New Story Reviews (volunteers welcome!)

[DG Hear]

I decided to do a review.

Since our reviews have seem to have gone awry, I wanted to voice an opinion (or review) on a story I read yesterday.

Voyage of Discovery - Submitted by rachlou (Non-Erotic) 04/06/07

Ther is no sex in this story, but I found it to be a very good read. It reminded me so much of the type of stories I used to read to my kids when they were little, and now read to the grandkids.

Rachlou in my humble opinion would make a great childrens book writer. Unfortunately she won't get a lot of votes since her story is in the no-sex catagory.

Rachlou - I give it a five and it is well deserved due to the way it is written and the writers imagination.
DG Hear

For those who wan to respond, I know there's another thread but don't know where the hell it is. I got in trouble for responding here in the past. Don't make the same mistake.
Thank you
DG

Rachlou's story link below
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=305537

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

Since our reviews have seem to have gone awry, I wanted to voice an opinion (or review) on a story I read yesterday.

Voyage of Discovery - Submitted by rachlou (Non-Erotic) 04/06/07

Ther is no sex in this story, but I found it to be a very good read. It reminded me so much of the type of stories I used to read to my kids when they were little, and now read to the grandkids.

Rachlou in my humble opinion would make a great childrens book writer. Unfortunately she won't get a lot of votes since her story is in the no-sex catagory.

Rachlou - I give it a five and it is well deserved due to the way it is written and the writers imagination.
DG Hear

For those who wan to respond, I know there's another thread but don't know where the hell it is. I got in trouble for responding here in the past. Don't make the same mistake.
Thank you
DG

Rachlou's story link below
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=305537

Here is the link to the comments/suggestions. https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=428875

Reviews have gotten slow, I know I've been meaning to do mine on Wednesday, but things get busy here at times. Thanks for doing reviews, no matter the day.

 

[sirhugs]

Keeping the Faith...

..nice to see others jumping in, though I am still here on my Saturday shift.

Pool Side Lust by SimonSays1, in Group Sex. I love Simon's work. He is reliably perversely intense. Not for the faint at heart - taboos fall like bowling pins in this tale. The Britishisms may distract. Believablity is unnecessary- check that sensibility at the door, dear reader. Starts a bit slower than some of Simon's works, but worth perseverance - a definite stroker, but not short - might last the one handed reader several sessions.

Anniversary Present by spence5969 in Loving Wives is a 'sharing wife with friend' story. I wish that was a spoiler, because spence reveals the hubby's awareness of the wife's history with the chum way too early for me - I would have preferred the hubby not knowing, to build the drama of the seduction, the sharing, the voyeurism. The sex is more detailed than most single page tales, but I still thought it was a bit tame. I suspect it is 'for fans of the subgenre' only. I would love someone commenting on whether they found it an effective stroker.

New Writer Review

Almost Joining the Mile High Club by montrechic in Loving Wives. This is a first submission, and suffers from typical flaws - telling, not showing, weak editing, stilted unrealistic dialogue, rushed superficial sex. I had trouble approaching it objectively, as I was put off by the title, which I thought was a let down before I even tried reading the tale. Then I questioned the category . Though I am a HUGE LW fan ( and submit many of my efforts there), stories where the woman happens to be married and cheating do little for me ( unless really hot on other grounds), and hardly seem 'loving'. It took me four efforts to finish this story, and I only persisted because today was thin for reviewable material. The too brief sex scene showed some cleverness, and there is a sense of humour throughout the story which does suggest promise. I will try another submission from this writer, but this one is not my cup of tea.

Blast From the Past

I am rereading Slickman's Four Play series ( currently up to ch 2 - there are four, from late 2005 into 2006). I know I touted Slick already, but I continue to enjoy the way his stories combine drama, sex, dialogue, love and lust in a way that is enjoyable over and over. This series is buried in "Erotic Couplings" but should please fans of Group Sex and the wife swapping sort of LW stories, so check it out.

Just my views. Please jump in with your own comments on the companion Comments Thread

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

To be honest....

....between a shortage of time (due to holidays and things of that sort) and a shortage of acceptable stories to review, I haven't had much cause to do reviews.

However, one story from yesterday merited it. It was suggested by a friend of mine, was an Earth Day entry, and turned out to be a very good lesbian tale by a friend of hers.

It was...

Garden: A Revised Tale by RogueLurker
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=305801

Category: Lesbian Sex

Review:

Very hot lesbian romance and twist on the old Eden tale. Glad to see that I'm not the only one to do something about the Lilith thing, too, although my own version was far different. Glad that I took Vana's suggestion and read it. I give it a 5, Rogue. Well done! Also glad that Adam found happiness, too. My own version was a bit darker, so he didn't in it.

 

[sirhugs]

Early review

Lightening Doesn't Strike Twice by SelenaKittyn in Erotic Couplings. My early pick for best Earth day story, only having read about a third of the entries. Selena's typical light touch, sense of humour, vivid sexual detail, believable characters, realistic dialogue. My only complaint is that it , like most of Selena's works left me wanting more - it was short. A neat twist ending I won't ruin., but which makes this story true to the contest topic. It is the combination of the writing and the message which should make this a contender.

I will try to find time to review more later.

 

[sirhugs]

More...

Doing the Cleaner by quietcantor, In Anal is what it is. From the title, to the category, you know to expect a raw tale, and this delivers. If you like pure smut, this slightly longer than shirt stroker has what you crave, and nice grace notes of character and plot that left me craving a sequel. Nothing fancy, not for all tastes, but a genre sensation, methinks. Left me humming " Man needs a Maid"....

A Weekend Away by taylorreynolds in Group Sex. Not quite a new writer story, ths fourth entry shows growth, but still leaves promise for the future. The plot is conventional, and the plot devices - a sudden 'off screen' seduction of the bi girl by the wife or girlfriend, for instance, feel rushed and contrived. More drama about Taylor's first bi sex would have enhancing this excellent entry further. I liked the dialogue, the sex is steamy. It has great bouncability.

Party Aftermath by spence5969 in Loving Wives. Though he has posted a couple of stories in other categories, spence is showing a deft touch with the tough LW category (see last week's review of an earlier entry). Already, a few critical public comments adorn this tale. If people don't like wife sharing stories, why do they read them? Given how the story started, introducing the wife's sister first, I thought the party aftermath of the title would be hubby hooking up with his sister in law. Instead, the wife gets tag teamed by hubby and a stud. Very conventional, but exceedingly well written, after a bit of a slow set up at the start. It definitely left me hungry for more.

Blast From the Past

Earth Day with the Gods by Elizabetht in Sci-Fi and Fantasy , from 2004, winner of the Earth Day contest, chosen to show how far themes can go - sex, romance, and context meld wonderfully here, and it deserves another look.

That's it for now. If you have other stories you think I missed, jump in with a review. If you have comments on my reviews, or reviews in general, comments and discussion have their own companion thread. Please visit.

 

[quietcantor]

Your suggestion of a sequel

Glad you enjoyed 'Doing the Cleaner'. Had fun writing it. I thought about your suggestion of a sequel involving the wife and could see that it could be pretty smutty. Yeah, three butt loving people... However, part of the fun of this one for me is the amorality of the husband. He can fuck his wife, send her off to work, then fuck the cleaner while looking after the child. He has his life compartmentalised - the women serve different purposes for him - and I think it would diminish things if he changed this.

But I'm willing to discuss this further...

 

[Mr. Unsexy]

volunteers welcome? well here i am, the volunteer

Noone reviewed any of the stories posted yesterday, so I'd like to take a whack at it.

To Clumsy Feet and Prada Knockoff's by Alainn is a first time story, which despite its offputting use of the word "titties" in the beginning (I acknowledge that the use here is just a device, but I hate that word), is quite good. Her writing displays personality, which I've always thought to be very important; so few people write with true enthusiasm. I thought the perspective switching between the guy and girl was a nice touch as well, and I got the sense that the author deliberately made the narration change back and forth more quickly as things got more sexual, which was great. While the grammar left a bit to be desired, and the plot was slightly shallow, the writing itself is fantastic. I gave it a 4/5.


To Take a Chance by youdonwannaknow is a somewhat unbelievable but utterly sweet romance story, and it stuck Erasure's cover of "Take A Chance On Me" firmly in my head. Again, a very well written tale that evokes a good deal of emotion; this is something the writer knows how to do very well. I felt that the sex scene was a little short, but overall I enjoyed the story (excluding the final line, which was a little too cheesy for me) and gave it another 4.


Playing on the Pool Table by sabb is what I can only call a slightly above average gay male story. I don't read too much of that genre, so maybe I'm being slightly biaist (as a result I didn't vote, I would have given it a 3 while it might have deserved better), but the writing just didn't really grab me. The grammar, I should add, was a bit lacking as well. As Randy would say, "it was just aiight for me, dawg."


And finally, what I feel was hands down the best story posted yesterday. 8th Annual Literotica Reader's Choice Awards by Literotica was absolutely phenomenal. It tugged at my heart and played with my balls; a true tour de force.

 

[fack4u]

[spam/advertising prohibited per our forum guidelines]

 

[fack4u]

[spam/advertising prohibited per our forum guidelines]

 

[sirhugs]

Tis a busy Saturday, so, though not a lot to chose from, wanted to post at least one review in case time does not permit later.

Pirates of the Caribbean ch 03a by Pelaam, in Celebrities is part of a series I wil revisit. This chapter features gay male sex., so any heat is lost on me. I thought it was clever though that Pelaam plays off that androgynous feyness of both Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom nicely, which means that I can picture the scene he paints so well. The touch is light and funfilled, just like the movies. He captures the characters and plot styling of the movies well, and is timely, with trailers on TV and in cinemas. I will look further for a chapter featuring Miss Swann....I have a major lech for Keira Knightley . Worth a read even if you don't normally read celeb stories( or gay male sex).

I'll try to post again later, even if only a Blast From the Past.

Comments? Suggestions? Discussion? We have a seperate thread to keep this one for reviews.

 

[sirhugs]

New Writer Reviews

Orientation Day 01 by rockitman096 in Loving Wives is a first submission, and includes rookie mistakes like more than one character speaking in the same paragraph. However, I personally think this chapter should have been in Lesbian Sex, except there is no sex, or not much ( does foreplay with one gal reaching climax equal Lesbian Sex?). This chapter is all set up, introduction, and build up. Though told from hubby's POV, he is not part of the story - it all happens between wife and her galpal away on a course. And he gets trashed. A few nice turns of phrase, and some decent imagery, but the next chapter needs a better edit, and lots more heat.


A Husband's Love by bigtruck_88 also in Loving Wives, also a first effort, is an instructive comparison. This story, though tragic and sad, thus odd for the category, nestles in a sub genre niche nicely. It is well written, with just enough scene setting, crisp dialogue, motivations established, a plot no more unreal than most LW stories. There are a few editing errors, the sex scenes are brief and lack detail, and at least once, there was a sudden violation of the "rule" that the narrator should not read another character's thoughts. so, room to grow, but bigtruck is a winner.

Remember the comments go on the comments thread!

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

I'm taking over Sev's spot from now on...

...on Sundays, though I can't promise to do many of them. It just works better that way and he asked me if I wanted to do him that favour. I agreed. I expect that he shall still do guest reviews, however.

 

[Guest]

I haven't done any in a while

and this writer really impressed me. I Thought I Hated Him Ch. 03 by Firstkiss is in the Mature category, but it could also easily go into the romance category. It's a story about a young junior architect who is put on a job, working with the grouchiest senior architect in the firm. The romance is what makes this story so absolutely wonderful. Well written and an easy read, firstkiss does an exquisite job at grabbing readers and keeping them interested. There's a strong plot line, interesting details about the architect's life and the sexual tension is very hot. I very much have enjoyed the three chapters already posted and can't wait to read more. Well done!

 

[sirhugs]

Saturday Again Already?

New Writer review

Strip Poker by baccgirl in Exhibitionist & Voyeur, is a nice little first entry. I like how dialogue driven it is. With time, I hope baccgirl develops the confidence to add the length and detail which makes character development possible, and more graphic, longer sex scenes. I wanted to know more about the motivations, and the after effects of the scene. As a short stroker, it might work - there are glowing comments posted - but I thought it needs more intensity to achieve that goal. Still, a wonderful debut.

More later if time permits. Until then, jump in with your own review if you dare, or discuss reviews on the Comments Thread

 

[room505]

[spam/advertising prohibited per our forum guidelines]

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Our Flutterbug's Ghost Story!

The Ghost Made Me Do It- Ch. 2 by FallingToFly
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=307924

Category: Sci-fi/Fantasy

Review:

Funny as hell and full of culture/generational shocks, this second chapter has me wanting to read the first. Quite a worthy read from our Flutterbug! I give this short story a 5.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Intense Incest Tale!

Jassie Does Her Daddy- Ch. 2 by Roebear
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=307876

Category: Incest/Taboo

Review:

This short stroker was intense and also a bit sentimental. The Daddy/daughter element was very sexy in a loving way, and I must give this one a 5 as well. I highly recommend this one. There were a few spelling errors and such, but it didn't take away the quality of this one.

 

[ChristopherMaxwell]

Glad you didn't need me, after all, mate.

 

[Selena_Kitt]

This poor thread... *sigh*

A Good Student by Dr_Mabeuse in BDSM is beyond brilliant in the genre. Not many writers can take something so-oft done (teacher/student) and make it feel new. But Doc doesn't just breathe life into this scenario with his intense passion and deep insight--he lifts it out of the frame entirely, like a god opening the lid of Pandora's box to peer at what's inside.

And what's inside?

You feel the night inside you, something dark and delicious, full of secrets and beauty, something beyond words or your ability to express it, don't you?

The darkness around us is deep. Oh, so very deep. There are few authors who capture, for me, what a D/S relationship seeks to be at its core...not the boot-licking slave and master, no--but the genuine attraction of the masculine to the feminine, the drawing together of those two poles, like magnets, unable to stop themselves.

There is a power and a darkness there that none of us understand, but we are drawn to it, moth to flame. Doc knows it, his characters live it, and I am enthralled with his expression, his depth, and his talent.

Like this:

Her tongue fluttered in my mouth like a little bird in a burning house, trying to get free and it drove me mad, because something was inside Emma trying to get free, and I wanted it. I wanted it with every fiber of my being. I wanted her to give it to me and me alone, and I wanted all of it.

Oh. My. God.

There just aren't words.

Go. Read. There are more to follow this. Don't stop reading.

Just remember to fasten your seatbelt.

 

[sirhugs]

You Can Teach an Old Dog New Tricks by hikergirl, in How To is a Contest Entry. But for the requirement for the current contest that all entries be in that category, I thought this well written story/essay might fit under "SciFi/Fantasty". HG's prescription for opening up a marital sex life through open communication reads well, and is instructive. I just wondered how realistic it was. I described this above as a "story/essay" because another positive I loved was that , unlike most How To entries, this opens with a nifty narrative set up before seguing into the essay. This hooks the reader, and provides context - like wrapping "how to fix a leaky toilet " into the video of the flood. In spite of my cynicism, I was left grinning.

I'll review more latter if any are posted that catch my eye - a slow Saturday for a change. comments are invited, on the Comments thread.

 

[sirhugs]

New Writer Review

Just One Small Problem by bobsbill69 is in exhibitionist & voyeur. Arguably, it ought to be in Group Sex instead. It is very ambitious for a new writer, and I suspect bobsbill has written before elsewhere. The tale starts slowly, but heats up nicely and once he dialogue kicks in, has a healthy flow and pace. The number of female characters was confusing - perhaps I read too quickly to get them differentiated - and the sex is more titillating than steamy, but this is more than just a promising debut - it left me wanting to read what comers next.

Contest Entry

How To Eat Pussy by Interval is of course in "How To..". It is refreshing to read a tale that is instructional, inspirational, and gave me shivers down my spine. Except, now I have this craving.....

What do you think? Please discuss over on the Comments Thread

 

[Hikergirl]

IT's all true...

..... I just wondered how realistic it was. I described this above as a "story/essay" because another positive I loved was that , unlike most How To entries, this opens with a nifty narrative set up before seguing into the essay. This hooks the reader, and provides context - like wrapping "how to fix a leaky toilet " into the video of the flood. In spite of my cynicism, I was left grinning.

QUOTE]

Thanks for taking the time to write a review, Sir Hugs, and I appreciate your comments...(not sure how it would fit in Sci Fi/Fantasy, though). As for it being realistic...it certainly is/was for us...and its something we continue to do!

Thanks again
Hiker

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Title: Shopping For Sextoys at Wal-Mart

Author: Glynndah

Category: How To

A delightful entry that is warm and humorous. A breath of fresh air in the normally dry and mundane "How To" category. The narrator takes the reader shopping through an average Wal-Mart store. She points out various items that can be used for erotic purposes.

Well written, and guaranteed to bring a smile to the reader's face. Well done, I gave it a 5 and wished I could have gone higher. Highly recommended.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Decent Crime/Infidelity Drama, but could improve.

M is for Mayhem- by techsan
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=308873

Category: Loving Wives

Review:

I found this story to be a fairly interesting one, but a bit short and rushed. It seemed too easy and abbreviated in its conversation, too. I give it a 4. I found the crime drama aspect useful, but a bit short. He could have confronted his cheating wife more, too.