The Purpose of Sex

[DirkCamacho]

Resolved: Sex is for fucking, not for cumming
Discuss.

My wife and I have been reading a book called "Sexual Intelligence" by Marty Klein. It's all about developing a healthy mind about sex. Basically it's about improving your sex life by knowing yourself and your partner better, not by any sexal technique or trick. We are getting a lot out of it. Klein talks a lot about orgasms. He says that focusing on orgasm is unhealthy and incorrect. We should consider an orgasm like dessert to a meal. It's not the main event, but it's a nice bonus. This thinking has been a major change for both of us. My wife doesn't have to worry about cumming (Will I? Can I?) I don't have to worry about whether or not she cums (Am I pleasing her enough?)

He also talks about adapting to our bodies as they are, not as we want them to be. We are in our 60s and our bodies do not work like they did in our 20s and 30s. I'm not as hard, she's not as wet. How do we make those things work? Is it still sex if there's no penetration? (Yes, it is.)

The last two times we've made love, since getting to this part in the book, have been a revelation. (Background: I just had shoulder surgery and am basically one-armed while recovering. Sex is her on top only.) What's different is that we're not fucking to cum any more. We're fucking to fuck. She got on top of me and moved some, but also stayed still. We just enjoyed the feelings of me being inside her, touching each other with hands and mouths. I lasted longer than I've ever lasted, without even much effort. The joy of sex for me is having a hard cock, and being inside my wife. I could probably spend hours that way. And if neither of us have an orgasm, it's fine. We're spending time being intimate with each other, and being horny and turned on.

Back to my premise: The purpose of sex is to enjoy fucking. Fucking means kissing and touching, means eating her pussy and sucking my cock. Means me being inside her. Means our hands and mouths all over each other. Means whispering words of love and words of lust. It also means having orgasms. Fucking means all of those things, and whatever specifically happens or doesn't happen are less important than that we're doing sex together. I'm telling you, this realization blew my mind. Last night I had the best sex I've ever had in my life, and I can't wait to repeat that.

I'm willing to bet many of you guys already knew this. How did you learn it? How does it affect your sex life? What else do you know about having great sex - not techniques but thoughts and knowledge?

 

[MichelleSwan]

I will look for this author, sounds intriguing.
I agree with the philosophy, the best sex isn't the climax, it's just that, the climax of the act.
My husband and I are approaching 60, having experienced ED and premature ejaculation for all of our relationship, we have incredible sex.
It has been a lifetime of discovery and exploration, from caress to corporal.
The best sex happens between your ears. Being open and honest, uninhibited is helpful

 

[abvt75]

I will look for this author, sounds intriguing.
I agree with the philosophy, the best sex isn't the climax, it's just that, the climax of the act.
My husband and I are approaching 60, having experienced ED and premature ejaculation for all of our relationship, we have incredible sex.
It has been a lifetime of discovery and exploration, from caress to corporal.
The best sex happens between your ears. Being open and honest, uninhibited is helpful

@MichelleSwan

I like how you wrote , how you expressed yourself. If you are open to a new friend who is younger in his late 30s… let me know.

 

[MichelleSwan]

Thank you for the compliment. Always open to a new friend.

 

[dkak001]

I'm willing to bet many of you guys already knew this. How did you learn it? How does it affect your sex life? What else do you know about having great sex - not techniques but thoughts and knowledge?

That might be an interesting book. Sort of always knew this, tho.

I learned it slowly over a few years time. By way of reading on the subject of human sexuality. If you do any reading it becomes clear that sexual pleasure is centered in the brain. Sure, there's some biology involved and hormones driving things, but your mind can make or break the deal. Letting your minds explore together, and enjoying that time has been big.

It has always had a positive effect, in terms of pleasure. But recently I'm slowing down and enjoying the journey even more. Partly it was recovering from a surgery (and the wife had one too), partly because the kids are getting older (and leaving us on our own in the evenings), and partly suffering from performance issues on my end. Having the time, to enjoy time together and not rushing to 'get it done' makes a huge difference.

Trying to convince the wife that it's OK to slow down now too. We don't have to rush, and that we can enjoy all of it. The snuggling, the hugging, kissing, etc. Also regretting that we haven't had the time until now. We used to, two decades ago, before the kids. Afraid we missed out on a lot during that time, being too exhausted or stressed out to for anything other than quickies that 'get the job done'.

What else, That after some time you learn more about your partner. Use that to your advantage. Not every lovemaking session needs to be soft, affectionate, gentile love making. It's OK to use what you've learned to get them dripping wet. Pushing boundaries can be fun, if done in an encouraging manner. After 25 years I'm still learning tricks to get her going. Using those things in the middle of the day, or on her way out the door can spice things up.
Again, I think that goes back to the mind. She's thinking about it during the day so spending more time fantasizing about it, means when we don't have a lot of time, she's already in that state of mind.

Although, I have to admit, that I'm still a pretty bit proponent of getting my partner off. It's still a goal, and getting her there is pretty important to me. But lately if it doesn't happen, that's fine too. Honestly, she gets more than her fair share. (Multiples more often than not. lol!)

 

[Wonderer67]

My wife have always been very sexual. Altho she is more traditional than I.

We learned this lesson actually thru BDSM. We have, and still practice orgasm control at least for me. The less i cum, the more in love and lust I am with her. We have sex fairly often (she’s 66, I am 56), but the point is for me to bring HER pleasure.

Not cumming for me, has become pleasurable in and of itself. Altho it’s a form of bdsm, orgasm control really works for us. She is super orgasmic anyway, and she cums quite often.

Sex with us is usually longer sessions, anywhere between 30-90 minutes. When we fuck and I am close I will slow down and edge inside her when I am close. Sometimes I stop and even get soft and have to get hard again.

I usually cum about once a month. But when I do, the orgasms are amazingly intense.

It’s not exactly tantric sex but if you google spirituality and orgasm control you will find some interesting articles!!

 

[Wonderer67]

Not every lovemaking session needs to be soft, affectionate, gentile love making. It's OK to use what you've learned to get them dripping wet. Pushing boundaries can be fun,

We had just a session yesterday. It was gentle rough. I was dominant with her and submissive. She took a dominant role and was also submissive too (duh!) It was loving and it was aggressive.

At the end, we felt closer together.

 

[TinaG_2023]

I'm pretty sure sex was initially given us to procreate and yet had a built in pleasure feature and I love that feature!!

 

[Booboobear84]

I'm pretty sure sex was initially given us to procreate and yet had a built in pleasure feature and I love that feature!!

The pleasure feature gets us to potentially procreate without thinking too much

 

[Lady2020]

Resolved: Sex is for fucking, not for cumming
Discuss.

My wife and I have been reading a book called "Sexual Intelligence" by Marty Klein. It's all about developing a healthy mind about sex. Basically it's about improving your sex life by knowing yourself and your partner better, not by any sexal technique or trick. We are getting a lot out of it. Klein talks a lot about orgasms. He says that focusing on orgasm is unhealthy and incorrect. We should consider an orgasm like dessert to a meal. It's not the main event, but it's a nice bonus. This thinking has been a major change for both of us. My wife doesn't have to worry about cumming (Will I? Can I?) I don't have to worry about whether or not she cums (Am I pleasing her enough?)

He also talks about adapting to our bodies as they are, not as we want them to be. We are in our 60s and our bodies do not work like they did in our 20s and 30s. I'm not as hard, she's not as wet. How do we make those things work? Is it still sex if there's no penetration? (Yes, it is.)

The last two times we've made love, since getting to this part in the book, have been a revelation. (Background: I just had shoulder surgery and am basically one-armed while recovering. Sex is her on top only.) What's different is that we're not fucking to cum any more. We're fucking to fuck. She got on top of me and moved some, but also stayed still. We just enjoyed the feelings of me being inside her, touching each other with hands and mouths. I lasted longer than I've ever lasted, without even much effort. The joy of sex for me is having a hard cock, and being inside my wife. I could probably spend hours that way. And if neither of us have an orgasm, it's fine. We're spending time being intimate with each other, and being horny and turned on.

Back to my premise: The purpose of sex is to enjoy fucking. Fucking means kissing and touching, means eating her pussy and sucking my cock. Means me being inside her. Means our hands and mouths all over each other. Means whispering words of love and words of lust. It also means having orgasms. Fucking means all of those things, and whatever specifically happens or doesn't happen are less important than that we're doing sex together. I'm telling you, this realization blew my mind. Last night I had the best sex I've ever had in my life, and I can't wait to repeat that.

I'm willing to bet many of you guys already knew this. How did you learn it? How does it affect your sex life? What else do you know about having great sex - not techniques but thoughts and knowledge?

There are too many men who haven't realized this yet. Unfortunately.

 

[Apisto42]

Resolved: Sex is for fucking, not for cumming
Discuss.

My wife and I have been reading a book called "Sexual Intelligence" by Marty Klein. It's all about developing a healthy mind about sex. Basically it's about improving your sex life by knowing yourself and your partner better, not by any sexal technique or trick. We are getting a lot out of it. Klein talks a lot about orgasms. He says that focusing on orgasm is unhealthy and incorrect. We should consider an orgasm like dessert to a meal. It's not the main event, but it's a nice bonus. This thinking has been a major change for both of us. My wife doesn't have to worry about cumming (Will I? Can I?) I don't have to worry about whether or not she cums (Am I pleasing her enough?)

He also talks about adapting to our bodies as they are, not as we want them to be. We are in our 60s and our bodies do not work like they did in our 20s and 30s. I'm not as hard, she's not as wet. How do we make those things work? Is it still sex if there's no penetration? (Yes, it is.)

The last two times we've made love, since getting to this part in the book, have been a revelation. (Background: I just had shoulder surgery and am basically one-armed while recovering. Sex is her on top only.) What's different is that we're not fucking to cum any more. We're fucking to fuck. She got on top of me and moved some, but also stayed still. We just enjoyed the feelings of me being inside her, touching each other with hands and mouths. I lasted longer than I've ever lasted, without even much effort. The joy of sex for me is having a hard cock, and being inside my wife. I could probably spend hours that way. And if neither of us have an orgasm, it's fine. We're spending time being intimate with each other, and being horny and turned on.

Back to my premise: The purpose of sex is to enjoy fucking. Fucking means kissing and touching, means eating her pussy and sucking my cock. Means me being inside her. Means our hands and mouths all over each other. Means whispering words of love and words of lust. It also means having orgasms. Fucking means all of those things, and whatever specifically happens or doesn't happen are less important than that we're doing sex together. I'm telling you, this realization blew my mind. Last night I had the best sex I've ever had in my life, and I can't wait to repeat that.

I'm willing to bet many of you guys already knew this. How did you learn it? How does it affect your sex life? What else do you know about having great sex - not techniques but thoughts and knowledge?

I learned it fairly early in my sex life. Luckily. Partly from me lover who was older than I was (looking back it’s funny there was even a difference, but even three years difference mattered then I suppose). She slowed me down and it helped me to realize, hey, this fucking journey is better than the destination for sure.

 

[PhiloDaddy]

You know, it's never binary. I would argue it's way more than that. It's changing the oil and buying her a book you know she'd like and then reading to her in bed. It's about the smells coming from the kitchen when you get home. Its about the wink and smile and the casual caress as you pass the plates to the drying rack. Its waking up to a smile and knowing you put it there just by being you.

It's about listening to each other and learning about what each person wants. It's about feelings of safety and security and the frisson of ideas and textures and smells that come from your partner.

It's about dance and energy and touch and compassion and appreciation and gratitude...and fucking... and sweating...and hair pulling and ass licking...AND CUMMING.

 

[JimDee676]

Thank you for this post. I will find the book. Good to know!!!!!

 

[dkak001]

Picked up a copy. Just starting to get into it now... Thanks for the pointer.

 

[fma20fma]

felatio and sodomy for pleasure and vaginal to reproduce.

 

[bunny4med]

Sex is for procreation. That is different than making love or pleasuring each other. I prefer making love.

 

[Apisto42]

Good sex is all about connection. And if it’s not good, why bother?

 

[dkak001]

Sex is for procreation. That is different than making love or pleasuring each other. I prefer making love.

We might be getting into the weeds a little with the definition. The OP was about the purpose of human copulation (sex) in a special sense, as humans are one of the few animals* that copulate for anything other than strictly reproduction. The purpose of this copulation is in reference to the pair bonding activity meant to bring the pair closer together. Or as you put it, making love.

The OP supposition that "Sex is for fucking, not for coming" appears to refer to the fact that during copulation the bonding experience may be overshadowed by a need or desire to cum (orgasm), rather than focus on the pair bonding experience itself. By focusing on the 'Fucking' more and 'Cumming' less, the quality of the experience can be improved. Especially when physical, mental, or stress challenges affect one or both individuals in the pair.

Only being 2/3 of the way through the book, I can say it appears to be a well written resource. It is doing a good job of summing up a lot of things that are not always expressed about the subject.

*Bonobo chimpanzees being the other that I'm aware of. There may be others, but this topic is not frequent in literature.

 

[Mrtenant]

Sex is about connection and communication. Enjoying yourself and your partner(s) and your partner(s) enjoying you and themself(s) in a carnal way.

Details, fall within those statements.

(I like this thread)

 

[Mrtenant]

Connection to what, the dildo up your ass?

Exactly! Your experience is inspiring!

 

[Mrtenant]

Good sex is all about connection. And if it’s not good, why bother?

Everyone learns from ground zero. How do you know if it's good or not?

 

[Mrtenant]

That is the lamest possible response, I do believe. But feel free to try to come up with something even stupider.

That was just for you, baby. You're welcome.

 

[NehaGin]

Sex is neither about fucking, nor about orgasm(s).
It is about connection. About being needed and needing your partner. It can include fucking. Or not. It can lead to an orgasm (or 5). Or not. But without that connection all that's left is fucking.

 

[Ssbbw4u1974]

Sex is about pleasure. So many erogenous zones on the body, it has to be about pleasure..
There doesn't need to be a connection for it to feel good.

 

[Mrtenant]

Laugh emoji??? THAT'S what you're going with?

You're not just retarded, you're a retarded baboon.

I'm sorry you are such a hurt angry person that all 15 of your posts are in a similar vein. I guess if that's what you came here to the forum for, then so be it.

We have a saying around here. Don't feed the troll. Good luck to you. You, have my pity.