New Story Reviews (volunteers welcome!)

[SEVERUSMAX]

Fun, Fascinating Fairy Tale!

Lisette- Ch. 2 by DanielleKitten
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=308854

Category: Sci-fi/Fantasy

Review:

This version of what looks like a mix of Snow White/Sleeping Beauty/Cinderella together is rather intriguing. I really hope that Edwina gets what is coming to her. I highly recommend this magical story and give it a 5.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Because I'm in the mood for something different lately.

Binding Contracts by madengineer3
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=308955

Category: Erotic Horror

Review:

This story is rather chilling, but I enjoyed it, mainly as it sticks to the ruthless shark lawyer types that everyone (myself included) loves to hate. Excellent short horror piece by this author. I give it a 5. I really did read it through to the end. It was a break from my usual reading interests, like Group, Anal, Incest, and BDSM. Sometimes, you just want something scary.

I admit to finding the suggestion that internet porn models are coerced uncomfortable, but it is always possible and probably happens sometimes. The author had comments and feedback turned off.

 

[sirhugs]

New Writer Review

Thirty-Four, Going on Eighteen by Porlock, in mature. Regular readers know I love the hook that starting with dialogue gives, drawing a reader into the action immediately. This entry has some unfortunate editing lapses, and jumps into the action a bit abruptly - the whole MILF angle leaps out too fast, I would have preferred. "come on, you'll have fun" to "-I know a dozen guys from our senior class last year who have the hots, big-time, for [you]". Going backwards from that statement to disbelief on the part of the protagonist was a bit of a bumpy read. The sex when it starts though, unfolds with grace, detail and passion. read this.

My First Threesome by biggshow13 in Group Sex is a nice contrast, if you want a shorter stroker. Little build up , though dialogue driven, it quickly gets down to hard driving sex. The dialogue is less crisp, a bit more artificial, as is the "plot", but the intention i s well accomplished.

That's all this week. If you want to contribute, post a review here, or discuss reviews on the companion Comments Thread.

 

[Porlock]

Thanks!

Thanks for the constructive comments.

I'm surprised myself at the number of editing errors that got past me. I'll probably be submitting a corrected version soon. This story was written in a single sitting; and when that happens (or even when it doesn't) I should make a point of taking a little time away from it and then proofing it later before submitting.

The comments on content are very helpful. I'm debating whether or not to tweak the story itself when I submit a corrected version.

In any case, thanks again.
Porlock

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

End of the Road for this great series.

Bean Counter- Ch. 16 by Creamer
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=310487

Category: Nonconsent/Reluctance

Review:

I don't agree with those who called Bill a "psychopath". He's not. He's just an underappreciated, betrayed husband who decided to take some revenge on the wife that sought out to not only leave him for her lover, but take him to the cleaners. He is a character with whom I can identify, even if he did some things that I probably wouldn't do in RL. This is an excellent revenge fantasy with which many divorced men (and men in general) can probably identify). I give it a 5. I'd pay for the cleverly withheld last chapter if I had the spare cash. When I do, I still might.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Great Guy-Guy Story.

When Irish Eyes Are Smiling- Ch. 4 by TomNJus
http://www.literotica.com:81/stories/showstory.php?id=310337

Category: Gay Male

Review:

Very hot gay male tale. Tom, 3113, and Jus apparently know their gay stories. As a bi man, I can really appreciate this category, and I give this chapter a 5.

 

[drksideofthemoon]

Story:Greek Myths: Zeus and Semele

Author: l8bloom

Category: Chain

A recent addition to the chain, Greek Myths, l8bloom's entry is a satisfying read. She retells an old story with freshness and uses clever bits of humor to spice it up. Her writing is as strong as old limburger (sorry l8) and takes the reader along for the ride as she relates this old tale.

It's definitely worth checking out. A strong 5 for this little gem.

 

[sirhugs]

So many of today's stories are How To contest entries, it would seem unfair to review two or three odf those, and none of the others tickled my fancy.

Perhaps because I've been bogged down for several days in Big Sister's Wedding by samslam. Though it has many of the conventional features, and thus limitations of a typical incest tale, it sprawls to great length, allowing humor, twists, curves and white hot sex. After three days, I'm only on page four. Just when it starts to wander, the sex scenes grab me right where I live, Samslam is no craft writer, but there are few Philip Roths on Lit anyhow. Though it is not new today, and is a few days deep in the New List, it is worthy of consideration.

I would be remise if I did not praise Rumple Foreskin's How To Be a Happy Hooker, a cheeky How To on the challenging topic of opening your story. Regular readers of my reviews, or my stories, know how passionate I am on the subject, and the Master does it justice.

 

[sirhugs]

It feels triple strange to be here. First, because its my first post since last week's reviews. Second because no one has reviewed since. Third, because my own new story was posted today, by coincidence.

Aunt Missy Cleans Up by infl8orama in Mature is a second submission sequel to a debut from 2005 - a rather long break, and a shame. Though not a sophisticated tale, this is a nice hot short stroker. Quickly paced, the sex is steamy and detailed, and I love how it is driven by dialogue. It gave me the shivers. Which is a good thing.

Morning Carwash Delights by Hollow_Eyes is also in mature, and also features a teen manboy seducing, or is that being seduced by, an older woman. Also dialogue driven and detailed, the pace of this story is a bit slower and the sexual heat is built up through tension rather than detailed slamming sex. Neither of these two tales is highly believable, but they are both highly readable.

I'll return for more later, time permitting.

 

[BrettJ]

Finally Back

Hi everyone. Been wanting to return to this thread, but was too busy and then - couldn't find it. However, both problems are now solved, so here goes.

A Family's Sexual Hypnosis is the 3rd story by fledgling writer coolstud422189. The category is Incest, although it could fit in a few others.

The story has potential - it is about a family with some sexual inhibitions & desires and the doctor who "helps" them. The sex is fairly hot and interesting.

It does have failings, such as changing of tense [ a flaw which continues to annoy me ]. It is broken into chapters, none are really necessary unless you plan to break up the story.

In a sense, I think that would have helped. It goes - too fast - in some instances, we need to know the characters better. Their physicality, personalities, et al. It could have been 2 or 3 stories. It's a bit too busy in places.

I wasn't fond of the "Doctor Claiborne" character in places either, I found her motivation a trifle puzzling, but I allow a bit of leeway for the fantasy.

It's a trifle too busy at times - we have Debbie, Dr. Claiborne, Robyn, Sandie, Kristyn - it would have benefitted from a bit more clarification.

I rated it at around 3.5 stars out of 5, the writer has potential. A bit more judicious editing and who knows?

Nice to be back all.

BrettJ

Writer / Reviewer / Studmuppet

 

[Agnol]

First for everything

A Boy Grows Up by HDTopper

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=313154

An interesting tale of a peeping tom that is caught and punished in a pleasant way. The 1950's setting gave an authenticity to the illicit nature of the boy's voyeurism and certainly evoked images of the peep shows as the woman undressed.

The only criticism is that sentences were a bit awkward at times and the lack of punctutation sometimes made it difficult to follow the narrative. Doug referring to the object of his desire as a 'bitch' at one point suddenly dragged me out of the idyllic setting and almost destroyed the characterization. Somehow it was hard to think of this guy as a friend of "The Beaver" with such a foul mouth.

Look forward to the next installment.

 

[sirhugs]

New Writer Review

That Old Familiar Feeling by bonerboy19 is in Erotic Couplings, a category I usually skip over as too mixed bag, unreliably unpredictable. From a more experienced writer, I would expect a more polished, less predictable story. On the newbie scale, this works adequately as a short stroker. There is a nice amount of dialgue, but a need for better editing - two characters speaking in one paragraph right off the top, for instance. The sex scene is longer than many, but still stopped too quickly, and left me, er, um...unfulfilled? Hopefully, the writer will develop confidence and pusg to greater lengths.

Most of the rest up so far today are sequels, so sample those if you dare. I am busy later. I might post some Saturday reviews on Sunday, but welcome guest reviewers today especially. comments of course go on the Comments Thread

 

[Agnol]

keep this moving

Daughter vs Dottering Dad in Incest/Taboo by Yuu Sakagami

A rather short piece that appears to be the beginning of something larger that may build into an interesting tale of a dominating daughter. Unfortunately there isn't enough to the story to tell if the character of the daughter is fully thought out. I found her actions and words to be disconcerting with the position of power she obviously holds. Perhaps in future installments this will be explained, but as a first chapter it does more to confuse than it does to entice. The end of the story seemed to be more about the author being pleased with himself for crafting such an alliterative sentence than actually having anything to do with the story.

Daddy wants to play in incest/taboo by cassiegrosen

A first submission from this author. It is an attempt to portray the relationship of a dominating father over his newly curious daughter. Unfortunately there is no progression at all, it just jumps into the action. At first I believed I was peeking into a well established relationship, but as it turns out this is actually the beginning for this pair. A tad bit unbelievable. The sex didn't do much for me, though I admit I'm not much into pain and domination, so maybe it will do something for those that like that. As a first try I think its about average. Common mistakes that leave a story rather unmemorable and the characters rather flat with no real reason to care.

 

[sirhugs]

New Writer Review

Three by Mintie, in Loving Wives, is a debut. The plot is conventional, but Mintie has a mature voice, a mastery of detail which makes this sing more deliciously than most neophytes could. though I did not care for the present tense, I look forward to more sophisticated explorations of motivation and after shocks. Definitely more than just a short stroker.

 

[pennagirl]

Question



I love reading the stories on Literotica and have been for at least 4 years now. How do you volunteer to become a reviewer or editor.

I have noticed some of the stories recently could use a little bit of help in spelling and grammar. Also, in story continuity.

Any information on how I could help would be great.

(Maybe someday, I will try to write).

Thanks Pennagirl!!

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

I love reading the stories on Literotica and have been for at least 4 years now. How do you volunteer to become a reviewer or editor.

I have noticed some of the stories recently could use a little bit of help in spelling and grammar. Also, in story continuity.

Any information on how I could help would be great.

(Maybe someday, I will try to write).

Thanks Pennagirl!!

Anyone can vol. to review a story. Here is the comment thread and discussion thread for the story reviews: https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=428875

Vol Editing is different but here is a link to the Editor forum. I'm sure there is a thread there that can help direct you down the right path to editing for Lit writers. https://forum.literotica.com/forumdisplay.php?f=9

Nice to meet ya.

Red

 

[BrettJ]

From Me

PENNAGIRL, find a story you like [ or really HATED - nothing wrong with telling us all about a story we should avoid like the plague once in a while ] and review it out here.

I try to mention things like grammar, spelling, consistency, story flow and things like that - plus the erotic factor and such.

As for editing, if you know a writer you think might need some assistance, why not volunteer. I have done so, from time to time.

Only thing that is an occasional aggravation out here is having to "spell American".

BTW - once in a while, I've often thought we should review older stories or mention authors whose work we like in general, perhaps to turn new readers on to their work?

Hiya RED darlin'.

BrettJ

Author / Creator / Sensualist

 

[pennagirl]

Thank you for the info!

Thank you so much BrettJ and Red, for your help.

I will start reviewing later tonight or this week.

Thank care!

 

[BrettJ]

Yw

You are welcome PENNAGIRL. I also suggest you join another thread, like the PLAYGROUNDERS AND PROUD OF IT thread, to meet some people and make a friend or two.

Can't hurt.

BrettJ

Writer / Creator / Sensualist

 

[FazilKotuk]

Funny as hell toy story....for adults.

When It's Hot...STOP!
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=318153

Category: Humor/Satire

Review:

This is the first story that I have bothered to review or considered worth reviewing on Sunday in weeks. That's how much I've given up lately. However, with this, I might have an incentive to resume reviews...if it keeps up like this. This is a hilarious sex toy horror story about a woman who has incredible mishaps with an overpriced sex toy. I am sure that women will nod their heads in laughter and frustration at this one, from experience, and even men will find this amusing (I know that I did, though I do feel bad for the woman in question). I highly recommend this tale of clit-stimulating woes. I give it a 5.

 

[007buble]

Dreams

I had an odd dream: I was in a park in Copenhagen in the fall, photographing close-ups of colorful leaves in large-format. The park was very beautiful, towering trees in glowing colors all around me, the leaves on the ground rustling faintly when I walked and when I moved the tripod around.

I was standing on a small wooden bridge over a stream, photographing a large red leaf which had fallen on the handrail, when I heard flapping wings behind me. I was so engrossed in focusing that I didn't think about it except that it had to be a very large bird from the sound.

Then I felt a sort of... tingling presence from behind, and a voice said to me over my shoulder: "What are you doing?" The voice was sort of female, sort of child-like, but not really like anything I'd heard before. And it was coming from slightly above, which is unusual, since I am very tall. And then out of the corner of my eye, I saw something moving. It seemed to be a wing.

With some weird feeling in my chest, in between fear and excitement, I turned around. She was standing very close to me, and smiling in a way so that I felt calm and good right away. It seemed to be an angel.

She was taller than me, over two metres tall. Her wings were each longer than her body. On the whole, apart from the wings, she looked very human, except everything about her was luminous, sort of like dry pastel colors or stained glass windows. She was not wearing anything, and she had a perfection that in itself proved that she was nothing like human. One of her eyes was blue, the other green.

"Hi," she said, simply, and I felt very happy. "Hi," I said weakly. She shifted her weight to one foot, and seemed to be waiting for something. Finally she lifted an arched eyebrow and said "Hm?"

With astute intelligence, I said "Hm?"

To that she answered: "I asked you what you were doing, remember?"

I laughed, but was not embarrassed, for she had nothing teasing about her. "Oh that. I am... photographing. Making pictures. Of the leaves."

"Hm," she said, smiling, and then she lifted the black cloth over the view plate of the camera, and looked at the upside-down version of the picture I had framed. She studied it for a moment, turning her head on its side, left and right. Then she said, "I see. What for?"

I fumbled a bit and said: "It is art. It is meant to be nice, to be pleasant to look at. It makes one happy to look at. Like you do," I added, feeling pleased with having managed a compliment, no matter how inadequate.

She seemed faintly puzzled. "I am art?" she asked.

Oh dear. "Er, no," I stammered. "I guess not. You are... well, I dunno what you are... an angel? A person, certainly. Persons can be pretty too. Persons can also make other people happy."

"Oh," she said. "So why are you making art? If people are happy anyway?"

This was deeper waters than I had intended swimming in on such a quiet afternoon. "Oh, boy," I said. "Well. First, people are not happy always. And I guess art gives a special kind of happiness. It certainly does for me. It is hard to explain. It sort of gives one the feeling of being part of a higher purpose. Something divine, I guess." I looked at her and tried not to get lost in her glowing beauty. "Am I making sense?"

She laughed, a very pleasant sound. "I don't know. But I think you will, when I have learned more about the world and humans. It doesn't make a lot of sense yet, all in all."

"He he," I answered, "unless you are a whole lot smarter than most of us, it won't make a lot of sense for quite a while yet."

"Ah, it'll come to me," she said. "I have only been here for a couple hundred years."

She turned and walked away. I watched her, looking at her slender back and her spectacular wings. When she reached an open space, she bent a little at the knees, beat her huge wings, and took off, straight up. It was an amazing sight, and I watched with a mixture of awe and melancholy.

 

[RedHairedandFriendly]

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Belated Sunday Review (s)....

Yes, one or maybe more have caught my eye again....rare for a Sunday these days. I admit that I tend to not review stories that I have read if they don't impress me. It's usually tough for me to do anything else, unless I think that there is some redeeming value that some constructive criticism might help, and, this is the key here, that the writer might pay attention to such a critique.

In this case, I was very impressed with SoCalOvid's "Hanky Panky In The Family Tree", which is rare for a Loving Wives story. It was creative, if a bit stomach-churning in a useful way. That is, the very scene that I found most fascinating and distinctive was a bit gross. I don't have a vomiting fetish, but I was as amused as I was repulsed by the scene where the would-be adulteress found herself physically sick at the idea of cheating on her husband, when the moment came. That was creative, if a bit nauseating. Definitely funny and unique.

So far, in fact, SoCalOvid has impressed me with his talent for twisting the genre of infidelity and turning it on its head with plenty of humor. He is quite the satirist, in the best tradition. This was no different.

The fact that the wife thought that her husband was cheating and didn't wait for all of the facts was typical, but the twist that she couldn't bring herself to engage in a premature act of revenge sex was most refreshing, even if done in such a repulsive way. Perhaps only that would really drive it home, so to speak. It certainly kept my attention.

Here is the link....http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=319950

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

LW has had an unusually good week.

Back To Bristol- Ch. 6 by GaryAPB
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=320105

A second LW story that actually has some merit. This one is darker and more disturbing, as part of a series by GaryAPB. It's a very impressive, dramatic, plot-filled tale of suspense, love, cheating, sex, regrets, and corporate intrigue. I was more than a little pleased at how it has turned out. I just hope that the man in question doesn't slip again. Once was a nice revenge, since the cheated husband was the man who seduced his wife away from the hero in the first place. Continuing it would be gratuitous and only hold onto the past.

I think that Chris needs to move on and not try get Molly back. The character of Myra would make an excellent choice, I believe. Those of you who already have read this story will know what I mean. Others I recommend to go ahead and read it, but read the first 5 chapters before it. That way, it will make more sense.

I think that Molly (the ex) wants Chris (the hero) back, but I wouldn't want them to reconcile. She has a second marriage that she needs to try to work on first. If she concludes that she can't work that out, then maybe she should get back with Chris. But she should truly examine why she cheated and tell him....as well as whether she really loves him, or is just sentimental about the marriage that she threw away for another man. She needs to figure out why she slept with her ex, too. It was clear that she was the aggressor there, which isn't wrong, but it says something. We would all like to know what exactly it means.

The main reason that I have doubts about them getting back together is that I don't think that Chris loves her as much as she loves him. That's a highly dubious and one-sided situation, and the chances of failure are much greater that way. In any case, the cheating was wrong, but she was human, as was he, demonstrated by him turning around and cuckolding the man who once cuckolded him. Well, I can understand revenge. I just hope that is what it was, a simple, human reaction, not a wimp/fetish/cuckold thing.

That being said, I really enjoyed this story and the previous 5 chapters. I very much recommend them to the reader.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

Spanking Good Fun!

Spanking Megan by RossDaniels
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=319903

Ah, yes, after two straight LW stories (very unusual for me as a Reviewer), it's back to my first love: BDSM. This is just a good, solid old spanking/Male Dom story, with some extracurricular aspects. You'll see what I mean. One thing is sure, though. The commenter who called this a "wimp" story completely missed the mark. It is the furthest thing from it. The man is definitely in charge and lets his slave/sub know what he thinks of her fucking another guy. I highly recommend it.