Mentoring? And should good mentoring have a time limit?

[Mr Blonde]

Two parts!

A. What is your experience with mentoring? (See poll)

B. Should good mentoring have a time limit?

With that second question, I mean should the mentoring relationship have clear goals that the mentor/mentee try to accomplish during a certain period of time. And after that period of training/guidance is complete, the mentee is set free to make their own choices and the mentor is available on a limited basis for occasional followup.

My number one complaint about mentoring is that sometimes it becomes protracted and the dialogue continues long after any useful wisdom has been imparted. I have not mentored anyone on BDSM, but in other areas of life I have some mentoring experience. In those cases, we committed to a list of goals and a schedule was worked out. At the end, the person "graduated" and I faded into the background unless called into the picture for specific input.

As for BDSM context, I witness from afar some people speak of needing approval from their mentors and to make relatively basic decisions. I don't see where a mentor should be rubberstamping the mentee's relationship choices, or stepping in to give advice to their former protege's current partner about what is appropriate. That seems too much. A "teacher" should lead their own life and not meddle in their student's business.

Your thoughts?

(I am aware of this thread but I am approaching the topic differently.)

 

[catalina_francisco]

Have been mentored and mentored, though in a less intense way than my own experience. I think the length of the relationship, like any other relationship, is going to differ from person to person, situation to situation. As someone who was mentored, I was guided and given an insight I could never have gotten any other way without becoming a lot more r/l one on one involved with another person.

As a continuance of the mentoring, he was there to guide me in my search, tell me when he thought I was going overboard, and listen and advise me on my experiences and thoughts. He remains a good friend to this day, but no, he never sought to have an over riding say in my relationship once I had become involved, nor would I have wanted that.....once involved in a realtime relationship it is time to give your focus and trust to the one who you are involved with face to face. You still can share things you wouldn't with most people, but the power belongs to one only and that is not your former mentor.

My part as a mentor has been on a smaller, less involved scale which suits me at this stage. I am open to more if the right person asked and I felt I had the time needed to offer what was required, but I don't actually go out to seek it.

Catalina

 

[Netzach]

My experience as a mentee was formalized with agreements, but they were basic commonsense ones, and frankly some of them fell by the wayside. I find that formality is sometimes setting oneself up for disappointments in a world filled with overtime, sick babies, bills and life, that's how it is for me, formality is hard enough with a slave. Mentorship, to me, should have few rules, be as flexible as possible, and as frequent as possible, it should be a sense of obligation on the part of the experienced to help the less experienced, it's very natural for me to answer anyone's questions as best I can.

Because of that lesson learned, I am very informal about mentoring. I have someone who considers herself my mentee, and basically that means that if she wants to bitch, ask questions, learn skills I have, or anything, she's more than welcome to do so.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Not a slam

(I am aware of this thread but I am approaching the topic differently.)

i can understand the start of a thread if you're doing empirical research with a poll as you've done elsewhere.

Unless the primary purpose is for the explicit poll, or the time limit question, you've got opinions in all of these, including yours.
https://forum.literotica.com/search...=2155689&sortby=lastpost&sortorder=descending

As for answering, never formally, in either direction. i've read, listened, and exchanged ideas here, and elsewhere with others. As MissT mentioned, either in her thread or another, reading what others have said, watching others at a munch/meeting/party proves a valuable source of information to fill in anyone's gaps of knowledge.

Then again, we can all drop in on Netzi and Winston sometime. Maybe diveret SD south on one of her trips to Canada would help as well.

 

[incubus'_sub]

My experience is much the same as AA described and I've never felt the need for formal mentoring either way.

 

[LadyNatasha]

I've given and received, both.

What I received was very casual, more a buddy mentor than anything else and whilst I did glean quite a bit of information from Her, I don't feel I got everything I could have had We been a bit more organized about the whole shebang.

The mentoring I gave was goal-oriented and fairly specific, and though the pyl is someone I consider a friend, I treated her more as a pupil in that context than anything else. Once she was completed with her assignments/lessons/objectives W/we moved on and remain friends today.

 

[BlueSugar]

I am a "pyl" who has never mentored anyone but I have received mentoring.

mentoring meaning anything I have asked for/about on Lit boards. But as for someone in the room, or phone or one on one... I haven't recieved any. And from that, I have "mentored" M here and there... but I don't think that counts.

 

[LunarKitten]

Two parts!

A. What is your experience with mentoring? (See poll)

B. Should good mentoring have a time limit?

With that second question, I mean should the mentoring relationship have clear goals that the mentor/mentee try to accomplish during a certain period of time. And after that period of training/guidance is complete, the mentee is set free to make their own choices and the mentor is available on a limited basis for occasional followup.

My number one complaint about mentoring is that sometimes it becomes protracted and the dialogue continues long after any useful wisdom has been imparted. I have not mentored anyone on BDSM, but in other areas of life I have some mentoring experience. In those cases, we committed to a list of goals and a schedule was worked out. At the end, the person "graduated" and I faded into the background unless called into the picture for specific input.

As for BDSM context, I witness from afar some people speak of needing approval from their mentors and to make relatively basic decisions. I don't see where a mentor should be rubberstamping the mentee's relationship choices, or stepping in to give advice to their former protege's current partner about what is appropriate. That seems too much. A "teacher" should lead their own life and not meddle in their student's business.

Your thoughts?

(I am aware of this thread but I am approaching the topic differently.)

Hmmm...I think it depends on the person's level of experience and the relationships with the mentor. I had someone take me under their wing when I first went realtime in my local group. We never negotiated the relationship, nor did we ever really call it mentoring. But he kept an eye on me and made sure I didn't do anything really stupid lol

One thing I am very adament about for mentoring - something that I hear a lot from workshops I attend, as well - is that the relationship should in no way, shape or form, include sex. You see too many people offer themselves up for mentoring lessons, when all they care about is getting into the other person's pants. That isn't mentoring, that's getting laid.

 

[Netzach]

Re: Re: Mentoring? And should good mentoring have a time limit?

Hmmm...I think it depends on the person's level of experience and the relationships with the mentor. I had someone take me under their wing when I first went realtime in my local group. We never negotiated the relationship, nor did we ever really call it mentoring. But he kept an eye on me and made sure I didn't do anything really stupid lol

One thing I am very adament about for mentoring - something that I hear a lot from workshops I attend, as well - is that the relationship should in no way, shape or form, include sex. You see too many people offer themselves up for mentoring lessons, when all they care about is getting into the other person's pants. That isn't mentoring, that's getting laid.

Generally yes. I play with the girl I mentor though and there aren't really issues there, I play with her wife too...I don't set myself up as an authority in the context of mentoring, I don't influence or dominate her when being infomative, I simply ask questions and say things that reassure her and help her figure out a lot of things for herself, her way.

Sex and play can happen, and mentoring can grow up out of play relationships... Mentoring someone with the intent to predatorially *nab* them is sleaze.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't think I have ever been in a position of being mentored or mentoring anyone, although I have been able to offer training. So I suppose that could fall into a related category.

Anything like time limits would be as agreed upon by the people involved. There are no hard or fast rules to these things.

 

[rosco rathbone]

If there is anything that gives me the creeps; it is the "mentoring" concept. How could this possibly be aboveboard on both sides? No friggin way. This is one of those areas where I say "if you think it was working for you, you were dreaming."

 

[Netzach]

well, R, that's why I say it's better if you do it AA style, with the gay men sponsoring the lesbos, the femsubs with the femsubs, the msubs with the femsubs, it's less liable to be pants-driven if you don't have Dominants mentoring submissives. I mean, WTF is the Dom going to teach you anyway? How to take a caning, although they've never taken one?

 

[rosco rathbone]

Oh, ok, I was thinking the Jon Jacobs (rip) "me mentoring my large harem of online submissives" thing.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

well, R, that's why I say it's better if you do it AA style ...

Oh sure ... push the focus back on me after i volunteer your place as a "hey, let's all just show up on her front doorstep."

 

[LunarKitten]

Oh sure ... push the focus back on me after i volunteer your place as a "hey, let's all just show up on her front doorstep."

Hmmm...party at Netzach's?!

 

[Mr Blonde]

Hmm...over half the people have been involved in some form of mentoring.

And I don't think a mentor "overstaying their welcome" is a problem for the loose situation that Netzach described.

Anyway, thanks for all of the replies and votes.