LOTR... Sex, sexual innuedos, and romance

[Mrtenant]

I love Tolkien's The Lord of the Rings, the Hobbit, and Silmarillion. I have read and reread them all many times over since I was 8 years old.

I know, you all love it too. Right? Right. If not, your fucking loss- go watch the fishing channel.

In this thread, what do you perceive as sexual, about sex, or romantical in these works. Explain why.

A fucking essay is not required , but hey knock yourself out if you got it in ya.

Or if you just wanna discuss someone's post, then do that.

For Example:

Samwise Gamgee married Rosie Cotton after the War of the Ring and together they had 14 children. 14.

Goddam. Sam? Rosie? Horny a little? What the fuck? And Sam, can you really say those were all yours, I mean, you did travel a bunch and those good friends of yours-those two really big hobbits, Merry and Pippin, coulda dropped by for a visit?

Anyone got anything on that?

 

[cascadiabound]

Rosie Cotton! Wow indeed. That is a lot of kids by any metric. But I don't recall any hints of hobbit infidelity.... so I'm inclined to believe they are ALL Sam's kids.
Can we talk about Aragorn? (Hawt hawt hawt!) And his love story with Arwen? One of the all time romantic love stories imo

 

[Mrtenant]

Rosie Cotton! Wow indeed. That is a lot of kids by any metric. But I don't recall any hints of hobbit infidelity.... so I'm inclined to believe they are ALL Sam's kids.
Can we talk about Aragorn? (Hawt hawt hawt!) And his love story with Arwen? One of the all time romantic love stories imo

I think there is a lot of greatness in that story, yes. I mean, the immortal elf woman is willing to give up her immortality for one dude. Thousands and thousands of years she could live and with The Vala in the Undying Lands, she gives up to hang out with the hairy human for a couple hundred years. Unbelievable In some ways, but totally romantic. Oh, and he has to save Middle Earth from Sauron or she will die too! Talk about your heavy burdens. Idk who has it worse, him or Frodo.

My man Aragorn must be packin!
Seriously though, yea romantic. Nice pick darling.

Speaking of Frodo, this seems like a good place for this....

 

[cascadiabound]

I think there is a lot of greatness in that story, yes. I mean, the immortal elf woman is willing to give up her immortality for one dude. Thousands and thousands of years she could live and with The Vala in the Undying Lands, she gives up to hang out with the hairy human for a couple hundred years. Unbelievable In some ways, but totally romantic. Oh, and he has to save Middle Earth from Sauron or she will die too! Talk about your heavy burdens. Idk who has it worse, him or Frodo.

My man Aragorn must be packin!
Seriously though, yea romantic. Nice pick darling.

Speaking of Frodo, this seems like a good place for this....

Exactly right to wonder who has the heavier burden, Aragorn or Frodo. They both become weary even in their unflagging determination. but that isn't the romance part is it?

 

[Mrtenant]

Exactly right to wonder who has the heavier burden, Aragorn or Frodo. They both become weary even in their unflagging determination. but that isn't the romance part is it?

There's all kinds of romance to it. I mean, supposedly, as the story goes, when Aragorn mistook Arwen as Tinuviel and and was running up to her shouting 'Tinuviel Tinuviel,' taken by her beauty, I guess that's romantic. Seems a little over the top to me. You have something else?

 

[KinkyLaughs]

Pillow fight.

 

[cascadiabound]

Pillow fight.

Prequel to a threesome??

 

[Trekka]

^so talking about the movie is fair game?

ive read the hobbit, and have tried to read LOTR series several times and i have trouble reading fantasy in general.
i feel dyslexic when it comes to the names and places and i just get lost.

The movies - i love them. Love! Them! Have a warm spot in my heart when they come on tv every year around the holidays…

i don’t even know where to start.

First of all, imagine fucking Gandalf. Let’s start there. Wizard sex.

 

[Trekka]

I’ve fantasized about being in the middle of a Gandalf and Saromon sandwich. Not gonna lie.

 

[MedicalMuse]

This. Is the thread I needed today.

 

[Mrtenant]

Soooo…No one else is going to say it? Address the big gay elephant in the room?
Point out the most romantical pairing in LOTRs bar none?
No takers…?
*sighs heavily* FINE…

Bilbo and Samwise for the win. And that’s obvious!!

I mean if the unwavering, unfaltering, steadfastly loyal, altruistically forgiving devotion that Sam lavished on his moody cracked lipped “Master Frodo” isn’t the epitome of true love, then I don’t know what is.

Sam almost drowned trying to walk on water to get to Frodo in the Love Boat, remember?

And in what I, as foodie, consider the ultimate act of love, he gave Frodo his last piece of dried mouldy bread crust as they were carb loading before going up the mountain.

Come, Mr. Frodo!' he cried. 'I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you.
*Literally scoops Frodo up like his own personal damsel in distress and clutches him to his chest like the priceless cargo he is.*

Wild fantasies arose in his mind; and he saw Samwise the Strong, Hero of the Age, striding with a flaming sword across the darkened land…
*Excerpt from one of Frodo’s many homoerotic wet dreams about his faithful “companion”.

I feel like spring after winter, and sun on the leaves; and like trumpets and harps and all the songs I have ever heard!
*Sam, the morning after he and “Master” Frodo have finally consumated their love. Clawing at each other’s thick matted Hobbity chest hair in the crevasse of some godforsaken mountain. It was so good, he made Frodo Second Breakfast.

I rest my case.

What does Bilbo have to do with this, again? I seen you mention the old boy.

You make some very good points though.

So, Frodo goes on an epic quest to save the world, and brings his gardener? That's like bringing the poolboy!

Which just reinforces my point about Sam. The dude is a stud. He ruined Frodo for anyone else, then turned around and went nuts on Rosie. One epic adventure after another with these hobbits.

 

[Mrtenant]

^so talking about the movie is fair game?

ive read the hobbit, and have tried to read LOTR series several times and i have trouble reading fantasy in general.
i feel dyslexic when it comes to the names and places and i just get lost.

The movies - i love them. Love! Them! Have a warm spot in my heart when they come on tv every year around the holidays…

i don’t even know where to start.

First of all, imagine fucking Gandalf. Let’s start there. Wizard sex.

I think he favors hobbits. You got big furry feet?

 

[Titsandclits]

I would like to call to the witness stand @Anastasia1999 and @Titsandclits for their expert opinion in all things outrageously silly and ridiculous.

Order in the court - I said ORDER!!

What on earth are you roping me into now? In somewhat emphatic terms as they say in Dragons Den, “I’m out”. I’ve never read the books and I found the films so boring that any sexual innuendo totally passed me by. I know, I can hear the sharp intake of breath and gasps as this sinks in to all those who live and breath LOTR but there it is.

Quickly exits stage left and hopes I’ve got away.

 

[Sundayschild]

Childish, but...

 

[Dribble]

I’ve fantasized about being in the middle of a Gandalf and Saromon sandwich. Not gonna lie.

Which got which side? Personally...too much hair in the way.

 

[Mrtenant]

I wonder if Eowyn still carries a torch for Aragorn. I mean, she married Faramir, but still, does she send Aragorn nudes from time to time? Try to sneak off when there are state functions? She had that look when she looks at him. She totally proved herself worthy, I mean, she could claim she is owed a good dicking down by the king. Maybe she's willing to join Arwen in serving the king? Thoughts?

 

[Trekka]

Which got which side? Personally...too much hair in the way.

im in the middle
and, it’s all about the hair
i will pull on beards and yank on hair and robes until SOMEONE casts a spell and it better be a good one

 

[Trekka]

Get yours Trekka!!

it is in the FANTASY genre, after all

 

[The_Ghost_Man]

im in the middle
and, it’s all about the hair
i will pull on beards and yank on hair and robes until SOMEONE casts a spell and it better be a good one

I got hair for days. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure that it isn’t in the places anyone wants it. I’m more Bilbo than Legolas

 

[The_Ghost_Man]

Oooooo don't hate on your man fur

I’m fine with it. But it’s not necessarily Elven appropriate.

Also, even I was getting a little frisky down that particular rabbit hole.

 

[Chernosoth]

Besides the deaths, many men went home too injured to fuck. Some went home with nothing but air where their balls used to hang. A dwarf made a fortune selling dildos. The women outnumbered the men for a generation. Some shared husbands and others became vagitarians.

 

[cascadiabound]

Besides the deaths, many men went home too injured to fuck. Some went home with nothing but air where their balls used to hang. A dwarf made a fortune selling dildos. The women outnumbered the men for a generation. Some shared husbands and others became vagitarians.

Wow... I missed this part of the Tolkien anthology

 

[cascadiabound]

Dwarf dildos...
https://www.etsy.com/listing/123617...f=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

 

[Mrtenant]

Dwarf dildos...
https://www.etsy.com/listing/1236175225/hifu-mythical-dwarf-expander-beast-girth?click_key=09e24152a203462073a214b3287542c1ca6f3206:1236175225&click_sum=0487514a&ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=dwarf+dildos&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1&frs=1

Cassie? Something you wanna share with us?

 

[Mrtenant]

Didn't Galadriel seduce just about the entire party, and with her hubs right there? Why did they all look away blushing and embarrassed? I think she mindfucked them all.

Gimli had to have a souvenir fer crissakes. Legolas just kinda smiled knowingly. Sam said something about feeling like got no clothes on- but that's not surprising, Sam is a stud. Boromir looks like he just jizzed with a look from her. Poor Boromir.