New Incest Story

[ZIP CODE]

Hello.

Let me know what you think.

A Dad gets trapped in basement with his daughter and her best friend.

PRIMAL URGES ERUPT

 

[Zaudika]

Definitely a very very interesting incest/rape type story. Only thing I noticed wrong was that in several parts you repeated things. Like the block of text I've attached.

his heart skipped a beat at what he saw. Rousing from sleep, Chyler's equally stunning body rolled out of the sleeping bag and stretched out her arms and legs. She yawned and brushed her long brunette hair out of her face. Frank's grip on Mia's sides tensed. His fingers pressed into hw. Rousing from sleep, Chyler's equally stunning body rolled out of the sleeping bag and stretched out her arms and legs. She yawne and brushed her long brunette hair out of her face. Frank's grip on Mia's sides tensed. His fingers pressed into hw. Rousing from sleep, Chyler's equally stunning body rolled out of the sleeping bag and stretched out her arms and legs. She yawneand brushed her long brunette hair out of her face. Frank's grip on Mia's sides tensed. His fingers pressed into hw. Rousing from sleep, Chyler's equally stunning body rolled out of the sleeping bag and stretched out her arms and legs. She yawneer head back to the door. Her long brown hair whipped around her shoulders and her suddenly frightened eyes locked on her friend Mia and her father in the doorway. She also just noticed the floor beneath her was not entirely stable. In a blink of an eye, Chyler was utterly awake and scared to death.

Basically.. Chyler rolls out of her sleeping bag about 7 times.
You do a good job at being really descriptive also.
-Zaudika

 

[ZIP CODE]

Yeah, I know.

I'm a little pissed about that.

Nothing was repeated like that when I submitted it.

Zip Code

 

[damppanties]

Hot, hot , HOT!!!

Writing this as I am reading...

Almost every other home was reduced to ruble.

You need to specify other than which one.
ruble should be rubble.


An incomplete sentence:
His hand roaming up between Mia’s legs and rubbing the outside of her pink panties.

There are many throughout the story.


Mia was balling now

What’s balling? Slang?


She awkwardly turned her head back to her Dad. Her long black hair flipping around her shoulders.

She awkwardly turned her head back to her Dad, her long black hair flipping around her shoulders.


I absolutely loved the phone conversation between Chyler and her dad. Real well done!


Flicking her clit like a baseball card on the spokes of a bicycle.

Too cool. *laughing*

My only complaint is that you went overboard with the amount of sex. For hours?? Non-stop??? Ok, and the last paragraph… what happened in the last two lines? I got the feeling that you lost steam somewhere after the detailed sex and just wrote the rest of the story to finish it off.

The story was truly excellent. I especially liked the way you explained the positions in some places. I was simply hooked from start to finish. I must confess that I copied the story into my computer and the only way I found some of the errors was bcos of my spellchecker. It was just too captivating. I look forward for more from please.

Definitely keep writing.

-DP.

 

[Whispersecret]

Mia was balling now

What’s balling? Slang?

I didn't read the story, but could he have meant, "bawling?"

 

[damppanties]

I didn't read the story, but could he have meant, "bawling?"

I don't know, I noticed the word two times in the story, in the same context, so I thought I'd mention it.

-DP.