Natural or Taught ?

[PyroDemon]

After doing alot of reading, a little posting, and talking to some intellegent people for a change, I as always got curious about something. Where you " Naturaly" a Dom/me-Master or Slave/sub , or where you brought into the life and taught by someone? I myself was a natural, I wanted to control the situation and have my partner obey my command from my first sexual encounter. I have never been taught or actually spent alot of time reaserching or investigating about BDSM much. To me for all of my life it was just the way I did things. I am finding out that I have alot to learn. Even that I was in danger of harming myself and my partner simply from ignorance. So, where you taught or not ? Because I am finding out that there is alot to understand and realize that being "natural" and not going out and getting more knowledge is like playing with fire, it is fun till someone get's burned.

 

[Miss Oatlash]

I always thought I wanted to experience the submissive role. Then, one night I met a man who gave me that experience. I hated it!

Later, by luck, fortune or fate, I met my devoted slave. He 'taught' me my true role as a Mistress. It came much more naturally than I thought it could. When I shared my new passion with a couple of former lovers, expecting them to be surprised, they all responded, "I can see you in that role!"

I guess I had it in me all along...

 

[WriterDom]

So, where you taught or not ? Because I am finding out that there is alot to understand and realize that being "natural" and not going out and getting more knowledge is like playing with fire, it is fun till someone get's burned. [/B]

Err on the side of caution, and play within your limits. If you have specific questions on safety, someone can help you here.

Get involved with a group if you can. Many have monthly demos. It is a much better way to learn than being self taught in my opinion.

I've been at the same place you are now. Once you realize how much you don't know is when you truly begin to learn. Good luck on your journey.

 

[PyroDemon]

Re: Re: Natural or Taught ?

Originally posted by WriterDom
Err on the side of caution, and play within your limits. If you have specific questions on safety, someone can help you here.

Get involved with a group if you can. Many have monthly demos. It is a much better way to learn than being self taught in my opinion.

I've been at the same place you are now. Once you realize how much you don't know is when you truly begin to learn. Good luck on your journey.

Alot of my eye opening has come from reading your posts. It seems the more I read the less I knew and the more I know the need to understand gets stronger. Kinda like breathing, you never pay attention to it because you do it naturally. Then one day the air is gone and you have to know why and how can you get it back. Then all of a sudden you need to learn. I know why I am a dominant, it shows in my life in all I do. And being the perfectionist I tend to be, I want to now know why and to be better. Thanks and I am sure your help will be of use.

 

[WriterDom]

Thanks ToyDoc .

sir_Winston54 has been in the game a lot longer than me. He has been helpful to me, and I'm sure he'd answer any questions you don't want to ask on the board.

And Shadow is a Goddess. Don't ever skip one of her threads.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

It's a blend of both for everyone, whether they realize the truth, or not. SD has the respect from many on this board, but you'll often hear her speak of learning techniques from someone that knows said technique. i applaud your reading for information, but i'd personally hesitate before applying some things read without seeing them done by someone experienced. i'd go so far as practice on an inanimate object for some of the way out on the bleeding edge items.

Knowing your limits, expanding within your comfort zone and above all, control mark the intelligent and wise PYL.

 

[Netzach]

A highly unpopular methodology, but one I've found to be incomparable for my understanding:

give up some of that precious control and have someone do what you would to to others.

Yeah, it wasn't usually my idea of a good time, though I enjoyed some things I never thought I would have enjoyed. But there's really no substitute for that experiential connection you gain when you're whacking, ordering around, tying up or down or whatever your perversion of choice is.

As it's been said, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. "

 

[PyroDemon]

I have to admit that having this time of has made me understand a few things better. I guess for some reason alot of it is a "why" type question right now. I do not tend to go to the extremes in that I am afraid of causing permanant damage or such. Alot of it is the search for making what I enjoy even better maybe. To make it even better for my sub/slave. And of course like others, finding out just what does make me tick, having a sounding board and outside opinions such as the ones so graciously given here help tremendously. We all know that is a never ending road and I think I have found a good roadsign to point the way.

I have tried to be submissive and to experience for myself. It not only feels wrong, it tends to bring out a defensive reflex that I fear could make me violent. Too many skeletons in my closet I suppose. I have always had a difficulty with violence agains't men, a natural alpha pack animal reflex maybe, women, although I get rather rough with, I never get violent with or wish to harm. Strange that I want to control a woman in bed and home when I used to spend so much time teaching them to defend themselves. A paradox ?

 

[Netzach]

The reasons you listed are some of why the notion that one "must" do it the way I decsribed to be considered a good Top/Dom/Master is losing ground in the community at large. I'm not a fan of musts, but I think at the minumum, giving it a try, as you have, is important.

I went through as much alpha animal angst as you describe and eventually decided that repeatedly trying to submit/bottom wasn't good for me or the tops I was involved with on a serious level. Boy I sure did learn a lot about how to be satanically wicked and make it a fun time for someone overall, though.

I also trained with a mentor sporadically. I like the idea of mentoring, but make sure you either pick someone with no need to get in your pants AA sponsor style, or make it someone you can get in the pants of very casually and friendly-like with no emotional weight.

 

[FungiUg]

Natural, I guess. I was introduced into it by an experienced submissive, but I've never really been "taught". I have learned a great deal by talking to people in places like here though. And my reading, experimenting, even fantasising.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

ROFL!!!

... pick someone with no need to get in your pants AA sponsor style ...

oh great ... now i'm the poster child for the celibate life ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/fruit.gif

 

[Netzach]

ROFL...somehow that gif makes it 20 times funnier

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Smile

ROFL...somehow that gif makes it 20 times funnier

Beats the hell out of (pun intended) http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/BouncingMickey.gif membership.

While i can imagine Donald doing Daisy, most notably, getting head; Mickie doing Minnie boggles my imagination.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well at the risk of boring everyone... I've said this before.

Dominant personalities are born. It's how a person is wired genetically, before birth.
But birth order and a couple of other things that occur after in the environment, have an effect on this, too.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Dominant personalities are born. It's how a person is wired genetically, before birth.
But birth order and a couple of other things that occur after in the environment, have an effect on this, too.

Nature v. Nurture. I can see both sides of this, and I can see them working together. I think submissive personalities lend themselves more towards the nurture side of things. Have you ever read "When Rabbit Howls?" I always think of how she was made into what she is, not born into it.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Nature v. Nurture. I can see both sides of this, and I can see them working together. I think submissive personalities lend themselves more towards the nurture side of things. Have you ever read "When Rabbit Howls?" I always think of how she was made into what she is, not born into it.

I don't think it's a one thing VERSUS another thing... I think it's a one thing that DEPENDS on another. But I do think we agree, judging from your posts.

I've meant to read that particular book and I guess I will hunt it down now that you mention it. ;-)

 

[sweetnpetite]

I don't think it's a one thing VERSUS another thing... I think it's a one thing that DEPENDS on another. But I do think we agree, judging from your posts.

I've meant to read that particular book and I guess I will hunt it down now that you mention it. ;-)

We learn together, and make it up as we go.

Purists would probably say we're just extremely kinky. Wouldn't hurt my feelings none!

 

[lassarina]

For years i was submissive in the bedroom without knowing what submission was. i just thought i was a kinky person and enjoyed the kinky sex. i also didn't realize that i wasn't the only one to feel like this. Then i met my Master and we dated for a good while before He ever introduced real kink into my life. He was Dom with many years of experience and recognized the sub tendencies within me. i believe that i was born with these tendencies and that they are gentically as much a part of me as my eye color. i have been very lucky over the years and had Doms that have taught (and continue to teach me) many things. my first BDSM checklist was mostly "no i would never do that" but as i grow and learn its changed to "that sounds interesting-i'd like to try that". i still have hard limits that will not be crossed but they aren't that many today. Its been a learning experience for me and one that i look forward to having for many years!

 

[Etoile]

Like lassarina, I was always submissive but didn't know it until I met my Daddy. So I guess it's a bit of both natural and taught.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Thanks ToyDoc .

sir_Winston54 has been in the game a lot longer than me. He has been helpful to me, and I'm sure he'd answer any questions you don't want to ask on the board.

And Shadow is a Goddess. Don't ever skip one of her threads.

Thanks for the compliment. You've made me blush, and that's hard to do! LOL.

ToyDoc, WD is right - about Shadow, lol. Seriously, though, if you have a question in my areas of expertise (find some of my posts for more info), I'll be happy to provide the best answer I can, or refer you to the best information source I know of.

Learning = living. If we cease to learn, we might as well cease breathing. Your attitude toward learning all you can to be the best you can is admirable. You've made a good start in coming here.

 

[RJMasters]

Grinz

Whenever I see a thread about this topic and hear the answer, "I was born a dominant" I always think of a doctor holding up a baby and smacking it on the azz, to which the baby looks at the doctor upside down and says "WTF is your problem?".

I think a person is definately born either more dominant or more submissive. I think then its a matter of accepting and learning.

I also think it is possible to learn submission or learn how to be dominant. But learning these things does not change how you were born. Sometimes out of neccessity and for survival, we can rise or fall to meet the circumstances life throws at us in order to survive. The after effects can be good or very devistating, and can be passed on from generation to generation as learned behavior.

 

[PyroDemon]

Originally posted by sir_Winston54
Thanks for the compliment. You've made me blush, and that's hard to do! LOL.

ToyDoc, WD is right - about Shadow, lol. Seriously, though, if you have a question in my areas of expertise (find some of my posts for more info), I'll be happy to provide the best answer I can, or refer you to the best information source I know of.

Learning = living. If we cease to learn, we might as well cease breathing. Your attitude toward learning all you can to be the best you can is admirable. You've made a good start in coming here.

The most important thing to me besides love, friendship, and honor, is knowledge. With it can come power, wealth, and happiness. I do have many questions, alot are being answered by generous people such as yourself. I am finding very informative people in both the Dom and sub side of the coin. So do not be suprised if I pop my opinionated self into a post and interject my spew of personal views.

Today I was officially released from a 17 year relationship, not left or divorced, simply released from a promise I made. Nothing that comes as a suprise I suppose, just the way life and growth goes. So I am sure my road to enlightenment will now be even more adventurous.

I do have to thank everyone that has replied. I have talked to many people over the years, alot in the last two and I have never recieved answers that smacked of honesty and sincerity as these. It makes me doubt alot of my previous knowledge. I do not doubt myself much. But without it you do not learn, you do not grow. The road to growth is often bumpy and full of obstacles. Guess it is time I lace up my boots and get to travelin' down it some more.

Thanks alot and please keep posting your opinions if and when you feel like it. I like to think I am unique and a one of a kind. I may be, but I am finding that I might be unigue, but I am not alone.

 

[A Desert Rose]

...road to growth is often bumpy and full of obstacles. Guess it is time I lace up my boots and get to travelin' down it some more...

The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

 

[Kajira Callista]

thats one of my favoritest poems ADR

 

[A Desert Rose]

thats one of my favoritest poems ADR

Mine too. I love Frost. He says so much, so simply and in such few words. ;-) My kinda man!