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Me and Mildred

I

IhateClowns

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Feb 7, 2010
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I have found my Sugar Mama. I would like for you to meet Mildred Snuggins.

http://img4.imageshack.us/img4/9326/a2cab4f00bc34a92.jpg

She was the very first to fill out an application and made it a point to leave a pair of panties in the envelope when she mailed it to me. I opened the envelope up and after I woke up from passing out at the stench that wafted over me I saw her picture and realized she was the one.

I will be filling in some details of how Mildred won the job. Some of her background and some of our exciting adventures. If you found the "Now Taking applications" thread offensive go ahead and block this one now fuckers....
 
I am going to share something private with all of you. I want you to see her answers to the application. That will help you understand why this wild cat was chosen over the other 2000+ applications that were sent to me.
 
Here is a picture of the panties Mildred sent me along with the application:

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/8237/84572df94512580e.jpg




Name: MIldred "Fuck Me hard" Snuggins

Address: Beverly Hills CA

Phone: 867-5309

SSN# 000-00-0001 I am the very first with a SSN

Blood Type: A+

Height:was 5'2" now 5' I am shrinking as I get older Weigh: 92lbs

Tit Size: Let me un-tuck them from my garter 34 longs and they are real

Garden Grooming Style: I have tomatos and cucumbers planted. Not sure what this has to do with a sugar mama

Ethnicity: White but I am down with the brown

Hair Color: Silver Eye Color: Cataract Blue with a hint of glaucoma

Annual Income: I don't work anymore but my husband God rest his soul was in oil. I am worth millions. Hope that is enough.

Square Footage of you house: 9405. That doesn't inclue the 7 car garage

Square Footage of the house you will buy me: Depends on how you lick my pussy. Isnt that was you boys call a Vagina now a days.

How much cash in your purse right now: $1214

Employer: You if you hire me

What type of car do you drive: I don't drive I have a driver drive me

Do you own any fur coats: I have a closet dedicated to them

Is your favorite movie Cocktail: Never seen it. I like Citizen Kane

Dogs or cats: Neither unless you mean Vaginas, I mean pussy ;)

Does size matter: Honey i lost feeling 10 years ago so size doesn't mean anything to me

Are your friends hot: No they are all dead

Do I have to be seen with you on a regular basis: Only when I need you to fuck my ass. I havent had ass sex since 66'

How are you willing to pay me Monthly or weekly: Daily if you please me

Do you believe in Santa Claus: Yes if you he stuff my stocking with you

If I got into a bad accident and was paralyzed would you still send me checks: Yes because I will just have you lay there and I can do what I want.

Are you currently employed as a sugar mama: No I have only had one sex partner

Are you a squirter: I havent been wet down there since thee Reagan Administration.

Is your pussy tight: When the wind blows really hard it whistles. What does that tell you?

Does the back of your neck look like a package of hot dogs: My whole body looks like a package of hotdogs

Is your ass so big you have to wipe it by reaching over your shoulder: I cant wipe my won ass anymore. I just change my diaper and use the shower head

Are you a waxer: I dont need to. The hair fell out 10 years ago

Are your nipples sensitive: yes but only because my waist band has rubbed them raw

Is your ass an exit only: No I want my asshole fucked till it bleeds

Do you believe in 3-somes: No because I am not sure I can handle a 2 some

Are you a smoker: Just your penis honey


This are specific questions obviously. Please in your own words describe what makes you the perfect sugar mama and why I should choose you to take your money and spend it on myself while mediocrely pleasing you sexually: I have a large amount o money that my kids want. They just don't come around anymore and are waiting for me to die so they can get their hands on it. Fuck them I wan to give it to someone who deserves it. I havent been touched since Edgar passed. I tried to use a toy once and broke a rib when the vibrator rubbed against it. My bones are fragile so you will have to be extra carefull with me. When I pass I want to die while your penis is inside me.
 
<set her pork rinds and Tab cola aside and waits breathlessly...> :D
Well, she certainly is quite the catch...and easy to catch, too! You couldn't possibly do better in her age range...
Mazel Tov...!
 
Last edited:
I think you can see by the application above that Mildred is a spritely old gal that will keep me on my toes. Speaking of toes she paid me $1500 to suck on them for 5 minutes. Now as you can see from the looks of her toes she must have been a dancer at some point in her life:

http://img695.imageshack.us/img695/7128/nt2j.jpg

Between the bumps and the smell of Ben Gay I almost lost it a couple of times but I needed the money for the Pabst Blue Ribbon and Chili Cook off meand my brother were having last night. I say cook off because even though it was only the two of us he said Wolf Brand Chili was better but some on we all know Hormel Chili is much much better.

Needless to say Mildred got quite ill later that night due to the tremendous amounts of methane gas that was being passed under our sheets. I swear she almost died. I couldnt allow that to happen yet as we havent been able to change her will. I almost had to give her mouth to mouth for free. Free!!! Can you believe that shit, ain't nothing free anymore damn it.

Excuse me the shitter is calling
 
AuralFix said:
<set her pork rinds and Tab cola aside and waits breathlessly...> :D
Well, she certainly is quite the catch...and easy to catch, too! You couldn't possibly do better in her age range...
Mazel Tov...!
Click to expand...

Thank you I am a blessed man. I am on my way to Costco right now to pick up a 1000 count viagara supply seeing that is the only way this huge beast is ever going to point north.
 
Congrats Clowns,

I'm glad you have found someone who suits your needs so very well. :)

That app was impressive :)
 
kendra1980 said:
Congrats Clowns,

I'm glad you have found someone who suits your needs so very well. :)

That app was impressive :)
Click to expand...

Kendra thank you. Mildred is sitting next to me now just beaming. Not sure if it is from the lovely compliment or the valium. Plus it is past her bedtime but thank you none the less. I am very fortunate.
 
Oh mercy me ....

I hope you and Mildred will be happy together

:D
 
Tell my grandma that the family misses her, and can't wait to see you and her at the wedding.



Try to avoid anal with her please, she's got a history of problems back there.


Thank you.
 
I'm so touched by the romance. Tears rolling down my cheeks.

Do you two love birds have a special song?
 
BradBigBrain said:
I'm so touched by the romance. Tears rolling down my cheeks.

Do you two love birds have a special song?
Click to expand...

You know I was talking to Mildred about that last night after a 30 second passionate lovemaking session. it only cost her $3000 for the session, but I wanted to know what song best represented us. She quickly answered with:

BB Kings Sugar Mama.

Now that is more her generation then mine. I was thinking more like Me So Horny or something but she felt that was too vulger. I let her pick that song for $500. So i made $3500 last night for 30 seconds of work. I am exhausted and think I need a nap.
 
cowslinger64 said:
Tell my grandma that the family misses her, and can't wait to see you and her at the wedding.



Try to avoid anal with her please, she's got a history of problems back there.


Thank you.
Click to expand...

Mildred took offense to that. If you notice she has been cleansing herself since she was very young....

http://img541.imageshack.us/img541/539/enemasittingontoilet.gif

Now I will be honest. I was concerned with what might happen since it has been a while so with the hlp of a few supplements:

http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/9592/44259332911f92621733.jpg

and

http://img149.imageshack.us/img149/84/1b476dc6c9f91806.jpg

we were able to really clean her out as you can tell:

http://img337.imageshack.us/img337/5149/coloncleansinglg201.jpg

This is when i would like to give a quick shout out to Depends Undergarments. If it is able to hold all of that in without leaking you know it is a good product. As a matter of fact I am now buying them in blk and putting them under my car for any leaks as well as cleaning up any spills with them. Fuck you Brawny....
 
Mrs.H said:
http://www.scribbler.co.uk/images/_lib/love-birds-80000074-0-1258566004000.jpg


Congratulations Clowns and Mildred, you two make a beautiful couple.:rose:
Click to expand...

Thank you Mrs. H...it took me basically yelling at Mildred (her Beltone batteries are low) to let her know of your well wishes. That deer in the headlights look gets a bit old for me but once she finally hears me the look of understand that crosses her face just makes me love her even more. That or she is peeing. Still it is a cute look....
 
Just a word of warning, ClownHater. Your Mildred sounds suspiciously like my Blanche from a couple of years ago. She then went by the handle 'Dusty Vagina'. Don't be fooled. The woman is insatiable and increasingly demanding. That 30 seconds of work you put in? Trust me, next time it will be 45 seconds.

She is voracious, particularly when she has her teeth in.
 
LusterMunky said:
Just a word of warning, ClownHater. Your Mildred sounds suspiciously like my Blanche from a couple of years ago. She then went by the handle 'Dusty Vagina'. Don't be fooled. The woman is insatiable and increasingly demanding. That 30 seconds of work you put in? Trust me, next time it will be 45 seconds.

She is voracious, particularly when she has her teeth in.
Click to expand...

Oh i learned quickly. No teeth. She can gum bite me all she wants. It costs her each time. I do have to worry about hickeys though....Thanks for the warning
 
Gracie29 said:
Snort! My faith in true lust has been restored ;)
Click to expand...

Hey stranger, love the new av....I am glad that the true unbridled love of an octogenenarian and a young lad like myself gets you a bit moist. I completely understand why. I walk around hard all day due to her and well the viagara...
 
kendra1980 said:
http://image2.onlineauction.com/auctions//15879/bjqp-864112-1.jpg
http://www.storybookceramics.com/images/grandpa_chopper_hopper_big.jpg

a little house warming gift for you both from Nat and I.

I know you don't need a chopper hopper yet, but maybe you could use it as a... I don't know, condom holder?
Click to expand...

Mildred said that is perfect for our cock ring. She has been having trouble with her 8 cats getting ahold of it and isnt sure where to keep it. Thank you for the gift.
 
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