Loosing-you-virginity-question

[Guest]

better than nothing?!?

Geez, Box, I really do try to ignore you, but once again I can't. What kind of thing is that to say to a young anguished man? Really. I know this is an open forum, blablabla, but it would have been better if you'd kept quiet. Yeah, just my opinion, but a strong one.
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Snoop, I do believe everyone else has given you good advice, and I agree with all but Box's.

take care, Perdita

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Re: better than nothing?!?

Geez, Box, I really do try to ignore you, but once again I can't. What kind of thing is that to say to a young anguished man? Really. I know this is an open forum, blablabla, but it would have been better if you'd kept quiet. Yeah, just my opinion, but a strong one.
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Snoop, I do believe everyone else has given you good advice, and I agree with all but Box's.

take care, Perdita

Dita...I can't agree more. I didn't want to give Box any harsh words...but you said it better than I ever could.

Snoop...believe me, there is plenty of time. Don't go rushing to do the deed with a prostitue. First times ought to be special. Believe me when I tell you this.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Re: better than nothing?!?

Geez, Box, I really do try to ignore you, but once again I can't. What kind of thing is that to say to a young anguished man? Really. I know this is an open forum, blablabla, but it would have been better if you'd kept quiet. Yeah, just my opinion, but a strong one.
----------------

Snoop, I do believe everyone else has given you good advice, and I agree with all but Box's.

take care, Perdita

What kind of thing is that to say? A realistic thing. Most people seem to be saying something like "Just wait. Ms. Right will come along." Maybe she will but I wouldn't count on it too much.

 

[Guest]

Box

Good grief. I absolutely fucking give up. P.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Re: Box

Good grief. I absolutely fucking give up. P.

*blah*

I've had Ms. Right come along and find me or I've found her. Maybe there's more than one "right one" for everyone. Maybe we get lots of chances. But feeding someone a pessimistic view on love and sex simply because that's how you feel is unfair!....

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Prostitute today>>>>not knowing her history>>>>AIDS lays dormant for years>>>>>looking back after finding yourself to be HIV positive>>>>>>>>>priceless.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Prostitute today>>>>not knowing her history>>>>AIDS lays dormant for years>>>>>looking back after finding yourself to be HIV positive>>>>>>>>>priceless.

You can get the same results from sex with a girl friend. I would assume that a man who consorts with a prostitute will have sense enough to take precautions. I know the precautions are not foolproof but they are not very far from it.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

What's wrong with Box's post? I just saw it as a "don't be me", relegated to loveless wankings by an evershifting and uncaring partners. Sort of a "what'll happen to your views on love if you squander it on the "ladies of ill repute."



I wrote this awhile ago, maybe it'll help:

Male Virgins and other Freaks

 

[Vincent E]

Take a look at the police mug shots of the women arrested for prostitution. Along the lines of Chris Rock's "No matter what a stripper says, there is no sex in the chanpagne room," lets jut say that the gorgeous hooker walking the street is a fucking myth. Literally a fucking myth. Most are drug addled junkies who have been handled more times than a doorknob.

Ever see a doorknob fall off? Well, imagine that is your dick.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

... No matter what a stripper says, there is no sex in the chanpagne room...

Just as long as there is champagne in the sex room!

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

Just as long as there is champagne in the sex room!

I second that.
Nice AV, by the way.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Snoop, I suspect you will remember loosing you virginity for the rest of your life. I'mnot a guy, but I know I will, I assume it's at least similar. That being the case, do you really want to remember it as something chaep? A transaction rather than an experience?

If being a virgin is really bothering you, then find a willing girl. I know in my younger years I had a lot of friends who would have loved to be having sex, but because they weren't the prom queen, they rarely got asked out.

It's up to you hun, but I really think a pro is the wrong way to go.

-Colly

If they rarely got asked out then why didn't they ask a guy out if they wanted to get laid. There were probably hundreds of guys available but some of them may have been too shy. Could it be that the Superdude was already taken?

I agree, by the way, that a pro is not the right way to go. The most I would say is that she would be better than nothing. A real, live girl friend is vastly better, if there is one to be found.

 

[doormouse]

No, Snoops, don't do it. For your first time you need a "real" woman, someone who will take your feelings into consideration.

Hold out, don't get "desperate". You'd be surprised how many women would love to have sex with a virgin. I did once, and he was 35. Seriously! And, he was telling the truth. I could tell. Was a lot of fun.

Just try not to be so fixated on it. Chill, relax, be yourself and let things take their natural course.

Of course, you can completely disregard what I said, but I've got your long term best interests at heart.

Lou

I'm with Lou here. Don't do it.

One of my closest friends in the world is 35 and still a virgin. I love him no less, and just think how special that girl will feel when he's finally ready.

You only lose your virginity ONCE. Who cares what the age is when you finally find that someone to share the experience with. It makes it even more magical.

You'll find someone Snoop, and you'll never look back.

 

[snooper]

... you'll always remember that you "had to pay" for your first ...

... you'd likely lament that the only sex you've had has been paid for ...

Whatever makes you guys think that sex is ever not "paid for"?
Even when two virgins marry, and are faithful for life, it is a case of "easy terms"; buy the licence and pay over your wages for life.
Sex with a girl-friend is little different; those outings, meals, chocolates, flowers, etc, all cost money.

Given some care in selecting the right licensed establishment, and precautions, I'm with Blacksnake. A blatant professional who admits she is only there for the money is much better than some floozy who is not looking for anything more than a good time, but won't admit it.

When it comes to marriage, pick one 20 years younger than you. Marriage lasts a long time, and you want her to be strong enough to push your wheelchair later on.

Remember Picasso when he wanted to marry a 16-y-o when he was 60? A friend pointed out that when Picasso was 80 she would only be 36.
The great man replied, "Well, I could always divorce her and get another 16-y-o."

 

[steve w]

Snoop,

My advice is to wait. You clearly have reasons for waiting until now because, as someone else said so eloquently, any dickwad can get laid. The fact that you haven't taken that path before now suggests that you don't really want to.

Trust me, no-one can tell who's a virgin and who isn't - there's no neon sign above your head - and frankly, few people will care. Take your time, be true to yourself and your real feelings, and wait for an experience that will add intimacy and a feeling of being valued by the other person. It isn't generally "the greatest experience ever" that some of us imagine it will be, but the intimacy and caring that can come with it is certainly life-enhancing.

BTW, my first time was at 27, and with a lovely caring woman who is still my best friend. So have respect for yourself and look for the relationship first - the sex will follow in good time.

 

[Angel Of Desire]

Whatever makes you guys think that sex is ever not "paid for"?
Even when two virgins marry, and are faithful for life, it is a case of "easy terms"; buy the licence and pay over your wages for life.
Sex with a girl-friend is little different; those outings, meals, chocolates, flowers, etc, all cost money.

Given some care in selecting the right licensed establishment, and precautions, I'm with Blacksnake. A blatant professional who admits she is only there for the money is much better than some floozy who is not looking for anything more than a good time, but won't admit it.

When it comes to marriage, pick one 20 years younger than you. Marriage lasts a long time, and you want her to be strong enough to push your wheelchair later on.

Remember Picasso when he wanted to marry a 16-y-o when he was 60? A friend pointed out that when Picasso was 80 she would only be 36.
The great man replied, "Well, I could always divorce her and get another 16-y-o."

Apart from the fact that a 16 year old is underage and illegal, who's to say she'll want to come home to your withered up flaccid excuse for a cock anyway?

You count dates as expenses? You shallow excuse of a person, you make me sick. So you buy flowers, not because she'll love them, but for a fuck? Grow a brain and a dick you jerk.

Marriage isn't an ongoing expense, it's an ongoing living expense. Not one, but TWO people living a life together. That does NOT count as an expense, nor paying for sex.

Crawl back to your hole you mole.

 

[Guest]

Apart from the fact that a 16 year old is underage and illegal, who's to say she'll want to come home to your withered up flaccid excuse for a cock anyway?

You count dates as expenses? You shallow excuse of a person, you make me sick. So you buy flowers, not because she'll love them, but for a fuck? Grow a brain and a dick you jerk.

Marriage isn't an ongoing expense, it's an ongoing living expense. Not one, but TWO people living a life together. That does NOT count as an expense, nor paying for sex.

Crawl back to your hole you mole.

Bloody hell! I know I have nothing to do with this particular interaction, and I am sure Snooper can answer for himself, but wtf? That was completely uncalled for!

Get your facts straight, Angel of Desire, before you start attacking. Snooper lives in the UK, as do I, and the LEGAL age of consent here is 16.

As for your personal attacks, shame on you.

I, personally, think Snooper made some very good points. No relationship is for "free", but I wouldn't count the "cost" in terms of money, but in emotions. However, for me, that "price" is well worth paying.

Re-read his post, I think you'll find a lot of it was tongue in cheek, and it most certainly did not warrant a venomous attack.

Lou

 

[doormouse]

Sorry Angel, but I agree.

That was a bit harsh. You both made valid points, but this is a public forum and personal attacks just don't cut it.

 

[SnoopDog]

Hey, thnx for everybody's contributions and advice so far.

Well given the fact that 99% of the answers said don't do it, I won't. To tell the truth, I myself thought it would be a rather bad idea. Then again I think a lot of people won't really understand how you feel when you are a virging at this age (and I'm talking about no sex, no kiss, no nothing). It really is pulling you down, if only when you freinds tell about their last girlfriends or their recent sex.
I think the only reason that really prevents me from seeking a pro is the fact that I probably don't need sex so much as a relationship and a girl to love, kiss, hug and be happy with.

Then again I wouldn't mind a one-night-stand if I could find one.

I can tell you that my standards are not too high. It's just, I can't seem to find a girl that likes me enough to get to know or fall in love with me. And I wouldn't even say I'm an idiot, or stupid, or asshole or ugly.
I really can't tell why.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna wait a bit longer. But the thought of staying a virgin for another five or ten years makes me go crazy.
It IS depressing.

Anyways, thnx again guys, I guess if there is a place to discuss this topic and get proper answers and advice, it is Lit.

Snoopy, Lit's Virgin Beagle.

P.S.: Abs, thnx for cracking me up big time with the 'bad dog, forget about the bitches'-stuff.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Hey, thnx for everybody's contributions and advice so far.

Well given the fact that 99% of the answers said don't do it, I won't. To tell the truth, I myself thought it would be a rather bad idea. Then again I think a lot of people won't really understand how you feel when you are a virging at this age (and I'm talking about no sex, no kiss, no nothing). It really is pulling you down, if only when you freinds tell about their last girlfriends or their recent sex.
I think the only reason that really prevents me from seeking a pro is the fact that I probably don't need sex so much as a relationship and a girl to love, kiss, hug and be happy with.

Then again I wouldn't mind a one-night-stand if I could find one.

I can tell you that my standards are not too high. It's just, I can't seem to find a girl that likes me enough to get to know or fall in love with me. And I wouldn't even say I'm an idiot, or stupid, or asshole or ugly.
I really can't tell why.

Anyways, I think I'm gonna wait a bit longer. But the thought of staying a virgin for another five or ten years makes me go crazy.
It IS depressing.

Anyways, thnx again guys, I guess if there is a place to discuss this topic and get proper answers and advice, it is Lit.

Snoopy, Lit's Virgin Beagle.

P.S.: Abs, thnx for cracking me up big time with the 'bad dog, forget about the bitches'-stuff.

If you lived in the US I would recommend a dating service or answering an asd in the personals section of a newspaper, maybe placing an ad there. There are drawbacks to doing something like that but therre are positives also.

One of the major pluses is the lack of coyness in the women who use the services or post or read the ads. You know they are interested or they wouldn't be there. Some people would say desperate but I hate to make such judgements. Trying to establish a dating relationship with a woman you already know is risky because she is liable to shoot you down or string you along playing games but a woman from the personals is less likely to do that. This is better than being fixed up by somebody because you will have some things in common with the woman from the service, and know about them before you even meet. You may strike out with her but at least you will have a time at bat.

I still say going to a pro is better than nothing but an actual relationship with a woman is vastly better.

Good luck.

 

[CrazyyAngel]

I still say going to a pro is better than nothing but an actual relationship with a woman is vastly better.

But like snoop already said, it isn't solely about the sex. If it really were just about the physical act of sex and if it would really bother him that much that he can't get laid I'd say go for it and hire a pro. But like I suspected, its more about not having a relationship like others do and stuff like that ... and here going to a pro is definitly the wrong way.

@snoop
I could now throw out all those catchy phrases like "go out more and you'll meet new people" or "he, dont worry, the right person will come along" ... but they don't help you much and actually there isn't that much truth to it ... but I know exactly how you feel, thats for sure.

Ca

 

[Colleen Thomas]

If they rarely got asked out then why didn't they ask a guy out if they wanted to get laid. There were probably hundreds of guys available but some of them may have been too shy. Could it be that the Superdude was already taken?

I agree, by the way, that a pro is not the right way to go. The most I would say is that she would be better than nothing. A real, live girl friend is vastly better, if there is one to be found.

I grew up in Mississippi box. Girl's don't ask guys out. Girl's don't make the first move. Not unless you want to be thought of as "one of those kinds" of girls. Not fair, not right, slowly changeing, but the way it was, back in the day.

-Colly

 

[snooper]

Apart from the fact that a 16 year old is underage and illegal, who's to say she'll want to come home to your withered up flaccid excuse for a cock anyway?

Fact one: Picasso lived in Spain where 16 is legal.
Fact two: She did marry him.
Fact three: She also produced a child, so the presumption is that he was still potent.

Question: Who told you about my marriage tackle problems?

Thanks to my defenders, but worry not, I've been insulted by real experts. Children like Angel don't bother me in the least.

 

[GingerV]

Sorry sorry sorry for the shameless threadjack...but I'm doing it anyway.

Something about the phrase "insulted by experts" has be in laughing. I'm blaming the rhythm. Please may I have permission to steal it? I'm gonna anyway, but you could soothe my conscience .

G (returning to your regularly scheduled lit-advice column)

 

[Guest]

Snoop Dog,

I remember all too well the aching need to have sex. It's not so much the physical relief but the need for validation. Even the most promiscuous woman has sex with a tiny percentage of the men she encounters in her life. For a woman to choose you, even for an all but meaningless one night stand, is still a significant ego boost.

If that validation is what you seek you won't get it from a Pro. But it sounds like you have correctly chosen to forego a pro. Good for you.

>>Then again I wouldn't mind a one-night-stand if I could find one.

In the search for Miss Right to make Mrs. Right-SnoopDog, one night stands can come along.

Don't worry about liking Geek women, if reports are accurate. Here's a secret--geek women like sex too. The geekiest girl I ever went out with--directed me to a secluded parking spot on the way back to her parents--and proceeded to crawl into the back seat of my car.

Here's a few thoughts about finding a one night stand (who may turn out to be "More than a one night stand", maybe even "A Relationship" or dare to dream "A Girlfriend") :

1. Avoid negatives. You don't have to become a body builder, or sport ten inches, or be wealthy (although those don't hurt), but you can avoid negatives. If you are overweight, knock off a few pounds. If you dress slovenly, clean up your act (ask a female friend, even a friends girlfriend to take you clothes shopping). Stay clean and good smelling.

2. Do you have a place to take a girl? If you have your own apartment, make sure it is always clean. You never know when opportunity might knock. If you have a roommate, work out signals and make sure they are OK with you bringing someone home. If not, find a new roommate.

If you live at home, consider ahead of time places to take a girl for sex. If you are hopeful she will have a place, it cuts your number of prospects down.

3. Meet girls. That means, push back from the computer and go out. I saw this advice in another post. Take a class where there are girls (Creative Writing class will have more girls that Auto Mechanics), join a group (a political campaign that atttracts young volunteers, even a church group).

You must meet women before you can have sex with them.

4. Listen. When a girl wants to talk to you, listen. For as long as it takes. If she is talking to you, she is with you. The longer she is with you the more she will relax and trust you. Those are important to a woman before she chooses a sex partner.

5. Learn about body language. We telegraph our feelings to one another with body language long before we express our feelings verbally, or act on them. Find a good book in the library about body language. Pay attention to women's body language.

6. Flirt. Assume you are sitting next to one another at a party. If she turns towards you a bit, turn towards her a bit. That is creating a shared space. If she moves a fraction of a inch closer, you do the same.

Don't touch her first, but if she strarts touching you in little ways as she talks, that's a good thing. After she's done it a few times, you can start to make little touches back .

7. Have a valid, non sexual reason for getting her alone. "Would you like to go to my place?" just screams "Do you want to have sex?" Instead, say "We were talking about my trip to Spain. Want to stop in for a second and see my photos from there?"

She'll know you mean sex, but as long as she can retain a plausible denial in her own head, she can always tell herself later, "It just sort of happened once we were alone. I didn't go there for sex." Women aren't fools (as you well know from the women here in the AH).

See #2 above. Make sure your room is neat.

8. Always, always, always have a stock of red wine, white wine and champaign in the fridge to offer a visitor. Have some snack food. Have condoms. Have breakfast items.

I called that my seduction kit and if I used up any item from it, I replaced it the very next day. Early on I had an older woman I brought home tell me I should have a supply of uninhibiting drinks available for moments like this.

9. Be able to take rejection. Be gracious if it happens. A one night stand is asking a woman to go against the teachings she's had pounded into her from birth, and to take certain risks with her physical safety, and her emotions.

A successful one night stand usually means being in the right place, at the right time, with the right woman, and not screwing up. Luck and serendipity are major components. Failure is likely. Shrug it off and move on.

I was trained as a door to door salesman once. They taught us that if one customer in fifty bought from us, we'd make a fortune. Every customer who said no, was one customer closer to making the next sale.

Remember, every girl who rejects you is just one closer to the girl who will fuck your brains out.

If you do get rejected, back off and try for a compromise. She doesn't want to come home with you. Can you get a phone number? Can you see her home?

10. Take your time, be patient. Watch for signs of arousal (dilated eyes always clued me in).

11. If it doesn't feel right, back off. Trust your instincts.

12. Go where women go when they want to meet men. That's often parties and clubs. These places have the advantage of dispensing inhibition reducing beverages.

13. This point may be controversial, but women are more open to sex the closer they are to ovulation. Apparently studies have shown that the amount of skin a women reveals is directly connected to where she is in that cycle. The skanty clothes are meant to attract men.

14. Be safe. That of course means condoms.

15. Consider the other pitfalls. Some women equate sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy and may not see it as a one night stand. Ask yourself before you take her home, is she someone I could be with more than once. Am I willing to break her heart, if it comes to that?

16. Consider a wide latitude of possible partners. Remember, you are not expecting to have to introduce her to Mom.

For example, consider older woman. A great American Benjamin Franklin once advocted older woman in his "Advice to a Young Man" . You should read this short letter.

There's probably a lot of older woman who'd love nothing more than mentoring an eager young man into sex. And with today's attention to fitness and nutrition I know a lot of 40+ year old women who look like they are in their late 20's, and alot of women in their early to mid 30's that make lithe, curvaceous teenage girls envious of their figures.

17. Build trust and encourage safety. Women need to feel safe. Learn to go slow (except when she wants you to go fast--that's the fly in this ointment--we are expected to know when to speed up)

One thing I found success with, that fed into both the trust building and plausible denial aspects, was to suggest she spend the night "Platonically" .

"It's really late, and because we've had a couple drinks, neither of us should drive. I'm happy to get a cab and take you home, but you could also spend the night here, platonically if you want. I could sleep on the couch, or we can share the bed. I promise to behave."

Once in bed, she turned to me and said, "If you had taken me home, we'd have had a goodnight kiss. Hate to miss out on that." The kiss never really ended.

Another time, we fell asleep next to one another. The next morning, I offered her a new toothbrush (another item for your seduction kit). She thought that was considerate. Afterwards she came back to bed and showed me how much she liked morning sex.

And the third time I tried this nothing happened. We did end up spending the day together and that night we both just assumed she'd again spend the night. We were comfortble and starting to feel like the couple we were about to become. Having sex seemed the most natural thing in the world.

Anyway, hope this helps, and I hope others might chime in. As I see this post, it is not addressing rather you should or not seek a one night stand, but rather, if you have chosen to seek a one night stand, advice towards that goal. I hope I haven't said anything to make the women here rip my head off. This is the kind of advice a guy would normally share privately but I wanted it public thinking maybe others will have good advice for you too.

Good luck, have fun, be safe.

Ted

P.S. I agree with you. Abs advice was right on and wonderfully succinct.