Loosing-you-virginity-question

[MichelleNJ]

Hello

I would wait and make sure it is with the right person

Sometimes it takes time to get what you want

Good things do come to those who wait

 

[Pure]

Yes, steve, my wording was too broad, and I made some changes.

Gauche, yes crooked rotting teeth are definitely a big mark against the 'presentability' of a person.

I suspect for most degrees of hairiness, there is some possible partner out there who doesn't care about it that much.

But let's not lose the point that some people, for various 'appearance' reasons, sometimes for certain disability related reasons, are going to have a helluva time finding sex partners. Another issue is lack of motor control, in some cases; quadriplegia, in some cases will be a tremendous obstacle.
So is pathological shyness.

Hence a role for 'pros'.

 

[Guest]

Good grief, Pure, you're getting into really scalding water here. How crooked or rotting the teeth? How disabled a body? To what severity limited motor control? How hairy?

Personally, I know a very intellectually sexy quadriplegic who has no problems meeting women for more than conversation, in fact it's his conversation that's winning. Also personally I don't recall ever using a man's dental health to his detriment; I'm of a generation to whom orthodontics was not a common recourse.

I know what your point is but you make it so clumsily and without tact. Do you imagine there are no para- or quadriplegics on the board, and or that some people here might have physically disabled children, or good heavens, SO's?

Most everyone's point, and Snoop's desire it seems, is that sex with real communication and intimacy is primary here (in Snoop's circumstance). On many other threads a majority of persons have rated intelligence and humor as primary qualities for attraction. You too easily dismiss people with 'bad' teeth or physical disabilities as if that were their basic identity.

Perdita

 

[Boxlicker101]

Yes, steve, my wording was too broad, and I made some changes.

Gauche, yes crooked rotting teeth are definitely a big mark against the 'presentability' of a person.

I suspect for most degrees of hairiness, there is some possible partner out there who doesn't care about it that much.

But let's not lose the point that some people, for various 'appearance' reasons, sometimes for certain disability related reasons, are going to have a helluva time finding sex partners. Another issue is lack of motor control, in some cases; quadriplegia, in some cases will be a tremendous obstacle.
So is pathological shyness.

Hence a role for 'pros'.

I am inclined to agree with you that crooked, rotting teeth, especially with the halitosis that would go along with it, are a big handicap in meeting women for dating relationships. Even though it may get me flamed, especially by Perdita, physical handicaps can also be a negative. Some women are shallow enough to be turned off by such a condition. Besides that, most girls or young women like to dance and a boyfriend in a wheelchair will put limits on that. (I know, I know. Some men are equally shallow but that is a subject for a different thread.)

Seemingly as an afterthought, you have added "So is pathological shyness". Personally, I think that is the main problem and I speak from experience here. When I was a boy and a young man, and even now, I was so shy around females as to be almost a phobia. I lost my cherry when I was 18, which is not particularly old, given the time and my circumstances. She was also the first girl I ever kissed, and my last sex partner, except for prostitutes and gay men, until I was 22. That woman was the last until I was 27. All three of these women have something in common; they all were the agressors. Once I was in the process of making out, my shyness was not a problem because I knew I was not going to be rejected, but this did not carry over into helping me develop relationships with any women in between those three I mentioned.

Extreme shyness would also eliminate what was mentioned before, about mingling with groups including women in order to learn social skills. A man who is trembling and tongue-tied will be an object of derision rather than being seen as a potential mate.

Earlier I mentioned dating services or personals ads. I still think this is a good way for SnoopDogg or any other man with a similar problem to go because, if he is honest in describing himself, the women who still express an interest in a meeting are less likely to reject him out of hand, and he will be aware of that. To overcome shyness, a man needs everything he can get.

 

[steve w]

It seems that some people believe that only dentally-perfect good-looking guys who can dance can get a date. I would seem to fall short of all three categories.

I can't believe (actually I can) that there are people out there who would dismiss others purely because of one facet of their physical conditioning that didn't meet exacting standards. Presumably the bald guy recovering from cancer treatment would be a no-no. The guy mown down by a drunk driver might limp into the nightclub, so reject him. The girl who's mother was an alcoholic would get a thumbs down. And so on.

As an atheist, I'm not familiar with the exact Biblical wording, but something about removing the wood in your own eye springs to mind. Unless everyone here is Tom Cruise or Scarlett Johansson, we are none of us physically perfect. And for sure there are some people with some butt ugly attitudes, apparently.

Snoopy and the rest of you, there are enough people out there interested in being with a real human being (foibles and imperfections included), so don't worry about being shot down by any shallow individual who won't look past some dismal idea of their "standards" of physical perfection.

 

[Pure]

steve said,

//I can't believe (actually I can) that there are people out there who would dismiss others purely because of one facet of their physical conditioning that didn't meet exacting standards.//

Well, there are, steve, and I may not approve, but here I'm simply *describing* a situation. I'm not applauding the fact that some people are heavily focussed on looks.

There are, of course, many character traits that are offputting, ranging from pathological shyness, to obnoxious aggression. Not to say, morally objectionable traits like habitual lying.

Perd misread in a similar way:

//You too easily dismiss people with 'bad' teeth or physical disabilities as if that were their basic identity.//

I don't 'dismiss' anyone. I simply state it as a fact that rotten crooked teeth are going to be a major impediment to 'dating', including through the internet (where pictures often are almost required).

There is also the saying, "For every pot there is a lid." Which emphasizes my *main* point: Most people who don't do well 'connecting' are that way, in large part, because they *believe* they lack something, or *believe* no one will be interested. Whatever the disadvantages a person *believes* they have, in most cases there is a possible partner; a connection depends on making a persistent (wise) effort.

Beliefs are *part* of the reason for Snoop's problem/situation, imo. Despite these beliefs and attendant fears, there likely a lot of possible partners, at least shortterm, if he tries to connect in a smart way, a la what Ted E Bare, suggested.

 

[Boxlicker101]

It seems that some people believe that only dentally-perfect good-looking guys who can dance can get a date. I would seem to fall short of all three categories.

I can't believe (actually I can) that there are people out there who would dismiss others purely because of one facet of their physical conditioning that didn't meet exacting standards. Presumably the bald guy recovering from cancer treatment would be a no-no. The guy mown down by a drunk driver might limp into the nightclub, so reject him. The girl who's mother was an alcoholic would get a thumbs down. And so on.

As an atheist, I'm not familiar with the exact Biblical wording, but something about removing the wood in your own eye springs to mind. Unless everyone here is Tom Cruise or Scarlett Johansson, we are none of us physically perfect. And for sure there are some people with some butt ugly attitudes, apparently.

Snoopy and the rest of you, there are enough people out there interested in being with a real human being (foibles and imperfections included), so don't worry about being shot down by any shallow individual who won't look past some dismal idea of their "standards" of physical perfection.

I don't know what planet you live on, Steve, but on the one where I live there are many women who judge possible mates on how they look or how well they can dance or other trivial factors. Men are actually worse in this regard than women but that is a different subject.

I don't mean they look for perfection; I mean they are turned off by what they see as a defect which may be crooked teeth, a limp, baldness, etc. There are also many women who can see past these things but the pool of available women is smaller for some men than it is for others.

 

[Guest]

I don't 'dismiss' anyone. I simply state it as a fact that rotten crooked teeth are going to be a major impediment to 'dating',

That is still only your opinion, Pure. Rotten crooked teeth really would not be a big deal to me on first impression. What comes uttered through them would be primary. I accept that you personally do not dismiss such persons as you mentioned but in the context of your post it was dismissive and tactless. If I had wanted to make your point I would have done it with more care is all.

Perdita

 

[Boxlicker101]

That is still only your opinion, Pure. Rotten crooked teeth really would not be a big deal to me on first impression. What comes uttered through them would be primary. I accept that you personally do not dismiss such persons as you mentioned but in the context of your post it was dismissive and tactless. If I had wanted to make your point I would have done it with more care is all.

Perdita

Dita, you often give me advice so now I am going to give you some.

Before you comment on somebody's post, you should read all of it and try to see what they are actually saying. Sometimes, for one reason or another, the meaning is not immediately clear but you should try to figure it out.

I read Pure's post and said to myself "surely that's not what he is saying" so I read it again. Then the meaning became clear, and, as I have indicated in some of my own posts, I agree. Some girls and women will look at a boy or man and see what they consider to be a complete turnoff, and it might be bad teeth or acne or baldness or a physical handicap or some other factor. If not a complete turnoff, that factor might be seen as such a drawback that he would have to be otherwise almost perfect to make up for it.

You say that you would look past such factors and see them as the trivialities they are. That's fine. That's wonderful. But, remembrer, you are probably more compassionate and astute than most women and you are much more experienced than the women SnoopDog would be seeking.

 

[gauchecritic]

you are much more experienced than the women SnoopDog would be seeking.

Interesting. As far as I recall, Snoop has specified nothing more than geeky and glasses as his type. You're not stereotyping his taste are you Box? Nubile teens?

Gauche

 

[Guest]

Before you comment on somebody's post, you should read all of it and try to see what they are actually saying. Sometimes, for one reason or another, the meaning is not immediately clear but you should try to figure it out.
...
, you are probably more compassionate and astute than most women and you are much more experienced than the women SnoopDog would be seeking.

O gawd, Box. I only looked in again cos I saw Gauche's name posted.

Re. the advice on 'how to read' - no comment. Made me laugh.

Re. the personal comments. How the fuck do you know I might be more this or that? Just cos of my age? My posts? There are at least a dozen women in my life at present (RL, not the AH) to whom I look up re. compassion, etc., and they're not rare, I've always known such women (my fave kind for friendships). God, you've been deprived it seems.

As for my outlook on men when it comes to sizing them up for any reason outside a quick feel or fuck, I've had my views since my twenties, with smarts and humor at the top of the list. P.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

It's the sad fate of most geeks (female and male). They are usually too shy or too overall "nice" to approach women (or men) (the nice is in reference that nice guys usually trip themselves up trying to think of a way to approach an unkown woman (or man) in the standard way without sounding like a total asshole (or dimwit) or a socially incompetent retard. It's harder than it sounds). Also, they lack the aggresiveness to "bag" someone they are attracted to. Usually they rely on types of dating where they get to know someone for so long that they end up asking "huh, have we been dating all this time?" (I've had a few friends who've hooked up this way and I'm currently on the edge of one of these discussions with my best female friend.

So, as a shy hermetic man attracted to shy geeky women, he's not going to have the standard "hit that" rate of most (assholes) standard human males (make that misogynistic assholes). However, it's more likely that when he does enter a relationship, he'll be able to prolong it longer than most and keep it tender and full of genuine love.

Of course, that's just my theory based on observation and inference.

P.S. To any "hit that" men I've offended. Rest assured that I was most likely talking about people other than you.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Interesting. As far as I recall, Snoop has specified nothing more than geeky and glasses as his type. You're not stereotyping his taste are you Box? Nubile teens?

Gauche

According to Perdita's bio she is almost 58 years old. (I just turned 65, by the way.) SnoopDog said he is in his early twenties. I think it is a reasonable assumption that he's not looking for a romantic relationship with a woman almost old enough to be his grandmother.


Dita, I think of you as being astute and compassionate because of your posts and I am aware that your life experience probably has a lot to do with it. I didn't say "age", although there usually is a connection, because I know that some young persons are wise beyond their years and some old persons have never learned anything.

As for being deprived, that is, unfortunately, the case. As I said in an earlier post, when I was SnoopDog's age, I was not much more experienced with women than he is.

 

[gauchecritic]

I think it is a reasonable assumption that he's not looking for a romantic relationship with a woman almost old enough to be his grandmother.

Maybe it's just me, but at Snoop's age I was in more of those relationships than with my own age.

Gauche

 

[fifty5]

I read the lot - including your replies.

The fact is that a woman who wants to is zillions of times more of a thrill than simply getting it off.

I don't know how to get that (aside from Ted-E's absolutely good basics to avoid turning off anyone you'd want to turn on), except to make it clear that you're in the market. That's necessary, but not sufficient.

After that, Ted's points 4 & 5 are crucial - listen to what they're saying and take note of the body language. Those are the things that prevent you missing opportunities.

Wish me the same luck that I wish you.

f6 (still in the market)

 

[Guest]

(still in the market)

Eff, if that's you in your pic and you truly are as I read you here, I'm 'free'. If I ever get to England I'll let you know.

best always, Perdita

 

[snooper]

Now we've dissected Snoopdog's inquiry to death, with a side loop through political correctness, perhaps some advice on how to go about approaching a 'nice' girl?

Remember the proverb:

Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicuor.

Or is that:

Candy is dandy, but lick 'er is quicker?

Edited to add From personal experience the candy should be placed in her mouth, not anywhere else. It makes a horribly sticky mess of the bedclothes.

 

[fifty5]

Eff, if that's you in your pic and you truly are as I read you here, I'm 'free'. If I ever get to England I'll let you know.

best always, Perdita

Hi Perdy, I like 'Eff'. It could be short for effable, couldn't it? And that tickles my fancy for word play: at least 2 meanings - and it isn't even in my Concise Oxford (though 'ineffable' is).

Especially since, yes, that is me, and while I leave things out of what I post here, what does go in is sincere (even if I sometimes change my mind the next morning )

If you do cross the pond, it would be great to get together.

Or t'other way, of course, but this year's big trip is to China - which ain't much help...



Eff

 

[BlackSnake]

Hey guys, speak the truth

How many guys first time was special?

All I had was a shit eating grin about getting some, and then hated it when I came. The stroking was great, but the aftermath was messy.

I'll tell you what was special. My first diasy bee-bee gun, my Tunka dump truck, my weighted Louieville slugger, my first car (76 Olds Cutlass), beating the shit out Tyrone Lewis, and the list can go on.

Be real and honest guys. Sex is only special at the time you are doing it. After, you are looking for the next time.

Sex is special to women. All you can do is your very best to make her feel special, so she might have sex with you again.

Think about real life. You will pay big time listening to the special crap. There will be nothing special when you are shaking so bad that you blow your wad in your pants.

 

[steve w]

Blacksnake,

I can only disagree based on my own experience. Something very lovely I'll treasure until I die, and I remain great friends with the woman concerned. Never felt more loved, appreciated or cared for. Sorry yours wasn't the same.

Most of your "specials" seem to be objects, interspersed with the odd bit of violence. My specials would be events and feelings - first time snuggled up naked in bed with someone, watching Man U win the European Cup, driving up through the mists into the sunshine on Highway 1 with the ocean 600 feet below.

 

[BlackSnake]

Blacksnake,

I can only disagree based on my own experience. Something very lovely I'll treasure until I die, and I remain great friends with the woman concerned. Never felt more loved, appreciated or cared for. Sorry yours wasn't the same.

Most of your "specials" seem to be objects, interspersed with the odd bit of violence. My specials would be events and feelings - first time snuggled up naked in bed with someone, watching Man U win the European Cup, driving up through the mists into the sunshine on Highway 1 with the ocean 600 feet below.

Steve,

It sounds to me like you are referring to being in-love. Especially since you mention feelings.

First love and first time, are not necessarily the same. In view of the question posted. I don't think it's about first love.

I charish the memories of all my love affairs. Not speaking of that at all. Sex with a loved one is not what's on the table.

Busting your first nut in a girl is what its about. And if you want to go there think about this.

You have already had your first experience and you have fell hard for this girl. Waiting to sleep with her knowing how great is going to be, because you know what having sex feels like.

Now, you haven't had your first experience yet and you have fell hard for a girl. You'd be terrified. You want to be great, but you don't know how to be great, because you have no experience.

Being terrified maybe cute to some women seeing you in that condition when it's not their first time. I bet it wouldn't be cute to you.

Get real dude, or at least be honest with yourself. This is a forum. It really is ok to have a different view than women. Chances are, you're not going to get a chance to screw them anyway.

 

[steve w]

Blacksnake,

First love and first time are not necessarily the same thing. But in this case, as I said, they were. That's why I said that it was my experience and didn't say it was everyone's experience.

Whether I was terrified or not isn't the issue. I was with the right person for the experience we both wanted, and it was a very positive one. It was an experience based on feelings, both mine and hers. Can't see why that is a problem for you - you weren't there and your view of it is irrelevant. Your first experience is different. I don't see why that makes my recollection somehow dishonest and yours somehow more "real" or "true".

Thanks for the advice but I was already being honest, both with myself and anyone else who cares to read the post. I don't care whether my view is the same as women's or not - no doubt it is similar to some, and not to others. Just because someone puts up a different view of something to your own, doesn't mean they are kidding themselves. It means they are a different person to you.

 

[fifty5]

Steve,

It sounds to me like you are referring to being in-love. Especially since you mention feelings.

<snip>

Get real dude, or at least be honest with yourself. This is a forum. It really is ok to have a different view than women. Chances are, you're not going to get a chance to screw them anyway.

There are other feelings than full-blown love. Respect and affection are enough to make the first time pretty damn special - and reduce the pressure!

Face it, first time with anyone (let alone THE first time) is practically never technically wonderful, but the excitement can still be stupendous.

Raw sex, with nothing at all going on in your soul, is just another wank - and, given what I just said, probably not even a very good one!

f6

 

[BlackSnake]

...

Raw sex, with nothing at all going on in your soul, is just another wank - and, given what I just said, probably not even a very good one!

f6

lol....I'll have to disagree with this part. The feel of a woman is incredible. And I'm talking purely physical. The inside, I'm speaking of her vaginal canal. All are uniquely shaped and feel very different, but absolutely wonderful. Nothing I could ever do with my hand could even come close to a feel of a woman's pussy.

To me, waiting only mean that you could be missing out some very wonder experiences with some incredibly feeling women.

And Steve, I still believe that we are not talking about the same thing.

 

[Guest]

... Nothing I could ever do with my had will even come close to a feel of a woman's pussy.

To me, waiting only mean that you could be missing out some very wonder experiences with some incredibly feeling women.

Snake, you should have repeated pussy again at the end of that last sentence (it follows the first above); you don't seem all that concerned with the cunt's owner as a person.

So you're a cunt connoisseur. Big fucking deal, but then you don't have to converse with that mouth (you lucked out).

Perdita