monogamy-why?

[Aaron Dazer]

It was this kind of thinking that led to the Spanish Inquisition, burning 'witches' at the stake, the Holocaust........ narrow minded people.... afraid of anything new, different, not like them.....

I would also like to add I’m a direct descendent of Jacob DE Louzada. One of the First Jewish immigrants of the United States. Who Fled Spain Due to the Spanish Inquisition to marry his Wife Rachel in a Synagogue. And resent your presumption. and never stated FEAR over anything different. and FYI Polygamy is the OLD way. Monogamy is the NEW. Who’s not changing?

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Why do you assume that poly people are not truthful and honest? You said anything the social majority did not agree with was abnormal - not me. And you're all about denfending what you call "normal" Have at it darling - root root root for the home team and all that. All I'm saying is I don't think that's correct OR very open minded IMHO. I really don't care who you're related to.

 

[KinkyKiki]

But what do you do if they dont share the same idea as you???

If they don't share the same idea then they're the one not being monogomous....not you.

Besides if they aren't fully committed to you in the same way you are then you're not truly in love anyway. Yes, you may love them, you may love them very deeply, but you're not IN love with them because true love is a two way deal. It takes both people to commit.

KinkyKiki

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Ok if you say you are the following would be true.

If your in a committed relationship you.
A: Focus all your Feelings to said partner. And no one else OR
B: Tell Said Partner openly and with out deception your going to Experience relations with others.

That would leave you honorable and courageous if you stuck with them.
I however would have a hard time calling you loyal.

I'll rebuttal that with a previous quote of mine. I never said Poly isn’t honest (though most aren’t) I said if your Poly and honest you lack only Loyalty. And being Loyal and Honest is hard and admirable.

Who I’m related to is of significance when YOU try and throw the Holocaust and Spanish Inquisition at ME.

You said anything the social majority did not agree with was abnormal

Is true by the very definition. But doesn’t argue Individuality and uniqueness as flaws. Disloyally I do however view as a flaw of character.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

If they don't share the same idea then they're the one not being monogomous....not you.

Besides if they aren't fully committed to you in the same way you are then you're not truly in love anyway. Yes, you may love them, you may love them very deeply, but you're not IN love with them because true love is a two way deal. It takes both people to commit.

KinkyKiki

Thank you for your wonderful Point.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Bottom line regardless of honesty about it, Polygamy fundamentally lacks Loyalty and commitment. A TRUE relationship by definition contains Commitment and loyalty. Polygamy is primitive and impulsive. Monogamy is Loyal and overcomes instinctive physical feelings. Being Loyal, Committed and having Virtue is Righteous.

Kudos to those who’s life is fulfilled with out Righteous and Virtues. I couldn’t be content with such a lack of conscience.
Living life with out a true relationship appears very very empty and unfulfilling to me. If you strive for and feel you've accomplish happiness without ever knowing full and true love, I pity your mirage.

 

[KinkyKiki]

ditto

 

[SweetErika]

Bottom line regardless of honesty about it, Polygamy fundamentally lacks Loyalty and commitment. A TRUE relationship by definition contains Commitment and loyalty. Polygamy is primitive and impulsive. Monogamy is Loyal and overcomes instinctive physical feelings. Being Loyal, Committed and having Virtue is Righteous.

Kudos to those who’s life is fulfilled with out Righteous and Virtues. I couldn’t be content with such a lack of conscience.
Living life with out a true relationship appears very very empty and unfulfilling to me. If you strive for and feel you've accomplish happiness without ever knowing full and true love, I pity your mirage.

Aaron, how exactly are you defining the following terms:
-polygamy
-monogamy
-loyal
-committed
-virtue
-relationship

It seems some of us have different ideas of what these mean, so perhaps hearing your definitions would give your posts clarity and context.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

Aaron, how exactly are you defining the following terms:
-polygamy
-monogamy
-loyal
-committed
-virtue
-relationship

It seems some of us have different ideas of what these mean, so perhaps hearing your definitions would give your posts clarity and context.

polygamy
\Po*lyg"a*my\, n. [Gr. ?; cf. F. polygamie.] 1. The having of a plurality of wives or husbands at the same time; usually, the marriage of a man to more than one woman, or the practice of having several wives, at the same time; -- opposed to monogamy; as, the nations of the East practiced polygamy. See the Note under Bigamy, and cf. Polyandry.

2. (Zo["o]l.) The state or habit of having more than one mate.

mo·nog·a·my (m-ng-m)
n.

The practice or condition of being married to only one person at a time.
The condition of having only one mate.

loyal
\Loy"al\, a. [F. loyal, OF. loial, leial, L. legalis, fr. lex, legis, law. See Legal, and cf. Leal.] 1. Faithful to law; upholding the lawful authority; faithful and true to the lawful government; faithful to the prince or sovereign to whom one is subject; unswerving in allegiance.

Welcome, sir John ! But why come you in arms ? - To help King Edward in his time of storm, As every loyal subject ought to do. --Shak.

2. True to any person or persons to whom one owes fidelity, especially as a wife to her husband, lovers to each other, and friend to friend; constant; faithful to a cause or a principle.

Your true and loyal wife. --Shak.

Unhappy both, but loyaltheir loves. --Dryden.

commitment
n 1: the trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose; "a man of energy and commitment" [syn: committedness] 2: the act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action; "his long commitment to public service"; "they felt no loyalty to a losing team" [syn: allegiance, loyalty, dedication]

virtue
n 1: the quality of doing what is right and avoiding what is wrong [syn: virtuousness, moral excellence] 2: any admirable quality or attribute; "work of great merit" [syn: merit] [ant: demerit] 3: morality with respect to sexual relations [syn: chastity, sexual morality] 4: a particular moral excellence

re·la·tion·ship ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-lshn-shp)
n.
The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.
Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.
A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings.
A romantic or sexual involvement.

 

[tendril]

Bottom line regardless of honesty about it, Polygamy fundamentally lacks Loyalty and commitment. A TRUE relationship by definition contains Commitment and loyalty. Polygamy is primitive and impulsive. Monogamy is Loyal and overcomes instinctive physical feelings. Being Loyal, Committed and having Virtue is Righteous.

Kudos to those who’s life is fulfilled with out Righteous and Virtues. I couldn’t be content with such a lack of conscience.
Living life with out a true relationship appears very very empty and unfulfilling to me. If you strive for and feel you've accomplish happiness without ever knowing full and true love, I pity your mirage.

I have been in a monogamous relationship since about the time you were born (going by your DOB on your profile) but I have never, ever considered my choice as being better or above that of someone living in a poly relationship.

Are your views drawn from experience?

 

[Aaron Dazer]

I have been in a monogamous relationship since about the time you were born (going by your DOB on your profile) but I have never, ever considered my choice as being better or above that of someone living in a poly relationship.

Are your views drawn from experience?

my views threw experience? Yes they are. Threw personal experience and observation of many others. I’ve literally been around the world.

As well as the Fundamental understanding of the above outlined relationships.

I hold commitment and Loyalty in esteem. Two things you can’t truely have in a Poly-relationship. Total unadulterated Love, pure Unity of two souls. I’m not saying they are lesser people, just experiencing less then life has to give.

 

[tendril]

my views threw experience? Yes they are. Threw personal experience and observation of many others. I’ve literally been around the world.

As well as the Fundamental understanding of the above outlined relationships.

I hold commitment and Loyalty in esteem. Two things you can’t truely have in a Poly-relationship. Total unadulterated Love, pure Unity of two souls. I’m not saying they are lesser people, just experiencing less then life has to give.

I've been around the world too, but it hasn't qualified me to prejudge the way someone else lives.

I cannot see how chosing a poly lifestyle will exclude loyalty or commitment from the relationship.

Let's just agree to disagree.

 

[Aaron Dazer]

I've been around the world too, but it hasn't qualified me to prejudge the way someone else lives.

I cannot see how chosing a poly lifestyle will exclude loyalty or commitment from the relationship.

Let's just agree to disagree.

No issue here. I will however say I make a distinction between prejudging someone and debating a Lifestyle choice that was opened for such. I will consider someone honest util shown other wise. Most people I’ve encountered who don’t live a non-monogamist life style are rarely honest about it.

I hate to use fiction but take Samantha Jones from Sex in the City. I think her a Strong and Honest Women. Who is rarely deceptive. She however is an exception rather then a rule for most non-monogamist. I hold the fictional Character in high regard given her Commitment to her chosen and Expressed Life style. However if she were a real person i see Dying Lonely and alone.

 

[James G 5]

and FYI Polygamy is the OLD way. Monogamy is the NEW. Who’s not changing?

Actually, modern polamoury and old style polygamy are very different creatures

Modern poly has arisen largely as a response to the failure of monogamy paradigms

 

[James G 5]

Bottom line regardless of honesty about it, Polygamy fundamentally lacks Loyalty and commitment. A TRUE relationship by definition contains Commitment and loyalty. Polygamy is primitive and impulsive. Monogamy is Loyal and overcomes instinctive physical feelings. Being Loyal, Committed and having Virtue is Righteous.

Kudos to those who’s life is fulfilled with out Righteous and Virtues. I couldn’t be content with such a lack of conscience.
Living life with out a true relationship appears very very empty and unfulfilling to me. If you strive for and feel you've accomplish happiness without ever knowing full and true love, I pity your mirage.

Main Entry: com·mit·ment
Pronunciation: k&-'mit-m&nt
Function: noun
Date: 1621
1 a : an act of committing to a charge or trust: as (1) : a consignment to a penal or mental institution (2) : an act of referring a matter to a legislative committee b : MITTIMUS
2 a : an agreement or pledge to do something in the future; especially : an engagement to assume a financial obligation at a future date b : something pledged c : the state or an instance of being obligated or emotionally impelled <a commitment to a cause>

Hmmm
I don't see anything in there that says "2 People Only"
I know a few triads that've been together since their late teens/early 20's and are now approaching their 50's
They are very committed to one another, and have remained loyal
They don't see others outside their group.
So by your standards are they OK?

And I think any time someone starts throwing around "righteous" in the way you do, they've probably crossed the line in to being SLEF-righteous

 

[James G 5]

I hold commitment and Loyalty in esteem. Two things you can’t truely have in a Poly-relationship. Total unadulterated Love, pure Unity of two souls.

As for commitment and loyalty, please see previous comments re long term triads

Regarding the souls bit, by your standards aetheists can't really love?

 

[SweetErika]

Not that I need validation or justification from others, but by Aaron's definitions, I'm in a "true relationship" and am:
Loyal (I'm true to my husband and friend and faithful to the principle of our marriage, and have upheld my vows)

Committed (I'm intellectually and emotionally bound to my spouse and marriage, for life)

Virtuous (By being honest, I've done what is right and moral)

Courageous, honorable, and righteous.

However, we have decided monogamy isn't the best option for me right now. If anything, that decision has made our relationship stronger. When all parties are honest and respectful, non-monogamy can lead to a higher state as well.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

Ok - I have a question - are polyamory(now I'm not even sure I'm spelling that right?) and polygamy the same?

And if someone is in a monogamous relationship but occasionally strays is that failed monogamy? Or polyamory or poligamy?


Does every polyamorus relationship HAVE to include 3 full time partners? Or is it still poly if its a committed couple where each ccasionally strays (whether known or unknow to the partner) ?

Does the labeling differ if the 'straying' is known or unknown to the other spouse?

 

[sxylegs]

my views threw experience? Yes they are. Threw personal experience and observation of many others. I’ve literally been around the world.

As well as the Fundamental understanding of the above outlined relationships.

I hold commitment and Loyalty in esteem. Two things you can’t truely have in a Poly-relationship. Total unadulterated Love, pure Unity of two souls. I’m not saying they are lesser people, just experiencing less then life has to give.

I do agree with most of what you say. Except for one thing.....I have a friend that is in a Poly relationship......it is one guy and 4 women.....each one is committed to the relationship and to each other and in that committment and loyality it works.....I think you are using Poly-relationship with players.....and that is different.....

 

[sxylegs]

Ok - I have a question - are polyamory(now I'm not even sure I'm spelling that right?) and polygamy the same?

And if someone is in a monogamous relationship but occasionally strays is that failed monogamy? Or polyamory or poligamy?


Does every polyamorus relationship HAVE to include 3 full time partners? Or is it still poly if its a committed couple where each ccasionally strays (whether known or unknow to the partner) ?

Does the labeling differ if the 'straying' is known or unknown to the other spouse?

If in a committed relationship and one strays, it is cheating....if it is an open relationship, it is one of the polys......

 

[sxylegs]

Not that I need validation or justification from others, but by Aaron's definitions, I'm in a "true relationship" and am:
Loyal (I'm true to my husband and friend and faithful to the principle of our marriage, and have upheld my vows)

Committed (I'm intellectually and emotionally bound to my spouse and marriage, for life)

Virtuous (By being honest, I've done what is right and moral)

Courageous, honorable, and righteous.

However, we have decided monogamy isn't the best option for me right now. If anything, that decision has made our relationship stronger. When all parties are honest and respectful, non-monogamy can lead to a higher state as well.

But you are being honest and loyal.....you are honest with both partners and you are not going behind their backs for a 3 or 4th person.......

 

[overthebow]

Main Entry: shit-head
Pronunciation: shit-hed
Function: noun
Date: 1621
1 n : derogatory term used to describe someone who thinks that posting cut and pastes from some online dictionary gives his posts legitimacy.

 

[crazybbwgirl]

If in a committed relationship and one strays, it is cheating....if it is an open relationship, it is one of the polys......

Yeah - I know what cheating is! lol I'm just confused over the those two poly terms?????

 

[sxylegs]

Yeah - I know what cheating is! lol I'm just confused over the those two poly terms?????

Sorry I wasnt quite awake when I posted that.......i guess I meant to say if it is behind your back it isnt either of the polys.....

 

[sxylegs]

Just checked the definition of polyamore and if this is what you were talking about it is about a woman having multiple husbands
where polygamy is man having multiple wifes....so basically same thing......Im glad I looked it up....I didnt know....

Hope you all have a great weekend!!!!