Loosing-you-virginity-question

[steve w]

Just the twenty things to memorise, then?

Perhaps guys should have it written in small writing on a paper roll on their forearm, like a quarterback. Jeez. My lack of success with women is simply down to my very poor memory.

Do these things not boil down to - spend time with women, be nice, show some respect and consideration, and await developments? Or is that a precis too far?

 

[Guest]

Perhaps guys should have it written in small writing on a paper roll on their forearm, like a quarterback.

PDA's work better. Especially with geeky girls.

Do these things not boil down to - spend time with women, be nice, show some respect and consideration, and await developments? Or is that a precis too far? [/B]

Bet you liked Cliff Notes, didn't you?

OK, so I got a bit carried away. Part of my job is writing User Guides. Men and women should come with one.

 

[TheEarl]

Ted: I've heard far worse advice

The Earl

 

[Guest]

Tedeee, I hate self-help books, but I'd read yours. You'd be doing both men and women a favor.

Perdita

 

[Guest]

Tedeee, I hate self-help books, but I'd read yours. You'd be doing both men and women a favor.

Perdita

Why thank you. I just re-read this and it sounded a bit too clinical to me. I forgot one important step : If you like the person, then do the next steps...

 

[gauchecritic]

You must meet women before you can have sex with them.

Not always true if you're really really quiet.

Gauche

 

[Guest]

Not always true if you're really really quiet.

, but then .

Perdita

 

[sweetnpetite]

I think it would be really cool to be someones first time. (Well, actually I know that it is.) Especially if it's your first time to, but then again even if it's not.

Anyone that you choose to have your first time with should be completely honored. Most men are such hoes (sorry guys). It's nice to know from a woman's perspective that you haven't been with anyone else. I should think there would be plenty of women who you might know or meet who would line up to be #1 with a guy. (Although some might be a little bit afraid) Find a nice girl (or a naughty one) and offer to let her be your first. (Well, first get a reasonable idea that she's into you) My guess would be that she would be flattered and try to make it special and nice for you. (Because girls tend to be pretty romantic about that sort of thing.) Don't try to brush it off as 'no big thing.' Be honest (without apearing overly desperate) and let her know that you picked her not so you can 'finally loose it' but because you think she's the right girl to take the leap with.

That's my advice.

 

[Guest]

Not always true if you're really really quiet.

Gauche

You'll be giving the puppy kinky ideas.

 

[CrazyyAngel]

You'll be giving the puppy kinky ideas.

Well ... given the fact he is on Lit for quite some time now, I'd say you are a little late with that kind of advice .

CA

 

[Guest]

You'll be giving the puppy kinky ideas.

I know you don't think that's a bad thing.

Hmm, Lou said she was going away this weekend.

How long does it take for the train through the Chunnel to reach Germany?

Of course Lou is married, but what's Shock Chick doing this weekend?

 

[Guest]

I know you don't think that's a bad thing.

Hmm, Lou said she was going away this weekend.

How long does it take for the train through the Chunnel to reach Germany?

Of course Lou is married, but what's Shock Chick doing this weekend?

Lou is going away with her hubby (meeting up with 50 of his gaming geek friends at a party in London. ), so NAH!!!

Fuck knows what Shocky's up to.

Lou

P.S. CA: Quite!

 

[Guest]

Its refreshing to note it is coming up on 22:00 or 23:00 (damn timezones) in Germany and nary a peep from the pup. Maybe he's out trying.

Maybe, we'll wake up tomorrow and find a two word post from him :

"Never mind."

 

[Guest]

Its refreshing to note it is coming up on 22:00 or 23:00 (damn timezones) in Germany and nary a peep from the pup. Maybe he's out trying.

Maybe, we'll wake up tomorrow and find a two word post from him :

"Never mind."

Yep, either that or he drowned.

(Was that too cruel and below the belt. Should I edit? )

 

[Remec]

Ok, given the fact that a person is very desperate about his sexual position which is being a virgin in his early twenties with no experiences at all, not even kissing or holding hands.

Would you say it is a rather bad plan to lose your virginity with a prostitue? Would you say it could be a good way to end the despair?

Discuss some ad- and disadvantages please.

I'd like to know your views about the topic.

I dunno, is she cute? <chuckle>

Sorry...had to go There...<g>

I really think it's up to how the person views having sex for the first time. If they just think of it as something else to do as part of growing up...like loosing your first tooth, taking your first alcoholic drink, getting behind the wheel of a car for the first time...then it prolly doesn't really matter to whom they lose their virginity.

But, if it's one of those same "firsts", and the person is the sort who likes to treasure and safeguard those memories and the images associated with them via all five senses, then it's a question of what memories do they want to have behind their first time having sex and would visiting a prositute allow them to have those memories the way they envision them?

If I had lived in a place where prostitutes were easily found (and had had the money for it), I might have considered the same thing. Pretty much everyone I hung out with in high school who was interested in going all the way did so, and even in college I knew tons and tons of people who were active...and, occasionally, I might have tried to hook up with someone or get a girl I was sort of seeing to move towards that sort of encounter...but, eventually, I decided it really wasn't so big a thing to have to worry about.

Which prolly explains why it finally happened just sort of out of the blue several months after a graduated college and was back visiting some friends and fraternity brothers.

I was 23.

<g>

 

[Guest]

Tatelou,

Not sure where that came from.

There is a dark side to you dear. First epoxing twats, now this.

Are you going to show up at the games convention in leathers and with a whip? Make those boys grovel a bit, this weekend?

With boundless love,
Ted

 

[SnoopDog]

Well actually I spent the evening with a good female friend of mine. She told me and I can feel that if she wasn't in a realtionship she'd definitely be together with me.

Bad luck, heh?

Remember Kevin Spacey's line in 'American Beauty' ?

'It's hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world.'

I can just say, 'It's hard to stay calm when there is so much bad luck and injustice in the world.'

Snoopy

 

[SnoopDog]

By the way......it's not Schock Chick I'm talking about.


Snoopy

 

[Liar]

If you lived in the US I would recommend a dating service or answering an asd in the personals section of a newspaper, maybe placing an ad there.

This ain't a bad idea. There are good, serious dating agencies in this part of the world too.

Me, I'm somewhat like Snoopy, I guess. The few relationships I've had have all been initiated by the other part, and since I'm not that much of a catch, I guess that's just out of random luck. So, basically, I have never aimed for a relationship and made it happen. I am not auto-social enough to make that kind of connection with women I meet.

Beginnings of relationships are murky waters where some seem to have a sixth sense of how to navigate. Those are the people, no matter how good/bad they look of how boring/charming they are, that just a few months after breaking up (didn't say they were any good at being in the relationship) are seen with a new boyfriend or girlfriend.

Other people like me, end up being...liked. Which is better than disliked at least. I have heard things like "You're the kind of guy that I could marry." At points in my like I have wanted to reply "Then why the hell don't ya?", but that would probably not lead anywhere.

I don't have the radar to tell who is at that stage where they are open for the idea of beginning something. So I miss out on it. And I guess many with me are just the same.

A dating agency, where there is no doubt what the people who go there have in mind, is not a bad idea. It is after all specifically designed for people like us, who either never seem to read the signals right, or who are just fed up with the normal dating maze.

It's not the place to go for a...well...quickie. But somehow I sense that that is not what you're really after, Snoop.

#L

 

[Just-Legal]

*hugs snoopy muchly*

No advice, just some hugs sweetheart.

 

[human_male]

I was in the same boat, and a friend at work suggested I go to a prostitute to get the dirty water off my chest, as he put it. I went but I couldn't do it. I'm glad about that now.

 

[Pure]

I skimmed all the advice.

I like what Ted E Bare said. A reasonable presentation will probably get you laid in due course (enough tries), with a few exceptions.

It is simply not that hard, unless you are socially awkward, have an off-putting deformity of face, etc. Iow, far more women are willing, if not eager, than you might imagine.

If you are socially awkward, and you're 'never kissed' suggests that possibility, then you need to start a few steps back from Ted E., and start *mixing* with women, and in groups containing women. Practice talking with people. (There are even courses in it, i.e., flirty talk).

Practice also the preliminaries. Surely it will not be hard to get kissed, if you go for it (lacking certain problems). Then move up the ladder. It is not that hard to partially undress someone, either.

The biggest barrier is probably in your head, esp. in believing you can't or that it's virtually impossible. ALSO, the other barrier is believing that everyone will say 'no.' Both of these beliefs are false. You must face refusals, and eventually the 'odds' will kick in. Even if you're a 'difficult case', and only one in fifty will have sex, you have to get through the forty nine, then you're in.

I suspect you avoid all situations that might entail rejection. That has to change.

Lastly as to the question at hand. My college roommate proceded the 'pro' way, and seemed none the worse for it.
If it's simply the 'sex', and 'can I get it up and in', the pro can allay that worry. I think it's not a bad alternative for the truly 'non presentable' [Added: facial burns; some physical disabilities; some persons in a wheel chair, etc.--a small percentage of all disabilities, imo]. However some judiciousness must go into the selection, and an experienced male or female friend could help in selection--i.e., interview the woman first.
{{Added: in most cases a person may overestimate the disadvantage he or she faces, in dating, because of a disability.
There are some potential partners who disregard physical appearances and fall in love with a 'soul' and in lust with a strong, individualist person. Attitude make an inestimable difference; some persons in wheelchairs have vibrant and attractive personalities that draw people to them.}}

However, consider the down side. You just paid for sex, and it worked. Does that not reinforce the idea "I can't get any; there's none to be had---from the willing or volunteers or 'freebies' ".
Likely that is a false idea, unless you are an extreme case.

On the plus side, contrary to what many have suggested, sex with a pro may well be safer in terms of health risk. You don't know what you're doing, so if you go the 'find an easy lay' approach some have recommended, you have some chance of getting something. A relative of mine contracted herpes from a 'willing' lady he met at church.

If a prostitute is presentable, not on the street, living in a decent apartment, not in trouble with the law, chances are her hygeine is *better* than your 'easy lay' from the corner bar. After all, it's her livelihood. Any self respecting prostitute will insist on a condom, and that's something that you may be afraid to ask for, and your non-pro 'easy' partner may be careless about.

The comments of some persons, here, suggest they've never had contact with prostitutes and are simply going on 'moral objections', magazine articles etc. Most 'respectable' middle class women have had as little contact with prostitutes, as with astronauts or prime ministers. Zero. And their 'respectable' partners are NOT about to tell them the truth. IOW, a few men and most middleclass women (outside of some social workers, probation officers, 'angels' who are on the streets helping the homeless, etc.), have few good, direct sources of information, because of the social wall of silence they encounter.

 

[steve w]

Pure,

I should probably PM you on this but

Did you really mean to say that anyone in a wheelchair is "truly non presentable"?

If you didn't, you may like to edit.

If you did, I consider that a pretty appalling thing to come out with and I'm offended by it, even if no-one else is.

 

[CrazyyAngel]

The comments of some persons, here, suggest they've never had contact with prostitutes and are simply going on 'moral objections', magazine articles etc.

I really doubt people advised him against going to a pro because of 'moral objections' ... But to go to a pro wont help him with his problem. He'd still have no girlfriend, as thats what he seems to be looking for and it would leave him rather unsatisfied, although he is no longer a virgin ...

CA

 

[gauchecritic]

Pure,
<snip>
Did you really mean to say that anyone in a wheelchair is "truly non presentable"?
<snip>
If you did, I consider that a pretty appalling thing to come out with and I'm offended by it, even if no-one else is.

Saved me a lot of typing there steve.

The general 'physical disabilities' seems a broad brush too, crooked teeth? alopesia?

Gauche