Lying adulterer's

[Ishmael]

Yep, you know them. They're here on the boards. They are the married couples, not to each other, that meet each other at every opportunity for sex. Long range plans to be together for that same purpose without having the courtesy to tell their respective spouses.

Are these people just 'star crossed' lovers or are they in fact what they are in name. Lying adulterer's?

Do their respectives spouses deserve to know? If not, why not? Being the 'last to know' in just such a relationship I have to ask. Would knowing earlier have saved the marriage or the pain? Probably not, but I would have been rid of the lying slut one year sooner.

Is sex really worth the risk of the emotional damage and loss of trustworthiness that comes with such activity?

What are your thoughts?

Ishmael

 

[Cerberus666]

never actually met an adulter who wasnt a liar. if they told thr truth and their spouse was cool with it a guess i wouldnt call them an adulterer, that cant be spelled right, probably call them a swinger or somethign to that effect. anyway my point? i thinlk the term lying adulterer is a bit redundant. but good thought.

 

[Ishmael]

never actually met an adulter who wasnt a liar. if they told thr truth and their spouse was cool with it a guess i wouldnt call them an adulterer, that cant be spelled right, probably call them a swinger or somethign to that effect. anyway my point? i thinlk the term lying adulterer is a bit redundant. but good thought.

Well, in a sense I agree. But you can be an adulterer by engaging in sex with an other party who's not your spouse and still have told your spouse. So the term isn't exactly an oxymoron.

Ishmael

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

I definitely see where you are coming from Ishmael. Sneaking around behind your spouse's back is something that is unforgivable. If someone has a problem in their marriage, being unfaithful isn't the solution.

Many marriages lack one key element....communication. If you don't keep in touch with each others feelings, then you can't work on problems together. If there is a problem that can't be talked out, then counseling sometimes helps.

But being unfaithful because of a problem seems rather silly because that just creates another problem. Either communicate, get counseling, or get a divorce.

** My wife and I have great communication. She plays with people on Lit, and so do I. I give her the details of anything I do online, and she does the same in return. It adds spice to our marriage, and is a great way to experience things together and alone.

 

[Olivianna]

Is sex really worth the risk of the emotional damage and loss of trustworthiness that comes with such activity?

I imagine in many cases that it has more to do with emotional stuff than sex - I mean, adulterous affairs.

It's gonna be different in every case - but, generally, cheating is cheating, and as that tends to fuck shit up. In the case where out-of-marriage affairs have been deemed alright (between husband and wife), then whether such acts are wrong only becomes a question relevant to others, i.e. not the husband and wife. I think that a marriage should be what has been decided by two people, not necessarily what has been decided by a set of religious or civic vows.

 

[Lancecastor]

"Lying adulterers" is redundant I think, isn't it?

It's the nature of the beast. Lying is often the fuel that makes the beast horny.

I have been cheated on and my policy is one of complete and permanent shunning of the offender forever. No second chances.

The last time I was tempted to "double up" I was seeing a woman for three months and met someone out of the blue that turned my head quite intensely. She asked to meet for a drink at 7pm the next night. I accepted.

At 5pm the next night I met Grrl #1 and broke it off, telling her I'd met someone new.

At 7pm at least I could say I was single and not start something based on a lie.

Of course, grrl #2 turned out to be nothing but misery on a stick...but that's another story for another thread.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

I for one am torn between the spouse being notified and not being notified. Because there's always the chance that the spouse does know and is in denial. And then there's always the chance that the spouse knows and doesn't care.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

<snip>Do their respectives spouses deserve to know? If not, why not? Being the 'last to know' in just such a relationship I have to ask. Would knowing earlier have saved the marriage or the pain?

Is sex really worth the risk of the emotional damage and loss of trustworthiness that comes with such activity?

What are your thoughts?

Ishmael

Yes, their respective spouses deserve to know. I was also cheated on. It didn't make it any easier, but he did tell me about it. We worked through it and things were well. We didn't divorce over that, but other things.

It doesn't save the pain. The pain of finding out one has been unfaithful is enormous. It rips at your heart and you wonder many things. The why's? Why did he do this to me? Are they looking for a new "spark" in their lives? Do they need to have those butterfly feelings back in their gut? Is it the excitement? Why not seek divorce before going through with sleeping with someone else? What's so hard about that?

Ishmael, All I know is that it hurts like a bitch. Yeah, it can be worked through, but it still left a lot of questions unanswered.

 

[SkyBluAngelEyes]

BTW... good morning!

Ok, not really that good, but it's morning.

 

[Ishmael]

Re: Re: Lying adulterer's

I imagine in many cases that it has more to do with emotional stuff than sex - I mean, adulterous affairs.

It's gonna be different in every case - but, generally, cheating is cheating, and as that tends to fuck shit up. In the case where out-of-marriage affairs have been deemed alright (between husband and wife), then whether such acts are wrong only becomes a question relevant to others, i.e. not the husband and wife. I think that a marriage should be what has been decided by two people, not necessarily what has been decided by a set of religious or civic vows.

I hear you Olivianna. I'm not talking about 'open' marriages. That is a consenual situation and whether we as individuals, or a group, approve or disapprove is outside the intent of this thread.

Yep, Bob. My feelings exactly.

Ishmael

 

[sexy-girl]

one of my friends joked about cheating on someone they said it as a joke but i think they were also serious

i told them they were stupid and if they were going to do it they would have to hide it from me also because i wasn't going to help them lie



is it different on literotica because you only know one half of the couple ?


to me if people are going to have online affairs and cheat on their husbands or wifes i dont think they should show it off all over the boards

just my opinion

 

[ksmybuttons]

If a spouse needs to find something different outside of marriage, obviously the marriage isn't enough. The cheatee has as much culpability as the cheater. A person makes a bad choice in their partner if cheating happens.

Both parties need to take responsibilty.

 

[lost]

Is sex really worth the risk of the emotional damage and loss of trustworthiness that comes with such activity?

What are your thoughts?

Ishmael

Sex is never worth destroying trust and an emotional relationship. Ever.

 

[zipman]

"Lying adulterers" is redundant I think, isn't it?

It's the nature of the beast. Lying is often the fuel that makes the beast horny.

I have been cheated on and my policy is one of complete and permanent shunning of the offender forever. No second chances.

The last time I was tempted to "double up" I was seeing a woman for three months and met someone out of the blue that turned my head quite intensely. She asked to meet for a drink at 7pm the next night. I accepted.

At 5pm the next night I met Grrl #1 and broke it off, telling her I'd met someone new.

At 7pm at least I could say I was single and not start something based on a lie.

Of course, grrl #2 turned out to be nothing but misery on a stick...but that's another story for another thread.

LMAO - It's a classic case of damned if you do, and damned if you don't! I have done the same exact thing and #2 always turns out to be a hell of a lot worse than #1 was.

 

[perks]

What are your thoughts? adulterers not adulterer's

 

[lobito]

if they are having sex in real life, then it's lying to their S.O.'s however, it's now one elses business either. Least of all yours.

Your values and theirs are obviously not the same, and you can't or won't make them change what they are doing.

Go ahead and preach to me, since you hate me anyway, I can take it.

 

[Ishmael]

If a spouse needs to find something different outside of marriage, obviously the marriage isn't enough. The cheatee has as much culpability as the cheater. A person makes a bad choice in their partner if cheating happens.

Both parties need to take responsibilty.

Here I disagree. Strongly disagree. While the marriage may be in trouble, and both parties culpable, does that justify cheating? And continuing to cheat?

The party that is in the dark may be as much at fault, but having an affair without the knowledge of your spouse is a uni-lateral decision. The spouse has not been given the opportunity to mend his/her ways. It is an assumption on one parties part that they won't mend their ways. And if the marriage is so bad that an extra-marital affair is justified, isn't it just as justified if you were to tell the spouse and move out?

Ishmael

 

[Simply Me]

I think some people are afraid of giving up what they have; kids, material things, security. That final step to end things is a huge one. But, by stepping outside of your marriage with someone, whether it be in RL, or online, you are already risking losing those things. I think adultery is wrong. I believe that if you have strong enough feelings for someone, that you would sleep with them, then you owe your partner the courtesy and respect of ending things with them before putting them through that hell.

I'm not judging anyone, as I don't walk in their shoes. It's just the way I believe, and the way I choose to live my life. And you're right, Lobito, it's not anyones business. People set standards for themselves that they can live with. But, it is interesting to see the many different opinions that people have.

 

[Guest]

Yep, I know them

 

[sexy-girl]

i wouldn't judge anyone on their actions i don't know anyone on literotica well enough to judge them

but people have to expect to be judged by some people if they are making it public on literotica


there are somethings i hide from people on here i won't post everything about my life on literotica

 

[Lancecastor]

LMAO - It's a classic case of damned if you do, and damned if you don't! I have done the same exact thing and #2 always turns out to be a hell of a lot worse than #1 was.

The more I learn, the less I know.

 

[Guest]

 

[Ishmael]

Re: Yep, I know them

I'm one of them.

You can call me a lying slut too. I was.

The only way to save it is to set aside the anger. And there is justifiable anger on ALL sides, not just my husband's. Many many stupid things are said and done in a 25 year relationship. How could it possibly have been different with yours?

Boy it's tough to say these things, Ish. I really want to answer this post with honesty, but I'm afraid. To so many people here, life is so black and white, cut and dried, forgiveable or unforgiveable that there's hardly any room left to be a flawed human being.

Might I pose one small question to you? What happened to you still seems to hurt you so much that your anger burns and burns. That means you loved her deeply, is that correct? Please tell me, then, how you can go from loving someone so much to calling them a lying slut? Please don't misunderstand me, I'm not asking for a list of her wrongdoings. By calling her that, you debase her, demean whatever there was of the two of you together, and still you want to know the why's? Maybe you'll say she deserves it, but what's underneath all of it, Ishmael? Was it love, or pride?

Okay, I'm taking a big deep breath before posting this. I hope we can still remain on good terms with one another even after you know the awful truth about me.

Lioness

OK, to the first point. You did it. Did you eventually tell your spouse and work through the difficulties, or at least leave him? We can all err, I think the issue I'm addressing is the continuance of living a lie.

Would you do it again in the same way? If you resolved your marital difficulties was what you did worth the extra issues that you had to work through?

To the second point. Love? Not really. It was the complete and utter betrayal of trust. Like many other long term marriages there are an accumulation of things. A drifting apart that can occur. But under all of that was a complete trust. And it is the violation of that trust that I'm dealing with, not the loss of 'love'.

When the betrayal was discovered I did put aside the anger and we both went to counseling. During that counseling she resumed her affair. I filed for divorce the next day.

Ishmael

 

[sexy-girl]

Yes, I realize that too, s.g. The thing about it is that I really respect Ishmael, and so I wanted to talk to him from an honest position. I left out the details. If I'm judged, then I am, but at least I can go out knowing I wasn't talking out of both sides of my face, ya know what I mean?

Lioness

sorry i posted my post before i saw yours ... you obviously made your post out in the open because you were ready and prepared to be judged

my post wasn't directed at you it was i guess towards people that post in public and then say people don't have a right to judge them

 

[A Desert Rose]

It comes down to respect for you spouse. If you have it for your spouse, you don't cheat.

End of story.