean myself...snicker...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Benefits of Aging:
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is
my condition because this
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A WELL PLANNED LIFE????
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,
Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked,
"What do those marriages have to do
with a well planned life?"
she replied...
"One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
and four to go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
nightly comment:
smiles are contagious....
so spread a grin....no I didn't say...
spread'em and grin....hehehehe
nightly read: Lady Blue from little
miss viagra...hehehe cookie...
"Night Night" turns out the light...
Bring on the weekend...as the sun sets
the night brings on the Night Night...
"Ready?" grab a snack or beverage and
curl up into a read..."snicker"
There I was working hard and "Randy"
called me over excidedly.."Art...come here..
look at this." So curious, I walked over to
see what he was in histerics about.
There on the arm saw deck, was a dead fly
laying on its back and dead. The other fly...
yes there was two....was fucking the dead
fly.
I told "Randy" I didn't know which was more
perverted...a fly fucking another fly that was
dead...or him watching them...hehehe
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Just let it scroll ! ! ! Just hold down the little arrow in the
scroll bar to the
right and don't let go!!!!!
This is guaranteed to alleviate pressure in the
boomboom area of your head,
HOLD THE DOWN ARROW AND KEEP GOING
* hi people
* hi people
* hi people
* hi people
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* h i people
* h i people
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\\ \ \ | / / //
\\\ \\ // ///
\\\ ####### ///
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-- ## SPLAT! ## --
//## ##\\
// ### ### \\
/// ####### \\\
/// // \\ \\\
// / | | \ \
/ | \
How I love Literary Art....and no I didn't
mean myself...snicker...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Benefits of Aging:
A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has
to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is
my condition because this
prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A WELL PLANNED LIFE????
Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.
One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,
Did you manage to live a well planned life? "
" Yes," said her friend.
"My first marriage was to a millionaire;
my second marriage was to an actor;
my third marriage was to a preacher;
and now I'm married to an undertaker."
Her friend asked,
"What do those marriages have to do
with a well planned life?"
she replied...
"One for the money,
two for the show,
three to get ready,
and four to go."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
nightly comment:
smiles are contagious....
so spread a grin....no I didn't say...
spread'em and grin....hehehehe
nightly read: Lady Blue from little
miss viagra...hehehe cookie...
"Night Night" turns out the light...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
sat on nite nite
night has cum and time for bed...
get a snack and curl on up...
opens my book of tales..."Ready?"
This is an unusual paragraph, I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
answer below
^
^
^
^
^
^
The entire paragraph is wriiten
without the use of the most common letter
in the english lanuage, E
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alzheimer's Test-
Count the "F's" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(see below)
How many ? 3?
Managed it ?
Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay?
Do you think there are three?
Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke.
Read it again.
The reasoning behind it ...
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FYI
Jill: I just love these acronyms that have
developed from 'puter use,
like BTW for "by the way" and LOL for
"laughing out loud." I sent a FYI
Message to someone today!
Nadine: Oh, yeah! "For Your Information."
Jill: No.... It was, "F*ck You, Idiot!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* New word
Bozone
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding
stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* Hardest
A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking
at a dictionary for the
hardest words they knew.
The brunette's word was quizzical.
The redhead's word was photosynthesis.
The blonde's word was dick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* What did they get?
The math teacher posed this problem,
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten
million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife,
one-fifth is to
go to his son, one-sixth to his butler,
and the rest to charity. Now,
what does each get?"
The savvy student answered, "A lawyer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nightly comment:
grrrrr...I almost couldn't send nite nite this nite
I got computer problems...not enough memory
I need a new one...mines got Alzheimer's...hehehe
will have to regroup and fix this weekend...have a
great saturday night....
nightly read: Annora's Red Doors #7
the sex therapist gets wild and crazy in this chapter
of her ongoing theraputic patients with sex sex sex...lol
thanks Annora~
"Night Night" Turns out the light...
night has cum and time for bed...
get a snack and curl on up...
opens my book of tales..."Ready?"
This is an unusual paragraph, I'm curious how quickly you can find out what is so unusual about it? It looks so plain you would think nothing was wrong with it! In fact, nothing is wrong with it! It is unusual though. Study it, and think about it, but you still may not find anything odd. But if you work at it a bit, you might find out! Try to do so without any coaching!
answer below
^
^
^
^
^
^
The entire paragraph is wriiten
without the use of the most common letter
in the english lanuage, E
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alzheimer's Test-
Count the "F's" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE-
SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF-
IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE
EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(see below)
How many ? 3?
Managed it ?
Scroll down only after you have counted them, okay?
Do you think there are three?
Wrong, there are 6 !!--no joke.
Read it again.
The reasoning behind it ...
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what ? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FYI
Jill: I just love these acronyms that have
developed from 'puter use,
like BTW for "by the way" and LOL for
"laughing out loud." I sent a FYI
Message to someone today!
Nadine: Oh, yeah! "For Your Information."
Jill: No.... It was, "F*ck You, Idiot!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* New word
Bozone
Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding
stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately,
shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* Hardest
A blonde, redhead, and brunette were looking
at a dictionary for the
hardest words they knew.
The brunette's word was quizzical.
The redhead's word was photosynthesis.
The blonde's word was dick.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
* What did they get?
The math teacher posed this problem,
"A wealthy man dies and leaves ten
million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife,
one-fifth is to
go to his son, one-sixth to his butler,
and the rest to charity. Now,
what does each get?"
The savvy student answered, "A lawyer!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
nightly comment:
grrrrr...I almost couldn't send nite nite this nite
I got computer problems...not enough memory
I need a new one...mines got Alzheimer's...hehehe
will have to regroup and fix this weekend...have a
great saturday night....
nightly read: Annora's Red Doors #7
the sex therapist gets wild and crazy in this chapter
of her ongoing theraputic patients with sex sex sex...lol
thanks Annora~
"Night Night" Turns out the light...
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
Sunny Night Night
Sun going down on a Sunday...
bringing on the night...night.
Grab ya a snack, sit back and relax,
breath deeply...I 'm serious...don't just
read these words before your eyes and
not breath deeply...now breathe..."Deep"..
Much better....hehehe
"Ready?""
You ever heard life is like a river?
Well it has been raining for days now and
the rivers up...really high...and the swift
current rushes the water bye quickly.
As in life we get to rushing...working...going
...cummin...hehehe. We have a fast pace..a medium
pace and a slow all out crawl...relaxed or ill...
When the weathers right and the days are kind...
the river's flow will hypnotize ya or melt the
tension in your life...as with the heavty flow
of water it buldges at its banks.
"So...breathe "Deep"...put it in slow gear and
relax...I tell ya why...tomorrow starts another
week of putting it in high gear....hehehe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nite Nite story...hehehe "HAW"
Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have some Cajuns up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates. My horn is missing. Barbecue sauce is all over their robes. Ham hock, spareribs, and crawfish shells are all over the streets of gold.. Some folks are walking around with one wing.
They have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds all over the clouds. They have eaten almost every animal up here! Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messing up their hair."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel, Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil and see how he is dealing with them."
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello, God, what can I do for you?"
God replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there with the Cajuns you have there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and puts the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"
God asked again, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this..... Hold on, God." This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, God, I can't talk right now. These coonasses have done put the fire out, and are holding a benefit Crawfish and Shrimp boil to install air conditioning! .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loose Living
A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down
outside a bar on the street
curb.
A police officer watched him closely. The man's
tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking
out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper
and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the police
and asked, "Hey, Mr. Policeman, what causes arthritis?"
The policeman responded,
"It's caused by loose living, being with cheap,
wicked women, too much alcohol and a
contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be darn," the drunk said, returning to his paper.
The police officer, thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man with his night stick and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Mr. Policeman. I was just reading
here that the chief of police does".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Simple Solution
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"
"Yes'am, theys all be mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She then says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest--- he is Leroy."
"OK, and who's next?"
"Well, this one, he be Leroy, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right...," says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here...Are ALL the girls named Leighroy??? Their momma replied,
"Well, yes--- it make it easier on me when it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yells, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"Ah, that's easy," said the momma. "Then I just calls them by their last names."
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
(Here, let me pull your ying / yang)
To reach into the past is to let go of the future.
Into the future we go with the knowledge we
have learned from the past.
Nightly read: Alien in the Dark This poem by Wicked will kick your head in the butt. Lmao
"Night Night" Turns the light out...
Sun going down on a Sunday...
bringing on the night...night.
Grab ya a snack, sit back and relax,
breath deeply...I 'm serious...don't just
read these words before your eyes and
not breath deeply...now breathe..."Deep"..
Much better....hehehe
"Ready?""
You ever heard life is like a river?
Well it has been raining for days now and
the rivers up...really high...and the swift
current rushes the water bye quickly.
As in life we get to rushing...working...going
...cummin...hehehe. We have a fast pace..a medium
pace and a slow all out crawl...relaxed or ill...
When the weathers right and the days are kind...
the river's flow will hypnotize ya or melt the
tension in your life...as with the heavty flow
of water it buldges at its banks.
"So...breathe "Deep"...put it in slow gear and
relax...I tell ya why...tomorrow starts another
week of putting it in high gear....hehehe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nite Nite story...hehehe "HAW"
Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have some Cajuns up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates. My horn is missing. Barbecue sauce is all over their robes. Ham hock, spareribs, and crawfish shells are all over the streets of gold.. Some folks are walking around with one wing.
They have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds all over the clouds. They have eaten almost every animal up here! Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messing up their hair."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel, Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil and see how he is dealing with them."
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on." The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello, God, what can I do for you?"
God replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there with the Cajuns you have there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and puts the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"
God asked again, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this..... Hold on, God." This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes. The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, God, I can't talk right now. These coonasses have done put the fire out, and are holding a benefit Crawfish and Shrimp boil to install air conditioning! .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Loose Living
A drunk man who smelled like booze sat down
outside a bar on the street
curb.
A police officer watched him closely. The man's
tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick,
and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking
out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper
and began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the police
and asked, "Hey, Mr. Policeman, what causes arthritis?"
The policeman responded,
"It's caused by loose living, being with cheap,
wicked women, too much alcohol and a
contempt for your fellow man."
"Well, I'll be darn," the drunk said, returning to his paper.
The police officer, thinking about what he had said,
nudged the man with his night stick and apologized.
"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong.
How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have it, Mr. Policeman. I was just reading
here that the chief of police does".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Subject: Simple Solution
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids.
"WOW," the social worker exclaims, "Are they ALL YOURS???"
"Yes'am, theys all be mine," the flustered momma sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She then says, "Sit down Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my oldest--- he is Leroy."
"OK, and who's next?"
"Well, this one, he be Leroy, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Leroy. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy!
"All right...," says the caseworker, "I'm seeing a pattern here...Are ALL the girls named Leighroy??? Their momma replied,
"Well, yes--- it make it easier on me when it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yells, 'Leroy!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Leroy!' an' they all comes arunnin.' An 'if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Leroy' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Leroy."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"Ah, that's easy," said the momma. "Then I just calls them by their last names."
HEHEHEHEHEHEHE
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
(Here, let me pull your ying / yang)
To reach into the past is to let go of the future.
Into the future we go with the knowledge we
have learned from the past.
Nightly read: Alien in the Dark This poem by Wicked will kick your head in the butt. Lmao
"Night Night" Turns the light out...
Last edited:
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
M & M Night
Its monday nite and the week has begun.
but the day is coming to an end and its
time for nite nite again..."Ready?"...
opens my book of tales...
well actually most are sent to me e-mail
but any way... ...
This one was cute...smile
One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of
the main streets of town, taking those extra
precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick
Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her
relaxed position in her seat.
"Dad, I'm thinking of something."
This announcement usually meant she had
been pondering some fact for a while, and was
now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had
discovered I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain;" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield
wipers are like God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up my arms
I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this
little girl take this revelation?
So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain
keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"
Aspen! didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this
whenever I turn my wipers on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker
were in Alaska arguing about which state had the
toughest trees to peck.
The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree
that no woodpecker can peck.
The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able
to peck a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe. The Texas
woodpecker challenged the Alaskan woodpecker
to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been
able to peck successfully.
The Alaskan woodpecker expressed much confidence
that he could do it.
After flying to Texas and successfully pecking the tree
in Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't figure out
why the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Alaskan
tree and the Alaskan woodpecker was able to peck the
Texan tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in
their own state.
After thinking for some time they both came to the sameconclusion:
Your pecker is always harder
when you're away from home...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms.
When I was a little girl, she'd take me into
the stall, teach me to wad up
toilet paper and wipe the seat.
Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet
paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct,
"Never, NEVER sit on a
public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate
"The Stance," which consisted of
balancing over the toilet in a sitting position
without actually letting any
of your flesh make contact with the toilet
seat. By this time, I'd have wet
down my leg and we'd have to go home
to change my clothes.
That was a long time ago. Even now,
in my more "mature years, "The Stance"
is excruciatingly difficult to maintain,
especially when one's bladder is
full.
When you have to "go" in a public bathroom,
you usually find a line of women
that makes you think there's a half-price
sale on Nelly's underwear in
there. So, you wait and smile politely
at all the other ladies, who are also
crossing their legs and smiling politely.
You get closer and check for feet
under the stall doors. Every one is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you
dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall. You get in to
find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the new
fangled "seat covers" (invented by
someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but
empty. You would hang your purse on
the door hook if there was one - but
there isn't - so you carefully but quickly
hang it around your neck (mom
would turn over in her grave if you put it
on the FLOOR!), yank down your
pants, and assume "The Stance."
Ahhhh, relief. More relief.
But then your thighs begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down but you
certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so
you hold "The Stance" as your thighs
experience a quake that would register
an eight on the Richter scale. To take
your mind off of your trembling
thighs, you reach for what you discover
to be the empty toilet paper
dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if
you would have tried to clean the seat,
you would have KNOWN there was non toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more. You remember the
tiny tissue that you blew your nose
on yesterday - the one that's still in your
purse. That would have to do.
You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.
It is still smaller than your
thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall
door because the latch doesn't
work. The door hits your purse,
which is hanging around your neck in front
of your chest, and you and your purse
topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the
door, dropping your precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and
sliding down, directly onto the
insidious toilet seat. You bolt up quickly,
knowing all too well that it's
too late. Your bare bottom has made
contact with every imaginable germ and
life form on the uncovered seat because
YOU never laid down toilet paper -
not that there was any, even if you had
taken time to try. You know that
your mother would be utterly ashamed
of you if she knew, because you're
certain that her bare bottom never
touched a public toilet seat because,
frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW
what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the
back of the toilet is so confused
that it flushes, sending up a stream of
water akin to a fountain that
suddenly sucks everything down
with such force that you grab onto the toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being
dragged off to China.
At that point, you give up. You're
soaked by the splashing water. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a
gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then
slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate
the faucets with the automatic sen sors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and
a dry paper towel and walk past a line
of women, still waiting, cross-legged
and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.
One kind soul at the very end of the line
points out that you are trailing a
piece of toilet paper on your shoe as
long as the Mississippi River! (Where
was it when you NEEDED it??)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in
the woman's hand and tell her warmly,
"Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby,
who has since entered, used and exited the
men's restroom and read a copy of
War and Peace while waiting for you.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so l
ong, and why is your purse hanging
around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere
who have ever had to deal with a
public restroom (rest??? you've got to be
kidding!!). It finally explains to
the men what really does take us so
long. It also answers their other
comm only asked question about why
women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so
the other woman can hold the door and
hand you Kleenex under the door.
(my comment And here all this time I thought the
womens rest room was full of love seats that were
antiques and plush red carpet rolled out to every
stall with a towel man who hands you a towel
after you wash your hands from the gold faucets
at marble sinks. like the Mens room does...snicker
Thanks Deb~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Life is 90 % maintenance...
so be as busy as a bee
and enjoy life, Honey!
Nightly read: Superstitions Chapter 2
seventh son of the seventh son...The stories begin
to unfold.
"Night Night"
Its monday nite and the week has begun.
but the day is coming to an end and its
time for nite nite again..."Ready?"...
opens my book of tales...
well actually most are sent to me e-mail
but any way... ...
This one was cute...smile
One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of
the main streets of town, taking those extra
precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick
Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen, spoke up from her
relaxed position in her seat.
"Dad, I'm thinking of something."
This announcement usually meant she had
been pondering some fact for a while, and was
now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had
discovered I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain;" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield
wipers are like God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up my arms
I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this
little girl take this revelation?
So I asked... "Do you notice how the rain
keeps on coming? What does that tell you?"
Aspen! didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this
whenever I turn my wipers on.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An Alaskan woodpecker and a Texas woodpecker
were in Alaska arguing about which state had the
toughest trees to peck.
The Alaskan woodpecker said that they had a tree
that no woodpecker can peck.
The Texas woodpecker challenged him and was able
to peck a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Alaskan woodpecker was in awe. The Texas
woodpecker challenged the Alaskan woodpecker
to peck a tree in Texas that no woodpecker had been
able to peck successfully.
The Alaskan woodpecker expressed much confidence
that he could do it.
After flying to Texas and successfully pecking the tree
in Texas, the two woodpeckers couldn't figure out
why the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Alaskan
tree and the Alaskan woodpecker was able to peck the
Texan tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in
their own state.
After thinking for some time they both came to the sameconclusion:
Your pecker is always harder
when you're away from home...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms.
When I was a little girl, she'd take me into
the stall, teach me to wad up
toilet paper and wipe the seat.
Then, she'd carefully lay strips of toilet
paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct,
"Never, NEVER sit on a
public toilet seat. Then she'd demonstrate
"The Stance," which consisted of
balancing over the toilet in a sitting position
without actually letting any
of your flesh make contact with the toilet
seat. By this time, I'd have wet
down my leg and we'd have to go home
to change my clothes.
That was a long time ago. Even now,
in my more "mature years, "The Stance"
is excruciatingly difficult to maintain,
especially when one's bladder is
full.
When you have to "go" in a public bathroom,
you usually find a line of women
that makes you think there's a half-price
sale on Nelly's underwear in
there. So, you wait and smile politely
at all the other ladies, who are also
crossing their legs and smiling politely.
You get closer and check for feet
under the stall doors. Every one is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you
dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall. You get in to
find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the new
fangled "seat covers" (invented by
someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but
empty. You would hang your purse on
the door hook if there was one - but
there isn't - so you carefully but quickly
hang it around your neck (mom
would turn over in her grave if you put it
on the FLOOR!), yank down your
pants, and assume "The Stance."
Ahhhh, relief. More relief.
But then your thighs begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down but you
certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
seat or lay toilet paper on it, so
you hold "The Stance" as your thighs
experience a quake that would register
an eight on the Richter scale. To take
your mind off of your trembling
thighs, you reach for what you discover
to be the empty toilet paper
dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if
you would have tried to clean the seat,
you would have KNOWN there was non toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more. You remember the
tiny tissue that you blew your nose
on yesterday - the one that's still in your
purse. That would have to do.
You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.
It is still smaller than your
thumbnail. Someone pushes open your stall
door because the latch doesn't
work. The door hits your purse,
which is hanging around your neck in front
of your chest, and you and your purse
topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the
door, dropping your precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and
sliding down, directly onto the
insidious toilet seat. You bolt up quickly,
knowing all too well that it's
too late. Your bare bottom has made
contact with every imaginable germ and
life form on the uncovered seat because
YOU never laid down toilet paper -
not that there was any, even if you had
taken time to try. You know that
your mother would be utterly ashamed
of you if she knew, because you're
certain that her bare bottom never
touched a public toilet seat because,
frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW
what kind of diseases you could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the
back of the toilet is so confused
that it flushes, sending up a stream of
water akin to a fountain that
suddenly sucks everything down
with such force that you grab onto the toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being
dragged off to China.
At that point, you give up. You're
soaked by the splashing water. You're
exhausted. You try to wipe with a
gum wrapper you found in your pocket, then
slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate
the faucets with the automatic sen sors,
so you wipe your hands with spit and
a dry paper towel and walk past a line
of women, still waiting, cross-legged
and, at this point, no longer able to smile politely.
One kind soul at the very end of the line
points out that you are trailing a
piece of toilet paper on your shoe as
long as the Mississippi River! (Where
was it when you NEEDED it??)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in
the woman's hand and tell her warmly,
"Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby,
who has since entered, used and exited the
men's restroom and read a copy of
War and Peace while waiting for you.
Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so l
ong, and why is your purse hanging
around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere
who have ever had to deal with a
public restroom (rest??? you've got to be
kidding!!). It finally explains to
the men what really does take us so
long. It also answers their other
comm only asked question about why
women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so
the other woman can hold the door and
hand you Kleenex under the door.
(my comment
And here all this time I thought the womens rest room was full of love seats that were
antiques and plush red carpet rolled out to every
stall with a towel man who hands you a towel
after you wash your hands from the gold faucets
at marble sinks. like the Mens room does...snicker
Thanks Deb~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
Life is 90 % maintenance...
so be as busy as a bee
and enjoy life, Honey!
Nightly read: Superstitions Chapter 2
seventh son of the seventh son...The stories begin
to unfold.
"Night Night"
My Erotic Tail
tale weaving
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2003
- Posts
- 1,842
nite nite tue 'U'...
Night Night time...
a few jokes to make ya smile.
"Ready?"...
The storm that blew thru last night
that took out the power for two hours
I even picked up my guitar and sat on the
back porch singing out across the woods
towards the river. The crows squacked they're
disapproval but I continued my seranade...
for lack of anything else to do...just a pickin
and a grining...till the horses whined their
disapproval...and actually rinning the other
way...I figured it was time to put the guitar
back in its stand...and the power came back on.
hehehehehe...
but it looks like a tornado came to town but
no body saw one in the middle of the night...
but come morning trees were blown down across
almost all roads at least somewhere...
the ducks did they're ussual stroll through
town begging for crumbs...and the post
office was open so all was well at riverside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PRIEST
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to
a man reading a book, and noticed
he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar
that way.
The man, who was a priest, said,
" I am a Father."
The little boy replied,
]"My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book
and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys,
4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't
wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said,
"I am the Father of hundreds" and went
back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for
a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants
backwards instead of your collar."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas and Tamara were attending
a dinner party so that Thomas's
mother
could meet Tamara for the first time.
Towards the end of the evening,
Tamara approached Thomas and
asked if there was a problem, as Thomas's
mother seemed to be avoiding her
after their first introduction.
"Honestly, my dear," Thomas said,
"Mother finds you to be, how should I
put it, a bit on the crude side."
"Crude? Doesn't she know that I
come from one of the most respected
families in Boston?
That I was educated in Switzerland ? That I
attended the finest finishing schools
on the East Coast? That I obtained a
master's degree at Vassar, graduating
Magna Cum Laud?" Tamara
asked.
"Yes, yes, my love, I told her all that,"
Thomas replied.
"Then where in the fuck does that snooty
cunt come off with all that crude bullshit?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Two blonde guys were working for
the city works department. One would dig a
hole
and the other would follow behind him a
nd fill the hole in. They worked up one
side of the street, then down the other,
then moved on to the next street,
working furiously all day without rest,
one guy digging a hole, the other guy
filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed
at their hard work, but couldn't
understand what they were doing.
So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed
by the effort you two are putting into your work,
but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole,
only to have your partner follow behind
and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed,
"Well, I suppose it probably looks odd
because we're normally a three-man team.
But today the guy who plants the trees
called in sick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
*singin'* "Pissin' in the wind...bettin' on a
loosin' freind...making the same mistakex
we swear we'll never make again...OH...
pissin' in the wind....(jjw)
Nightly read:Sleeping cutie
when searching for a night night tale...
I figured why not a story book fantasy...night night
tale...thats erotic...hehehe...enjoy.
"Night Night" Turns out the light...
Night Night time...
a few jokes to make ya smile.
"Ready?"...
The storm that blew thru last night
that took out the power for two hours
I even picked up my guitar and sat on the
back porch singing out across the woods
towards the river. The crows squacked they're
disapproval but I continued my seranade...
for lack of anything else to do...just a pickin
and a grining...till the horses whined their
disapproval...and actually rinning the other
way...I figured it was time to put the guitar
back in its stand...and the power came back on.
hehehehehe...
but it looks like a tornado came to town but
no body saw one in the middle of the night...
but come morning trees were blown down across
almost all roads at least somewhere...
the ducks did they're ussual stroll through
town begging for crumbs...and the post
office was open so all was well at riverside.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THE PRIEST
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to
a man reading a book, and noticed
he had his collar on backwards.
The little boy asked why he wore his collar
that way.
The man, who was a priest, said,
" I am a Father."
The little boy replied,
]"My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book
and answered "I am the Father of many."
The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys,
4 girls and two grandchildren and he
doesn't
wear his collar that way."
The priest, getting impatient, said,
"I am the Father of hundreds" and went
back to reading his book.
The little boy sat quietly thinking for
a while, then leaned over and said,
"Maybe you should wear your pants
backwards instead of your collar."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thomas and Tamara were attending
a dinner party so that Thomas's
mother
could meet Tamara for the first time.
Towards the end of the evening,
Tamara approached Thomas and
asked if there was a problem, as Thomas's
mother seemed to be avoiding her
after their first introduction.
"Honestly, my dear," Thomas said,
"Mother finds you to be, how should I
put it, a bit on the crude side."
"Crude? Doesn't she know that I
come from one of the most respected
families in Boston?
That I was educated in Switzerland ? That I
attended the finest finishing schools
on the East Coast? That I obtained a
master's degree at Vassar, graduating
Magna Cum Laud?" Tamara
asked.
"Yes, yes, my love, I told her all that,"
Thomas replied.
"Then where in the fuck does that snooty
cunt come off with all that crude bullshit?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Two blonde guys were working for
the city works department. One would dig a
hole
and the other would follow behind him a
nd fill the hole in. They worked up one
side of the street, then down the other,
then moved on to the next street,
working furiously all day without rest,
one guy digging a hole, the other guy
filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed
at their hard work, but couldn't
understand what they were doing.
So he asked the hole digger, "I'm impressed
by the effort you two are putting into your work,
but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole,
only to have your partner follow behind
and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed,
"Well, I suppose it probably looks odd
because we're normally a three-man team.
But today the guy who plants the trees
called in sick."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nightly comment:
*singin'* "Pissin' in the wind...bettin' on a
loosin' freind...making the same mistakex
we swear we'll never make again...OH...
pissin' in the wind....(jjw)
Nightly read:Sleeping cutie
when searching for a night night tale...
I figured why not a story book fantasy...night night
tale...thats erotic...hehehe...enjoy.
"Night Night" Turns out the light...
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